something in her chest lightens when he agrees. it wouldâve been easy for him to say no, easy for them to continue being nothing, but fredaâs grasping at straws to keep the people she loves close. sheâd been naive enough before to believe no harm would come to her, but, now with oberon out of commission, nothing was a given anymore. âgreat, itâs nearly done.â she closes the door behind him. he looks at her, and she canât help the smile on her face. she turns around for just a second, but when she meets his gaze again, it isnât the same.Â
   a slight gasp escapes her at the way christian comes undone. she stands there for another moment, just watching him, watches him fold into himself. when he looks up from his hands, his eyes are shiny with tears. she moves toward him, wrapping her arms around him as she tucks her chin over his shoulder. âoh, christian.â sheâs still at a loss for words. sheâs ashamed that sheâs so caught off guard. to think she considered him such a friend and she couldnât even recognize when they were about to come to tears.Â
   âiâm sure itâs fine. youâre fine.â she murmurs in an attempt to comfort him. she has no context, and they havenât spoken in so long that everything she knows about christian feels outdated. but he is maybe one of the only truly good and kind people sheâs ever known. her grip tightens just slightly before she finally pulls away to look at him. âwhat happened? is everything okay?â
he wants to believe freda when she says itâs fine, but she doesnât know, canât know, how just not fine it all is. christian has to keep reminding himself that she canât know. thereâs a warmth that spreads in his chest when she moves in close, and he wraps his arms around her in return, more grateful than anything for the fact that sheâs standing there and that she still feels this familiar, this safe. he doesnât want to let her go and have to answer that inevitable question --- but it comes anyway, as he knew it would from the moment he broke down.
âno, i-- i donât think anythingâs ever going to be okay, actually. i know that sounds dramatic and stupid but i...â christianâs voice shakes. heâs already spilling, saying things he shouldnât. he looks into winifredâs eyes and wonders for a moment whether itâd be so terrible if he did tell her everything. if, for once, he didnât keep all of it inside. but itâd be selfish, putting that burden on freda; even on the off chance that she didnât go to the police, sheâd then be carrying this secret with him, all because christian wanted just one moment of relief.
â...i think iâm losing my fucking mind, win,â he finally manages. âlike everything is so awful all the time and iâm just trying to survive from one minute to the next, but i canât focus and i canât sleep and i donât know whatâs true anymore.â another pause. âi see her... all the time. octavia, i mean. all the goddamn time.â