study and starve

I am going to be 10 lbs lighter by Halloween.

In 4 weeks you'll see it

this is gonna be a long one but if the title applies to you, i IMPLORE you to read the whole thing. if it doesn’t, please reblog. you might save someone from this fucking nightmare.

i found a diary entry on the day that i decided to go on tumblr and search up “thinspo”. i was feeling awful about my body for some time but never really thought about calories or eating less or anything.

i wrote (verbatim): “i don’t want to have an eating disorder or anything, i just want to lose 10lbs”

not even a month later, it was like nothing could stop me from reaching my goal. i kept telling myself i wasn’t in too deep. i ate 500 cals a day and no more. i exercised 300 cals away.

now, the only thing i want is that blissful ignorance. not even thinking twice about my body. not caring what i ate. understanding the boundaries of healthy eating. not feeling faint and dizzy when standing up.

I WISH THAT I HAD SEEN A POST TELLING ME THAT IF YOURE LOOKING AT THINSPO “just to motivate you,” THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF A PROBLEM AND THE START OF A CYCLE YOU WILL REGRET EVER BEGINNING AS SOON AS YOU REALIZE YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER YOUR ADDICTION TO STARVING. at this time in my life i would listen to NOBODY and NO POST could stop me from slowly crawling into the arms of my developing eating disorder. BUT IM BEGGING YOU, IF YOU ARE BEGINNING THIS STRUGGLE, GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL HAVE CONTROL. you see all these posts telling you that over 1,000 calories is disgusting and so on, DO NOT LISTEN. PLEASE! you have no idea how quickly this shit can get in your head. no matter what your intentions for going on the ana tags are, LEAVE THEM NOW IF YOU STILL CAN. LEAVE AND DONT LOOK BACK. OR ELSE YOU WILL END UP DISORDER RIDDEN AND HATING YOURSELF LIKE ME, because once you’ve been here long enough, it doesn’t matter if you hit your UGW or you’re still at your sw; you will always always always see yourself as fat. that is a promise. and it’s disgusting.