❛ a mirrorball

he   knew   he   should’ve   gone   about         things   in   a   different   way,         should’ve   been         .   .   .         better   somehow   ?         always   tries   his   best   to   push   &   push   &   push   until   there’s   no   other   resolution   than   to   either   face   it   head   on   or   never   be   involved   again.         some   sick   part   of   him   thought   the   latter   would   probably   be   the   easiest   for   the   both   of   them.         tries   not   to   give   anything   away,         to   act   unbothered,         like   he   didn’t   feel   anything   at   all.         (         that’s   not   really   worked   well   for   him   thus   far,         has   it   ?         )         ❛         who   says   i’ve   been   dodging   you   ?         ❜         picks   up   the   lone   towel   he’d   used   to   dry   off   with,         before   he   got   dressed,         &   slung   it   around   his   neck   in   an   attempt   to   do   anything   other   than   look   at   the   other   male   face   to   face.         ❛         i’ve   been   busy.         ❜         yeah,         busy   dodging   him   !         ❛         don’t   you   have   other   people   to   hang   out   with   ?         ❜         head   tilts   only   slightly,         acts   as   if   the   thought   of   cal   spending   time   with   others,         the   way   he   spent   time   with   himself,         doesn’t   bother   him.         like   he’d   be   totally   fine   without   the   other;         isn’t   that   what   he   tried   to   prove   at   the   party   ?

        “ busy, huh? ” a disbelieving tone colors his words, making it clear just how much he buys that excuse. “ of course i do, ” he pushes forwards regardless, taking a couple more steps closer to the other, trying to bridge at least one of the expansive gaps that have been forced between the pair. he hates it ; wants to just put an end to whatever this is and get back to how things were between them before that damn party. “ but i want to spend time with you. ” it was meant to sound suggestive ( and be followed by an all too intentional drag of his gaze to really drive the point home ), but the words come out startlingly sincere. because he misses theo -- had gotten so used to the other’s company that he feels the lack of it when it’s ripped away from him. so maybe it’s time to be a little more clear. moves in closer still, until he’s practically toe - to - toe with theo and horribly desperate to bridge those last few inches to touch him. “ let’s forget about the party, okay? ”

( also ! i should be on later tonight for some replies !!! )

the quip had him wilting; a scorched sun burning relief from his bones, drying and squeezing out the heavy beat of his heart, challenging him, warning him that his words were dangerous and spiked. sebastian had to bite for his own safety, but there was a reason why he could only argue the point there – under stars and away from the public. karim doubted it was for the sake of the male’s reputation, but maybe… his own. maybe the direct jab and sarcastic drawl in sebastian’s voice was for karim’s benefit – not that it made it any easier to be grateful. “because.” he bit on the inside of his cheek, chewed at the flesh as words and phrases tried to knit themselves into something coherent, something kind and eloquent that would disarm sebastian from nipping him further. karim’s palms slowly lowered, though never removing contact with the other male, and loosely gripped at the hem of an expensive blazer (one he’d had tailored for the taller). “…then i have time to make it up to you,” he proposed. “even if it’s as abhorrent as drinking super artificial milkshakes. or breaking into abandoned sheds. or smoking some terrible, terrible, weed above an equally terrible rooftop.”

Despite how far they had come with pure passion and the heat of a moment, with tingling lips and breathless lungs, the topic of sex was still difficult to handle. As strong as Ash wanted to be about it, the act to him was usually just something to endure rather than enjoy. Even now while he wanted nothing more than to feel and taste more of Sebastian, he knew that any moment a flashback could hit him and make him either want to fight whoever he was in contact with or throw up in utter disgust. The hesitation was written all over him, ember eyes searching the older’s features as if he was the one to carry all the answers. “I don’t know…” The blonde breathed since it was nothing but the honest truth. There was no way to know what would happen, being in the position they were in helped easy certain anxieties, but the younger still could not bring himself to show confidence. Of course he wanted Sebastian, to explore sides of his partner that he had never before seen, but the thought of intimacy was still one that rose his hairs. Eventually he shifted, like a sudden shock that ran through him, fingers grasped the hem of his shirt as he pulled it over his head, soon enough diving in for another kiss. “Can’t know what’ll happen if we don’t try, huh?”

       a surprisingly clear gaze tracks ash’s hesitant expression, can see the way his eyes flicker across his own face as if in search of something there. but he knows it’s not his call to make ; he lets each line get drawn by the other, takes only as much as he’s given and nothing more. so when ash dips down to capture his lips once more, sebastian rises to meet him halfway, shifting slightly so that he’s able to prop himself up on his forearms as he eagerly returns each kiss he’s given. fingers tangle into bedsheets as words and phrases twist inside his head, trying to form the right string of words for the moment. but he’s no good with words ; they had always been just another weapon used on him as a child, so he doesn’t know how to bend them to comfort or heal.

if he was at all capable and energized enough to be petty (or more petty than usual) he would’ve whistled in response. highlighting the insistent grip sebastian had on his wrist, flustering the other with a lewd comment paired with a doubly lewd wink, it was all tempting, all familiar and cozy in their own strange way. but karim had sunk into something much too comfortable and instead, opted for watching the ghostly way the streetlights and the shadows that ran behind them, transformed each street into something cinematic. heavy lids carried brown eyes occasionally over to sebastian’s profile, that same gratefulness ever present in karim’s features but exposed, raw, as he drank in the sight. he wasn’t doing anything particularly sexy – but he was there. and that was more than karim could’ve ever dreamed of, more than he’d ever been given; and the embarrassingly sincere thought forced his eyes away and into the distance once more.  it wasn’t until the other’s voice cut through the gentle hum of the engine, that karim drew his attention back. a huff of air fell from his lips, thick brows knitting at the implication, at the predictably criminal way sebastian’s ideas resulted in. “depends on how tall the fence is.” no – he’d essentially confessed, no but he wanted to – he wanted to do something unlike him and distracting and he wanted to feel alive. karim shifted, angled his torso so he could properly gaze up at sebastian with an ever shameless grin. “gonna teach me to be a real life ponyboy?” they were the same – they were both outsiders and he wanted to be remembered, to be golden, karim thought.

        he’s not entirely oblivious to the weight of the other’s gaze on his face as he drives. it’s a nagging pull he feels somewhere to his side, but there’s something lingering there from the few glances he takes that leaves him vaguely unsettled. it’s not the usual expression he’s used to when he stares at karim’s features ; it’s almost embarrassing how familiar the other’s face is at this point that he can pick out the differences to compare. “ i dunno, maybe 7 or 8 feet? ” he guesses, slipping back into safe conversation as he returns his gaze to the road. the city begins to recede into the rearview mirror as they continue on to more remote roads, and he hopes it’s enough to at least take his mind off whatever is currently taking space there.

         it’s only a few minutes later that they pull off the road and arrive at their destination, and sebastian kills the engine before unbuckling and exiting the vehicle. he takes a brief moment to open his trunk and grab a duffle bag to sling over his shoulder before returning to the front of the car. it’s as overrun here as he remembers, and he glances briefly back at karim before heading towards the wired fence that surrounds the abandoned building. he waits until he can feel the other somewhere behind him before he digs inside the bag, producing a thin flashlight after fumbling blindly for a moment. “ you ready? ” without waiting for a reply, he places the flashlight between his teeth and threads fingers between the chainlink wiring as he pulls himself up once he gains his footing. he hasn’t had to do it in a while, but the action is familiar enough that his body tunes in and effortlessly scales its way to the top, pausing only long enough to twist and climb halfway down the other side before dropping neatly to the ground below. he takes the flashlight from his mouth then and points it at karim’s chest, curious if he would follow. “ think you got it? or should i go try to find a place for you to crawl under? ” it’s an open taunt, and he’s sure the other can see his grin under the moonlight. “ because i can’t promise that i’ll catch you if you fall on your ass. ”