pauline

… you and me, forever more

PART 1

Kirsten finally let the tears roll down her cheeks. Seeing Cameron, her Cameron, with his wet and puffy eyes, but still trying to be nice to her after she broke his heart, broke hers right back. She couldn’t believe she had done such a thing to him, after everything they’ve been through. After he died for her, after she got trapped in her memories for three days, she thought they were finally out of big trouble. She knew she wouldn’t be able to cry at home because Camille would still be here, but at least Camille would move out soon and Kirsten would have all the time she needed to mourn her old life.

“I will NEVER forgive you for what you’re making me do to him.” Kirsten said harshly after Cameron left the break room.

She waited for an answer, waited for the shadow to move into the light now that they were alone.

“Well that, Miss Clark, doesn’t bother me in the slightest way. If you do as I say for once, nothing will happen to your team.” A voice answered.

“I was the one who got you kicked out. Don’t you dare drag them into this.” Kirsten let out angrily.

“I know you worry about Dr. Goodkin but I won’t have to drag your lover into this if you just do as you’re told.” The voice said.

Kirsten was astonished. How would THAT person know about her and Cameron?? She was going to deny it and pretend nothing was going on between her and Cameron but the voice beat her to it.

“Don’t try to pretend you aren’t in love with Dr. Goodkin, because I already know all about your relationship. I have eyes and ears everywhere.”

Kirsten felt sick. She felt violated. Her relationship with Cameron was something way too beautiful and way too special to be even mentioned by this disgusting person.

“Mention him again and I’ll make you regret it.” Kirsten answered, not even trying to hide her anger.

“You shouldn’t be so cocky with me, he’s still just a few steps away and I can reach him so easily.” The voice was taunting her.

“How did you even get into the lab? I thought all your credentials had been removed.” Kirsten asked, trying to change the subject.

She had to make him stop talking about Cameron and she had to stop thinking of him. It didn’t hurt a little, it hurt so goddamn much and she couldn’t afford to think about her pain.

“You underestimated my abilities and my connections. Even Admiral Decker cannot stop me from keeping in touch with those loyal to me.” The unpleasant voice answered again.

“Are you saying someone inside the lab is your mole? That one of the team helped you get in?”

Kirsten was stunned. Could somebody really help this person after everything they did and almost did to the team?

“Now, now, I have never said such a thing, have I? But I haven’t said the opposite either.”

To say Kirsten was mad was an understatement.

“I see you haven’t stopped your little mind games with me. But just so you know, I don’t regret anything I did to get you out of the stitch lab and I won’t hesitate to do it again.”

“I know that, Miss Clark, and this is why I am making you fake amnesia, because I know your loyalty to your team is your most valuable quality, and your worst flaw. You will do anything to protect them, and so I will make you do anything I want.”

Other than that, feel free to contact your giftee anonymously to get to know them a bit better and/or for additional questions regarding their present. And remember gifts should be posted by December 25!

Note- highly suggested, although not required, to reach out to your giftee via anon.

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It’s the first thing that hits him when he wakes up.

She’s gone.

Gone.

She doesn’t know who he is anymore. She doesn’t know what they had. She’s back in her own house, with Camille, waiting for the past few years to come back to her when they may not ever return.

His blurry vision clears as he blinks the sleep away, and the first thing he notices is something shiny catching sunlight on the pillow next to him. He realizes that it’s strands of her hair from a few nights ago, and that crushes him into the wall of sadness even more.

After that, his ears identify the loud buzzing that is coming from his bedside table. He flings his arm out and grabs his phone, just missing the call. The phone starts ringing again, but before it does, he gets a glance of the home screen.

3 Missed Calls From: Stretch

Dammit, he forgot to change that. The thought only lasts a moment before the questions flood him; “why is she calling”, “is something wrong”, the list goes on. He answers the call that’s currently coming in.

“Kirsten?” His tired voice croaks, killing him slowly has her name slides from his mouth.

“Morning, Cameron. How’d you sleep?”

It feels wrong. It all feels wrong. She never asked how he slept. Ever. It was like an unwritten rule that they both slept pretty well when they were with each other, so it was never a topic of conversation.

“Um, fine. Why are you calling?”

He doesn’t want to get up.  He doesn’t want to continue this conversation and be continuously reminded of everything he lost. He wants to curl into a ball and go into hibernation for as long as it takes for the pain to heal.

“Camille said that you and I were really good friends so I thought I’d call and ask if you wanted to get coffee. I’m trying to get back to normal, you know, since clearly a lot has changed in my life in the past couple years. Camille and I also agreed that maybe it would be good for me to do something that was normal for me. It could even help my memory.”

He doesn’t want to. Well, he does, he wants her more than anything, but getting together with her sounds painful. Excruciating, even. But if he rejected, then she would know something was up, and maybe even be hurt by it (which she probably wouldn’t, she doesn’t even remember him, but the thought of hurting her might hurt worse than the pain of not having her. If anything, it makes the pain intensify).

“Um, I mean, I guess I could. Where do you wanna go?”

“This place called the Tea & Bean is really good. Do you know where that is?”

Of course he knows where that is. It’s where him and her would go and get coffee all the time, to bring back to either of their places, the lab, or get lunch on a day off. For a piercing moment, he thinks, “I wonder if she remembers that”. Then it hits him like a ton of bricks. She doesn’t.

“Cameron?”

He blanked. He didn’t realize.

“Sorry, yeah. I know where that is. What time?”

“7:30? Is a half hour enough for you?”

“Yeah. Do you, uh, want me to pick you up?” He thinks maybe just a second of normalcy, seeing her beautiful face coming out of her house and smiling at him, filling him with warmth and pride, would be nice.

Until she gets in the car and he realizes he can’t kiss her. He can’t rest his hand on her leg as they drive, he can’t make silly flirtatious comments that make her giggle. It isn’t normal anymore.

“Would you normally pick me up?” Her smirk is almost heard through the phone, and for the first time in what feels like years, he smiles, just the littlest bit, and when he realizes he’s doing it he stops. It was just such a Kirsten thing to say.

“Yeah.”

It’s all he can say. He wants to add, I drive you around a lot, or, we always drive together, but something stops him. If he made a comment like that, it would be light-hearted, and almost normal. But his brain keeps telling him to stop, because nothing is normal, and he can’t do things like that anymore.

“Cool. See you soon?”

“Yeah. See you soon.” He quickly presses his thumb against the red circle on his screen that ends the call. He’s about to haul himself out of bed, and mentally prepare himself for what he’s about to do, when a few numbers on his phone screen catch his eye.

It says he was on the phone with her for 6 minutes and 13 seconds, and that it is 6:56 AM. To any other person, this would mean nothing.

But for him, it raises flags, flashes lights, waves signs, and hits him upside the head. Every morning, at 6:50 AM, Kirsten would call him. It started back when she had Temporal Dysplasia, when everything had a fixed time and schedule for her, and when she lost it the routine kind of stuck.

If they were on the phone for around 6 minutes and it’s 6:56 now, that means she called him at 6:50. Like she always did.

He slaps himself for being so hopeful. It was probably just coincidental.

“There’s a hippogriff right there, Hagrid.”

“A different hipprogriff.”

“I’m… pretty sure that’s the same hipprogriff.”

You’ve got this world full of people who can destroy whole buildings or turn people into beetles or make vehicles fly just by waving a stick at them

And there is literally no common sense

Anywhere to be found

The Minister would NEVER EVER disbelieve in Gerald White. He’d buy it hook line and sinker. The wizarding world would buy it hook line and sinker. The GOBLINS wouldn’t but wizards have been shown to be pretty blindingly clueless. Still, Gringotts would grudgingly give Sirius access to the Black fortune.

But, but, but, you know the one person

the one person

who Gerald White would drive AB-SO-LUTELY FUCKING BATSHIT?

Severus Snape.

Snape would do everything, EVERYTHING, to get people to believe that it’s Sirius. But the Order would ignore it (they accepted Sirius as Sirius before anyway) and Remus would just be so… so affronted.

‘Severus, he is my cousin.’

And Sirius would love it. He’d love the fact that Snape just hated it. He’d be the BEST DAMN GERALD WHITE EVER b/c Snape is doing everything from dropping veritaserum into his firewhisky to capturing a dementor in a box and releasing it on Sirius when he least expects it

That one causes problems for a bare minute because SHIT A DEMENTOR ATTEMPTED TO GIVE GERALD THE KISS MAYBE SNAPE IS RIGHT except Harry comes forward and is like ‘excuse me, I’ve never committed a crime and dementors are ALWAYS attacking me, I think they’re attracted to glasses’

and the magical community is like ‘shit, yeah, you’re right’

and just

‘HE’S A BIG BLACK DOG! A DOG - THAT IS BLACK. SIRIUS BLACK. BLACK DOG DOG BLACK.’

And Remus calmly says: “That’s absurd, Severus. Sirius Black was never an animagus and besides which, people’s names don’t have any influence over their animagus forms or anything like that. That’s ridiculous.”

And Snape yells: “Shut it WEREWOLF MCWEREWOLF!”

Everyone looks at Remus, who blinks and sighs as Gerald White turns back into his human form.

I gave it a fancy title but y'all should know me by now. This is a CAMSTEN RANT.

So um I’m just gonna jump right in here.

YOU CAN SEE CAMERON’S LOVE FOR KIRSTEN THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE EPISODE AND IT BRINGS ME BACK TO SEASON ONE WHEN HE’D STARE AT HER WITH THAT LOOK ON HIS FACE ALL THE TIME

Like seriously tho Michelle Williams got an Oscar nom for like, THREE scenes in Manchester By The Sea and KYLE GETS NOTHING?!?! HE TAUGHT ME THE IMPACT THAT FACIAL EXPRESSIONS HAVE WHEN ACTING AND HE DESERVES A TROPHY

AND THEN WHEN SHE WAS IN THE CORPSE CASSET AND THEY KISSED AND HE TRIED TO KEEP KISSING HER BECAUSE SHE WAS SAFE AND IN HIS ARMS BUT SHE PULLED AWAY AND HE TOLD HER HE LOVED HERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR WHICH I’VE WANTED TO HEAR SINCE SEASON ONE OML I CAN’T HANDLE THIS

WHY CAN’T MY CAPS GO BIGGER THIS IS PISSING ME OFF

AND THEN WHEN SHE WAS FREEZING IN THE CASSET AND CAMERON WAS TALKING TO HER LIKE “just listen to my voice and think about how much you love us” AND LIKE ONE IMAGE OF EVERYONE FLASHED BUT CAMERON GOT LIKE TEN AND OOOOOOHHHH MYYYYY GOOODDDDDD SHE LOVES HIM SHE JUST DIDN’T SAY IT BACK FOR A FUCKING STAR WARS REFERENCE /TRIGGERED/

AND WHEN SHE GOT OUT OF THE STITCH AND CAMERON RAN OVER AND GOT HER OUTTA THERE AND HELD HER IN HIS ARMS IT WAS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL MOMENT, SO SWEET AND LOVING

AND THEEEEENNNNNNNN MAGGIE CAME IN AND SAID WHAT THE DEALIO WAS AND SHE DIDN’T SAY “she doesn’t remember the program, she doesn’t remember us (minus Camille)” SHE SAID “you” REFERRING TO CAMERON LIKE THERE HAD TO BE EMPHASIS ON IT THAT THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE DOESN’T REMEMBER HIM RIP

OK y'all this is when the tears came and didn’t stop

CAMERON IS ON HIS EMOTIONAL DEATH BED RN, YEAH? AND HE’S BLAMING HIMSELF FOR WHAT HAPPENED BECAUSE THAT’S JUST WHAT HE DOES, HE DID IT WITH MARTA TOO. BUT THEN KIRSTEN COMES IN AND STARTS TALKING TO HIM AND SHE ACTUALLY REMEMBERS HIM!!!!!!!!!! SHE REMEMBERS THE HOSPITAL AND I FEEL LIKE THAT WAS HER WAY OF TRYING TO TELL HIM THAT SHE REMEMBERED. AND WHEN CAM SAID HIS HEART “hurts a little” I. ABSOLUTELY. FRIGGIN. DIED. I HATE SEEING CAMERON LIKE THAT, THE PURE MISERY IN HIS EYES WHEN SHE SPOKE TO HIM! UFGGGHHHHHIVTXEDUGOKUFTAWS I’M ANGRY

“I’ll never forgive you for what you’re making me do to him.” Notice how Kirsten said “him” and not “the team” because she knows this will take a huge toll on Cameron. I’m suspecting that the person at the end is either Jacqueline or Marian. Jacqueline seems like she might have an agenda that has to do with Kirsten and the program, and Marian because she would be able to tell if Kirsten was faking the memory loss AND she was the last person to be with Kirsten. ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT THO IS MY POOR BABY CAMERON

Season 4 theories? I feel like Kirsten, because she’s a genius, will drop a shitton of hints to Cameron about how she’s faking the memory loss. I don’t know if it will be revealed in the premiere why she’s faking or that she is faking, but everyone’s gonna find out eventually and it’s going to bring a hardcore dramatic season. I think that Cameron is also gonna just stay by her side and be the amazing perfect person he is, so it might have some intense season one slow burn pure camsten vibes.