G steht für Gönnjamin

*sends out email I've been putting off* ah finally :). ah that's a weight off my shoulders :). ah I can relax an-- *receives response to email* what the fuck. what the fuck. what the fuckkkk

why are you as a man keeping your eyes fully open? to see more men?

Getting down on my knees and thanking the humans who invented dishwashers and washing machines.

picking the torture option and the next day the first thing he does right off the bat is make me eat a really big live spider

the worst thing about those fancy pears is that you think “there’s no way a pear could be worth that much” but if you actually make the mistake of tasting one you will be forced to confront the fact that what you thought was pleasure is but a shadow of a shadow and there is a world out there more real than real that your senses have been waiting for, where the colors are richer and the water is wetter and sleep is refreshing. and you’re not invited.

got fired from being the entertainer at a bachelor party for twisting the groom-to-be's dick into a poodle shape