:(

chuuya is in the port mafia, and he's honestly getting tired and stressed out by it. he knows he said the pm is like his family, but that family is dysfunctional as hell.

having to watch his friends die, and get assaulted and get abused, is not fun. being surrounded by an environment where abuse is 'the norm', is not fun.

he's starting to hate it here. and he's starting to feel more and more mentally drained as the days go on.

one day, he comes home after another day of watching violence and aggression in the mafia, and while he's switching to his pajamas in the bathroom, he spots a weird thing in the mirror - himself, wow, shocking- given the fact it's a mirror- except... it's his 15 self

chuuya begins to question that 15 version of himself, asking him why he's here, how the hell he's hallucinating that his 15 year old self is sat on the bathroom hamper and what does he want but 15chuuya just answers "you know why", "you're crazy" and -

"eradicate the port mafia."

chuuya freezes in his spot at that last answer, getting a memory planted in his head, of his 15 year old self saying in that damn plane "i'll kill those port mafia bastards" when he was still in the sheep.

this leads to more questioning from chuuya, of course - why the hell was this twerp telling him this?!

after a few honestly useless questions, 15 chuuya just bluntly spoke:

"listen, man. you're basically going insane in that fuckass place, right? you hate it there, i know that," his hand went up to grab his necklace - it had the blue sheep symbol on it, made by the other sheep for him. "i know about those 'fleeting thoughts' of just beating the shit out of some of the members, and those 'fleeting thoughts' of just killing yourself too. if they're bothering you so much, why not just do it already?"

...did this twerp just basically tell chuuya to kill himself? maybe he did, maybe he didn't, but it sure sounded like it to chuuya -

"you can't easily just escape the pm, you're not dazai, you're loyal- " he said loyal in a mocking manner, "the boss would probably kill you on the spot if he even finds out a little that you want to leave, so why not kill him before he kills you?"

this was starting to make chuuya feel paranoid, the urge to just either lash out at himself or just bash his own head against the wall was strong, but he couldn't for some reason. after a minute of silence, 15 chuuya just said "get changed, and go to bed."

so chuuya did, he got fully changed and went to bed.

the following day, he was paranoud as all hell in his usual workplace, he feared 15 chuuya would pop up again and somehow convince him to do a massacre right then and there and probably kill himself in the process, and so he went home early, not wanting to potentially hurt everyone and himself.

he went to his desk and shoved all the papers off it, they flew off and then slowly fell to the carpet. he sat down roughly and buried his head in his hands, and of course - he heard the stupid voice of his 15 year old self.

small self-deprecating words, and convincing led to chuuya slowly reaching over for a blank piece of lined paper, and a pen. he trembled as he put the pen onto the paper and then wrote a list.

- akutagawa, higuchi, gin, tachihara, hirotsu, kajii, kouyou, Q, mori and then his own name.

being guided by 15 chuuya's words, he picked up his phone and called mori - "boss, i need a few days for sick leave. i'm not doin' well." he simply said, and after a small 'okay' from his boss, he hung up the phone.

he spent the rest of the night figuring out how he'll kill them - yes, that list was a hitlist.

chuuya'll kill akutagawa first, since he loved him like his son or brother, he didn't want to save that for last, then higuchi - knowing her, she'd start worrying for the man, and he didn't want that stupid worry spreading to the rest of the port mafia. and then after higuchi, he'd kill gin - he didn't want her to worry about her brother and higuchi.

after that, tachihara and hirotsu, at the same time. kajii... maybe he'll just bomb him with a normal fuckin' bomb, he didn't know. and then kouyou- he didn't know, he just made a note to himself to 'make it as painless as possible'. then Q, that'd be easy, after that whole guild incident- that kid was basically just crying all the time, and barely even acted like their normal self - it was nearly sad for chuuya, but meh, he didn't like Q. as for mori... well, that'd be linked with his suicide.

chuuya dropped his pen and then leaned back in his seat, his 15 year old self just watched him as he was sat on the bed. he took off his hat, and then took off his small jacket, and then unbuttoned his vest, and then ruffled his hair to like it fall out of his usual lovelock hair style- making it splay down across his back. he stared at the ceiling - his head lolled back against the back of his chair.

god, he was really gonna do this, huh. he was pathetic.

...

a little over a month, it took him. he killed them all. it was hard. and he was currently stood over mori's dead body, blood splattered on his clothes and face - his chest was heaving, breathing hard and difficult. he took off his gloves, that did not cover the damn scars he did to himself on his arms and then muttered a prayer-like sentence.

and then arahabaki wreaked havoc.

chuuya was already weakened and he felt so drained and paranoid, it didn't take more than 7 minutes of arahabaki controlling his body to destroy the port mafia building to make chuuya go limp and cough out blood, so now corruption was just using his corpse as a puppet to cause destruction.

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SO YEAH THATS BASICALLY IT SO WHOLESOME AM I RIGHT

of course, there'd be more small details that i'd add like chuuya slowly becoming disgusted of himself and his own body over the month he killed the pm members, which leads to him harming himself more. and more interactions with 15 chuuya where he's basically just manipulating chuuya and making him go even more fucking insane, and possibly interactions with arahabaki ‼️(and possibly chuuya, at moments, thinking of himself like a god? mmmm story is still kinda in beta teehee so things could change)

overall, this au was made at first to entertain my lil dumb idea when i was reading the age 15 manga (i saw the page where chuuya said he'll kill the Port Mafia and i jst wondered "ok but what if he *really* did?)

this might be a lil worrying but this au brings me a strange amount of comfort, i enjoy making art of it and animations of it, and i adore making chuuya spiral into a mental state that completely ruins his life!!!!! (definitely a lil concerning. i will tell my therapist abt this)

and there's so many more species than this that exhibit homosexuality, varying genders, etc. SO! MANY!

it's very much a natural thing. it always has been. unfortunately, while homosexuality is found in many species, homophobia is only found in one

EDIT: added a keep reading cause this is a long post lol