articia.tzhnn

❝feliz navidad, reg,❞ james mutters against regulus' skin, drunk on alcohol and love. regulus sighs. he kisses james' forehead, pushing away hair cursed to be eternally untamed.

❝it's joyeux noël, jamie,❞ reg whispers.

remus kisses sirius gently, almost as if he'll break. almost as if, if he were to kiss without that gentleness, sirius will realise that he's a monster, leave him behind where the scars on his body aren't the only ones.

it's careless when harry sees him crying. what would lily think, when she finds out?

that he's crying over a boy who died a year ago, and who isn't a good person, in front of harry.

it's a year after regulus' death; he's still mourning. he should let go.

james ignores the way all of it hurts. no, he can't be, can he? he is so strong, so young, no he can't. james doesn't want regulus to be dead.

no, if he is dead is it his fault?

no, no, no.

❝james,❞ says a person. he looks like regulus. no, wait, that's just sirius.

they say heartbreak isn’t fun.

regulus knows. he knows it well, the way the cracks of his heart are broken, barely held. but he wishes there was a warning. a warning that making heartbreak is harder.

he never lied. 

james has never lied. so when he feels his heart snap and sirius trying to comfort him, and when remus asks what’s wrong, when peter looks scared, james doesn’t lie. he doesn’t lie now, because the boy he lies for is gone.

james can’t find the air in his lungs anymore. it’s too deep for him to get up for air.  

❝james?❞ lily. you love lily. but it’s not enough, because he can’d do it anymore. not when he’s dead. not when he knows he loved him-

❝je t'aime, jamie❞ 

 james pretends he doesn't hear him, leaning closer to regulus, his grip tightening around his waist. 

 ❝hmm?❞ regulus knows he's teasing, but when he repeats it, his voice is softer, gentler, yet the passion is still the same.