Funemployment

Overlooking the sink with my face covered in bubbles, I had an overwhelming feeling rush over me. Holding back all that I felt, I splashed my face with water to wash away the soap and feelings. 

Its as if I’m awaiting for it all to hit me.

“likely to be ready in ~2 weeks or so. I’d like to keep - alive until we’re ready to do the switch. 

we’re still shutting down this current - on Saturday right?

I watched my dashboard flicker as it spazzes out with repetitive dinging sounds. 

It was my last week at work, and I wanted to embrace that repetitive schedule one last time. Morning commutes, walks through the financial district, and stepping into this big skyscraper of an office. 

My car’s battery died today.

Stuck at home, I decided to push myself to take a run outdoors for the first time in a long while. Usually I do so in the office gym, but since I wasn’t there, the high school across my place will do. 

It was one of those days whereby my mind was occupied with empty thoughts, but a spontaneous trip out was kind of able to keep me out of my slump.

Sitting by the beach watching the sun set in this somewhat SF summer weather really puts things into perspective and once again, those empty thoughts filled my mind. As my friends provided words of support and kindness regarding my situation, in my head I delved into the troubles that were to come.

The office environment had a spark of vibrancy today. Perhaps its due to the fact that I’ve allowed myself to forget what was to come the following friday, or the joy of food bringing people together, or the greedy stomachs of a hungry team.

We gathered around the kitchen table gawking at this mystery delivery of platters of food, from cookies, to sandwiches and even a cheese plate accompanied with fresh fruits and a carton of hot coffee. We laughed, we nibbled away and it almost felt like the culture that it was when the company first started. That couple minutes was golden and it made me realize how many factors changed the company culture, and regardless of it all, both the bad and the good, I’ll miss this place.

Started the day at a soothing pace.

Company paid lunch is now everyday so I’ll be taking advantage that. After much advice from HR and coworkers that were laid off in January, I decided to look into filing for unemployment. However, you can’t put a future date on your application even though you know you’re going to be laid off, and the process of filing for unemployment takes forever...

Its back to work minus the monday blues.

Since I’m on my own work schedule for the next two weeks, I left in the afternoon for a lunch picnic in the park with friends. It made me really thankful for the opportunity to have met them through this job. Usually for me, jobs meant just being close in the work space. Therefore, there was not much of a relationship built beyond that and often times it dissolves once people leave. 

07/04

The clouds have gathered and my mood is swallowed with it.

Its eating away at me, this concept of time.

Weekends always seemed to be short-lived. Yet even though its just another weekend, this weekend seem to last a week.

Starting of the day right by going to the Farmers Market.

I’ve never done this alone as my weekends were always regarded as time off work and all I wanted was to be home relaxing. Though, I’m not unemployed just yet, I wanted to make a conscious effort to make a habit out of planning something for myself. Get out of the house and adventure. 

I’ve always be extra conscious on time and lived on a schedule. Though I actually do enjoy organizing and scheduling my day, its so odd, to view time in a different way. I don’t have to be on a schedule, I don’t have to go to bed early, I don't have to wake up and leave the house by 7AM just to ensure I get parking. 

Walked in on my own schedule today. Slightly hungover from the margaritas I had with team sushiritto.

*sushiritto is a code for getting laid off/fired created by my team when we experienced the first teammate getting fired. 

My team has an extension of two more weeks before we are officially unemployed. Since we are the only official product in this company with a huge amount of users, we have to officially announce the closure of the site .

I left early today and took a drive out to my favorite spot. Theres something about nature and a natural body of water that speaks to my soul. I was hoping  that this alone time will allow me to process everything.

I was unsure if I was just just holding everything in, but yet as I sat there, I noticed how calm I was about the situation. 

“I’m afraid this means you too”.

I knew it was coming. The first layoffs happened in the beginning of the year. Half the company was gone and at that point, my team knew what was to come today. There were legal issues being battled across the country that were on similar grounds as our business, so they placed our product on the back burner.  We watched it fall apart... I watched it fall apart.  

My mind went blank after I was told I was laid off. I wasn’t exactly sad but nor was I happy. I had about six full months to process this, yet it still took me by surprise. 

I watched meetings being held for various teams, as almost 3/4 of the company was laid off that day. Besides the teams working on projects that were part of the business they acquired, all other projects were scraped that day.