20 New Year’s Resolutions that I’m Gonna Probably forget in an Hour.
2015 has been the dopest year. Honestly. I probably have some regrets, but I feel like I made mostly good choices? We live in a guilt culture though, so here’s a bunch of rules I’m placing on myself that literally no one else cares about and my life would be easier without:
1. Crush on uglier dudes so when they end up being major disappointments, it’s a little less disappointing.
2. Collect my freelance money like Sallie Mae. I need to set up a call-center and get some Rihanna’s on my team to retrieve my funds.
3. Get cooler vices. Being late all the time isn’t really that exciting.
4. Find more friends who cancel plans. Too many of my friends are awesome. I need some people who decide last minute that they wanna just lay on the couch.
5. Create a sleepover squad where we can just hang out and sleepover each others’ places because the trains suck after 11pm and Ubers are honestly so expensive.
6. Make so much money that I can always pay for everyone’s brunch. Be that HBBIC (Head Brunch Bitch in Charge).
7. Make YouTube videos that are worth watching.
8. Stop watching YouTube videos that aren’t worth watching.
9. Drink so much water that my skin gets too good and it wins a Nobel Peace Prize.
10. Come up with a minimal Instagram aesthetic that makes it look like I left my apartment that day.
11. Sing karaoke once a month OR get a therapist.
12. Get paid to do less work.
13. Stretch and then once I’m super flexible use that as a party trick.
14. Have more than one party trick.
15. Throw rotting fruit at bad shows. Entertainment used to get so real.
16. Stop watching reality shows OR periscope while watching reality shows for live commentary.
17. Finish a lip balm before losing it.
18. Buy an iron. But only the waffle kind. And eat waffles at home more. And at restaurants more.
19. Drink more expensive alcohol.
20. Take more expensive poops.
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