ROSES, BEL AIR, TAKE ME THERE

(...) 

she uses her free hand to bring her drink to her lips, takes one sip and has to control herself from choking when the other says something about her getting pregnant, “aish, don’t say that! there are no baby plans for me anytime soon, i can promise you that right now. my mom would be thrilled but my clock isn’t ticking quite just yet so let’s not… think about that.” quite frankly, her parents wanted her out of the industry when her scandal went down as they were completely shocked by the backlash their daughter received. they firmly believed the industry didn’t deserve taehee if they were so focused on making her life miserable over a mistake. “it’s not that! it’s just… i mean, of course… i think if i… if i wanted to flirt with him i could do it but that’s not the point because he’s like… my friend? and i know he’s into someone else, he’s kind of been vague about it but, yeah. i just have no chance, really. and yes i know you’ll say that i do have a chance but i just don’t want to interfere in whatever thing he has going on in his life. so.. i’m kind of just trying to not think about it. about him.”

‘‘i actually do want my own reality show. people would only be paying to watch me live my life. is there something better than that? don’t worry, you’ll get the full credit and of course i’ll call you. there will always be a place on the show for my favorite guest star. imagine us going to a candy shop or bakery and trying out the most expensive candies and cakes. it’s like a dream. i’m sure it would be one of the most watched episodes.’’ she allowed her imagination to run wild and really, she could picture it all in that very same moment. only tali and her, in a beautiful pastel bakery, dressed from head to toe in pretty summer dresses, and in front of them nothing else but plates and plates of cakes and sweets. diabetes dreams. ‘’taehee, you really are special, you know that, right? i don’t know a single person who’d be so willing to convince their own friend that they’re prettier than them. your enthusiasm is beaming through. i’m afraid you might beat me in hopes of convincing me that i’m prettier. please don’t.’’ she joked, covering her face in faux fear. ‘’your honesty and lack of jealousy are the things i admire about you the most. i’m so glad i know you, taehee.’’

she wanted to agree with tali, she really did, but she had her moments of doubt. people would tell her all sorts of things. people would try to get inside of her head and bend her to their own will. but she wasn’t anyone’s property and she certainly wouldn’t belong to their company forever. ‘’i truly hope that’s true. i want to believe that we’re allowed to have more than one dream. but people do sometimes call me selfish. i see the way some of them look at me. however, you’re right. we are allowed to be ambitious.’’ but too much ambition could get into one’s head. sunjung couldn’t help but to think of sooyeon. ‘’thank you. hearing that from you actually means so much to me. mere words can’t express my thankfulness.’’ she abandoned her glass for the sake of her friend’s hand, and really that simply act was enough to put her heart at ease. the warmth and kindness that radiated off tali brought a smile to sunjung’s lips and she only squeezed her hand ever harder.  

tension was palpable, and it was as if the wisps of hot air treading dangerously between their gazes were physically visible to the eye. sooyeon blinked once, twice – her friend’s coldness was fired up anew and she could only blanch silently at the too-sweet rebuke. is this what they’ve turned into? petty girls who jabbed and prodded at each other as if they were nothing more than schoolgirls, somehow she rather thought that they were more than that. but the beautiful thing almost laughed out loud at the seemingly harmless exchange, noting with only the slightest bit of pain that this was a decade long friendship that’s about to be plunged down the drain.

so her soft heart aches. what a waste. 

it seems like the older girl has taken her stance, and despite her affection for the girls in the group sooyeon could not keep hoping for her change of heart. 

“yes of course, i must’ve just been sensitive.” she huffed in a final sort of way, playing along because there was no way left to come out of the situation unscathed. the younger girl had accepted then that there was no way that heaven could return the way they were, and lamented briefly at the thought of how some might hold on to beautiful, dying things. 

“but hey, there’s obviously no silent treatment since you’re talking to me now!” a sweet smile, as if the tension never were. sooyeon must understand when to relent, to give in. deep in her heart she felt sorrow, that familiar pang of loneliness rang out its hallowed bells as she looked at her friend, the sister she had loved with all of her heart– the gnawing feeling almost made her want to reach out and shake the older girl ferociously by the shoulders, willing for her to understand and move on. 

but sooyeon’s wish for simplicity was always deterred by the same sort of hollow realisation, that reality hardly ever is as plain as she wished it to be. her privilege reared its ugly head, jumping up and down in order to be noticed and acknowledged. she hadn’t forgotten how sunjung almost nearly left the company for greener pastures, and remembered that despite the sadness of heaven disbanding, she was supportive of the thought that her sister would be completely unencumbered by previous commitment. her selfish privilege then pouted, and played the victim; why can’t she do the same to me? 

“i’m glad i’m here too.” a wide grin accompanied words devoid of truth.

true friends stab you in the front, sooyeon.

too many things remained unsaid, trapped between her tongue and teeth. too many things that could probably slap back some sense into the haughty rapper. but instead, sunjung refrained from saying anything at all. sooyeon didn’t deserve her time, words or energy. she knew that the wannabe actress was a leech in every sense of the word, a parasite. without heaven she would’ve never reached stardom, would have never achieved anything worth remembering. it hurt to know just how much she had used them. just how much she only cared for herself and no one else. all liars sooner or later get what they deserve. 

and really sunjung didn’t feel guilty at all for pushing her that far away. why would she keep her close anyway? there was no point in having such fame-hungry friends close to your back. yet she hoped that sooyeon’s wildest dreams would eventually come true. and that her so desired fame would devour her utterly and completely. a hunger that would be her very own undoing. 

‘‘why do you think that? come on, you’re better than that. self-pity doesn’t suit you. it never did.’’ she offered her a warm smile, the same charming smile she had offered her a countless number of times prior to this point. a smile that meant more than thousands of sweet words. and she was beautifully good at faking it. so, where was her shiny award for the best actress of the year? she deserved it more than anyone else. 

‘‘of course i’m talking to you, you silly girl. you know i’ll always be here for you. i always have been. from the very start. but you also know how things go. i’m a bit tired. practices are hard. you haven’t forgotten that, have you? it takes great effort to achieve something and even after all these years, me and the girls still give everything we’ve got on stage.’’ me and the girls, but not you. never you. she raised her head higher, judgment and grand pride evident in her eyes.

(...)

she can’t help but blush when the other pushes the topic about her personal life and the worst is that she can’t lie to her, she’s never been a good liar anyway. “yah, you just want to know the juicy details so you can run to dispatch about them, hm?” she jokes, looking down at her drink which is still pretty full right now. “i have.” she finally says, not quite looking up yet, mostly because she’s embarrassed. it’s been two years since the last time she was interested in a man, and that certainly didn’t go too well, that’s for sure. “he.. well, i mean, it doesn’t really matter much? i’ve seen him a few times here and there and we’ve hung out but, i don’t think anything will come out from that.” even if she liked him, she knew he had been a bit vague before about being into some other person. she looks up, “luke. you know, from olympus? he’s fun to be around with but, i really doubt he’s interested.” 

‘‘what sort of question is that? of course, i do. but to be honest, i do sometimes skip certain parts. you people really do love to talk, don’t you?’’ she teased, her voice fresh and fruity, ’’but oh the great belair? i do like the sound of that. you know, if i ever start my own reality show, that should the title of it, hands down.’’ at her friend’s little thespian performance she couldn’t help but laugh, giving her a small applause before nodding. ’’i can never be one hundred percent certain. just look at your face! look at that pretty face and tell me that my suspicions aren’t justified.’’ despite trying to make her tone all the more convincing, it was quite clear sunjung was merely trying to keep things sweet and mellow. when it came to her line of work, she was far from insecure, but it didn’t hurt to make a joke or two. 

‘‘no, she actually wouldn’t be proud. no one had told me to want that. in fact, my parents were even against it. but it has always been my thing, my greatest passion. i didn’t stop loving it, don’t get me wrong. i could never. i would rather die than give up my voice. perhaps singing isn’t for you and sooyeon,maybe you just no longer like it that much and that’s fine by mine, and perhaps you were forced to enter the world of musicians, but that wasn’t the case for me. my very first memories are that of singing. of singing to my parents, cousins, friends and teaches. but i reckon you’re right.’’ practically lost in her thoughts, sunjung  propped her chin in the palm of her right hand and continued to speak, ‘’maybe we are allowed to have more than one dream. but aren’t we then being selfish? do you think i’m selfish?’’ at this point, she no longer knew what to think. but one thing was certain. she had plans of returning to her roots. of rediscovering her old love. 

(...)

“i said i was sorry- it’s not gonna happen again…” she didn’t meant for it to seem that way, but her words came out in a childish whine– her wish of pushing past pesky little discomforts evident in her tone. “i’m here now, aren’t i? and i’ll catch up before our performances, i always do…” 

sooyeon didn’t even have to say it, but sunjung already knew what she was thinking - like she could read minds, see all of sooyeon’s thoughts displayed on a white sheet of paper. she understood, but so much greed and selfishness could not be swept aside. what some called reaching for a life raft, others called a sellout. for the first time in her life sunjung found no reason to turn a blind eye, found no reason to defend sooyeon’s actions. everything action has an equal and opposite reaction, right? newton’s third law of physics made it so clear. this was sunjung’s reaction. did she really think sunjung would accept it all with a chagrined smile on her face? did she really expect support and love in exchange for treacherous behavior? sunjung could be cruel, sunjung could be devilish too. 

...and she was over sooyeon. real friends would never leave you in the dust. real friends would never even think of it. but sooyeon wasn’t that. sooyeon was spoiled and fickle in belair’s opinion, a spoiled little brat who thought the whole world belonged to her. but that too was a lie. in a way sunjung pitied her. but she also pitied herself for wasting so much time on the silly girl. once you stop loving someone, you start seeing all their flaws. and thus the glass walls shattered, and belair was forced to take of her rose-colored sunglasses and see the real sooyeon. it was better -- living in a blissful lie. but sooyeon obviously didn’t care about her. didn’t care about anyone except herself. heaven certainly wouldn’t miss her now. in fact, it had probably always been better without her. 

rage boiled beneath her skin, but she remained as cold as an icicle on the surface, eyes turning almost glacial. perhaps some fires could freeze you to death. ‘’the silent treatment? no. what made you think that, darling? i’m just tired. you know how things can get busy.’’ now who was the great actress again in the room? 

‘‘of course not. you don’t have to justify yourself to me. we all do what’s best for us, don’t we?’‘ but perhaps the scariest thing of all was how quickly she turned indifferent. the state of anger meant something, yes it hurt, but nothing hurt like indifference. 

(...)

“ah, we sure do make the best match, babe.” she tells her, hands quickly reaching out across the table to take sunjung’s. she gives them a soft, gentle and comforting squeeze, offering her friend a sincere smile. there’s a huge difference between seeing your friends at work and seeing them outside of it. seeing sunjung right now made her feel so happy, always a lovely experience. “everything? oh, that’s… a lot.” and there’s different versions of ‘everything’, there’s work and there’s her life. “you already know i’ve been doing plenty of variety lately, so that’s been really fun. also a couple of photoshoots and as you can see, i just did one. so i’m sorry for not washing all of this off before getting here.” it wasn’t too much, but it’s not like she enjoyed having too much makeup on on the daily. “so that’s been great. what about you? how’s everything outside of our ‘heavenly’ life going? 

‘‘the best match? well i certainly like the sounds of that!’’ a soft giggle accompanied her words, but it was tali’s touch that put her heart at ease; warm like the golden sun and as soft as spring breeze. there was nothing greater than the comforting warmth of a dear friend. reluctant to let go of her friend’s hands, she squeezed them right back, her sparkling eyes focusing right on tali. ‘’it is a lot. but we’ve got all night to talk and i’m not in the rush to go anywhere else. it’s just you and i. the rest of the world can’t compare.’’ it wasn’t an entirely serious statement for she knew that certain topics were bound to be forgotten or skipped, but she really ( for a change ) had time to sit and listen. listen and sit until the very sunrise. 

‘‘oh variety, of course i know about that, you might think that i don’t have much time to watch television, but i do it for you whenever i can. youtube has also been a great friend in dire situations. but that wasn’t what i was asking. and please. you look amazing. better than ever. we ought to do a photoshoot together one day. but i am worried you’ll steal all the spotlight.’‘ she joked, unable to hide the mischievous grin painted all over her face. however at the mention of life outside of the heavenly bubble, she sighed and shook her head, but the smile on her face was still there. life outside of heaven was great, as a matter of fact better than ever before, and yet she was still chained and trapped inside of the garden of eden. but eating an apple from the forbidden tree would not help her like it had helped eve. for her, it would take a lot more to be banished from paradise. ‘‘truly splendid. i’ve mostly been modeling and doing photoshoots and i love it more than anything else, it actually seems like i belong on runways. yet, my heart will always yearn for singing. it’s a curse really.’’ 

‘‘i’ve been thinking of making a solo comeback, maybe even releasing a mini album. something different this time around. but i’ve been so busy with modeling and everything, that i always seem to put that aside. i sometimes wonder what would younger sunjung think of all this...’‘ she chuckled, but her question was sincere. back when she was younger, she had different values, ideals to never put anything else before singing. now she was doing the exact opposite of that, breaking all the promises she had made to herself when she was nothing else but a child. ‘‘ but enough about me and all this boring business stuff. i want to know all the dirty little details, not things you can find on every wikipedia page.’‘ this time around she laughed quite loud, hiding herself behind her glass. ‘’so how’s your private life, darling? have you met anyone new recently?’’ she didn’t want to talk about business, especially not heaven. 

(...)

“of course,” she murmured, keeping respectfully neutral in front of her older friend. korean customs dictate for her to back down, to apologise, but god knows im sooyeon wasn’t the type to let things lie in unmanageable limbo. petty jabs should be reserved for public faces and not private conversations, after all. “i didn’t mean to though… you know more than anyone that i really need the extra time.” 

( to pick up choreography, to make sure she wasn’t so fucking off-tune )

the younger girl opened her mouth, then closed it – not about to blurt out the question that might ruin the tentative peace: you’re not actually angry, right?

nostalgia - in its purest dictionary form was a sentimentality for the past, but belair saw it more as a strange foe capable of hurting even the strongest. nostalgia kills. nothing ever remains the same. what happened yesterday, will not happen again tomorrow. the inability to capture moments and relive them again was painful, especially when those moments haunted and taunted a person with pretty and almost forgotten memories. ten years ago sooyeon was different. same could be said about belair. they were all different, barely girls, more children. what does anyone know in their early twenties? to speak of teenage years would only make a grown person laugh. 

but putting all that aside, above all, they were friends. four girls bounded by contracts and hunger for fame and no -- not hunger for fame and not even contracts. relationships and friendships could only be faked to a certain point. what they had was different. better. they were bounded by love, mutual understanding and support. all those things were impossible to fake. and not the mention the fact that belair was so close to sooyeon. so then what pushed her away? what made her gaze and tone turn cold? to misinformed bystanders, it probably seemed like jealousy, envy, or perhaps something much worse. but that of course wasn’t the case. if she had been jealousy, she would’ve never cheered for her, she would’ve tried to beat and sabotage her. 

sunjung simply felt betrayed. after being persuaded by the company to stay and keep heaven alive ( she could’ve sworn it resembled more to begging ), everything remained the same, and even worse, it got worse. the lack of effort on sooyeon’s side was obvious. she resented that. did she really want to leave them all in the heavenly dust and only focus on herself while the rest worked too hard to keep the group afloat -- only to be forgotten? let the three girls squabbling over the little remnants of heaven’s old glory like bitches with a juicy bone?  did sooyeon really desire that? 

so her coldness was to a certain extent justified. she no longer understood her friend’s motives and she damn sure didn’t want to be left with nothing but ash and dust. ‘’i do know.’’ disappointment was evident in her worse. like there was no place for pretty jabs and snide remarks, there was also no place for false pleasantries. she was sick of playing the good girl game. 

(...)

( ‘useless sooyeon, can’t sing, can’t dance – heaven would be so perfect without her there!’ )

“sorry,” she mumbled as she fell in step with the older girls, eyes casting downwards the way they always did in moments of insecurity. the choreographer had stopped them then, calling the girls to take a ten minute break. taehee and eunbi had excused themselves out the room, undoubtedly to go to the bathroom, or out to grab a cold energy drink from the cafeteria– so sooyeon had sidled her way to sunjung, her best friend, the closest friend she ever had. somehow, she always found herself apologising in the practice rooms for one reason or another. 

“hey- sorry i’m late… i was so tired last night i must’ve overslept…” 

over the years sunjung had slowly grown accustomed to juggling more than one talent, more than one career path and while it had been hard at first, success managed to prevail at the end of this tale. first came singing; her saving grace. even if fame hadn’t knocked on her door, she would’ve probably found others way to show her fondness for singing and playing instruments, her immense and grand love for speaking through music. then came modeling; a thing that surprisingly happened so organically, like she was actually born to do it. she genuinely enjoyed in the process of getting her hair and makeup done, of putting on new clothes and strutting around on pretty runways. it was a world of colors, patterns and new styles, something unexplored, waiting to be uncovered. but she never, ever, thought of focusing on one thing more than the other. that is, until recently. 

something about haven just didn’t sit with her well, something just no longer felt right. there were moments when she felt like she was only being used by the company and another member, moments in which she had wished to leave more than anything else. why did she have to give her best on a stage while others only partially cared? or while they only worked on promoting themselves? sunjung understood greed and hunger for fame, but just because she understood such wild things, that didn’t mean she wholeheartedly supported them. why should she play the roman fool and die on her own sword? why let others take take advantage of her? no, not this time around. not ever again. 

she could be cruel too. far too impatient and stubborn to forgive and forget. and the fact that sooyeon was once again late to their practices only added more fuel to the fire. she certainly wasn’t impressed nor did she care to hear her excuses. she had always been fond of sooyeon, that much she couldn't lie. but lately her thoughts had been clouded. she didn’t know what to feel. a part of her was happy for her, watching your friends succeed in life could bring great pleasure to anyone, but in certain moments sunjung truly felt like sooyeon was only using heaven to gain more popularity. like she was using the notoriety they had all acquired to propel only herself into the world of acting. that she could not accept. greed did not look good on anyone.

‘‘hey... sure.’’ she answered absentmindedly, while humming the lyrics of their new song. someone had to sing it, after all. ‘‘we’re all tired, soo. but whatever.’’ take that as you wish. interpret it in any way you want, sooyeon. but belair kept her snide remarks to herself. she didn’t want to argue. there was nothing to argue about. she was just tired. and at this point, she really didn’t care. 

(...)

     straightening his back, noah inhales enough that his lungs are filled with air and fake confidence he can actually do this without sounding like a screeching alley cat. “stop me if i’m shit. please and thank you.” another inhale with some more air and less of that self-confidence he’s in dire need of. this is a bad idea; he should have cancelled, but he doesn’t like cancelling. glancing at sunjung almost sheepishly, he should have because this is going to be bad: real bad. and so he starts at do on a rather weak middle C, wavering and faltering. it’s rather flat, but he continues, anyway. foolishly headstrong ‘cept there is no strength or only idiocy. and very little accuracy, too, hitting the second do off-key. the notes that follow only resume his downward spiral. 

     this is going to be a long day. 

the last thing she wanted to be was judgmental. it was a trait that didn’t really suit anyone, much like a pair of something as silly as overalls. but there was a time and place for everything, even a time when it was suitable to show disapproval and judgment. really the last she wanted was to judge a friend, but this time there were no excuses. still her disapproving look softened and it showed she wasn’t always as strict as she wished to be. ’’your sarcastic nature is wonderful, try not to lose it, because it is a unique part of you. but the other thing... i believe you should work at least a little on that. no one can improve themselves over a night, but i guess it’s useful that you see it and don’t turn a blind eye.’’ 

she folded her arms across her chest, dark eyes trying to see if there were any answers written upon his face. no luck. she was still stuck with all her questions. what are you thinking? why are you doing this to yourself? you seem empty. who takes it all out of you? too many inquiries, not enough time for a lobotomy. she just wished to read his thoughts, for a slip second. just to read them all and see things from another perspective. ‘’all right. suit yourself. but if you change your mind, you say it. i’ll gladly go get you something. i have my mango smoothie. i hope that the smell won’t bother you too much. just tell me if it does, okay?’’ the fruity drink was healthy, delicious and much more suitable than any other morning drink. ’’are you sure? you know what they say, it’s always dark somewhere. but i reckon you’re right. i will maybe use it as a reward. you on the other... well we’ll see about that.’’

music was her passion next to fashion and she really could talk about it for days. she knew things, little things that most people didn’t even bother to memorize, but her passion for certain things always made her want to know more. thus she feared she’d smother noah with her talk. and perhaps she managed to do exactly that. first couching, then haziness in his eyes. great. was she making any progress at all or simply going backwards, causing even more damage? but then his words almost took her breath away. perhaps a lobotomy wasn’t necessary. perhaps she was finally given a permission to take a glance and see his worries. ’’maybe. maybe it really does, but i think they only own you as much as you think they own you. that’s how they get you at first. for that reason, a strong mindset is a necessity in our world.’’ she hoped that her words would be of some aid, provide a certain sense of comfort. 

‘‘gosh, don’t call it nonsense. it’s quite useful and you’ll see why. and you look much better when you’re laughing. i like this version of you. after all, it makes you cheeks look nicer. but yes, i said what i said. you can believe me, but i can’t really say the truth. a magician should never reveal his tricks. or else all the magic will be gone. nightingale are so pretty, aren’t they? ‘‘ false praise was sometimes necessary. studies showed it made people preform better. so why not test it on noah too? 

(...)

“yellow,” there’s a wisp of a smile spread false across her lips, eyes a little sad. reminiscing. remembers the spongebob apron, the field of canola flowers, the wilting daisy tucked behind her ear, his sunshine smile fading fast in her memories. blurry, distorted. bygones slowly forgotten in the wake of time and growing up too quickly. “i’ve tried chiffon. the stylist unnies really like dressing me in those flowy floral dresses and blouses during the spring and summer time. light and elegant. it’s girly and pretty. fitting for my image. though, i haven’t tried satin at all. silk, a couple of times. why? is there a difference between which is better and more suitable?”

changing one’s appearance doesn’t mean erasing or omitting their uniqueness, rather improving and highlighting the beautiful things they already possess but don’t quite see with their own two eyes. sunjung did it all by herself when it came to her own image. the foolish summery glow bestowed upon her by heaven was more than excruciating, the bathing suits and shorts skirts, all so tacky, all so provocative and all so very very unnecessary. she loathed them, loathed every single piece of clothing given to her for their early promotions. what her company wanted and what sunjung really wanted were two very different things, and thus heartbreak was bound to happen. but instead of wallowing in self-pity, she decided to escape from dante’s inferno and fight for herself. class and glamour became her weapons, things no one could take away from her. it belonged to her, she oozed elegance no matter where she went or what she wore, and even in bathing suits, she had found a way to not look scanty, but rather pleased with herself and her own appearance. 

fashion was all about exuding confidence and peculiarity, about protecting yourself from the judgmental world with dresses that served as armors and jewelry as weapons of destruction. fashion was a way of living, no one could really convince her otherwise, and fashion truly inspired her in every possible way because fashion was truly for everyone, unlike other spheres of art. but something just didn’t seem entirely right with sophia. like she wasn’t saying something. like she was trying to conceal certain details for her own good and sunjung didn’t really like it. she appreciated sincerity, appreciated upfront people who weren’t afraid of sharing their thoughts aloud, even if those very same thoughts were cruel. better to be crushed by harsh truths than to live with sweet half lies and promises. 

but upon finally hearing the girl’s response, she got lost in her own thoughts and plans. yellow was a peculiar color, one you wouldn’t see too often on people. she liked that. it was unique. she valued that. ’’yellow? that’s a bold choice, my darling. i love it! you’ll be like beatrix kiddo, the deadliest woman in the world. i shall find you the most beautiful yellow clothes to don on. i'm not quite certain that i'll be able to find a katana in that same time span, but i'll do my best.’’ she joked, unable to refrain from making such a foolish pun. ’’of course they do. it’s their job. but it’s your job to outgrow their repetitive choices. they are elegant and pretty, and even i wear them sometimes, but they’re not really suitable for every single occasion. and of course there’s a difference. satin will and always has been my first love. it’s the most beautiful of them all.’’ 

(...)

“i honestly have no idea how you do it, to be honest. the choreography, for me, at least, is so hard that it puts some strain on my voice whenever i try to sing. it’s… strange being in a group that’s known for dancing, but at the same time, they make the melodies challenging, too.” shrugging her shoulders, she didn’t want to appear ungrateful, but the woes of being a main vocalist in a movement-based collective always burdened her. “we win so many awards for choreography, so i constantly feel like my focus needs to be there, but truth be told, that’s my weakest skill. is there ever a way to find a perfect balance?” she queried, hoping that her questions weren’t making the other feel stressed out or uncomfortable in any way.

perhaps sunjung’s greatest strength came from the fact that she was never particularity fond of overly competing for titles. certain things just came to her naturally, even when it came to the world of modeling. forcing anything simply didn’t feel right in her own head. those who admired her voice were free to do so and belair of course loved them immensely, but those who weren’t really keen on listening to her singing also had the freedom to what they wished and she had no reason to dislike them for expressing their own opinions and thoughts. she was utterly free and careless in that area, and she always sang straight from the heart which to her was the most important factor in the whole equation. she was born with it and it was something she loved doing more than anything else in the world, and what others thought was only a minor setback. but luckily, people were in general quite enamored with her voice, the sheer power and depth of it, and they way her voice always managed to convey the strongest of emotions to the listeners. that was the main purpose of singing; to express yourself. to express the hidden feelings and thoughts, to share them with the rest of the world in the sweetest and most melodic way. 

she blinked once, then twice, almost blinded by the girl’s sweet and angelic aura. oh she could almost see the halo of this particular angel. ‘‘it’s good to see you, too. and if you ask me, it has been way too long indeed. but you’ve only grown more beautiful. just look at you!’’ she cooed, and the whole moment really did seem like an image of two white and soft doves fondly greeting each other. now that would’ve been a lovely painting on her wall. ‘’oh please, of course i had to make something. but i’m glad you’re a fan of strawberries. they’re my favorite, too. as for refreshments, would you like some pink lemonade, tea, or even something hmm let’s say stronger?’’ she laughed at the last part, trying to keep the atmosphere cool and relaxed, perhaps even amusing to a certain degree. ‘’it’s always good to be a few steps ahead. but really, it seems highly unlikely that i, out of all people, wouldn’t at least have one guitar in my apartment. they’re almost as important as breathing. but to be fair, i have always been fonder of the piano. it suits my style better. but please, please! there’s no need to thank me. this is almost a way for me to relax. to us, singing should never be a burden. so take a deep breath and try not to think about it so much.’’