hi

It is one thing to rise from nothing and gain fame, and another thing to maintain it while focusing on having a family. Harry is unbelievably proud of his achievements, he was featured in Forbes under 30 merely a few months after his first Pleasing launch, sold over 2 million products in the first year, and heard stories of couples who met thanks to his company.

What he did is something that every young man dreams of, he knows that and has heard it in interviews about him. But how can he explain to the money-greedy people that his empire is nothing when it comes to his fiancée?

He could only sleep when she was near, wake up with her body around his, eat when she was with him, or if she reminded him to. Every time he visits a certain store he is adamant about buying something, whether it be a chocolate bar or a Cartier necklace, Harry will spoil her.

He never really cared all about social events and didn’t make a habit of attending until she became his. Sometimes he would take her with him, her arm joined with him, as he showed her off to everyone there with a proud smile on his face that said:” This is my girl, look at how pretty she is”.

However, there were times when she’d barely put on her dress and heels before he had her against the wall as he fucked himself deep inside her whispering in her ear. “No, you’re mine. For my eyes only.”

It’s safe to say that he discovered a whole new level of infatuation with Y/n. But she certainly couldn’t believe it when the pressure of Pleasing made him drift away from home that he suggested selling it.

“Harry, are you mad? You worked so hard!” She shouted in anger at her frustrated fiancée.

“Don’t you get it? It’s you. it’s always you.” He brought his lips to her temple pressing a long kiss as he inched her body closer to his.

She managed to knock some sense into his mind and lay out a work plan, as she organized his week while he pouted and demanded that she come into his office at least twice. She couldn’t deny him, not when she missed him so much all day considering she was jobless.

Before she met him, she worked in finance and dreaded her job. It took him a while to convince her to quit, not because he wanted to be one of those men who flaunt providing for their wives. In fact, he wrote half of the company’s assets in her name, all he ever wanted was for her to feel safe financially whether it be from a job or by just existing. He doesn’t like the terms ‘mine’ and ‘yours’, simply anything he owns is immediately Y/n’a as well.

He is aware that some men hold it against their partners and bring out the finances card in arguments but Harry assured her many times that the day he does that, she’s free to slap him and sue him.

Eventually, she agreed to quit two months ago and since then she has busied herself with new hobbies, workshops, and fitness classes. She’s also certain that it made Harry feel happier.

Upon what they agreed on earlier this week, she headed to visit Harry in his office, she arrived early with two lunch bags in her hand as the whole building stared at the elegant woman dressed in luxurious clothing from head to toe, with the huge emerald stone on her ring finger.

They were accustomed to her frequent visits but that didn’t stop anyone from staring as she walked in knowing that their boss’s mood would shift completely.

She can hear Harry’s voice fill the hall as you step out of the elevator, it wasn’t something common to witness. Harry is known for being a kind boss but the faces of the employees around her suggest otherwise.

His secretary Mila jogged behind her trying to catch up as she stood in front of her with her face clouded with apprehension. “Mrs. Styles I don’t think you should go in there.”

She stared back at her for a few moments then glanced at all the other employees whose eyes were wide from Harry’s loud shouting. She patted her shoulder and gently moved her out of her way before heading towards his office.

She turned the doorknob to his office and walked in casually only to see him leaning against his desk with his palms supporting him as he scolded the employee in front of him, the veins along his neck were protruding and fury was radiating off him.

The moment he set his eyes on her, he straightened his posture and sighed as his whole body relaxed. He ordered the man in front of him to leave, which the latter did quite quickly. She placed the lunch bags on a small table and took off her jacket as Harry sat back in his chair and admired her.

“What happened? You never shout at your employees.” She spoke as she walked towards him and sat in his lap.

“He messed up something and now I have to stay for extra hours to fix it. It’s more time away from you.” He held on to her body as he hid his face in her chest.

“Harry. You always do this, you should let them learn from their mistakes, he’s the one who should do it.” Harry had a thing for being an overly nice boss but also a perfectionist. He liked doing things by himself so whenever someone messed up, he’d just tell them to email it to him.

“I guess you’re right.” He gave her lips a peck as she swiped her hand through his hair.

“You looked so hot while shouting though. You’re such a boss.” She turned the peck quickly into a heated kiss as she grinded against his suit.

“Yeah? You always love it when I’m in power don’t you?” Harry smiled into the kiss and tightened his grip on her waist.

The thought of having everyone do what he wants with one order made her unbelievably turned on. He is a man with authority and it shows all the time. But most importantly she loved it when he manhandled her in bed, lifting her with one arm like she weighed nothing.

“Let me help the boss destress.” Harry moaned into her mouth as she rubbed at his visible bulge with her hand.

“Such a good girl, pleasing me like it’s your job.” He unbuttoned his pants and slightly pulled them down as she stared back at his thick bulge. She’s not sure how he was able to get hard this fast but it looked painful.

Despite having sex this morning, he acted as if it’s been weeks and that he’s starved. His hand roamed her body while his tongue clashed with hers. He grinned when his fingers swiped through her folds under her skirt and realized that she had no panties on as instructed and was very wet.

“My baby is walking around my building with no panties on, so eager to fuck her fiancée. What would the employees say?” He tsked as if he was disappointed and teased her by sucking on her neck with his hand gently massaging her labia.

“I want to warm you up.” She caught him off guard as he expected her to want to fuck him, but he’d do anything she wanted.

“C’mon then, help me relax.” He laid back and crossed his arms behind his head, as he raked his eyes over her body and eager eyes that were set on his twitching cock.

He watched her next movements intently knowing that the sight in front of him was any man’s wet dream. She happily stroked his cock, swiping her thumb against the tip and collecting his precum on her finger before pushing it inside her pussy and smiling because ‘his cum shouldn’t go to waste.’

Harry bit his bottom lip feeling his cock about to burst while she looked down and spat at it before stroking it again and using his arousal to finger herself.

“Sweetheart, why don’t you put my cock where it belongs?” He caressed her jaw with his knuckles as she nodded eagerly and positioned his cock at her entrance before sinking on him with one swift motion.

Harry rolled his eyes backward the moment her pussy wrapped around his cock. So warm, tight, and velvety. She sucked him inside so perfectly and made his body heat up quickly.

“Best fucking pussy. Can’t wait to continue breeding it.” She was reminded of the fact that she was only cockwarming him but now that he mentioned getting his cum, she regretted not fucking him.

Sinking on him quickly made her feel like she was being split into two halves, he was thick and even more swollen when hard as if he knew that he had to give her his load. The stretch only made her wetter as she squirmed and tried to adjust on his lap while he guided her head to his neck.

Her continuous clenching around him almost made Harry cum—something he wasn’t pleased about. The tightness of her cunt was unbearable, and his thighs were drenched with her wetness because she can’t seem to control herself.

“Behave brat.” He slapped her ass harshly with his ring-clad hand making her spasm around him even harder.

Holding her to his body, he gently moved his chair closer to his desk and grabbed a granola bar from the drawer unwrapping it and feeding her while your head stayed laid against his chest. After two bites, she guided his hand to his mouth to which he smiled and happily accepted a bite.

“My darling always taking care of me. But you’re the one who should eat more for our baby. Need to feed you the best food ever.” His hand sneakily made its way to her tummy and rubbed on it.

She was pretty sure she got knocked out by now. The signs were all there but they both ignored them as the whole breeding fantasy thing was pleasing and Harry continued to cum deep inside of her.

No matter what, nothing compared to her fiancée filling her up or taking her out while his cum runs down her thighs. He couldn’t help marking her, it was a necessity.

After a few more bites, she almost fell asleep and forgot that she was sitting on his cock. All she felt was the heat between her legs and a warm snug feeling that felt good. Harry stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head now and then.

He shifted his position slightly making his cock push deeper inside of her, she could’ve sworn that precum leaked into her pussy, but it doesn’t matter because there is no way she’d be able to ignore the ache in her pussy.

She lifted her head off his chest and found him reading an email on his phone while he gently rubbed her back. She began leaving wet kisses along his skin where his chemise was unbuttoned.

“Harry—” She almost moaned his name, but it was obvious that she needed him and changed her mind.

He immediately set his phone down and adjusted his position (on purpose) as he gave her all his attention. He looked into her eyes and knew that she needed a good fuck, she always did. He could not possibly deny that for both of them— not when his cock is about to burst.

“What does my love wa—“Harry’s question was cut off by an employee coming inside.

“Mr. Styles I—“He stopped in his tracks and awkwardly looked around as he stuttered. The sight in front of him wasn’t completely graphic, Y/n still had her skirt on after all, but it was obvious to anyone that she and Harry weren’t all love-dovey.

“Can’t you see that I’m busy?” Harry gritted his teeth while his breathing picked up. Despite loving exhibitionism, he isn’t always in the right mindset to show her off. He wants her all for himself and although his employee probably can’t see anything, Harry was reminded of how vulnerable she felt during intimate moments and saw red.

“Sorry sir I ju—“

“Get out!” Harry pointed to the door with warning eyes as the man immediately scrambled away from his office dropping a paper behind him in the process— not daring to come back for it.

Harry checked on Y/n by raising her chin to his level and smiled when he saw her looking alright and as pretty as ever. “You’re mine only okay?”

She would never replace him in a million years but seeing his possessive side come out was always so hot to witness. Anything he did made her drop on her knees and that didn’t help her current situation.

She slowly began rolling her hips, as her swollen cunt turned unbearably achy and puffy. Harry’s cock seems to only harden inside of her and if he doesn’t fuck her brains out, she could cry.

“Dirty girl. Can barely last on my cock for ten minutes and you’re jumping on me again. What a needy slut.” His degrading words made her even hornier as she clutched onto his shirt with a tight grip letting out whines.

“Please fuck me. I want you deep inside.” She barely let out a few coherent words before feeling the pleasure and need for Harry to take over her.

He loved watching her beg for him when she could not take it anymore. The way she withered and felt like crying only fueled his ego further. The fact that she would only be relieved if his cock fucked her repeatedly made him twitch inside her pussy.

“Say that you want me to knock you up. You filthy girl, you want me to be your baby daddy hmm?” He began rolling his hips slowly to edge her even further.

“Wanna be pregnant with your child.” She whimpered against his lips as tears began to well in her eyes from the amount of wetness.

That was all she had to say before Harry lifted her with one arm and threw everything off the desk as they landed on the ground with a thud. He laid her gently and got rid of her blouse so he could have access to her hardened nipples.

His cock was still tucked inside her cunt so when he inched his face closer to hers, he pushed himself deeper making her moan loudly as he hit her g-spot unexpectedly. He laced his fingers with hers leaving love bites all over her chest while admiring her tits proudly.

“The greediest pussy ever. So insatiable even when I fuck you day and night. You just love your fiancée’s cock so much.” He rolled his hips into hers as he closed the gap between their two bodies.

“Oh—“ It wasn’t in her ability to form coherent words. The veins on Harry’s cock massaged her walls perfectly, scratching an itch she never knew she had. The sound of skin slapping filled the room as he fucked her raw without holding back.

His muscles flexed with every thrust, as he looked down to her relaxed figure watching his cock go in and out from her drenched pussy that is dripping right on his desk. Her cunt was so sensitive and swollen, and her clitoris was bulging asking for attention which Harry generously gave by pinching it.

“Gonna have to show off your swollen belly to everyone. Let them know I gave you my seed day and night to get you pregnant.” He whispered in her ear as she rolled her eyes backward imagining how he would proudly rub at her bump in public.

She locked her legs around him, as her heels dug at his back prompting him to go deeper. Their bodies were sweaty and filled with need for one another. The feeling of her pussy so snug around his cock, sucking him inside made him see stars.

“I’m sure you’re knocked out by now, but your greedy pussy just keeps sucking my cum inside.” God knows how much precum has leaked inside of her when she cockwarmed him and Harry would like to think that her pussy reacts to the presence of his cum in her cunt.

“Yes— I feel so sensitive, and I want you all the time.” She wrapped her arms around his neck thinking about how much he’s filled her up by now.

“And you have me baby, my mind, body, and soul are yours.” He slowed down but deepened his cock, allowing himself to rest for a few moments before plunging harder as he rubbed at her swollen clitoris.

Harry rested his forehead against hers, catching her lips in a wet sloppy kiss as heat radiated off their bodies. The sex was dirty and passionate, exactly what fits for them.

“Fuck, look at these gorgeous tits. They’re gonna be swollen and full of milk. You won’t need any bras, gonna make you walk naked.” He cupped each of her breasts, greedily sucking at her nipples as he squeezed them.

“I’m cumming—” His compliments on her tits tipped her over the edge as her orgasm washed over her. All she could see were white spots and stars as her moaning echoed through the room. Her cunt was pulsating rapidly around Harry’s cock whose orgasm got triggered by hers.

Harry rutted his hips against hers as if he wishes to converge their bodies and make them one person as he spilled his seed deep inside of her cunt.

“Draining me from my seed all day, aren’t you?” Take all of it my love and give me a baby.” He stilled his hips as he released a big load with his lips hovering over hers and chests flush against each other.

The euphoric feeling she got every time he came inside of her was irreplaceable. Her skin sweaty and naked as he hugged her to his chest and mumbled words of praise and love in her ear.

“My best girl. I’m so lucky to have you.”

“I’m gonna take care of you till we’re old and gray.”

“I love every bit of you that it physically pains me.”

She held on to Harry for a while as he kept his body wrapped around hers in a tight grip. There was no denying the happiness Harry offered her or all the new feelings she got to explore thanks to him, so she closed her eyes and let out a sigh of contentment.

In this world, it’s just her, Harry, and the baby growing in her belly.

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“Harry!” you laugh, hitting him with a throw pillow.  

“You think I’m joking, but I’m serious.” he concedes with a chuckle, “You don’t even like him.” 

“I like him enough.” 

“He’s a terrible fuck.” 

“He…gets the job done.” you defend voice cracking. 

“Everytime he leaves, there's suddenly a consistent buzz coming from your bedroom.” He scoffs. You go to defend yourself with heat rising to your face. You stammer a bit but not quite getting words out before he continues, “I’m a grown man, I know what a vibrator sounds like.” He smirks, and you giggle covering your face. 

“Jesus.” you laugh, “Look, I’ve tried your way already…and it’s not doing the trick.” you pout, “So tell me, how pathetic would I be  if I were to reach out to him.”

“I don’t think you’d be pathetic, love.” he soothes 

“Then why are you so against me texting him?”  

Because you deserve better! Why can’t you see that? He thinks, These guys don’t deserve you. If I were them I’d - 

“Harry?” you ask, snapping him out of his thoughts. It’s in the glow of the television, and the small light on the side table that Harry is able to admire your adorable pout and curious eyes. He’s always had a little crush on you throughout the entirety of your friendship. One he knew you could feel and was reciprocated. There were a few drunken confessions of your attraction for one another that were joked about the following morning. Then there was the holiday kiss . One New Year for ‘good luck’. But there was also a promise. A pinky promise, to never risk the friendship you had. To keep things platonic.  It was a promise that was becoming more and more difficult for both of you to keep. 

When you two agreed to move in under the same roof for economic reasons, you knew it would be an adjustment, with both of you having been living on your own for years. But you were excited. Living alone could get lonely and overwhelming. So having your best friend of years, under the same roof and splitting responsibilities felt like a huge weight lifted off of your shoulders. 

But being in such close proximity meant that it was becoming harder to keep your promise. Especially when things just felt so domestic with the two of you. Cooking dinner together, movie nights, cuddling together on the couch. It was hard for both of you not to let your minds wander to a reality where you were more than just friends. 

But you were friends, and as long as that boundary was there, there was nothing stopping either of you from being young, wild and free. So there were parties, and one night stands, and situationships. All in an attempt to distract you both from the truth. Because no matter how pretty the girls were that Harry brought home, no matter how sweet and kind they were. The only face he saw when they were splayed out in his bed…was your. 

And after a very awkward Sunday morning breakfast with one of your one night stands meeting Harry, you stopped bringing guys home all together. Opting for spending weekends away. A change Harry didn’t like, and lectured you over. “It’s not safe. You don’t know these guys. At least if you bring them here, I’m here if you need me.” he’d argued. All that did was keep you from seeing anyone for a while.  Which is how you ended up even considering talking to Camreon again. 

“Look” Harry finally says, turning his body towards you, “if you’re that sexually frustrated I’ll… help you out.” 

You tilt your head, letting out a nervous giggle, waiting for his real response. But it never comes, he just…smirks at you. 

“Oh,” you whisper, heart beating against your ribs. “You’re serious.” Harry nods, biting his lip. The offer was…promising, and the way Harry looked at you was intriguing. You’d be lying if you said it didn’t give you butterflies.  That the last month or so things haven’t  felt different between you two, something less than romantic, but certainly more than platonic. It was messing with your head for sure. But you were friends. Regardless of how fit you thought he was, you didn’t have the right to blow up your over decade long friendship just because you were horny. You clear your throat blinking up at him, shaking your head,“Thanks for the offer, Har but -” 

“Yeah no…you’re right. It’s - dumb idea.” He stammers, “I do think you just need to let off some steam, and then you’ll forget about him.” 

“Yeah. I guess.” 

He sees you deflate a bit at his words, and he realizes you didn’t expect  him to give up so easily. So he tries again a little more directly “And not to be that guy but I’ve been told I’m pretty talented, and if making you come keeps you from making a repeated mistake then I’ll take one for the team.” 

“Gee, thanks.” you scoff. 

“I just mean. You’re my friend, and I’m trying to be a helping hand.” he says sweetly before the smirk returns, “And tongue.” He laughs, and you roll your eyes. “And on a serious note, you’re too special of a woman to have to deal with mediocre sex from a guy that clearly - and I’m sorry to say - couldn’t give two shits about your Love. If you need to…get your rocks off, why not with someone you trust? With someone that actually cares about you?” Harry says sweetly. 

“Really?” you ask, and he nods, “And if we cross this line, it won't ruin our friendship.” 

“Cross my heart.” He says drawing an ‘x’ over his chest. 

“What about Taylor?” you ask, thinking of the pretty blonde that you’ve caught making breakfast in your kitchen a few times. You're trying to give him an out. But he doesn’t take it. 

“Out of the picture.” he smiles, “Has been for a while.” He admits, and before you get a chance to offer your condolences, he asks “So what do you say?”  

“Okay.” 

“Alright.” he smirks, “Come here.” He says softly, reaching for your hand, lacing his fingers with yours. You scoot closer to him on the couch, your knees touching his thigh.  Your breath hitches in your throat as his other hand rests on your cheek, stroking the soft skin with his thumb.

He leans in slowly, his breath fanning across your face, his lips inches away from yours. His emerald eyes dart from yours down to your lips, back to your eyes. 

“You’re sure?” he asks. You nod your head slowly, eyes glued to his lips as he speaks. You watch as they curve up into a seductive smirk, “Words, baby. Want to hear you say it.” He coaches. 

He wants to hear you say it because the truth is, he can’t believe this is finally happening. He gets why you both agreed to not cross this boundary for so long. For the sake of your amazing friendship. But being this close to you now, seeing the look in your eye, the want and anticipation. Feeling the way he lit up touching you. It all seemed so silly. Why deny yourselves the pleasure of giving in to such chemistry, when life was so short? 

“I’m sure.” you whisper, “Are you?” 

“Oh, I’m positive.” he purrs, before leaning forward finally bringing his lips to yours. You sigh into the kiss, enjoying the feeling of his soft lips on yours. Immediately, the kiss feels different than anything you’ve shared in the past. What starts off as a soft sweet pecks, familiarizes yourselves with one another, quickly evolves into a hurried frenzy. Tongues swirling, teeth clicking, and with Harry’s hand having come down to rest on your neck, thumb caressing your jugular possessively your head was spinning. You gasp  into the kiss, trying to catch your breath but all you could do was breathe in more of Harry. It’s when he nipped at your bottom lip licking at the skin after, that you have a moment of clarity. Pulling away slowly you, run your hand through the hairs at the nape of his neck making him look up at you. 

“You okay?” he asks, worry etched into his features. 

“If we’re going to do this,” you begin, “ I have one condition.” 

“Okay.” he prompts 

“Want you to fuck me like you mean it.” you whisper, voice shakily. 

“Planned on it, Love.”

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Tonight was finally the time you got to see him for more than half an hour, except like the other two times, it wasn’t private. Your friend group was celebrating someone’s birthday, so there were plans for a dinner at a restaurant and then possibly something after. You weren’t sure if you’d attend the after dinner plans, because you were hoping that Harry would suggest you and him ditch everyone.

You arrived at the restaurant with your friend, Stephanie, who picked you up from your apartment. You followed her inside the restaurant and towards the back where you had been told your table was. Your friends were gathered around a long table, which looked a little too small for everyone, but it was nothing they weren’t used to. It’s hard to accommodate this many people. Nobody ever complained.

One side of the table was made of chairs, while the other was a long bench against the back wall of the restaurant. You gulped gently as you saw Harry was sitting on the outside of the booth, a space between him and your brother, of all people. He was busy looking down at his phone, texting you actually, when you walked up to the table. You were quiet as you appeared next to him. His phone screen was sort of dimmed, but you could see your name and the text he was waiting for you to reply to.

You cleared your throat and tapped his shoulder. He jumped, looking up expecting to see a stranger. As soon as he realized it was you, he laughed and went to stand up. You backed up a little, but he didn’t let you get far. He put his arms around you, giving you a tight squeeze. You did the same, but only allowing one arm to go around his torso. You didn’t want to look too affectionate in front of everyone, especially your own brother.

“Haven’t seen you in forever.” He mumbled against your ear before pulling away.

“Yeah, you’ve been neglecting me.” You laughed slightly, making him grin.

“You’re the one who keeps coming up with plans.”

“Things I can’t get out of.”

Harry decided to let you win the little spat. He sat down and slid over towards Austin, who was not even paying attention to your arrival. That was a relief, though. The less he watched or noticed, the more you could get away with.

“Saved you a seat.” He patted the space next to him, waiting for you to join.

You smiled sweetly and sat down on the leather booth bench. It was comfortable, but definitely a little squished. You were practically hanging off the edge.

“Can you scoot over a bit?” You asked him, glancing down at your thigh spilling over the side of the bench.

“Not really.” He sighed back, but he leaned a bit closer to you and lowered his voice. “Get as close to me as you can, peach.”

“I can’t get any closer.” You whispered back, a little bit frustrated with the arrangment.

Harry glanced towards Austin and your group of friends, who were not paying you any mind. He swatted the long, thick table cloth that was draped over the table and did something you didn’t expect. Your eyes went wide as he grabbed your thigh and hoisted your leg over his. He pulled the table cloth back, which perfectly disguised your leg. It gave you more room on the booth, which you were grateful for.

“That better?” He asked with a smirk.

“A little.”

Harry’s name got called, so you were now put on the back burner as he turned his head to answer. You scoped out your surroundings while you had the chance. Stephanie had sat in the chair left open at the other end of the table. There was an empty space in front of you but the chair was missing, which was nice because you didn’t like people watching you as you ate. The person in front of Harry wouldn’t be paying you any attention either. Jessie was a good friend of yours, but she was fairly new to the group. She was dating one of the guys and this was her first time at a big outing. Her eyes seemed to be fixed on the other end of the table. Of course, your brother was next to Harry and he posed the biggest threat.

You huffed to yourself as your eyes fell to the utensils rolled up in a napkin in front of you. A month ago, you wouldn’t have thought twice about who you were sitting in front of or who was by Harry. Things have changed, despite how many times Harry’s said nothing would.. It was different. You weren't going to show some crazy public affection or anything, definitely not kiss him in front of your friends, but you were becoming paranoid of someone watching. What if they caught on to the way Harry looks at you now or how close you desire to be to him? What if they notice any little thing that’s out of place?

You opted to distract yourself as Harry was still lost in conversation. You pulled your phone from your purse and decided to read the text Harry had sent that you missed while coming into the restaurant.

From Harry: are you close yet? I got you a seat next to me.. cant wait to see you been too long

You smiled at his sweet words and the gesture of saving you a seat, that was always something he did for you and you greatly appreciated it. While you enjoyed everyone’s company, you preferred to be next to him or at least across from him. Texting seemed to be a good idea, it would be more incognito and secretive for you both. You started to type a message to him, hoping he would hear his phone ding or feel it vibrate in his pocket.

To Harry: thank you for saving me a seat xx

To your surprise, he felt his phone vibrate under his leg. He picked it up and read the message on the screen, a smile shaping to his lips. You were typing another one, so you didn’t get to catch his smile.

To Harry: by the way.. my leg is starting to hurt.. can’t sit like this :/

His brows furrowed as he read the second message. He tried to think of something, but he couldn’t come up with anything. Nothing made sense and frankly there was nothing he could do it to fix the situation.

From Harry: I’m sorry peach.. i should’ve got us chairs

From Harry: you look beautiful.. is this a new dress

You giggled a little at his words just as your leg fell from his. He hated that you couldn’t be comfortable, but at least you were next to him and not across the table. Now that everyone was here, the waiter returned to the table to start drink orders. You weren’t going to stop texting Harry, though.

To Harry: It’s okay I’ll be fine.. and yes, i got this last weekend. Does it look okay?

Harry nudged you with his elbow to get your attention. You lifted your head and realized the waiter was there to get you drink order. Harry got a beer, which you thought was nasty, but you just asked for a water. Once the guy walked off, you looked back down to your screen.

From Harry: the dress looks perfect on you. Now, talk to me in person for a bit.. please

You took a deep breath, but figured you could do as he asked. You sat your phone down on the table and turned your head towards him. He was looking your way, of course, and gave you a smile.

“Are you going to the thing after we eat?” You asked curiously.

He shrugged. “I dunno. Are you going?”

You licked your lips and let your eyes fall down to his shoulder. “I.. was gonna see if you wanted to.. just go home or something.”

His lips shaped to a smile. “We can do that. My place or yours?”

You thought for a moment about how much you liked being at his place, but then you remembered a key thing made everything a little easier. “We can go to mine. No roommate for the weekend.”

“We gon’ throw a rager?”

You rolled your eyes and nudged his side with your elbow. “Shut up.”

Just as he was about to say something, someone called his name again. He gave you a frown before turning his head towards the other end of the table. Even though you didn’t discuss with him the importance of flying under the radar, he seemed to be on the same page as you. The less he seems invested in you, the less likely they’d be to say something or notice something. A con of that? Well, you weren’t getting much of his attention..

You picked up one of the menus and began to read over it, trying to determine what you wanted. You never liked to pig out in front of Harry, whether was at a restaurant or in your own home. It just seemed unappealing to you. But you were starving, and you loved the food here.

“Hey, Harry.” You said at a volume he’d be able to hear over everyone else.

His head turned towards you. “Yeah?”

“What are you getting?”

He leaned into you so he could peek at the menu. “Probably a pizza. What about you?”

You gulped gently, a lie was sitting on your tongue ready to be told. “Um, I dunno. M’not really hungry.. for like a whole plate.”

“I’ll get a large pizza.. you can eat with me, if you want.”

You thought for a moment, but then pursed your lips. “You get mushrooms.. I don’t like mushrooms.”

He chuckled, then moved his hand underneath the table cloth. You were beginning to get a little anxious, but when his heavy hand sat down on your thigh, you let out a sigh of relief. He didn’t realize how much he helped you, but you sure did appreciate it.

“I won’t get any mushrooms.. we can order it how you like it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I’ll buy it, you order it how you want.”

You let out a huff. “We can split it.”

“I will buy it.” He said with a shrug, knowing that he would win if a disagreement came about anyway.

You didn’t feel like arguing with him over this, even if it did mean his attention would be fixed on you. You decided to let it go and just decide what kind of pizza you wanted to get. You knew the things Harry liked, which is all the things you liked - the issue was always you being picky with the things he liked.

“Can you-“ You stopped your sentence when you looked his way and realized he was talking to one of your friends again.

Don’t be needy, don’t be clingy. You had to remind yourself of that over and over in your head. Don’t make it obvious, don’t draw any attention to yourself. You swallowed harshly and let your eyes fall to your lap. Harry had moved his hand by now, which was upsetting you.

The light purple fabric of your dress caught your attention. When you bought the dress, you thought maybe the tiny flowers all over it made you seem childish. But it was so pretty and the shade of purple was so gentle and light, you adored it. Part of you wondered which aspect of the dress was Harry’s favorite. Did he like the flowers or was he more a fan of the color? You wanted to ask him, you usually do ask him things like that, but he was distracted.. You were unsure of how long you sat there in your own personal silence, ignoring the world around you.

You weren’t really paying attention to the conversation but when Harry spoke, you immediately began to listen to what he said.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to. I’ve got a shit ton of work to do tonight.”

“Oh, c’mon, just a couple hours, couple drinks.” Your brother was encouraging him to go to a bar with them after dinner to further celebrate.

“I would if I had time, but I just can’t this weekend.”

You knew that was a lie. Harry was going to follow you when the dinner was over, whether you wanted to go home or go get ice cream or for a drive - whatever it was, he was with you. Now, telling everyone else that would be a little suspicious. They knew you spent extra time together, you were super close to each other. But, that didn’t really mean they never once thought something was going on. The goal was to keep things as a wonder and not as a suspicion.

Before you had the chance to talk to Harry about what you wanted to eat, the waiter returned and began taking orders. He started at the other end of the table, so you had time to tell Harry. But the issue was, he was talking to your brother again.

“Harry.” You mumbled quietly, hoping he’d hear you since the noise level had gone down. He didn’t.

You tried again, a bit louder. “Harry.”

He was still fixated on whatever he was saying to Austin. You huffed and finally said it at a normal level.

“Harry.”

“Yeah?” He finally answered, his eyes meeting yours with a little bit of worry. You sounded a little nervous when you spoke.

“Can you order it?” You nodded towards the waiter, not sure if Harry had even noticed him return.

“What do you want on it, love?” His brows furrowed slightly as he waited for your answer.

“Pepperoni.. and extra cheese.” You mumbled back, a little hesitant to say anything.

He smiled. “Should’ve known that, hm? Your favorite.”

“Are you.. going to order it?” You were fumbling with your fingers in your lap as you tried to stay calm and patient.

“Yeah, peach. I know you don’t like ordering.”

You rolled your eyes and let your head lower. You felt a wave of heat rolling over your cheeks as the waiter made it to your end of the table and Harry told him what you wanted. It wasn’t a problem that he ordered for you, but it felt embarassing. You usually ate out with him alone, not with other people, so it was such a normal thing for him to order for you. It felt odd to ask him, especially since your brother was so close. If you were being with honest with yourself, your anxiety was unusually through the roof tonight. Normally, you weren’t this worried.

After the waiter double checked everyone’s order and walked away from the table, the conversations picked back up and Harry, once again, turned his attention away from you. It made your heart sink. It felt like you didn’t even exist. You were usually upbeat and quick to make a joke or start a conversation. But tonight was different. You didn't want to be with your friends, you wanted to be with Harry. And that desire was much stronger than anything else you ever experienced. You wanted him all to yourself, and this night felt like torture.

As Harry’s deep laugh rumbled next to you, you were starting to get jealous more than you had been already.. You didn’t want him to laugh at anyone else’s words, you didn’t want him to respond to anyone else’s questions, you didn’t want his eyes on anyone else’s as he talked or listened to someone, you didn’t want him focusing on anything or anyone but you..

Without thinking twice, you clutched your purse and stood up from the booth. You swiftly walked away without catching anyone’s eye, or so you thought. You weaved your way through the restaurant, dodging waiters and people walking to their seats as you tried to get to the restroom area quickly. Thankfully, you were familiar with this restaurant and kenw exactly where to go. It was on the other side of the building, which meant you had to pass by a lot of people - most of whom never paid you a glance. It was nerve wracking and made your heart flutter. You wanted to disappear.

It felt like a century had passed by the time you reached the door to the restroom. You were thankful it was just one toilet and no stalls. The last thing you wanted was to be surrounded by people. You turned the lock and sat your purse on the counter. Of course, you weren’t really that surprised when you looked down at your phone screen to check the time - hoping this dinner party would end quickly - and saw a text from Harry.

You didn’t know, but the moment you jumped up, everyone noticed and began to ask about you. Your brother said he knew you weren’t feeling well earlier in the week, so that could be what was wrong. Harry mentioned, even though it was a lie, that you said you were feeling off. He didn’t want anyone to question it too much. They did talk about how quiet you had been, but Harry assured them that you were okay with them not making a big deal out of it.

From Harry: is everything okay peach? Ran off without saying anything..

You huffed at his message, only because it seemed so obvious to you but not to him. Does he not realize how much he had ignored you this whole time? Maybe he didn’t care, maybe you were just being a cry baby about it and it was all stupid. Harry doens’t belong to you, he isn’t yours.. He has no obligation to speak to you.. You began to overthink and worry about everything now.

To Harry: just going to the restroom..

Of course, Harry was not stupid and he knew you entirely too well. If you just wanted to use the restroom, you would have told him or excused yourself. You practically ran from the table like someone was chasing you.

From Harry: :/ are you okay?

To Harry: if i said no would you believe me…

From Harry: what’s the matter lovey? Are you uncomfortable on the bench? I can find you a chair

To Harry: no.. I’m fine

From Harry: clearly you're not fine.. please tell me what’s wrong.

His message made your eyes start to water. You waved your hand in front of them quickly, trying to prevent any tears from actually forming or spilling from your eyes. You couldn’t cry right now. This wasn’t the place for a breakdown. Despite not wanting to get emotional, you knew you had to be honest to him. These past few weeks have proven to you that if you’re honest with him, then he’d understand and things would go much better. Like with the kissing, you were honest about what you wanted and he agreed - even though it might have been hard to understand for you both.

To Harry: i miss you. That’s what’s wrong.

From Harry: darling I’ve been right beside you this whole time..

You felt like screaming now. Crying didn’t seem to be a good enough option. Why wasn’t he understanding you? It had been days since you last seen him, and you wanted nothing more than to just talk to him and have his attention for a while. Sure, you were going to have him all to yourself after dinner, but that meant waiting for a long time.. You just needed him..

To Harry: that’s not what i mean.

When Harry didn’t respond right away like he had consistently been doing the whole time, you started to feel your stomach churn. What if you upset him by being so annoying? You pressed your back against the door and closed your eyes tight. The last thing you needed to do was start to cry and ruin your makeup. Having smudged mascara and red eyes would definitely show that you were upset. You took a few deep breathes, pushing them out slowly.

Thoughts of being a brat were starting to circle your mind. Austin always likes to say that you nag on and on until you get your way with your parents and it’s annoying. Maybe you’re doing that same exact thing with Harry and he’s had enough? The options seemed to be endless at this point.

There were a few knocks on the door all of a sudden, which made you jump. You realized you weren’t locked away in your bedroom but in a public space. You grabbed your purse from the counter and quickly turned the lock, pulling the door open.

“Sorry-“ You paused as you looked up and seen a familiar face - not a stranger waiting for the bathroom.

“Hey.” Harry’s voice made your stomach erupt with butterflies. “Can we talk?”

“I don’t wanna.” You muttered out, tearing your eyes from his so you would be less tempted to cry.

Harry gently grabbed your waist on either side and guided you back into the bathroom. You didn’t protest, only because you were scared of crying and ruining everything for yourself. He let you go once you were back in the bathroom, and he turned the lock before facing you again.

“Tell me what’s going on.” He said in a calm, smooth voice.

You shook your head, but opted to grab onto his waist. You twisted your fingers in his shirt and pulled yourself against his chest. You needed to be close to him more than anything right now.

He licked his lips and embraced you with both arms, hugging you tight like he hadn’t seen you in years - and it felt that way. “I miss you, too, peach. A whole bunch.”

Your lip was quivering, but you were trying so hard to control it. “M’sorry.”

“Hey, hey, why are you saying sorry?” He asked with a sigh.

“Cause.. I’m a big cry baby.”

He gave you a gentle chuckle and pulled back so he could see your face. Of course, you were trying to avoid him. He softly touched your chin with his knuckle and tilted your head back. There was a sad look on your face - a pout on your lips and a sadness in your eyes - that didn’t sit right with him.

“You’re not a cry baby.” He assured you with a quick peck to your forehead. “Now, tell me.. what’s going on?”

This was your chance to actually speak to him for more than a minute at a time, so you wanted to just let it all out. Taking advtange of this moment might make things worse, or it could be extremely helpful. Either way, you were about to find out.

“I hate being with everyone.” Your fist relaxed on his side so that your hand could shape against his body. He was glad to feel your warmth through his shirt now. “I just wanna talk to you and.. and get to see you but.. everyone always wants to talk to you and.. and it’s not fair.”

He lifted his brows a little. “There’s no need to be jealous, honeybun. Y’know that you’re my favorite person, yeah? We can talk all night if you want.”

You shook your head. “You keep.. keep ignoring me and talking to everyone else.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was ignoring you.”

“I was talking.. and they interrupted me.” You whined back, trying to get your point to be evident to him.

“I’m sorry. I.. I guess I’m just used to.. how we used to be.”

That choice of words made your heart stop and your eyes widen. You feared this would come up. Your decision to ask him to kiss you had really ruined everything.

“I.. I’m sorry. I.. I shouldn’t have ever.. did anything with you. Now we can’t even.. have fucking dinner-“

“Hey, shh, don’t say that, darling. That’s not what I meant.”

You let his body go and stepped back. “You don’t have to say it, Harry. We can’t even.. sit at a damn restaurant anymore. Things are too different.”

Harry was not on the same page as you, and he had to get that across to you somehow without overwhelming you. He stayed where he was though, in attempt to not make things worse.

“Listen to me, sweetheart.” He said with a slightly stern voice, trying to get your attention.

You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest. “I want to leave. I have to go home.”

“No, you’re not leaving right now.” He threw that staying in his spot idea out the window and closed the space you shared.

His big, heavy hands grabbed either side of your waist and he pulled you closer. Your head naturally leaned back to look at him, even though you didn’t want to.

“What I meant was.. this is the first time we’ve been with everyone since.. the kissing and all that.. We’ve always been a lot different in private, yeah? Before everything happened. We’ve always been touchy, haven't we?”

He was waiting for you to reply, and when you nodded to him, he took that as you staying on track with what he was saying.

“I’ve always tried to tone things down in front of people.. just so they don’t bug us about it.” He said with a slight frown, which made you feel upset - you wanted to comfort him just as much as he wanted to comfort you. “And m’just trying to do that now.. If you wanted to go out there and make out in front of everyone then I’d gladly do that, but I know you don’t.. and that’s okay. We don’t have to. I’m.. just trying to keep everything the same for their eyes.”

You soaked in his words and stayed quiet for a few moments, not sure if he was finished or not. He lifted one hand up to your jaw and carefully cradled your head in his palm. You wanted to cry, but you hated it when you did that in front of him. You had to be strong and understand what was happening right now, instead of overreacting and losing your control.

“I get that.. I do.. and thank you for.. for trying but.. it still sucks that you’re not.. paying attention to me.”

Harry’s heart was breaking for you. He could tell you wanted to burst into tears, and it was obvious you were bothered by all of this. He took a deep breath and leaned down to your face. He pressed a soft kiss to your lips, which were still in a pout and swollen from how hard you had been biting them since you arrived at the restaurant.

“I didn’t know that you wanted me to do that much. I’m sorry, I should’ve asked.” His voice was in a whisper as he spoke against your cheek.

“Just.. at least just talk to me.. like in a normal way. I don’t like.. being ignored.” You said quietly, still surprised that you hadn’t began to cry yet.

He smiled, then tilted your head back. “I will. I’m really sorry, okay? I’ll make it up to you later.”

You finally let out a little laugh, and it gave him some relief. He really thought he had messed up big time. He figured you were on the same page as him when the night started, but he realized things had really changed.. It wasn’t just cuddling and staying the night with each other that you were having to cover up or try to downplay anymore.. it was much more than that.

“How?”

He chuckled, glad to see the sparkle had returned to your eyes. “However you want, peach.”

You brought your hand up to his wrist and coiled it around him, thinking about how you held onto it the night he was touching you. He licked his lips again, his tongue was enticing you but making out in a bathroom wasn’t on your bucket list as of now..

“I.. I think I have an idea.”

Harry’s lips shaped to a smirk. “I’m sure you do.”

To avoid any suspicion, Harry returned to the table before you did. Stephanie had texted you, asking if you were okay, and you told her you were just feeling a little uneasy. Nobody questioned it once you returned to the table and sat down beside Harry, who was glad you were finally back next to him.

A conversation was going on between everyone, except for you because you chose to occupy yourself with your phone. You were mindlessly scrolling just to avoid having to talk to anyone. Despite lying about feeling sick, you actually didn’t feel completely okay. You weren't physically sick, but you were tired and just ready to leave.

After a few minutes of talking, Harry decided to withdraw himself from the conversation and turn his attention towards you. It was a bit easier now since you had admitted to not feeling well to everyone else. They would just assume he’s checking on you, and pay you little to no attention at all.

“What are our plans for after dinner?” Harry kept his voice down low as he gently hit his hand against your thigh.

“I dunno.” You shrugged. “I kinda just want to go home.”

He frowned slightly. “No ice cream? No movie? Nothing?”

You thought for a moment, then sighed. “A movie would be nice but I don’t know what’s playing.”

“What about a walk at the park? The sky’s clear.. we could look at the stars.” Even though you enjoyed doing that, you weren’t thrilled by it tonight.

“I.. I just wanna go home, Harry.. I wanna.. be somewhere.. private.” You muttered the word as quietly has you could manage.

“Alright, whatever you want to do, peach.”

You sighed softly. “Do you still wanna come over?”

He smiled. “Of course.”

Of course that made your heart flutter. You glanced down at your hands as they laid perfectly on your lap. “Can you stay the weekend?”

“Yeah, I can.”

You noticed he was leaning on you a bit, but it wasn’t an issue. You quite liked being close to him, and right now you couldn’t care less about what anyone else thought or might be assuming. You just wanted to be with him.

“Okay. We can plan something to do tomorrow night.”

He smiled, a few things popped into his mind but he figured he’d save them for a later conversation. “Sounds good.”

Austin hit Harry on the arm to get his attention. He gave you a quick sigh before shifting his attention from you. It was disappointing, but you knew it had to happen. Things were already hard to navigate in front of other people, you didn’t need to make it any worse by getting so worked up again and risk blowing your cover.

You knew that Harry would never tell anyone about what he did to you the other night, or about the kissing, but something in side of you just kept screaming about it. It was a fear that you never imagined you’d have. Just as you were about to take your phone out to distract yourself, Harry’s hand moved under the table and onto your lap. He had it laying palm up, allowing you to take it and do whatever you wanted.

You smiled as he looked your way. “That’s fine. Just need you to come on.. I’m cold.”

His playful eye roll made your smile grow bigger. He flicked off the overhead light and joined you on the bed.

“Someone’s being a little needy, hm?” He said through a low chuckle as he slid his arm underneath your head, and the other naturally draped over your waist.

“If you cut the air off every now and then I wouldn't be so cold.” Your voice was soft as you nuzzled your face against his arm, the feeling of his warm skin lighting yours on fire was nice and comforting. It felt like forever since the last time you felt that sensation, even though it was only this morning..

“Hmm.. maybe I keep it on to keep you cold.. make you have to cuddle me.” His words were laced with a grin, and you felt a wave of heat covering your cheeks.

“Sounds like you're the needy one, then.”

He gave your waist a pinch that you could feel through the fabric of your shirt. You winced, then nudged his foot with yours. You always tended to forget how close you really got to him, your faces were just a few inches apart.

“M’glad you got to spend a few days with me.. even though you got hurt.” He said through a sigh, his fingers softly dragging back and forth against your shirt, wishing he could feel your skin. He didn’t want to cross any lines with you, though, so he didn’t even think about lifting your shirt.

“I guess I have to go home tomorrow.” You shifted your gaze to his face, and you were not shocked to see his stare was fixed on you.

He lifted one corner of his mouth. “You don’t have to go.. unless you really want to.”

Your heart started to flutter as you thought about spending even more time with him, but you had to quickly remind yourself that this wasn’t a fairytale you were in. He watched as your eyes drifted from his and you rolled in your bottom lip. You usually did that while you were thinking, so he figured you were doing that. After a minute or two of just watching you curiously, he said something.

“Something wrong?”

Immediately, your eyes dart back to his. “No, just.. I, um, probably need to go home.. my roommate texted me earlier.. asking when I’d be back.”

He slightly raised a brow. “Care more about your roommate than me?”

“Don’t be silly.” You cracked a smile, he was only joking after all.

“You can go whenever, peach, but I’ll miss you.” Harry’s voice had dropped to practically a whisper, which made your heart beat a little faster than normal.

You went silent as you lifted your hand between your chest and Harry’s and started to mess with the chain around his neck. He didn’t want to disturb you, so he just opted to observe you. Of course, your eyes were fixated on his necklace, and he could tell you were lost in thought. Your fingers were carefully twisting the chain and running it against your skin. Harry wanted to ask you what was making your tongue poke through your lips before you bit down on your cheek, but he didn’t want to bother you. Despite seeming so distracted, you were content and quiet and, above all, comfortable.

Just as he had dropped his eyes down to stare at your plump lips, you moved your touch onto his chin. He shot his eyes back to yours as you gave him a glance and a gentle smile.

“You have a piece of fuzz on you.” You muttered out while picking the familiar colored, tiny ball of fuzz off of the underside of his chin. It came from the throw blanket that he kept on the couch.

He didn’t say anything, just kept eyeing you. A sudden ache in your leg made you grunt and bend your knee, pushing it into Harry’s leg. He squeezed your waist and hummed as a way of asking if you were alright, but you didn’t respond. Instead, you started to rub the pad of your index finger against the hair growing in on his chin. He let out a soft laugh as he watched your brows furrow.

“Don’t like it?”

You smiled. “I do.. it just feels funny.”

“As long as it doesn’t look funny.” Harry smirked.

“You couldn’t look funny if you tried.” You quietly said, the words as light as a feather.

Harry’s tongue darted out to coat his lips quickly. “Is that so?”

You scoffed. “You know you’re-“

When you paused, he moved his hand up just slightly to squeeze you in a new spot. “Hm?”

You gently shook your head, not wanting to say what you almost let slip. He let it slide, though. The last thing he wanted was to upset you by asking over and over what you were going to say. He had some ideas in his head anyway that made sense, so there was no point in asking. For a moment, he thought maybe you were uncomfortable and becoming tense from the situation, so he decided to distract you.

“I hate that you gotta go tomorrow.. I don’t like being alone.”

“M’sure my brother would like to see you.. he likes to tell my mom that I take up all your free time.”

Harry chuckled a little at that. “M’sure he’s jealous.”

“He’s just mad because I stole his best friend.”

“M’sure he never saw that coming.” He smiled, but let it drop as he noticed your eyes changing. You were just smiling, but now you appeared to be on the verge of tears. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

You shook your head a few times, trying to just ignore everything that was weighing on you, but it was too hard. Harry started to move his hand up and down a small section of your side, as an attempt to comfort you.

“Don’t get upset. I don’t want you to cry, sweetheart.”

The word he said just made everything feel much harder, made it feel so much more real.. You fought your anxious thoughts and decided to just tell him what was going on in your mind right now. There were some things that just needed to come out.

“I wish I were a boy.. it would be so much easier to.. to be your friend.”

He was confused at first, but thought about what you said and what it meant. He sighed and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. You weren't looking at him anyway, so he wasn’t afraid to be a little emotional with his reactions. Before he could say anything back, you spoke again.

“All the.. the cuddling and stuff.. I just.. it makes everything complicated.. we have to censor ourselves in front of.. everyone but.. we shouldn’t be doing it anyway.”

He chose to try and cheer you up, try to guide you away from those tears. “I’m glad you’re not a boy.. it would be a bit weird for me to be cuddling you.”

You huffed. “That’s the thing, you wouldn’t.. be doing that.”

“I.. I like doing that.. with you.” Harry’s brows dropped as your eyes met his once again. “I told you the other day that all of this is okay with me. Everything we do is perfectly okay.”

“I know.. I like it, too.. and.. I don’t.. I don’t know.” You were beyond flustered, and he could easily tell how nervous you were.

Your eyes were avoiding his as your face reddened and your hand started to tremble against his shoulder. You hadn’t even realized you were touching him there, but holding onto him was something you always opted to do - whether it was squeezing the fabric of his shirt, wrapping your fingers in between his, or grabbing onto parts of his body. You needed him close in order to feel safe, and right now you just wanted that comfort that only he provides. You just wanted him.

He licked his lips gently. “Hey, how about we just.. take a moment to relax,okay? I don’t want you to get worked up.”

You let out a soft breath. “Okay, that’s okay.”

It became quiet for a while. Your eyes were closed but Harry knew you weren’t asleep. Your hand was on the side of his neck, your index finger softly moving from side to side. The feeling of his warm skin against yours was a cure for your anxiety. It made you feel like the world had stopped spinning and it was just the two of you in existence. You were calm.

Harry, on the other hand, was watching you closely, making sure you didn't make any weird faces or appear to be uncomfortable in any way. He didn’t want you to worry about the kissing episode from the other night, and he surely didn’t want you to think that the special things you do with him are not acceptable. There was nothing more he loved in the world than being with you - and that included cuddling on the couch, sleeping close in bed, every little thing he did with you..

His eyelids were hardly opened when you started to furrow your brows and frown your lips. He watched you carefully, observing every little move you made. Your hand slowly moved to his jaw, your fingers splaying on his neck as your thumb pressed into his relaxed dimple. He took a deep breath through his nose and slowly pushed it out, waiting for you to open your eyes. When you did, he didn’t expect you to seem so sad. He thought for sure that this quiet time had allowed you to relax.

“Harry.” You spoke his name in a soft whine, your lips tugging downward as a wave of sadness crept through you.

“What is it, darling?” He asked quietly, not wanting to be too loud while being this close.

You didn’t say anything at first, just shifted your gaze to his dimple. You poked your thumb into the intention, making him smile. You couldn’t resist a small lift of the corner of your mouth as your thumb dipped into the dimple.

“Y’know that tickles me.” He muttered out as you started rubbing delicate circles into his cheek, your skin barely touching his.

“Mhm.” You looked at his eyes, admiring his relaxed features.

His brows were laying perfectly on his forehead, his smile was gentle but present, and his eyes were locked on yours. If you shifted your gaze, he followed you. He was always so intrigued by whatever you did, big or small. You gave his cheek a pinch, your fingers brushing his skin as you moved your hand. He chuckled lightly as you did it a second time.

“You’re being cute, hm.” His words came out in a mumble, making your stomach churn and your heart flutter. Sometimes his words had a crazy effect on you, it was complicated for you to process.

You shifted your head, turning your face in to the pillow. Harry tightened his hold on your waist, almost forgetting that he was touching you there. You grunted, ignoring his silent request for you to look back at him. Despite trying to hide, he could still see how your cheeks started to regain that bright red flush you had earlier.

“Being a bit shy now.” He whispered as his fingers carefully gathered a bit of your oversized shirt. He wanted to pull it up and touch your bare skin like he did the other day, but he refrained. “You were sittin’ on my lap on the couch.. now you’re actin’ like you don’t know me, hm?”

“Harry.” You whimpered his name, protesting his teasing.

You could feel the vibrations of the low chuckle coming from his throat. You squeezed your eyes shut and forced your face forward - right against his collarbone.

“Don’t want you to hide from me, darling.” His hand slid around to the small of your back. “No need to hide such a pretty face.”

You grunted back, which made his smile grow. He knew that he did things that made you feel a different way at times, and right now you were feeling insanely different. Your heart was beating faster than usual, and your toes were curling as you tried to ignore the thoughts in your head. Your stomach was bubbling and butterflies were threatening to come up your throat. He knew how special the feelings were, because he always got them, too.

“Why are you hiding from me, hm?”

He was surprised when you muttered a response to him. “Cus.”

“Look at me, peach.”

At first, you were going to just ignore him, but something inside of you sparked and you caught yourself moving your head back so you could see him. As your eyes met his, he gave you a warm smile and pressed his hand against your back. You could feel how warm his palm was through your shirt, and you wished he’d touch your bare skin..

Harry didn’t say anything else as he just laid there and watched you closely. You were struggling to keep your stare locked with his, but you didn’t want to look away. Fighting off the nervousness was a struggle, but you had a desire to be brave. You didn’t want to cave into the anxiety and shyness he made you feel at times.. you wanted to show him how confident and content you were with him. And right now, you were leaning more towards content.

You glanced for a split second at his lips as his tongue came out to coat them. You swallowed a lump that had been shaping in your throat, but moved your eyes right back to his. He of course noticed your moment of distraction and took advantage of it.

“Hey.” His voice was the softest it had been all night.

“Hmm?”

His hand gently moved a few centimeters down your back, closer to the dip in your spine than before. Your fingers were lightly scratching against the skin on the side of his neck, you were too nervous to touch his face again. He leaned a little closer to you, leaving a very small gap.

“Do you.. want me to.. to kiss you?” Harry asked you in a light whisper, his half hooded eyes staring deep into yours, like he was searching for something.

Your stomach dropped, and absentmindedly you let your hand move upward so that your thumb was rubbing over his ear lobe. “Do you want.. to kiss me?”

He lifted the corner of his mouth. “Yeah, I do want to.. but.. it’s your call.”

You thought about it intensively for a few long moments. Would it be worth it? Or was this something that could lead to a catastrophic ending to your friendship? It was difficult to not consider that, but you opted to ignore it. It was so perfect the first time, so why would this time be different? Right now in this moment, you wanted nothing more than to kiss him.

“I want you to, yeah.. I.. I do.” You whispered softly.

“Yeah?” He lifted his brows slightly, making sure that you want to do this.

“Please.” You muttered back, almost in a sad tone.

His heart melted as he saw your eyes widen. “Don’t have to say that.. I will.”

Harry moved his face closer to yours, your lips barely apart at this point. He watched your eyelids close and your lips form a pout, waiting for him to make the first move.

“Pretty please.” You quietly said while your hand found its way to his neck again.

After what felt like forever, Harry brushed his lips against yours, he was smiling. “Of course, darling, of course.”

Just like the first time, it felt magical and surreal. Harry’s lips were gently moving with yours, allowing you to somewhat take the lead. He didn’t want to feel like he was forcing you or pressuring you, and you appreciated that. It felt easier than the first time, though, since he was laying next to you and not on top of you. Your mind was able to focus on the kissing and not on his hips pressing down into yours. His hand moved to your hip, but he didn’t do anything besides hold onto your body. You didn’t care, it felt perfect to have him this close to you.

He let out a grunt as your hand moved up to cradle his jaw. Your thumb was rubbing against his skin as you parted your lips for his tongue to enter your mouth. He hesitated at first, but eventually slid his tongue between your lips. Before you realized, you were swapping control and shoving tongues around like it was normal and not just your second time. Everything felt so natural, so honest and real. It still terrified you, but right now, you were ignoring everything in your mind. Nothing else mattered.

Harry was a little unsure when you decided to shove your knee between his legs, but only because of how you reacted to him last time putting his body on yours. He figured this was a little different though, so maybe there was nothing to worry about after all. After a couple of minutes of kissing like you’d never see each other again, you broke the kiss and moved your lips to his cheek. He smiled as you gave him a few pecks.

“Everything okay?” He asked in a low voice as he savored the feeling of your lips against his skin.

“Can.. can you..” You were nervous and he noticed very easily. You gulped, trying to find some courage to say what you want but it was hard.

Harry moved his hand to your waist and he gave you a squeeze. “Whatever you want me to do, peach.”

That special pet name made your toes curl and your stomach churn in the best way. No matter what, you knew that he was going to take care of you. He wouldn’t make you do something you didn’t want to do, and at this point, he wasn’t going to tell you no. If you knew anything, it was that he’d do whatever you ask of him. Knowing that you were more of a priority to him than any of his other friends always made you feel special, and right now.. he was definitely giving you the best treatment.

“Can you, um, touch me? Like.. under my.. my shirt and stuff?”

He gave you a soft chuckle, then pressed a kiss to the corner of your mouth. “Sure, darling.”

“Like it when.. when you do that.” Your cheeks were on fire, but he thought it was cute.

“Yeah?”

You nod back, your eyes opening to see him as he slightly leaned back. “Like it a lot.”

“I like touching you.. always so soft, like a little peach, hm?” When his eye dropped to a wink, your heart nearly exploded.

Without hesitation, you pushed your mouth onto his, your grip on his jaw was tighter than before. He was surprised that you took the lead, but he was glad you weren’t being so shy.

Like you asked, he quickly slipped his hand under your shirt and began practically massaging your side, from your hip to just below your boobs. He didn’t want to go too far, because you hadn’t asked him to.

You were easily lost in your thoughts again. There was this magical world you constantly fell into that was only full of you and him. Nothing else existed, nothing else mattered. You felt waves of happiness and pleasure and excitement continuously rush through your body. A spark of curiosity hit you, and your hand slid to the nape of his neck. He grunted as your fingers twisted into his hair. You gave him a gentle tug, in which he replied with a tight squeeze of your waist.

Everything was so intimate and intense. You were pulled so far in to the feelings that you couldn’t comprehend what was real and what wasn’t. You wondered if his mouth moving with yours was even real..

Suddenly, your hand fell from his neck and he felt your arm moving between your bodies. He wasn’t quite sure what you were doing, but when you pulled your knee from in between his legs, you got his attention. He pulled back from the kiss, making you grunt.

“What’s the matter?” He asked as he tried to peek underneath the covers but you mumbled a quiet “no” that made him stop.

When his eyes met yours, he saw that you were a little flustered and possibly upset. He kept his hand on your waist, his eyes locked with yours. “Hey, are you okay?”

“Harry.” You whined back, but he still was unsure about what was happening.

“What’s wrong, peach?”

You shook your head and finally brought your hand back up, but not to his neck or face. Instead, you curled it against your chest and turned your face into his arm, not wanting to look at him anymore.

“Lovey, what’s wrong? Did.. did I do something?”

There was nothing more important than communication right now, and you knew that telling him quickly would save you both the hassle. You took a deep breath and squeezed your eyes shut.

“I’m.. getting tingles.. and.. stuff.”

He was shocked that you told him so quickly, but he wasn’t complaining about that at all. He took a deep breath and moved his face closer to yours. Even though you were hiding from him, he still peppered a few kisses over your jaw in attempt to relax you.

“Tingles, hm? Are they.. good tingles?”

“Yeah.” You muttered back.

He stayed quiet for a minute, thinking about what he was going to say to you. He had a few ideas, but he was nervous about it. What if what he suggested wasn’t what you wanted, and it ruined the moment? Or what if it was what you wanted and he was able to satisfy you? He opted to take the risk, because at the end of the day, nothing was going to change for the worse. You would still be his best friend and he would still be yours..

“Does it.. feel like you need to take care of it?”

You let out a shaky breath, bolting your eyes even tighter. “I dunno. It’s.. like throbbing.. I.. It’s a lot.”

“Hm, sounds like it needs to be dealt with.” His words were soft as he carefully trailed his hand down to your hip. The feeling of your cotton underwear against his skin was causing a ripple to go through his stomach. “Do you.. want.. it to be dealt with?”

Your heart was racing a million miles an hour at this point, and you were easily picking up on his subtle words and suggestions. You knew that if you could escape his hold and go to the bathroom, you’d take care of the issue yourself. But slipping out of his arms and running from the bed wasn’t going to be very graceful. A thought began to circle your mind. It’s only Harry, it’s not like he's a stranger. It’s just Harry, you trust him. It’s Harry…

“Kinda, yeah.”

When your head shifted back, you let your eyes find his. He saw how red your cheeks were and there was a hint of a smile on your lips. He swallowed the small lump forming in his throat, ready to risk it all.

“Do you want me.. to do it?”

His straightforward question made your stomach drop, but you couldn’t really focus on anything besides the throbbing between your legs and the pooling in your panties. You needed to get rid of that desire, you had to either do it yourself or let him do it.

“Please, if.. if you want to.”

“Oh, I definitely want to.” He chuckled, making sure you knew he was just as comfortable with the idea as you were. “I’d love to.”

“Then please.. please do.”

Harry placed a kiss on your lips before gently pushing down on your hip. “Lay back.”

You gently fell onto the bed, your head still resting on his arm as he moved to get situated next to you. His hand was resting on your stomach, your shirt had rolled up from when he was beneath it, so your skin was exposed. You quickly adjusted the blanket over your chest, not wanting to see what was happening down there. It was a matter of embarrassment for you, nothing else. You didn’t want him to see your stomach or your thighs and get turned off, even though he definitely wouldn’t.

Harry didn’t say anything about your decision. He knew that letting you lead would be better. If you wanted him to see, then you would have shown him.

“Are you comfortable?’ He asked quietly as you laid the hand closest to him on your stomach.

“Mhm.”

He took that as a sign to begin. His hand moved down until his fingers bumped the waistband of your underwear. You took a deep breath and let it come through your nose as he toyed with the fabric.

“Do you wanna take your panties off or leave them on?” His voice was as gentle as ever. He was going to do his best to take care of you, and you knew that.

You thought quickly, but shot down any ideas in your mind. You were too scared to get embarrassed. “Leave them on, please.”

Harry furrowed his brows slightly and pressed a kiss to your temple. “Darling, you don’t have to say please, okay? You’re in charge.. it’s whatever you want.”

“Okay.. I.. I know.”

“Just have to remind you, sweet girl.”

You smiled at his words and nodded, wishing you could peck his lips but you didn’t want to move. You were too comfortable like this, it felt perfect.

Despite wanting to jump right into it, he had to assure himself that you were okay with this. He rubbed his hand in a circle over your stomach, making you smile as it tickled your skin, yet it felt very intimate.

“Are you positive that you want to do this?” He asked, looking down at you intensely.

“Yes.”

“Absolutely sure?”

You laughed a little and rolled your eyes. “Yes, Harry.”

“One thousand percent?”

You adjusted your head on his arm, getting as close to him as you could. “A million.”

Harry knew that he needed to tease you for a little bit before actually touching you. It wasn’t to torture you, but to make sure that your orgasm would be the best one you’d ever had. So, he moved his hand down as your legs naturally parted for him. You were on the verge of exploding as he pressed his palm down. You let out a soft whine that made him smile and press a little harder.

“Harry.” You whispered his name quietly, turning your head so your eyes could see his. He was, of course, already looking down at you.

“Be patient.” He mumbled back.

Your head shifted back and your eyes fell shut. You wanted to soak in every second of this. He moved his hand back up, but stopped as his fingers touched your covered nub. A grunt left your mouth and he knew that you were sensitive right now. He applied some pressure and moved his fingers from side to side. You were groaning like crazy, your feet digging into the mattress as you silently begged for more. Harry let up the pressure and gave you a soft pat, which caused you to gasp.

“Hmm, when’s the last time you touched yourself? You’re a bit sensitive, yeah?”

You were taken off guard by his words at first, but decided to just ignore any potential embarrassment and just talk to him. His voice was such a comfort for you, especially right now when it made you feel a thousand times better.

“I dunno.. a couple days.. it's usually not this.. intense.”

He smirked to himself. “I’ll make it feel good, promise.”

With that, he slid his fingers under the fabric of your underwear and finally touched you skin to skin. A moan fell from your lips as he circled two of his fingers over your clit, just to get you a little excited, before slipping through your folds. He guided his fingers back up, being sure to feel every inch of you.

“You’re so warm.. so wet for me, hm?” He said in a deep voice as he lowered his lips to your temple, pressing a kiss there just seconds after.

“Harry.” You muttered out, digging your own nails into your stomach as you realized his hand was inside of your panties and he was about to satisfy you.

“Have to make sure m’careful.” He said while pulling his hand out. You whined immediately, not sure what he was doing. He chuckled before spitting onto his fingertips. “Patience, peach.”

“Please, want to feel good.” You whined back, the words went straight to his crotch.

“I’ll make you feel so good.” He promised as his hand returned to its previous spot and he was swirling his spit around your clit.

While you were soaked, he had to make sure he had plenty to move around you. He didn’t want any undesired friction to happen. The second the heavy moan left your throat, he knew this could not be the last time he did this to you.

“Alright, tell me if its too much, okay?” He said, starting before you even had a chance to respond.

He pressed down with his index and middle finger, rubbing them in circles over your clit. You were already experiencing slight spasms in your thighs, you couldn’t control yourself.

“Oh, Harry.” You were quiet, but the gasping for air assured him you were enjoying it.

He watched you closely as he kept up a good pace of his fingers. He wanted to make sure you were okay the entire time, so he never once looked away from you. He thought that it couldn’t possibly get any hotter watching you come undone from his touch, but he was wrong.

“Please, faster.” You said through a huff while your hand moved onto his elbow. Something about you wrapping your small hand around his arm made him close to busting himself. You sunk your nails into his skin and let out a heavy moan as he did what you requested. He stayed like that for a few minutes, just rubbing you as hard and fast as he could without hurting you. And you, well, you were enjoying every second of it.

“Do you wanna try to take a finger, doll?” He asked as he started to slow down a little, he didn’t want to overdo it.

“Mhm.. just one.” You said with a nod, knowing that sometimes when you did it yourself it helped and felt really nice.

“Just one, okay.” He whispered out as his fingers slowed on your clit and he carefully moved down your slit.

You were whimpering at the loss of touch, but he knew he’d return to that soon. He wiggled his finger around to get it wet before gently pushing the tip inside. His eyes were glued to your face so he could catch your reactions. The possibility of hurting you was on his mind.

He grunted as he felt how warm and tight you were, but the pleasure quickly ended. It had been a while since you had anything other than your own finger in there, and his was much bigger, wider, and longer than yours..

“S’too much right now.” You shook your head, turning to look up at him.

“Okay, I don’t wanna hurt you.” He pulled his finger out and returned to your clit, where he quickly started to rub again.

“Are.. are you.. upset?” You asked with a worried voice, your brows dropped and your lips were frowning.

“No, sweetheart. I don’t want to hurt you. I’m glad you told me. Besides, you’re in charge.” He was consistently talking sweet to you, making sure that you were okay.

“Okay.. please, keep going.”

Harry hadn’t noticed he had stalled his movements, but he instantly started back up. You were taking quick breaths, your eyes were rolling back in your head as he sped up, then slowed down - just to speed up again. It was driving you mad in the best way.

“Tell me how it feels, darling.” He said in a deep voice, his eyes watching your face as it contorts and reacts to him.

“Feels.. feels so good, Ha-Harry.” You struggled to get a clear sentence out. Your legs were moving around, your toes twisting and curling as you felt your orgasm get closer and closer.

“Listen, darling, you’re so wet.” His smirk made you bite down on your cheek and squeeze your eyes shut - the sloshing sound he was causing down there was very evident.

“It’s.. fuckin’ hot.” You suddenly slung the covers off of your body, making Harry laugh a little.

He was glad he could see how your legs jolted around and how your belly rolled as your body experienced waves of pleasure. Your back arched off the bed and you were groaning like crazy.

“Harry!” You moaned out his name as loud as you could while your hand slid down his forearm, almost to his wrist. You held on tight.

“Gonna cum for me, baby?” His words were only fuel to your fire.

“Yes, yes, Harry, m’gonna.. cum. Please.” You turned your head upward so that it was pressing into his shoulder. You needed to be close to him.

He watched in awe while you came undone. Your nails scratched his skin and soft whimpers were falling from your lips. You kept mumbling his name over and over again, begging him to get you to the edge.

“Cum for me, cum all over my fingers, baby.”

That did it. Within a second, your jaw dropped and you were gasping for air. Your clit was throbbing as your nerves exploded all over. Harry kept rubbing oyu through it, which was driving you insane. Usually, you stopped after a few seconds, so this was something new to you.

“Harry!” You squealed as you clawed the skin of his hand, trying to pull him away, which made him chuckle.

“You’re so beautiful, darling. Did so good for me, yeah?” He finally gave you the break you wanted. His hand rested over your vagina, and he laughed as your legs closed with his arm stuck there.

“I.. I can’t believe.. we just did that.” You were trying to catch your breath.

Harry smiled but then remembered how you reacted about the first kiss you shared. Maybe this was different? Maybe it wasn’t, though. You pushed your hair away from your face and relaxed your legs, letting him pull his hand out of your underwear. He laid on your stomach and licked his lips as he stared at you. You were definitely taking the much needed time to come back to earth.

“Yeah.. I know.. um, but remember it’s fine.. if you don’t want to do that again.” He said nervously, trying to hide it but it wasn’t really working in his favor.

You scoffed at him, then let out a laugh. Your eyes opened and you looked directly at him. He was afraid of your reaction, but what you said gave him relief.

“Are you crazy?” Your brows raised on your forehead as you gave him a grin. “M’never touching myself again.. nothing can be as good as you.”

He smirked, feeling proud of himself and glad that you were okay with everything. “Well, whenever you need it again, darling.. just let me know.”

[a/n: I really enjoy writing this pair so I hope you enjoy, more spicy stuff coming with them ;) hope you’re all doing well and surviving the summer heat if you’re in it!]

taglist: (notified for all posts)

@walkingintheheartbreaksatellite

@victoriasigaard

You sigh, looking up at your new home. Well— you think. You're not exactly sure which window is yours, but you will figure it out once you're on the right floor. You adjust the duffel bag that is slung over your shoulder, and grab your suitcase before walking towards the entrance.

With your new set of keys which you got from the landlord yesterday, you open the door to the lobby. Or, hallway with post boxes. That would definitely be a more accurate way to describe it.

When you were little and fantasized about moving into a place of your own, you have to admit, you did imagine something a bit less... intimidating. Unfortunately, you had been left with no choice.

Ever since your dad died about five years ago, your mother has been serial dating like there was no tomorrow. You had learned to ignore the different men in your kitchen, eating the cereal and drinking your coffee at 7am, but lately something had changed.

Your mother had stuck with one man.

Sadly for you—and your mother, although she wasn't ready to admit that—the guy was a fucking prick. Worst thing about him? He was sneaky about it. When you confronted your mother, telling her you weren't sure if her new boyfriend was that good of a guy, she had flipped out. As she threw all kinds of accusations on the table, such as you not wanting her to be happy and even insinuating you want her boyfriend for herself, you decided that enough was enough.

That night, you hunted the internet for an affordable place. It's how you found this apartment. You knew it wasn't the best neighborhood, but it was a place of your own, and you were sure that you could make it on your own over there.

After all, you had a well paid office job not too far away, and the costs of the apartment wouldn't interfere too much with your saving for law school.

So, kind of on a whim, you contacted the landlord. And now, here you are, ready to unpack all of your stuff. Your mother had at least been so kind to hire a moving truck, but you think it mainly had to do with her wanting you out of her house as quick as possible. You shared the sentiment, so you hadn't said much about it, besides a polite thank you of course.

It takes you three hours to get everything upstairs, and the janitor, Rod, even helps you out with some of the big furniture. Being a tall, broad guy, appearing to be in his sixties, you had actually been quite unnerved by him. Nevertheless, you decided to play smart and throw him a sweet smile the first time you ran into him. It had faded the seemingly permanent  frown on his ever so slightly, and after introducing yourself, his face was even neutral.

It didn't take more than three minutes of chit chat before Rod had warmed up to you, and by the end of the fifteen minutes, he offered to help you. If it hadn't been for him, you would've still been carrying pieces of your couch into your apartment.

You had been able to take over the bed frame and the dining table from the previous owner, so you only had to put your mattress on your bed before you could let yourself fall on it and chill out for a while.

After letting yourself rest for about fifteen minutes, you unpack as much of the stuff in the kitchen, and you spend the rest of the night unpacking your clothes while dancing to the music that blasts through your headphones.

At around midnight, you pass out during a feeble attempt at sorting your socks.

Your peaceful slumber gets interrupted, however, by an array of less peaceful noises coming from another apartment. The first few minutes awake are spent with your eyes stubbornly closed, hoping to fall asleep again, but when you hear an extremely loud thud, your eyes shoot open.

Getting up from your bedroom, you walk over to your door, and look through the peephole. It doesn't seem like there is anyone in the hallway, and the sounds do seem to have quieted down. You sigh, turning around to go back to your bed, when you hear a shout, followed by another thump. Frowning, you go back and open the door, walking out into the hallway. You squint, and blink a few times to get used to the harsh light. Then, you knock on the door in front of you.

There's a couple of voices sounding from inside the apartment, but no one answers. You groan, knocking again, and even harsher this time. It grows quiet, and you are contemplating going back to bed, hoping whoever is on the other side of that wall got the message, but then the door swings open.

In front of you stands a man, with brown curls and a very apparent frown on his face. One that falters ever so slightly at the sight of you, and is accompanied by a small smirk. He leans against the door frame. His cross necklace dangles, visible by his dress shirt that is far from buttoned all the way up, and you swear it hypnotizes you for the shortest second.

"H-hi." You stammer, looking at the man with wide eyes. His smirk grows, and you forget why you are even here.

"Hello." He greets back, hands sliding into his pockets as he looks you up and down, shamelessly. "What can I do for you, sweetheart?"

"Uh, I just moved into the apartment across from you, and I was wondering if you could keep down the noise a little bit?" You ask, but the man doesn't respond. He solely scans you with some sort of frown on his face. You can't deduce whether that is his neutral face, or if he's pissed at you. Nevertheless, you are kind of scared. "It's just— I don't mean to be rude. I just have to get up very early, and it was very loud, so... also, are you okay? It's— I heard a thud, I thought maybe someone fell?"

Once again, it grows quiet between the two of you. With every passing moment of silence, you are regretting your choice to knock. Did you really have to piss off your neighbors the first night you moved in? Couldn't have just battled through a broken night? You curse yourself as you wait for some sort of answer.

"Sure, sweetheart. I'll shut it all down for you."

You let out a breath of relief, glad to see he is not taking it badly. You bite your lip, trying to fight your smile from getting too wide.

"Really? Thank you so much! I appreciate it, and I really didn't mean to offend you or anything. I promise, it's just because I have to get up so early and the coffee at my work is horrible so—" You stop yourself mid-sentence when you realize you are babbling your new neighbor's ear off. "Never mind. Good night, and nice to meet you. My name is Y/N, by the way."

The man doesn't say anything once again, so you take it as your cue to get the fuck back to bed before making it worse. You walk into your apartment, turning around to close the door, when you hear his voice.

"Harry."

Your head shoots up, tilting it ever so slightly at the sudden word spoken by your neighbor. He tilts his head, mocking you, as he repeats the name while pointing to himself. With that, he turns around and closes the door. You do the same, leaning against the door as you realize you have the hottest new neighbor ever.

Another, extremely loud thud sounds from his apartment, and your eyebrows knit together. A loud voice is heard, one that is clearly Harry's shouting 'sorry!'. You giggle, shaking your head at the comedic timing before waltzing back to your bed.

Little do you know, that while you fall back asleep in your comfortable bed, your new neighbor thinks about you through the entire night. Harry's mind is absent, even as they drag the body of the guy that didn't pay up in time out of his apartment, even as he scrubs the blood off his hands and face.

"Sure, sweetheart. I'll shut it all down for you."

He had been purely sarcastic, baffled by the fact that you even had the guts to knock on his door. The first time you knocked, he thought it was just noise from outside or something. No one was stupid enough to knock on Harry Styles' door. No one was dumb enough to risk it.

But someone did knock; an insanely beautiful woman with nothing but an oversized shirt on. Well, shorts under it maybe, but for the sake of his imagination, you didn't. And you weren't stupid, you just didn't know whose door you were knocking on.

Anyone else who would have been foolish enough to do so, especially while he was dealing with a deadbeat who owed him more than enough money, would've met an entirely different fate.

The way you stumbled over your words and  let your eyes travel over his body had given him too much of an ego boost not to play with you a little bit. And once you had reacted so genuinely to his sarcastic response, he somehow didn't have it in his heart to tell you that he wasn't being serious.

Which is strange, because he didn't peg himself for someone with a heart, not anymore.

Nevertheless, he decided that you were right. The incessant noise had gone on long enough. And so, right after he closed the door, Harry turned around aimed his silencer right at the deadbeat's head. Following the thud of his body falling down, he had shouted a 'sorry' for the last noise he would make that night.

Now, as he lays in bed, the reason for his sleeplessness isn't the weight of another death on his shoulders. No, it's his new neighbor and her long, bare legs.

************************************************

ONE DAY LATER

Your shoulders are hurting.

After yesterday's moving activities and today's excruciatingly long day at work, you are exhausted. Not only did you have to do an insane amount of paperwork today, you also got assigned to even more administrative work that shouldn't even be yours to deal with in the first place.

When you had mentioned you wanted to gain experience in the field of law during your interview for receptionist at a law firm, you hadn't expected them to throw all the work in your lap. You were doing a lot of things, spending way too many after hours in the office, doing jobs that were never in your job description, and instead labeled as 'ways to gain experience'. The worst thing is, your boss is acting like these tasks are a huge favor to you, but you know it's just the jobs that they are too lazy to do themselves.

Nonetheless, you don't say anything about it. Despite the cruelness and sometimes uselessness of the assignments you are given, you do have access to active cases that lawyers are working on, and it gives you an opportunity to observe their styles and its effectiveness.

Wanting to become a lawyer is something you had always dreamed of. You loved justice, and you weren't afraid to fight for it. In your day to day life, you are very sweet, bubbly, and in some cases—like yesterday—even shy. But once you are in a professional setting, you can switch and stand strong. The division between your personal and professional self is one you have learned to balance very well, and you also use it as a secret weapon. People are way too quick to underestimate you, and you always make sure it comes back to bite them in the ass.

You put your groceries and briefcase on the ground, allowing yourself to look for your keys, which you forgot to take out of your bag and are now buried somewhere at the bottom. Head deep into your purse, you don't notice Harry walking out of his apartment until his door shuts. It is right after you've found your keys, so with them in hand you turn around to greet him with a smile.

Your new neighbor looks gorgeous, which doesn't bode well for you because you are currently feeling like an expired, mushy sack of potatoes. You shiver at the thought.

"Hey!" You say instead.

"Hello sweetheart." His smooth, English accent hits your ears just right. "Sleep well last night?"

Your cheeks turn pink, and you nod. "Yes, thank you for asking. Oh! Speaking of..."

You turn around and bend down to dig through your grocery bag. When your eyes meet Harry's again, you are reaching out a bouquet of flowers. He stares at it, wary of your intentions.

"They're for you." You feel the need to clarify.

"Aw, sweetheart, you didn't have to go through the hassle of buying me flowers. I'm quite an easy man you know, all you have to do is ask." He says, grin wide as he observes the way your eyes nearly pop out of your sockets at the suggestion of him and you. He likes seeing you all flustered.

"W-what, no! I— it was for yesterday! Because you were so nice to me. I wanted to make up for meeting in such an unfortunate way. Didn't want you to think you have a shitty neighbor now or something." You explain, watching Harry's amusement at your awkwardness.

"I'd never think that, sweetheart." His voice is low, and despite saying it in a bit of a joking way, you swallow at the sound of the sentence. The raspiness of it just gets to you. You brush your nerves off with a weak smile, and turn to open your door.

"Well, have a good night." You say, awkwardly waving at Harry as you carry your bags into your apartment. You place them in your hallway before walking back to close the door. Harry waves back with the flowers, winking at you.

"Good night, sweetheart."

Your heart races at the continuous nickname. It sounds so sexy coming out of his mouth, and it is the only thing you can think of as you cook your dinner. It is even hard to concentrate while watching your favorite show.

A few hours go by, and the sound of Harry's voice doesn't fade from your mind. Neither does the excruciating pain in your shoulders. At around nine p.m. you give up and decide to grab some painkillers. However, to your great horror, you find out that you ran out and forgot to buy new ones.

Cursing yourself, you rush over to your coatrack and grab your jacket. Along with your purse, containing important things such as money, your keys, and pepper spray, you leave your apartment to pop into the convenience store nearby.

It's only a five minute walk, but with your speed you cut a minute from that estimate. It takes a little bit to find the paracetamol, but after grabbing two boxes of pills, you rush to the cash register. You wait until the man in front of you has paid, smiling politely when he turns around to walk out of the store, and step forward to pay for your painkillers.

Despite the cashier's monotone voice, you are more than satisfied with this convenience store, and you walk out smiling at the knowledge of being rid of your pain very soon.

You flinch at the sight of the man from before standing right outside, grinning at you as you walk by. Despite his middle aged appearance, his teeth are rather yellow. You avoid making further eye contact, tension growing in your stomach. As you walk back to your apartment, you make sure to keep your pace quick.

You're too scared to look behind you, but you feel it. You feel that this man is walking a few meters behind you and you also feel like you might throw up. But you keep walking, keys in one hand, pepper spray in the other.

You are ready to open the door that leads you to the hallway of your apartment complex, and immediately push the key into the hole once you get there. But for some stupid fucking reason, the door won't budge. Your heartbeat rises and your hands are getting clammy as you shimmy your keys, trying to open that goddamn door. As your eyes begin to water, you hear a voice behind you.

"Need some help, pumpkin?"

Frantically, your eyes search for a way to get out of here. Your eyes fall into the intercom, but you can't seem to find some sort of emergency button. Since you can't buzz yourself in, that option seems to be useless.

Then, an idea enters your mind.

You take a deep breath, hoping it'll steady your voice before you respond. "No thank you."

The man chuckles. "I think you do. 'S okay, I like a damsel in distress."

Pulling the key out of the hole and wrapping your hand around it, you turn around to the man. You swallow your pride and try to be as nice as you can be when rejecting someone. Stepping back a bit, you almost lean against the wall as you blindly press one of the buttons behind you. Luckily, the noise of ringing a bell isn't very loud from downstairs, so you don't think the man notices your sneaky action.

"I am fine, good night." You say, your smile gone now. You can't find it in yourself to be nice and sweet after that creepy comment. Technically, you are very helpless right now. Because of him, and his actions that fill you with fear. The threat of his presence is what makes you that 'damsel in distress' in the first place, and you hate the fact that men idolize saving you when often they are the danger itself.

"I don't think you are. Why don't you come with me, get a drink together?" His tone is dominated by the insincerity that drips from his words. You know it isn't a question, it's a command. The salacious smirk he wears with it is disgusting, and the way his eyes shamelessly scan you makes you want to shower five times just to feel less gross.

You feel the slight pain in your thumb for pressing so much and hard into the button behind you, but you can't help but pray that your idea will work.

"No, please leave me alone." You try to be as stern as you can, although your shaky voice isn't conveying that message very well.

"I don't think you understood what I said, pumpkin. You and me are gonna get a drink together." He reaches forward and grabs you by your arm, pulling you towards him. You try to shake him off of you, but his grip only tightens. You choke out a cry, still trying to get his grimy hands off of you while he only buries his fingernails further into your skin.

"Let me go!" You scream as loud as you can, hoping that there is someone who will at least hear you. Your free hand reaches into your purse, and you pull out your pepper spray. In a split second, you are holding it up and spray it in the man's eyes.

He shrieks in shock, and lets go of you, covering his eyes with his hands. You quickly turn around to run back inside, but crash into a body on your way there.

Holding your waist, Harry keeps you from falling over. He frowns, his jaw clenching when he catches your terror filled, red eyes.

"Go inside." He orders. While the context is stern, the words spoken come out way softer than one would think when demanding something from someone. You don't have to be told twice, rushing through the open door and running up the countless flights of stairs. You are completely out of breath when you reach your floor, but you don't stop hurrying until you are in the safety of your own apartment.

You tear all your clothes off your body, feeling like you might choke because everything you have on feels to tight to your skin. You keep crying as you jump into the shower to wash yourself off, as you take off your make-up, and as you put a tank top and loose sweatpants on your freshly washed body.

You take your head out of the bun it was in to keep it dry as you walk towards your front door upon hearing a knock. When you open it, you're standing face-to-face with your neighbor.

"Are you okay?" Harry asks, eyebrows knotted as he looks at you. You nod, not wanting to say a word because you don't want to make him uncomfortable by becoming a blubbering mess in front of him. "Can I come in?"

You nod again, opening the door further so he can enter your place. His steps are careful and light, and you see his eyes scan the apartment as he walks in. You shut the door behind him, making Harry turn around to look at you.

He is back at your side as soon as he spots the marks on your arm that the creepy man left when he tried to take you to god knows where. With a tight jaw, Harry glances up at you.

"You need to put ice on that. It's gonna bruise."

You look down, too timid to meet his gaze, and notice Harry's red knuckles. It doesn't take you very long to put two and two together. For some reason, you don't want to directly mention that just yet, so instead you whisper:

"You too."

Harry lets out a breathy chuckle and nods his head, watching you as you walk over to your freezer to get some ice. Putting it in two different dish cloths, you hand one to him before walking over to your couch. Harry follows suit, plopping next to you and putting the cloth meant for him on your arm.

Flushed from that action, you slowly grab his hand and place it flat on your thigh. Ignoring the way it makes the rest of your body feel, you press the ice filled cloth against his knuckles, hoping the cold will give him some relief. He winces, his fingers tightening around your thigh ever so slightly before immediately relaxing again.

Your eyes travel to your own arm, initially to see Harry's hand wrapped around it. However, the sight of the red marks on your arm make your eyes water again, the memory from what just happened resurfacing. The sickening fear of not knowing how the fuck to get out of that situation is as overwhelming as it was just before, even though you are safe now. You hate that a man made you feel so weak.

You can't help the tears from flowing, so you just let them as you silently recall the events of tonight. Your thoughts are cut in on when Harry removes his bruised hand from your thigh and cups it around your jaw. He leans forward, green eyes all sympathetic.

"It's okay, you're okay. He won't hurt you anymore, or ever again." He whispers. You shut your eyes, your silent tears now breaking into soft sobs. There is no choice but to let the sadness flow, and relish in the comfort of Harry's fingers wiping away your tears as you cry out the stress you had been feeling, and give it a place.

You feel it getting lighter with every cry. Each tear that Harry catches is a bit of weight off your shoulders. For some reason he chooses to sit there and offer you a space to store your pain. And even though normally you would never allow yourself, tonight you make use of that space.

*****************************************

A few weeks had gone by, and Harry had taken it upon himself to become your new watch dog. After what happened, he refused to let you go outside by yourself.

The morning after the incident, you got up and went to work like normal. But when you opened your apartment door, you ran into Harry, who had also been planning on going outside. He walked you to your car, and watched as you drove away. That night, when you returned from work, you ran into him again in the hallway downstairs, and walked to your apartments together.

After about three nights of these exact same situations, you could confirm for yourself that Harry was waiting to escort you anywhere.

You thought confronting him about your knowledge of his schemes would put an end to the overprotectiveness, but you were proved wrong. Instead of toning down his behavior, he amped it up. There wasn't a trip to the supermarket that you made by yourself anymore. And anytime you tried to say something about his following you everywhere, he would make up a silly excuse that left you speechless with flushed cheeks and a stupid grin on your face. You gave up fighting it not long after that, mainly because you enjoy his company so much.

Being so close to Harry all the time did make you realize how much distance everyone else kept from him. You didn't miss how people avoided his gaze, or how certain cashiers stumbled over their words as you paid for your groceries. It had you wondering; just how scary was Harry?

Harry had really taken it upon himself to protect you. It kind of went automatically, if he had to be honest. He simply couldn't watch you walk around the neighborhood so defenseless. What happened to you had enraged him so much, he didn't want a repetition of it.

Of course, an exact repetition was not an option anymore since he had beaten up the guy who assaulted you to the point where he was hospitalized. Harry couldn't find it in himself to feel even the slightest of remorse. Well, maybe only for the fact that he didn't kill him right then and there. He would have, had he not been too worried about you being alone upstairs.

Soon enough, word had traveled about your association with Harry, and it resulted into people being afraid of you. You were so incredibly confused about the shaky voices of people you'd ask for help in stores. You had never imagined yourself to have such an intimidating aura.

Since Harry had taken it upon himself to watch you, you had taken it upon yourself to feed him. It was the least you could do, and it gave you a reason to keep him around longer at night.

Part of you was aware that wanting to get closer to Harry might not be the best idea, especially considering the collectively instilled fear that lingered everywhere he would go. But he was so sweet to you, and you were sure that there was an explanation.

So, tonight during dinner, you had decided you would ask him about it.

Harry was delighted when you asked him if he wanted to stay and eat, and didn't hesitate to say yes. Now as he leans against the counter, watching you cook the pasta you promised to prepare, you have to actively control your breathing. His intense stare has a way of turning your legs into jelly and fogging up your mind.

"How was your day?" You ask him as casually as you can. Harry doesn't tear his eyes off of you, grinning at the way he is making you squirm.

"Good, love."

You swallow at the new nickname he suddenly conjured up. The low baritone of his voice combined with his green eyes on yours has your heartbeat getting out of control. You hear the breathy chuckle leaving Harry's mouth, and it makes your stomach turn. He knows exactly what he is doing.

"So, uhm... I have a question." You say, focusing extra hard on stirring the boiling pasta. He hums, indirectly telling you to ask away. You turn down the pitch on which your pasta stands, and turn to face him. For the first second that you meet his eyes, you were forget what you were even going to ask him, but you quickly regain your senses.

"Why is everyone here so afraid of you?" You tilt your head, really observing Harry. Sure, he is tall, with a broad and muscled figure. He always wears dark clothes and his green eyes will never look away first. But to truly be terrified of this man? You couldn't imagine why.

Harry doesn't say anything. He pushes himself away from the counter and walks towards you, slowly towering over your smaller frame. He leans forward, his face closer to yours than it has ever been before, and it gives you ideas that you probably shouldn't have.

"Do I scare you?"

Silently, you shake your head. Harry's eyes slowly travel down your face, fixating on your mouth for the longest five seconds you have ever experienced, and then shoot back up to meet yours again. "Then why do you care so much about what others think?"

"I don't." You respond embarrassingly fast, overwhelmed with a need to get his approval.

"Well, there you have your answer."

With that, he turns around to the counter and grabs the glass of white wine you poured for him. Taking it between his hands as if it were a cocktail glass, you watch entranced as he takes a sip. Your gaze falls onto his hands. You feel sinful for the thoughts that occupy your mind, but they fly out the window when you spot how bruised his knuckles are. And you realize...

"No, I don't." You say sternly. Harry looks at you, amused by your protest. "I don't know anything about you, Harry."

Harry laughs, but it’s a bitter laugh, accompanied by his hand running through his hair and his head shaking as if he can’t believe what he is dealing with. A part of you wants to get on your knees and beg him to forgive you for being suspicious of who he truly is, but you refrain from doing it.

“People fear what they don’t know, Y/N.” He says, his eyes finding yours. Your heart starts beating faster, aware of the fact that his eyes are going to keep being trained on yours without even so much as faltering.

“I don’t give a fuck about what those people think of me, they don’t know me. You do. So why is their judgment relevant? I’m here, aren’t I? Standing in front of you, letting you know me. Is that not enough?”

You feel a pang of guilt in your stomach at his words, and the authenticity of them. You let out a sigh, breaking eye contact to look down at the floor, contemplating what he’s saying. Maybe he is right.

“Sorry.” You say so softly it could almost be classified as a whisper. The feeling of Harry’s fingers pushing your chin up makes your eyes meet his, and you notice the hint of a smile he wears.

“Go sit.”

Slightly confused, you follow his order, looking back at him to see him finishing up the pasta and making a bowl for the both of you.

“I’m 29.” He states, his back still to you. Your mouth breaks into a smile, and you prop your elbow on the couch, leaning your chin into the palm of your hand as you observe him.

“Really?” You are grinning like a proper idiot now. Harry nods.

“I don’t have any siblings, but we did have a dog, and we rescued a stray kitten that was sleeping in our garden.” He goes on, turning around and walking over to the couch with the bowls of pasta. He sits down and hands you one.

“What are their names?” You ask.

“Dog is called Pepper. Mum let me name the cat, so I named her Hades.” He explains, making you a giggle.

“You named your girl cat Hades?”

“Persephone is such a mouthful. Plus, I was like ten, and had this big obsession with Hades.” He shrugs, taking a bite of the pasta. Your eyes widen, and you begin to laugh even harder.

“You mean to tell me that little ten years ago old Harry was obsessed with the Greek God of the underworld, the God of death… Are you okay?”

Harry shrugs. “He’s just doing his job.”

You cover your face with your hands, beyond amused by his nonchalance. You don’t see it, but Harry might take more joy out of the situation than you. His eyes sparkle with adoration as he watches you laugh, and he wishes he knew how to control time just to stay in this moment forever. There was something so extraordinary about your happiness having been caused by him. He was fascinated with how much he wished he could do it every day for the rest of his life.

He hadn’t known if opening up about himself was the smartest ideas, but he would give her his social security number if it made her laugh like that.

You took your hands off your face and looked at him, the sudden urge to kiss him being almost unbearable. Almost. You sighed, not knowing how to express these feelings you had towards him, so instead you opted for a simple comment.

“I’m so glad you’re my neighbor.”

“Saying Harry follows me like a stray dog,” You have to take a deep breath because Rylan doesn’t know what Harry’s been through. That only pisses you off more. “Was too far.”

“He doesn’t have any friends, Lil, just you.”

“Because he’s smart, he doesn’t have friends because he’s fucking brilliant.” It was true, Harry focused more on school and baseball than friendships. He got a full ride to Calloway University reliant on grades and his pure, raw talent. Some would stop there but he took it a step further by studying physics. Now it’s your turn to run a hand through your hair because this is the fourth fight over your best friend. “Don’t be a dick.”

“Do you not see how fucked that is?” He hisses, making your head snap in his direction. “You’re supposed to be dating me, not him.”

You scoff, “So that’s what this is?”

Rylan’s hold tightened on the steering wheel, so tight that his knuckles were almost white. “Look, I don’t care that you’re friends with him but you spend too much time-”

That confirmed everything for you. Your long friendship with Harry wasn’t the problem. Rylan knew how much Harry meant to you and how your friendship was all you had sometimes. He knew yet the fact that he didn’t have your full attention every waking moment of the day was the source of cruel jokes.

“You’re threatened, huh?” His knuckles blanched even more as the words left your mouth. “Listen to the words coming out of my mouth, Ry. Harry’s been my best friend since I was seven. Nothing has and will never happen between us. I would never sleep with him and ruin our friendship.”

“I see how you guys look at each other.”

Your whole face heats, it’s literally on fire. “You’re seeing things because we’re just friends.”

“You’re in denial.” Fuck. This.

Those three words were enough to push you. Push you to fling open the car door and launch yourself onto the pavement. They were enough to heat your whole body to the point that chilly winter air wasn’t enough to simmer down your anger. You don’t even bother slamming the door shut because that asshole can get out and shut it himself. That’s what he gets for constantly trying to pry a confession out of you. A confession that doesn’t exist but he still won’t accept it. The security guard gives a weary smile as you pass him, an obvious witness of the whole shit show. You look over your shoulder just in time to watch Rylan peel out.

He doesn’t follow you, shocker. Not that you wanted him to but you also didn’t expect him to. He acts like he cares but when push comes to shove, actions don’t match the words constantly flying out of that stupid mouth.

Unlocking and relocking the door with a soft click, your dorm is oddly dark and quiet. It looks like no one has been here all day. This is a possibility since Ellie spends most nights with her boyfriend. You slide off your black vans and place your bag on the hooks by the door. Seniors get a common room and separate bedrooms in student housing and you love the privacy. Honestly? It’s hard as fuck to hook up sharing a room with someone. El never cared who you brought home but felt weird as hell, yano?

From: ball boy (11:35 pm)

you home?

To: ball boy (11:36 pm)

yeah

You loosen your claw clip and honey-blond waves tumble. Walking into your room, you slip out of the cute-ass outfit you spent an hour perfecting and into some random band shirt with no bra and spandex shorts. Such a shame because you looked hot, too bad the night didn’t end with Ry ripping this lacy, black corset off you. Sucks for him.

From: ball boy (11:42 pm)

open the window before Mack catches my ass.

Your eyes snap toward the only windows in your room. The sheer, black curtains were closed but they did a shit job keeping the sunlight out so, honestly, how good were they for privacy? Your heart hammers thinking about Harry seeing you. How he could’ve seen all of you, not just what you choose to show off. The thought made your heart hammer.

From: ball boy (12:46 am)

don’t tell me you’re fucking someone right now

From: ball boy (12:47 am)

fuckin’ sick, lil

Annoyed, you rip open the curtains to find Harry’s cocky expression staring straight at you. It’s too dark to make out his full face but you can tell by the smirk tipping the left side that he’s amused. Making your favorite dimple dent even deeper. In one swift motion, the latch unlocks letting him in. He’s done this a million times, yano? Sneaking in your room for late-night study sessions, movie nights, or sleepovers. You’ve shared a bed countless times but never crossed that line, he’s your best friend. There are rules in place to save your friendship. He means more to you than one night of pleasure. Always has.

“Nice shirt, been looking for that everywhere.” Evergreen eyes bounce across your face, “Thought you had a date.”

You blow out a breath, “Not anymore.”

He smirks, dimple popping, “Obviously.”

“Thought you had plans.” You counter because Harry may not have many friends but that didn’t mean anything when it came to his sex life. He had trouble talking to girls but that didn’t seem to matter because they flocked to him. There was just something about him that drew people in, you included especially you. Maybe it was his ability to make anyone in the room feel special; wanted by having his undivided attention.

His lips purse, “Nah, not tonight.”

“Why?”

He gives you a pointed look giving away that he knows, “You know why.”

Guilt settles into your stomach, that stupid sinking feeling of being caught hit full force. He had the same argument with Grace that you did with Rylan tonight. They seem to argue more though and it kills you seeing him upset. You know he cares about her but he loves you. Maybe not romantically but definitely platonically and that means something to him. Every time they have this conversation, you know you should walk away. It's always your first instinct to protect people you love and you love your best friend. But, you’d rather die than let him go and that’s selfish as fuck but true. You sigh, “Harry-”

“I’m good,” He closes the distance and wraps you into a hug and it feels like home. Your favorite type of hug. “Worried about you.”

You smile against his chest, the steady rhythm of his heart hitting your cheek, “Nothing a Star Wars marathon won’t cure, Stud.”

His face lights up, “God, I could kiss you, Lil.”

“Whatever you say, ball boy.” Your heart flutters violently but you ignore the feeling. He always jokes like this in secret and maybe that’s the reason no one believes you’re just friends. But, they’re just jokes, yano.

“Ball boy?” He scoffs, making you tilt your chin to meet his gaze. When your eyes finally focus, Harry’s staring at you with his stupid, dimpled smile. Just because he’s your best friend doesn’t mean you’re completely immune. He’s handsome and you’d be dumb to deny that because, well, you have eyes. Currently, he looks even better from this angle. His hair’s tousled as neat as those chestnut curls will allow and dimples seem more prominent. Deep, inviting indents. The black, backwards hat only adds to the contrast of those evergreen eyes. Your favorite shade of green. A sliver of metal trapped between perfect teeth as he cocks his head. He chuckles, squeezing you tighter, “That’s fucked up.”

Pulling back, you shrug, “You’re the one who plays with them all day.”

His tongue clicks, cheeks hollowing, “Baseball, I play baseball.”

You dismiss him with a wave, walking into the common room. “Whatever helps you hit balls with your bat, Ball boy.”

“Better watch that pretty mouth of yours,” He warns in a low tone, so low that everything tingles. Reaching into his hoodie, he pulls out a bag of weed before plopping on the couch, “because I don’t share with bad girls.”

“Watching Star Wars high?” You grin as he nods. “Man of my dreams.”

Harry smirks, all boyish and full dimples, “Don’t tease.”

After pressing play and settling into the couch, you glance over at him just as the credits begin to roll. He’s lighting a joint, brows set in concentration, pink lips puckered around the paper inhaling slowly before passing it to you.

The next forty minutes fly by in the best, blissfully buzzed way. Time doesn’t have an exact science. We’re happy and having a good time. All the anger from earlier dissipated from you and Harry just being together. His nose found its way under your jaw, right next to your pulse point, some time after fifteen or so minutes. He’s always been affectionate when buzzed but holy fuck, was he toning it down before. You don’t know what changed but his hands haven’t left your waist and he keeps hugging closer to your chest with little sighs and hums of contentment. He smells so fucking good like peppermint, fresh laundry, and smoke.

Your breathing is slow and steady. Completely wrapped in him. Fingers twisting the curls at the nape of his neck until your fingertips tingle to touch him elsewhere. You don’t allow them to go lower than his throat, feeling how harsh each swallow was each time you’d get below the hinge of his jaw. He hums against your neck, nuzzling deeper into the column dangerously like he can’t get enough, “Feeling better?”

“Yes.” You breathe as he hugs tighter, not stopping your feather-like movement through his soft curls. “You?”

“Yeah, that feels good.” His words come out sleepy and deep and gravelly. “Your t-touch always feels good.” Warm evergreen holds all your attention as he kisses your cheek, “Thank you for being here with me. You make everything better, always have.”

Your face tilts, noses inches apart, and whisper. “You make everything better for me too.”

Harry’s the type of man that goes from beautiful to devastating with a change of facial expression. Your hazy brain can’t stop taking him in for some reason. It’s involuntary. That beautiful, sculpted face is hidden at nightfall but you allow yourself to appreciate how much time someone put into crafting him. It’s like you spent the last fifteen years with blinders on and can finally see.

Sage burns into evergreen as his lips roll a few times like he’s trying to come up with a safe response. The irrational part of my brain wants to feel his mouth on you again so bad that you almost crave him. Your lips part at the same time waiting for the other to make a move or do something drastic. Three heartbeats of your mouths seconds apart. Three heartbeats in your own hazy, happy world. His nose nudges yours once before dropping back to your throat. His arms wrapped around you tighter and your breathing synced again. Instead of calm and steady, now it’s erratic and fast.

Fuck, you have to be high, right? Best friends don’t look at each other like this. Especially you guys.

He leans closer, left hand planted on your thigh as we just stare at each other. Almost like he feels it too. Your fingertips ache to touch the stubble dusting his jawline so bad they tingle but you can’t seem to move. Completely lost in the hypnotic desire clouding the calm green of his irises.

Not wanting to put pressure on Harry to make the first move, you close the distance. Not sure why you did that but your mouths part at the same time. His in surprise and yours in want, yet in perfect sync. Pressing your lips to his, he immediately kisses back, cupping your jaw. One second everything’s moving slowly and the next, he’s lifting his shirt over your head. Touching every inch of exposed skin like he can’t get enough. His fingers hook into the waistband of your shorts as yours find his jeans. The kiss breaks as he leans back just enough to look at you. You’re looking at each other in silence but it’s so fucking loud.

“We should-” He swallows harshly, columns of his throat tense, “We should stop-”

“Don’t stop,” Your voice is hushed yet full of so much want and sincerity. “It’s okay, we’re okay.”

“Yeah?” He breathes out in relief pressing another kiss to your lips that sends trace currents through your body full force. Finally giving into the sweetest temptation you’ve ever tasted. Forbidden and delicious. This was like an avalanche of feelings and lust in motion, couldn’t stop the cascade if you tried. The aftermath would eventually come but everything would be okay. It had to be.

“Yeah, just friends,” Your lips move with his again but lazier, a slow pace that makes everything come to life. “This doesn’t change anything.”

You lied because this meant everything but you can’t stop.

He blinks like he can see right through your bullshit.

You blink back hoping he doesn’t.

“Just friends.” He repeats only the first half of your lie between kisses, pressing your body further into the couch with his hips.

The words come out breathless.

The words come out easily.

The words come out in cool peppermint.

He starts to drag your shorts off at the same pace the kiss and you lift a little to help. Being this vulnerable, letting the other fully see the other is something you can’t put into words. Your eyes rake his body as his lustful, dark gaze mirrors yours. There aren’t enough fucking words to describe how beautiful he is. Taking in every single detail from his tattoos to his cock pressed between your open thighs. The desperation; everything fucking aches for him. He leans forward, lips parting, eyes darkening by the minute, leaving open-mouth kisses along your jaw until they meet your mouth. The warm metal of his tongue ring claiming every inch of your mouth. He tasted like charged temptation in the best way, like something you didn’t know you craved until now.

Harry whimpers as your legs wrap around his waist. His cock throbs between your thighs and he groans against your lips. The sound vibrating with need; so fucking desperate. Strong hands grip your ass as the kiss deepens. He’s kissing you like you’re oxygen and he’s hungry for air. Almost like he can’t breathe without tasting you. Without having you like this. Staggered, harsh breaths hit the left side of your as his lips descended. Sucking and biting gently at your throat until they reach your chest and wrap around your nipple piercings. Metal clanking salaciously as his tongue swirls, toying with each little bar. His cock throbs again and your head falls back into the throw pillows with a loud moan. The arrogant smirk against your already heated skin only sends fire dancing.

Crackling and humming with each touch. They say fire needs oxygen to grow and Harry was yours. Always has been, he ignites all your fires.

Pulling back slightly, salacious evergreen meets thunderous oceans as he speaks, “So fucking pretty.” His words come out as a rasp, full of raw desperation. “Wanna taste you so fucking bad.” Kisses pepper your face, “Wanna make you feel so good, please? ”

“Y-yes,” You breathe, unable to finish the sentence as his kiss-bruised lips meet yours again and again, his fingers digging into the sensitive skin of your already open thighs, while yours run through his soft curls. Tangling and twisting as your lips move hungrily, desperately. Your teeth trap his tongue ring gently tasting and the sound that escapes his throat is feral. His body pushes against yours as you devour each other. Urgent, hungry, and like you might run out of time or change your mind. Hot, open-mouth kisses descend from your lips to your jaw then stop at the base of your throat.

“Fuck,” The word’s rushed, nearly a pant, as he pulls his sweatshirt over his head. The view of his gorgeous, toned body sends a shiver down your spine. The butterfly on his chest fluttered with each rapid breath. His abs jutting and rippling like it took everything in him not to lose it right then and there. Rough yet gentle hands feather your ribs, gliding effortlessly until they pause at your hips, leaving trace currents branding me with each tortuous touch. The rings on his fingers dig into the sensitive flesh of your hips despite how gentle he’s being. A surprised gasp leaves my lips in a whimper as his grip tightens holding you into place. Your hips tilt, wanting to feel him and he groans, nostrils flaring like he’s in pain, “Want you so bad,” His nose runs against your jaw, “Not gonna last if you keep moving, Lil.”

“Sorry,” You breathe letting your head fall back as it swims with every effortless emotion you feel for him.

“Shh, you’re perfect, so fucking perfect, look at you.” He whispers, the gravelly tone of his voice sending vibrations between your thighs making you ache. A completely desperate ache for him that would be embarrassing if it was anyone but your Harry. Suddenly, he’s kissing you but lazily this time. His lips moved so painfully slow and tender against yours. Kissing like you have all the time in the world. As soon as you match his pace, he breaks the kiss sighing deeply against your parted lips. He studies your face, evergreen locked on blue, as he slowly drifts between your thighs. His hands follow him, traveling down your inked body with ease, until they lock around your upper legs.

“What’re you doing?” You ask breathlessly, trying to keep up with his pace. He ignores you, placing drawn-out kisses trailing from your left hip to inner thigh. Soft moans leave your parted lips each and every time his mouth touches your skin. His kisses are getting closer and closer, nipping and sucking, teasing and torturing. It’s too fucking much. “Harry-”

“Need something, Lil?” He sucks harder on your hip, leaving a purplish bruise on porcelain skin, tilting his head up to meet your gaze with a lazy smirk. So effortlessly sexy.

“Please-” Desperateness clings to the word as your head falls back, unable to handle seeing him between your legs.

“Please what?” Harry smirks against heated skin as your hips move forward, “Use your words, pretty girl.”

“I want-” The sentence pauses at the tip of your tongue. No one’s ever asked what you wanted before. “I’ve never-” Your brows push together trying to find the right word but he reaches up, fingers smoothing the line between them like he understands.

“It’s okay,” He runs the flat of his tongue against your clit and your knees almost push together from pleasure, the round of his tongue ring hitting perfectly. Like he knows exactly what you need. Burning evergreen disappears into the back of his head as he moans against you, fingernails digging into your skin. “Taste so fucking good, Lil. Knew you would, so fucking sweet.”

“Fuck,” The whimper that comes out of you is pathetic as he lifts your leg, draping your right knee over his shoulder, tongue circling with no mercy. Flicking and sucking and teasing as he changes pace. Your head falls back feeling his piercing tease your entrance with each flick of his perfect tongue. Your fingers laced into his wet curls, tugging as he pulled back, eyes meeting yours. Bringing his left middle and ring fingers to your lips, manually parts them until his fingers push past your bottom teeth. The cold metal of his rings hits your warm mouth. Evergreen dances darkly as they glide across your tongue until you gag around them. He exhales roughly, head cocking, “Mmm, suck. Such a good girl for me, yeah?”

Your lips wrap around his fingers as your eyes lock. He moves them in and out a few times before withdrawing. Never breaking eye contact, pink lips puckering around my clit as his fingers tease your entrance. He watches you intensely, so fucking intensely as his fingers match the pace of his tongue. Your eyes flutter in pure fucking bliss as your grip on his hair returns. Pulling and tugging, making him groan so deeply, “Lil.”

Your name came out of his mouth with the same electricity that courses through your veins whenever he’s around. Hot, entrancing, unfuckingdeniable, and your undoing. White, hot pleasure hits so hard that you try to close your legs but his hands wrap around your thighs, keeping them open, easing you through it. Your breathing evens out as Harry watches you between your open thighs. His head tilted upward, lips parted in amazement, evergreen bouncing around your face like he’s committing every muscle movement to memory.

“For fucks sake.” He exhales, blinking in complete astonishment.

“Hmm?” The word comes out lazily, so fucking easy like your smile.

He hovers, face inches from yours, hazy eyes blazing with lust. The end of his cross necklace bounces off your bottom lip a few times. “So pretty when you cum, Angel.”

Fuck, in one swift movement, you push his chest backward completely straddling him as his back hits the couch. Long, ring-clad fingers grip your jaw as he presses his lips to yours, kissing slowly, tongues tangling lazily. He tastes like you and it makes your head spin. His fingers tangle into your hair, blond waves fall, as he collects them wrapping the strands around his wrist. Breaking the kiss, your hands glide across his skin, feeling every harsh breath and ridge before settling between his legs. Every flutter of his butterfly as he breathes, how his abs constrict with each breath like he wants you so badly that it’s painful, and the vein resting next to the perfect v-line of his left hip. Taking a deep breath, your head tilts, meeting his hungry, beautiful gaze as your lips wrap around his head.

He lets out a loud moan, abs jutting, as your tongue twirls and teases. His head lolls back, lips parting while the moans come out so fucking feral; desperate. The grip on your hair loosens as you take him deeper, hollowing your cheeks with each suck. Honey curls fall you around like a curtain as he cups the back of your head, pushing you to take him deeper, never breaking eye contact. You almost wanna shut yours seeing how much adoration and attention and lust swims in his pretty irises. He starts moving his hips slowly, testing, and relaxing your jaw. His jaw tightens with each thrust, moaning so fucking loud, lips puckering around a needy exhale, “I-fuck-I’m not gonna last.”

Flattening your tongue, a hum in appreciation and that makes him break. The soft green of his eyes darkened as control slips with each thrust. “God, look at how pretty you look wrapped around my cock.” He groans even louder and you gag around him. His hips slow, “You can take it, just like that, so fucking good.”

Your cheeks hollow as his movements grow more frantic. More fucking desperate. Twirling your tongue, he pulls out, cupping your jaw again as he cums. Painting your chest in the most filthy way. Head tilted back, eyes shut, pumping his cock as he whimpers. Blush spreads up his throat, neck vein popping in the sexiest way, and perfect lips parted in pure ecstasy; pure bliss. He’s the most devastating man you’ve ever seen. The minute your gazes meet, your breathing halts. So many emotions battle to come to the surface as lush forests meet raging oceans. The push and pull that is us. This is a moment where you just stare at each other in understanding. Letting your eyes say what you’re afraid to admit out loud.

“Let’s get you cleaned up, yeah?” Harry’s voice is gentle and soothing while his fingers trace your jaw before disappearing. You count his footsteps but don’t respond. The weight of what happened crashed into you like a freight train. Your breathing accelerates instead of steading as everything plays out. You don’t want to lose him when this doesn’t work out. The thought comes quickly and like a bucket of ice water. Panic setting in because you can’t lose him. You can’t lose him over one night of weakness. Shit, the uncertainty feels heavy on your chest, heavier than it should because there’s no one you trust more. He’s your best friend.

“Lil?” Hesitantly, your eyes snap to your favorite shade of green. Allowing them to travel his peaceful features, illuminated by the soft glow of the moon. Everything about him is relaxed and unguarded as he starts cleaning you up with a warm washcloth. The light stubble on his sharp jaw to pink parted lips to the freckles on the bridge of his nose that you wouldn’t see unless you were close enough. Your fingertips ache to trace the path, feel each little freckle and plane of his face, until they’re touching his pink lips. Sometimes, you wish memories worked like photographs or something so you could accurately remember how being in his arms feels. How finally being his feels until unrelenting reality hits. You’re not his, Grace is, and that hurts worse than you thought. His lips tip into a left-sided smile, “There she is.”

“Here I am,” You smile back, cheekbone gently compressed by his long fingers.

Dark curls sticking up in different directions, evergreen eyes following every detail of your face, a red hue dusting across his cheeks, and his once parted lips tugging into a sleepy smirk, “You still with me, Lil?”

“Always.” The word came out fast because you were with him. Maybe too with him. “Gonna get dressed real quick.” A giggle escapes your lips, “Don’t have the money for Ellie’s therapy bill if she walks in.”

“Fuck,” He chuckles, running a hand through long curls, “She’d probably ask to join.”

Your phone buzzes two times and something inside you freezes. You know it’s Rylan, no one else but him and Harry text you this late. The playful expression on Harry’s face slowly drains into something that resembles pain as he hands it to me. The sudden change makes your stomach turn in the worst way.

From: Ry (2:30 am)

Sorry about tonight.

From: Ry (2:31 am)

Can’t lose you over a stupid argument, Lil. I know you and Styles are just friends and you wouldn’t touch him. Sorry for being a jealous prick.

That stomach-sinking guilt comes back full force and causes your mouth to flood with saliva. You pull the Nirvana shirt over your head and turn to explain but he’s already looking at the wall. His jaw tense, so tense that the hinges are bulging, but expression is stoic. He swallows, the columns in his throat tense then relax showing just how hard the salvia was to get down. You linger on his side profile for a second, appreciating the beautiful yet masculine planes of his face, before clearing your throat. He blinks a few times before turning slowly to meet your eyes. The words rush out of your mouth, “Harry-”

Playful evergreen darkened to forest green, “I better go.”

You jump to your feet, following behind him quickly, desperate to explain. His back to you, broad shoulders sagging, as he works to unlatch your window. The glass opens with a thud and you expect him to leave but he doesn’t. Ring-clad fingers grasp the ledge, knuckles blanch, as he just breathes. You count to fifteen waiting for him to look at you but he doesn’t. 240 long, excruciating seconds pass. Exhaling harshly, his voice is hoarse, “We need to tal-“

“Friends?” You blurt, not letting him finish. Needing to know you’re okay, eyes volleying between him and the notification on your phone.

He pauses, hand resting on the windowsill, so much pain in those evergreen eyes you love so much. There he was, always taking care of you. Even if it means hurting him.

“Yeah, Lil.”

Your attention stays on the window as he slips out without giving you a chance to respond. Everything smells like him, a mouthwatering mixture of fresh laundry, peppermint, and something earthy like the wind. Even your skin has traces of him that you don’t think you’d be able to wash off. The memory of tonight permanently embedded into you and there is no denying it. How his mouth felt, his hands on you, the sound of his raspy voice slowly ruining you for anyone else.

You huff as you hide yourself behind your door. You don’t even want to see him. Because you don’t want to have this conversation or entertain this idiotic idea. This is what Harry does. He plays games. He tricks and he ruins and if you open this door, you know you’ll regret it. 

“Poppy, please,” he calls, and you hear his forehead land on the wood as though to brace himself. “I’ve tried everything else, okay? It always works with you. I just…I wanted to try. See if it still does.”

You frown. “You realize how wildly inappropriate this is, right? Asking if you can come in just so we can sleep together?”

“Yeah, but that’s all I want to do. Sleep,” he insists again. “Really. I’ll keep my hands to myself and I won’t even talk to you.”

You consider this. Truthfully, you haven’t slept all that well since the breakup, either. And sure, you’ve longed for the nights when the two of you would fall into such an easy, simple, and incredibly effective routine. 

But he broke your heart. And now you’re both paying the price.

“Just one night,” he pleads again. “And if it doesn’t work, I swear I won’t bother you ever again.”

There’s a subtle ache in your chest. Just hearing his voice reminds you of the pain. Of the joy. Of every good moment and every bad one, all wrapped up in the same silky cadence.

You take a deep breath. Perhaps you’re curious, too. Even if you don’t want to be. Because maybe this will work. Maybe you’ll finally be able to rest and get on with your life.

Or maybe it won’t.

But at least if it doesn’t, maybe you can find some closure.

So, with that thought…you open the door. 

He looks worse than you’ve ever seen him. Which makes you just a touch happy if you’re being honest with yourself. His usual curls are askew and unkept. The bags under his eyes are dark and his clothes are wildly wrinkled.

And you’re surprised. He’s been up for longer than 32 hours before and handled it much better. You wonder if his age is catching up with him or if there’s something else keeping him awake.

It wouldn’t be the first time.

But you don’t fight with him. He’s not here to fight and you accept his terms as you widen the door and allow him to step inside.

He nods gratefully as he slips into your living room, but his eyes linger on your face. Almost like he doesn’t recognize you, and it makes your insides turn as you shut the door and put a few feet between you.

“What?” you huff.

He shakes his head. “I don’t know, you look…different.”

“Okay…?”

“You changed your hair.”

“Yeah.”

“Hm. It’s nice.”

You cross your arms. “Thanks.”

“Sure.”

Another pause, and the silence feels heavy.

“Well…do you wanna…?” you eventually say, and he nods.

“Right, yeah.”

“Okay.”

You turn to lead him to your room and it’s…unsettling how normal it feels. Like an old habit rearing its ugly head once again.

When you get there, his surprise returns. “You changed your room, too.”

“Yeah.”

“Oh. Why?”

Your eyes roll as you angrily toss your blankets back. “This is the one room I associated with you the most. And short of moving, I needed something you hadn’t touched or tainted. So I made the room mine again.”

He thinks about this, attention lingering on the new paint on the walls and the new furniture in each corner. “I like it.”

“I don’t care.”

He smiles. “I know.”

“Great. Can you get in the bed please so we can get this over with?”

Obliging, he slips off his shoes and joins you under the duvet. “Never thought I’d hear you say that again.”

“Never thought I’d have to say it.”

“Mm. You changed your mattress.”

“Obviously.”

“And the sheets and blankets, too.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Is there anything in here you didn’t change?”

“The carpet. But only because my landlord said I couldn’t.”

“Right.” He’s smiling again. “But you did get a rug.”

“Yeah.”

“It’s nice.”

“Bite me.”

He laughs now and you want to smack him. “I see you still get grumpy when you’re tired.”

“No, I get grumpy when my asshole of an ex shows up to my apartment at 3 in the morning demanding to be let in so he can sleep in my bed with me like a fucking child,” you argue. And you know you’re being snippy and maybe even rude, but he deserves it. After everything he’s put you through, you deserve to be in charge of your own emotions. 

You turn the lamp off and the dark room grows incredibly quiet. You’re both stiff, unable to relax when you’re this close. You don’t want to touch—not the way you used to. And you don’t want to be close or let your guard down, although you suppose you’ll have to in order to sleep.

And then he says, “I really did try, you know. To find another way to sleep.”

You look up at the ceiling and release a soft exhale. “Okay.”

“Melatonin, light therapy, cut out coffee. Even drank those…sleep mocktail things everyone talks about.” He shifts. “I don’t know, I guess my brain just wouldn’t turn off.”

“Yeah. I know.”

More quiet.

“I haven’t done any since we broke up,” he finally says. Gentle, like he’s afraid to break the silence. 

Your lashes flutter. He doesn’t have to say it for you to know what he means. “Great.”

“Yeah.” Another beat. “I thought it was work, I guess. Maybe the stress or something. I’ve been sleeping fine, but these past couple weeks…”

“Right.”

“And I just figured—”

“No, I got it. It’s fine, let’s just…let’s just try to sleep,” you say and he nods.

The bedroom settles and you try, you really do. But you can’t when he’s breathing so goddamn loud and shifting every two seconds and sighing like he’s in pain.

“What?” you eventually hiss.

“Are you dating someone?” he asks.

“What?”

“Are you dating someone?” he repeats. “Josie said you were.”

You hesitate. “I don’t know. Kind of. I guess.”

“You guess?”

“We’re…we’ve been on a few dates. It’s not official.”

“He hasn’t asked you to be his girlfriend?”

“Why does it matter?”

“I don’t know. It doesn’t. I just figure you deserve someone that actually wants to date you.”

“Oh, do I?” You roll your head to look at him. “Funny, you didn’t seem to think so when you were dating me.”

“All right, touché,” he mumbles. “I could have been better, I know that. And I know I took advantage. You did a lot for me and I didn’t…I didn’t care.”

Surprised, you twist your fingers together. “Uh…yeah. Right. Thank you.”

His head rolls, too. And even with the dim-light, his eyes find yours. “I’m sorry, Poppy. You really did deserve better than me. And if you found it with this guy…I’ll be happy for you.”

You swallow before sighing to yourself. “I mean, I don’t know if I did. He’s…he’s really nice. But he’s so…he’s just…”

“Vanilla?”

Your eyes widen. “Yeah. How did you—”

“He was wearing Crocs with tube socks.”

You laugh—loud. “Oh my god, how did you know?”

“I might have looked him up,” he admits through a grin. “Wanted to make sure he was worth your time.”

“Yeah? And?”

“And he wears Crocs with tube socks. He can’t make you cum.”

Your features scrunch together as you gasp and look away. “Ew, Harry. It’s not about that—”

“It’s always about that. Come on, am I wrong?”

“You—yes. What he wears has nothing to do with what he’s like in bed—”

“So he’s not vanilla?”

“He’s…” You pause. “He…look, he really tries—”

“So, he is,” Harry finishes for you. “Well, at least you got some.”

“I…yeah. Uh-huh.”

Instantly, he turns onto his side, head resting in the palm of his hand as he studies you. “He couldn’t get it up, could he?”

“Harry,” you groan, and reach out to swat him. “Stop, it wasn’t that. We just…we were taking things slow. We did some stuff. Just not…all of it.”

“So what he’d do?”

“Harry—”

“Come on, we’re adults, just tell me.”

“Ew, no—”

“Listen, you used to get fucked good. I’m just trying to help you get back to that.”

You frown but do oblige. “I don’t know. He ate me out and I blew him. That’s it.”

“And…?”

“And…I don’t know. He was fine. He was good.”

“Sure.”

Your eyes roll. “Okay, he…he wasn’t really all that into it. He stopped after a few seconds and asked if I came. Then he said his jaw was tired and that maybe we should just switch.”

Now, Harry’s features scrunch, too. “Shit. What a fucking pussy. Ironically.”

“I guess. It could have been worse.”

“Really? Eating you out was always my favorite. What kind of asshole just stops if he doesn’t have to?”

You feel a rush of heat through your body as you look away. “I guess they can’t all be you.”

“Damn fucking right,” he scoffs. “Seriously, you still wanted to see him after that?”

“He’s cute,” you argue. “And nice. And yeah, maybe he’s not that adventurous but that’s okay. I don’t need wild sex all the time.”

He’s quiet. “How about just one time?”

You turn back. “What?”

“I—okay, I was just thinking…you know, one of the things we would do when we couldn’t sleep was…fuck, so—”

“Oh, absolutely not.” You sit up, as though to put some distance between you. “No. Forget it—”

“Poppy—”

“Don’t call me that,” you huff. “You don’t get to call me that ever again. Okay, I’m not gonna fuck you just so we can sleep—”

“It wouldn’t be just for that,” he argues, sitting up as well. “It would also help your mood, too—”

“Oh, my mood?” You glare at him. “My mood is just fine, actually. In fact, I’d say it’s pretty good if I agreed to let you in my apartment in the first place—”

“You didn’t have to. I’m just saying, if sex with him is gonna be bland, might as well get in one last good fuck before you commit to a lifetime of boring—”

“Oh, my god. It’s not a lifetime and you’re a fucking asshole—”

“Yeah. We’ve established that. Doesn’t change the fact that you need it.”

You stare at him. “Is that why you’re really here? To trick me into sleeping with you?”

He leans back. “What? No. I don’t trick people into having sex, it was just a suggestion—”

“Yeah, a pretty dumb one. Did you honestly think I’d say yes?”

“Yeah,” he admits haughtily. “Yeah, because we didn’t break up over the sex. We broke up because you’re an uptight—”

“What? Say it,” you sneer. “Say it. I’m an uptight bitch because I wouldn’t let you do cocaine.”

He scoffs again and looks off into the dark of your room. The argument lulls. “I could never do anything right.”

“That wasn’t the problem and you know it.” You pull your legs to your chest. “I wanted to move forward and you kept going back. You’re almost 30 and you still act like you’re 19.”

“Maybe I didn’t want to get married and do the whole white picket fence life,” he says. “Maybe I liked things the way they were—”

“No. No, you liked parties with your friends and doing drugs that kept you up for hours  and getting fired and leaving me to pay all the bills—”

“You didn’t pay all the bills and I told you I would do what I could to help—”

“Yeah. But apparently that included getting fucked up and staying out all night just to crash the next day.” You study him closely. “You were never around anymore. I never saw you. We were on two different paths and the only time we ever talked was when you asked if I wanted to fuck.”

“So, that’s it, huh? I’m just a villain in your story. You were this perfect fucking princess, and I was a monster that ruined your life?”

“No, obviously not. I wasn’t perfect. I know that.”

“Do you?” His eyes flick between yours. “You didn’t want me to move forward with you. You liked your new job and your new friends because they didn’t remind you of me. Of who we both used to be.”

“So? I’m not proud of what I used to do. And sure, maybe I wanted to make a better impression on the people paying my salary and keeping me employed. Is that such a fucking crime?”

“No. But you didn’t want me to be a part of that impression and you know it.”

“Right. Because you were shit-faced all the time.”

He opens his mouth, ready to retort. But then he closes it. He closes it and he stares at you and then…he surges forward.

Even if you were given at least two seconds to prepare, you’re not prepared for the way his hands feel on your cheeks as he kisses you. As he presses his lips to yours and steals the labored breaths in your lungs.

But you don’t fight him. You know you should. Know you should push him off and berate him. Yet you let him kiss you. And you kiss him back. And it’s far too easy to slip back into this routine as his tongue slides against yours in such a teasing way.

Your stomach flips while your hands land on his lap. You’re desperate to be closer, to feel his body against yours. His skin, and the way it melts beneath your palms like butter. You dance this devious dance and before you know it, you’re stripping each other of the few clothes you have.

He starts with your shirt. Ripping it over your head before his mouth lands on your chest. Bare and beautiful to him. His kisses are wet and sloppy and you arch yourself closer as you drag your fingers down his scalp.

The only reason he stops is to let you peel his t-shirt off, too. And then his jeans and socks. And you move so fluidly, you’re nearly naked in under a minute. The only thing left between you now his underwear and yours.

He lays you down, gentle. Surprisingly gentle, given the anger that brought you here. And he gazes at you in a soft, unspoken way that says everything you don’t exactly know how to say. 

His fingers brush down your cheek as his body settles atop yours. He still fits between your legs like he was always meant to and the weight of him almost feels good.

“Are you all right?” he finally whispers, and he doesn’t sound like the same man from before. He sounds like the man you fell in love with. “Is this okay?”

You nod quickly, scared that if you think about it, you’ll ruin it. “Yeah. Go.”

He doesn’t. “We don’t have to,” he says. “You were right, it’s probably a dumb idea—”

“Yeah, but…it always works.” You shift beneath him and reach for his briefs, rolling them down his hips. “And I’m tired. Tired of fighting with you, tired of not getting any sleep…tired of pretending I hate you. You were right, our sex is good. So let’s do it. And then we can sleep. And we can finally move on.”

Not the most romantic of speeches, but it works. At least right now. He kisses you again and drags your underwear aside in order to tease you with the tip of his cock.

He feels like you remember. And maybe you find just a touch of comfort in that. There are no awkward pauses or confusion about what to do next. You don’t have to find your rhythm or anticipate the next step. You know him. And he knows you.

Your rub your clit in order to stimulate yourself. You aren’t exactly wet enough for this to be enjoyable, but you don’t expect him to do what he did before. The foreplay is up to you now and you’re more than all right with that.

However, he’s not. And he instantly swats your hand away in order to do it himself. Allowing his fingers to drag up and down your pussy until you shiver before he slips the tip of his middle finger inside.

“Shit,” he whispers. His forehead drops to yours. “Fucking missed this.”

You bite the inside of your lip to keep from grinning. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He starts to pump, bending your body to his salacious intentions until the unmistakable sound of wetness echoes throughout the room. “I know you missed it, too.”

“Hm. Don’t push it.”

“Why not?” He presses a kiss to your cheek. Then to your jaw. Your lips. Your nose. Your neck. Everywhere you used to love. “Are you really gonna tell me you didn’t?” 

“Maybe.”

“So Crocs with Tube Socks is better, huh?”

“…not exactly.”

“Right.” He adds a second finger and your eyes roll back. “Don’t worry, Poppy, I’ll fix it.”

“Don’t…call me that,” you pant again, and he chuckles.

“Don’t know what else to call you. You were always my pretty Poppy.”

“But now I’m not,” you say. “Now you call me nothing. Because I’m not yours to call.”

He sighs but does seem to obey, at least for now. And the faster he thrusts his hand, the needier this growing feeling becomes. Stronger and louder until you finally grab onto his shoulders and say, “Just put it in already.”

He smirks. “How romantic.”

“It’s not supposed to be. Just come on.”

So, he does. He takes hold of his cock and he slips it through the gathering arousal until he can push in. And you both reel.

Truthfully, you’ve missed the sounds he makes when he’s turned on. The way he groans and grits his teeth together. The way the muscles in his arms strain until you can see those beautiful veins you used to love to run your tongue over. 

He’s stunning. Even now, in the soft light of the moon through your curtains. His silhouette is unholy as it hovers above you. Strong hips beginning to thrust as you both work in tandem to find release.

And it’s closer than you expected. There’s something about him that can get you there even without much effort. Something Crocs with Tube Socks could never seem to figure out. 

Because he’s not Harry. And only Harry can play you like an instrument and make such symphonic music all with the flick of his finger and a thrust of his cock.

He kisses you again and you both feel anxious. Soft murmurings of praise and, “Keep going,” that have you arching from the bed and moaning into his mouth.

You’re sweating and gasping for air and clutching onto his back as you attempt to meet his rhythm with rolls of your own. You need this. You need to cum so you can find release and you need to cum so you can finally sleep and you need to cum because then you’ll finally be able to let him go. To close the door on the chapter of you and Harry and move the fuck on.

But how can you move on when you’re still under him? How can you insist that you’re fine and doing great if you’re so easily convinced to fuck him just so you can both get some sleep?

There are other remedies to insomnia that don’t involve his cock and maybe you should have tried that before you let him into your apartment. 

Either way, you’re coming before you can think twice about it. Raking your nails down his back and whimpering his name as he pulls out and finishes on your thigh. 

And just like that…

It’s over.

You find him in the kitchen about an hour later. You managed to sleep at least a few minutes before you felt the sadistic hand of insomnia pull you back out. But when you woke, Harry was gone. His clothes were still on the floor, so you knew he hadn’t left. But he wasn’t with you.

He’s staring out your kitchen window when you slip into the living room. You’re not sure if he hears you or not but if he does, he doesn’t acknowledge it. Instead, he keeps himself braced against the sink, clad in nothing more than his briefs.

Curious, you call, “What’s wrong?”

He shakes his head. Silent. Contemplative. “I used to love this window,” he eventually says. Soft, like he’s reminiscing. “The way the light looked in the morning. The way your little crystals would put rainbows on the wall and you’d get so excited. How you’d make me dance with you to some Elton John song while we were literally in the middle of cooking.”

You blink. “Um…okay.”

He turns and his eyes find yours. “I fucking loved this apartment. And this kitchen. And that couch. And your room. And even the hallway. I loved being here, all the time. I hated going back to my place because it never felt the same.”

The silence grows louder now as you look down at your feet and pull your robe just a bit tighter. “I know,” you finally whisper. “That’s why I changed it.”

“I know,” he whispers back. His expression falls. “You changed everything. This apartment, your life…us.”

“Because I had to,” you argue, glancing back up. “I had to, Harry. I couldn’t keep going in circles. I couldn’t drag you along behind me into the future when you clearly wanted to be anywhere else.” 

“Because the future you always painted didn’t seem to have room for me,” he huffs. “Okay, with all these dinner parties and fancy houses and good school districts. You’d planned out the next 30 years and I didn’t see myself anywhere in your picture.”

“I didn’t fucking care about the parties or the school districts,” you nearly yell. “God, I—I didn’t want the white picket fence life. I didn’t want the 1950’s American Dream shit you keep thinking I did. I just wanted you. Yes, I wanted a good job with insurance and stability. But I wasn’t gonna trade what we had just for that—”

“But you did. You didn’t tell your parents we’d moved in together. You didn’t even tell half of our friends. You went on trips without me and you stopped telling me about your day and we never talked—”

“Because you were never around! You were either out with your friends getting drunk or high or you were in there playing video games because you’d had a ‘hard day.’ So, no. I didn’t want to talk to you when I knew you weren’t even listening in the first place.”

 He leans against the counter and crosses his arms. Angry. Indignant. “You resented me. You resented the fact that we were together and you resented that I wasn’t perfect like your precious new friends—”

“Oh, that’s—” You pinch the bridge of your nose and force in a deep breath. “No. I didn’t want you to be like them. I didn’t want you to act pretentious and stuffy and talk about the stock market every goddamn second of the day. The only thing I resented…was the fact that you wouldn’t take care of yourself.”

“I was taking care of myself—”

“Bullshit. You were doing drugs—you were doing cocaine—and you weren’t eating, you weren’t sleeping, you nearly drunk yourself to death—”

“Right, but I wasn’t doing it all the time. It was just…it was occasionally, and it wasn’t a lot—”

“I don’t care. You shouldn’t have been doing it at all, Harry,” you finally shout. “You…you scared the shit out of me. Every time one of your friends would call and say you were passed out, I thought…I thought this was it. I thought I was gonna lose you. Do you know how many times I just sat on the floor and cried because I was so scared? Because you never wanted to listen when I told you to stop? Because you were so sure you were invincible?”

He seems pained by this, features wilting as he takes a tentative step forward. But he stops when you move back. “Poppy, I wasn’t trying to scare you, I…I didn’t know—”

“Yes, you did,” you scoff. “I told you, over and over that I didn’t want to lose you, but you thought I was being dramatic.”

He nods once. “I know, I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?”

“Yeah. I am.” He looks at you. “S’why I stopped after we broke up. You were right, I needed to get my shit together.”

You nod, too. “Good. I’m glad.”

His gaze dances around the kitchen. “I hate that you changed everything,” he says again, and your heart wrenches. “I hate that it doesn’t look like it used to. I hate that I hurt you so bad that you felt like you had to erase everything I ever touched.”

You step closer and wipe a tear from your cheek. “Yeah, I hate it, too. I hate that I had to. I hate that stupid mattress and I hate that my kitchen doesn’t look like a rainbow anymore and I really fucking hate that I have no one to dance with when I cook.”

His eyes soften as they find yours and in only a few seconds, he’s reaching for the belt on your robe and tugging you to him. Wrapping you in his arms as he presses you against his chest, the way he always used to when you were sad.

“No,” you argue weakly, although you do nothing to stop him. “No, you can’t…you can’t—”

“Yes, I can,” he retorts quietly. You feel his lips press to the top of your head. “You don’t get to cry over me anymore. You’re better than that now. You did what I couldn’t. You moved on. And I don’t get to ruin that for you.”

You sniffle as you run your hand down his stomach. “It wasn’t about moving on. I just needed to learn how to be strong enough for both of us.”

“Poppy,” he breathes and holds you tighter. “You shouldn’t have to be.”

And deep down…you know he’s right.

“Shit, just like that…a little closer. Good girl, hold yourself open for me, baby. Yeah.”

Doing your best to oblige, you slip your fingers between your folds as Harry nudges his nose closer. Kissing his way along your thighs before allowing his tongue to lick a very generous stripe up your pussy.

Round 2 is on the couch. Harry wanted the kitchen counter—nearly insisted on it, in fact—but you knew you didn’t want to ruin your favorite breakfast spot. And you weren’t about to just for him.

So, the couch it was. He complained about it as you got settled. He hates this new couch, too. The color, the lumpy cushions, the way it feels like you’re sinking when you sit. 

You told him you didn’t care. You loved it and if it annoyed him, that was a bonus.

Thankfully, he swallowed his complaints in favor of swallowing you. He tossed your robe open and pulled your thighs apart. And then he buried himself between the warmth of your pussy the way he always used to.

And you decided that maybe you don’t mind insomnia so much if this is the remedy.

“Missed this, too,” he says now as he nips at your clit. “God, you’ve always tasted so fucking good. S’fucking crazy, baby. Can’t ever get enough.”

“Sure,” you snort, head dropping back. “I’m sure you say that to all the girls—”

“No.” He shakes his head and his nose nudges the sensitive nerves as you whine. “No, there’s no other girls. Come on, did you really think there could be?”

“With a mouth like that? Yeah,” you admit. He laughs. “That’s how we met. You were such—fuck—such a player.”

“Maybe,” he concedes before mouthing at you again. “But nobody else has ever made me feel the way you do.”

You snort. “Where’d you learn that line?”

“It’s not a line. It’s the truth.”

“Harry. Come on. I know you.”

“Then you should know I don’t say shit I don’t mean.” He smooths his palms down your thighs in order to spread you just a bit further and see the way your hole flutters. “Oh, pretty girl. S’just drenched, hm? All sensitive from the last one…need Daddy to make it better?”

You scrunch your nose. “You don’t get to call yourself that anymore.”

“No?” He grins. “Why not?”

“Because I hate you and Daddy is reserved for someone I like.”

He tsks. “I don’t know, kind of seems like you still like it. Keep clenching around my tongue like you wanna hear me say it again.”

You hesitate as you weave your fingers through his curls. “Never.”

He hums and the vibration against your cunt makes your thighs twitch. “Come on, baby. Don’t be mean to Daddy.”

You want to glare. Slap at him, refuse him. But he’s right—you have missed the moniker. If only just because of how good he sounds when he says it. So, you let him tease you and taunt you as he tastes you. You let him do whatever the hell he wants because your second orgasm feels stronger than the first and you don’t imagine you’ll survive this one. 

He slips a finger in as well. Beckons your pleasure closer with every curl of the large digit. It’s practiced. He sucks and licks and nips and thrusts and curls and pumps all at the same time.

Then, he pulls back and brings his palm down in a sharp smack to your pussy. 

“Stop squirming,” he instructs, then shoots you an obviously pleased frown. “Don’t be a brat.”

“M’not,” you whimper. “Not a brat…just wanna cum.”

“Do you, hm?” He licks you again then adds two fingers. “Should I let you?”

“Obviously.”

“Obviously?” He’s smirking now as he starts to go faster. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe you do deserve it. Yeah? After being so nice as to let me in.”

You pout. “Mhm.”

He’s so happy. He’s always his happiest when he’s suffocating himself with your pussy. He does everything he knows you love. He leaves teasing kisses to the inside of your thighs. He slaps at your leg, your clit, your hip. He helps rock you against his tongue and even lifts you from the couch to find a deeper angle. 

And he does all of this out of sheer enjoyment. 

“Harry,” you whimper as you melt into the cushions. Your limbs feel like jello. The pleasure is everywhere, and he looks like a god. His face is covered in you, glistening about as bright as the stars.

“I know, Poppy,” he says. He kisses your pussy and then smiles at you. “I know.”

You like the way Harry’s chest feels. Warm and soft and painted in the tattoos you used to trace with your finger.

He’s gently scratching your back as you both lay in bed. The room is quiet—you haven’t spoken in minutes. Still, neither of you can seem to find sleep and you know you’ll desperately need it soon. 

But this is nice. Even if it is the last time. You like getting to reminisce—pretend for even a moment that things are the way they used to be. When you were happy and safe and content to be together.

You weren’t sure you’d ever feel this kind of peace again.

“I missed you, too, you know,” he whispers after a moment.

You glance up. 

“I didn’t just miss your apartment. I missed you.” He takes a breath and runs his palm along your spine. “I miss our Sunday mornings and I miss when we’d watch scary movies just so we could make out and I miss the way you used to dance around in your underwear to some stupid musical you were obsessed with.”

You swallow a lump in your throat. “Har…”

“And I don’t know what happened,” he says. “I felt like…I felt like I was watching you do all these amazing things and I just couldn’t keep up. You were getting promoted and moving up and I was still at the fucking bar serving drinks. And you knew what you wanted to do. I didn’t.”

“I didn’t know,” you argue gently. “Not really. I hate my job. I hate that I don’t enjoy it the way I used to. I mean, I like that it pays the bills, but maybe that shouldn’t be enough.”

He presses his cheek to the top of your head. “You should do what makes you happy.”

“You used to make me happy.”

The soft strokes against your spine slow. 

“You did, Har,” you tell him. “So happy. That’s why I hated that we started fighting all of the time. I hated that you were gone or that I was gone or the fact that I was too ashamed to tell you that I missed you. And that I was scared we were losing each other.”

“Maybe we needed to lose each other,” he says and you feel sick. “Maybe we needed to be apart to see what we really wanted.”

You think about this. The idea sounds nice. Inviting. A happy end to a rather dreadful story.

But you both know better. Five months has taught you better.

“There’s a reason we broke up,” you finally murmur. “We didn’t…we didn’t like each other anymore. We were holding each other back—”

“I liked you,” he says softly. “I loved you. Yeah, I was mad, but I didn’t just stop loving you.” 

“Maybe you should have. Maybe it would have been easier for us and we wouldn’t be…here.”

More silence. It stretches for what feels like hours.

And then, “I can’t sleep because of you.”

You suck in a quiet breath. “What?”

“When Josie told me that you were seeing someone, I couldn’t…I couldn’t stop thinking about it. And she showed me a picture she took of you guys and you were so happy. Smiling at him like you used to smile at me and I just…I didn’t know what to do.”

Another pause. You don’t know what to say.

“I put my fist through a wall,” he tells you. “And somehow, that still didn’t hurt as much as knowing you’d moved on.”

You snake your arm around his middle and snuggle closer. “Harry, you knew we both had to move on eventually.”

“Did we?”

“Harry…”

“But so soon? It’s only been five months.”

“Yeah. Five months to grieve you and cry over you and realize I did this for you.” You close your eyes. Tight. “We’re better people now.”

“No, we’re tired people now,” he teases, and you smile. “And I think I’ll be losing sleep over you for the rest of my life.”

“Don’t say that.”

“I mean it. I’m always gonna think about you. Think about what I did wrong. What I could have done better.”

“I fucked up, too,” you argue. “I should have told my parents. And our friends. I should have talked to you more, asked you to do more things together. You’re right, I was ashamed of you. Of this…routine we’d fallen into. And I’m sorry.”

He says nothing. After all, there’s nothing more to say.

But he kisses the crown of your head and it speaks louder than any words.

“Fuck…fuck, Poppy, please—”

You grin as you lick your lips. He’s always sounded the most beautiful when he’s begging. And his best begging always tends to happen when his cock is down your throat. 

“What, Daddy?” you ask innocently. “What do you need me to do?”

His eyes roll back and he grips the sheets in his fist. “Please…”

You reposition yourself over his legs as you dip back down to have another taste. You lick and you suck and you stroke until he’s making another strained noise that sounds like sex.

You hope your neighbors can hear. You bet they missed him.

“Good boy,” you purr, squeezing his thighs as you take him even further. 

He sucks in a sharp breath through gritted teeth before his hand finds your hair and he squeezes. “Easy…easy, baby. S’been a while. Don’t hurt yourself—”

You respond to his instruction by inhaling through your nose and relaxing the muscles in your throat. Allowing him to hit the back the way he always used to.

His head drops into the pillows. “Shit—Poppy, I mean it. M’not gonna fuck your throat. It’s gonna hurt and I don’t wanna hurt you anymore.”

It’s an oddly thoughtful gesture but it does nothing for you now. Instead, you shake your head and pull off, a string of saliva dripping down his cock in your wake. “I’m fine, H. Trust me, I can take it.”

“Yeah?” He pushes up onto his elbows. “Is Crocs with Tube Socks hung or something?”

You grin. “No. But that dildo you got me last year is.”

He blinks. “You…fucking hell, you fuck your throat with that?”

“Mhm.” You swirl your tongue around his tip as he curses. “And then I fuck myself. And I pretend it’s you.”

He tightens his hold on your hair and forces your eyes back to his. “Are you serious?”

You nod, now feeling a touch shy as you wipe your mouth with your knuckles. “Yeah…I know that’s…probably weird, but…I mean, you got it for me, so I thought I’d be weirder to think about someone else—”

“No, it’s…” He stops. Struggles. “Shit, I really needed to hear that.”

“Oh, you did, huh?” 

“Yeah. I wouldn’t want you to think about anyone else when you used it, either. It’s got my fucking initials on it.”

You laugh, louder than you mean to and it makes him grin. “Yeah, it does, doesn’t it? It was a pretty good gift, I’ll admit.”

“S’a fucking perfect gift,” he retorts. “We had a lot of fun with that dildo.”

“We did indeed.”

“But apparently not as much fun as you’re having with it.”

“Fucking myself helps me sleep,” you remind him. “So sometimes it’s necessity.”

“Is that right?” 

“Mhm.” You squeeze the base and he twitches. “You used to watch me. Remember?”

“I do.” His eyes get darker. “Do you fuck yourself a lot?”

“…these days, yeah. Apparently, I can’t sleep all that well, either.”

“And does it work?”

“Most of the time, yeah.” You turn your attention back to his cock in order to avoid his curiosity before you quietly admit, “Sometimes I pretend you’re here. Sleeping next to me. And…that helps, too.”

He reaches for your wrist and pulls your attention back. “Poppy—”

“No, don’t look at me like that, it’s dumb—”

“I imagine you, too.”

You blink. “You do?”

“Every night. Except the past couple weeks. Cause now I just think about you and him. And then I can’t fucking sleep.”

You turn your hand so your fingers brush through his. “Shit. We’re a mess.”

He smiles. “Yeah.”

The conversation falls away as you dip back down to resume your work. Squeezing his balls, moaning as you take him on your tongue, and milking him for every last drop. 

Turns out, you missed the taste of him, too.

Morning comes before either of you find a moment of rest. But you can feel yourself growing tired. Your eyelids are beginning to droop, and your body feels incredibly spent. 

Turns out, round 4 is where the magic happened. He brought out your favorite vibrator and teased your poor, swollen clit with it until you squirted. It was easy and quick and he seemed rather delighted to be bathed in you.

Until, of course, you insist on an actual bath to clean you both.

The shower felt good. The warm water washing away the sticky sweat on your skin. And the two of you fell back into a similar routine. He ran the soap down your arms and you washed his curls with your favorite shampoo. A shampoo he claimed he looked everywhere for after you broke up but could never find.

He said he missed the smell. The way it made his hair so soft. And the way it would make his pillowcase smell just like you.

You were grateful that the shower hid your tears.

You both crashed on the couch after you had dried off. The sheets still needed to be cleaned and neither of you could be bothered. But, as it turned out, the couch was growing on him. And he begrudgingly admitted it was rather comfy as the two of you curled up in your usual spot. 

You know you’re both close to sleep. Finally, after all your efforts to get here. But you also know that once you wake up, Harry will leave. 

And there’s a chance you won’t see him again.

You know that nothing has changed. The two of you still want different things, even if you want each other. And you hate that that’s not enough. That what you want and what you should want don’t align.

Instead, he’ll move on with his life and you’ll move on with yours.

But you don’t want to learn how to fall asleep without him.

“Make me a deal,” you whisper.

He hums. Lashes shut tight as the morning light slips in through the window. “What?”

“If I wake up, and you’re still here…we do this again. Not…as a couple. But as two broken humans that find rest with each other.”

His eyes open.

“But if you’re gone,” you continue, “then we don’t. We don’t do it again, we don’t see each other again, we don’t reach out again. We cut ties. Officially. Block and move on. For real.”

He seems saddened by this, and you hate that you’ve made him sad. But you both know it’s for the best. This won’t be sustainable in the long run. And maybe it’s a bad idea to continue at all, but maybe you want to hold on to him anyway. At least for a little while.

Even if it’s just as friends.

Exes.

Two broken humans that used to make each other whole.

His lips press together and he nods once. “Deal,” he agrees, and you can tell by the look on his face, he’s already made a decision.

You aren’t sure which way, but you suppose you’ll find out soon enough. So, you allow your eyes to fall shut and your dreams to take hold. Melting into his arms and into the sofa as you finally find sleep quicker than you have in months.

You’re not sure how long you’re out. It feels like hours. A heavy slumber that leaves you rather refreshed as your eyes eventually flutter open. 

You don’t see Harry as you slowly adjust to your surroundings. And you don’t feel him, either. But you’re too afraid to really look. To sit up and realize that he’s gone. For good.

And then, just when you think you’ve lost him…you hear the most beautiful sound in the world.

“Good morning, Poppy.”

On every shooting star or eyelash, she had to decide whether she would wish to forget him or for him to finally notice her, it was a constant tug of war between the two.

Honestly, there were so many things going against him. He was completely unavailable to her and she wondered if that’s why she wanted him most. People always say you want what you can’t have. He was older than her by a few years, he was hardly much wiser but liked to act as if he was. 

Or maybe was it just that he was a total prick most of the time, like seriously, so mean? 

She couldn’t pinpoint what exactly attracted her to Harry the most. She knew why others liked him, it was because he was so fucking pretty you just wanted to cry. He was that kind of person. And obviously, she had noticed that slight minor detail. 

She could agree that was one of the many reasons she had a massive crush on him. But she’d known him for years before he was this fuckboy fratboy who wore backward caps with the body of a Greek god and the filthiest mouth you’d ever heard. She knew him before it all. She knew him when he was just her best friend’s goofy older brother, and she’d liked him then too. Before he was smooth and his words had a sting, when he was just this little giggly loud guy.

She thinks to herself often that a piece of her would always belong to him, even if he didn’t know that. She had tried to like other boys, many many times, and though she did like them she didn’t feel even a smidge like how she felt when she saw Harry. The best way for her to describe being with someone who wasn’t Harry was like being in a state of complete darkness, only this dull twinkle of stars without any moon, and then suddenly the sun came up, all these colours painting the sky as it rose. Harry was the sun for her and those boys were just the stars.

Nearly all the time she wished for a distraction from him but that was hard considering he was always around, Y/n saw him every time she went to their house it was like totally unavoidable. They ran into each other at parties even though he was a few years older, it didn’t matter now they that all went to Uni together. She saw him everywhere! Even when she closed her eyes at night.

So tonight when she went out with Emma she was relieved and sad all at once that he wasn’t at the party, it meant she let loose more than she usually did, completely free of the worry of his judgments. She had a few shots but not enough to get her as wasted as Emma was. They danced and sang, and enjoyed themselves. Exams had been stressful and they needed a fun night, they’d spent months cooped up in the library using flashcards and reading the big textbooks. Y/n needed some time away from her laptop screen and desk. She needed to wear a tight dress, get flirted with, have some drinks and relax. She needed to fucking let loose. 

She worked so hard and she was enjoying just forgetting all her worries, Harry included, for a few hours. Sweating and dancing to trashy music was something she had been dreaming of since the start of exam season.

However, the night had taken a slightly sour turn later in the evening when Emma took a few too many tequila shots in a row and spewed down herself, covering her pink dress and shoes and some of Y/n’s shoes too, in sick. She wished she could say this wasn’t a recurring thing but Emma always took it a little too hard on nights out especially when her brooding older brother wasn’t there to help team with Y/n and wrangle her home.

It wasn’t too late probably only midnight, which usually meant they were only just getting started on their drunken shenanigans. But Y/n had to admit she was okay with going home, home being Emma’s place she was roommates with Harry, they were fairly close siblings and their parents felt better knowing they were together. Y/n desperately wanted some water, maybe a snack and to lie down in Emma’s comfortable bed.

As she was trying to find an Uber during the busiest time and hold Emma up from collapsing onto the floor a familiar Irish voice filled Y/n’s ears. She snapped her head around. Oh, thank god.

“Babe! Where are you two off to?” 

Y/n turned, “Niall! Hey, we are going home. Emma isn’t feeling too well.”

Y/n had managed to clean most of the spew off in one of the bathrooms at the Uni share house the party was being thrown at, but Emma was all wet from being wiped down and Y/n knew she needed to get her home like now. She was fading and needed her bed and a bottle of water in her, she wasn’t particularly worried but she would feel better if Harry was with her in case something happened.

“D’ya want a lift? I haven’t drunk anything I’m on my way to Paddy’s place,” He said. He looked very sober.

Paddy was his most recent fling. 

“You are a gem, I could kiss you!” Y/n said squeezing his bicep in thanks.

Y/n was eternally grateful for him being her saviour, she slid Emma into the backseat and clipped her into the seatbelt, brushing the hair from her eyes. Even with sick all over she was still pretty, Y/n envied that the Styles family had such good genes it was ridiculous. They always looked gorgeous, Anne had created three beautiful children.

Niall knew where to go since he was friends with Harry too and Emma and Y/n of course.

Y/n kept checking through the mirror to make sure she was okay and when she saw the familiar home she sighed in relief at the sight. It was this fairly small duplex but their neighbours were nice and the house was one of Harry’s parent’s properties. So they had it pretty good for Uni students. Y/n was living in a big share-house with a bunch of other people. She wished she was this lucky.

She grabbed all their purses, jackets and keys before she kissed Niall on the cheek in thanks. 

“Love you, Babe. Have fun with Paddy!” She winked, knowing Niall really liked this new guy.

Niall blushed a nice rosy colour. “Need any help getting her in?” He asked diverting the conversation.

Y/n shook her head and the two girls stumbled to the front door. Emma was slightly more awake now, her arms slinging around Y/n’s shoulders making the straps of her dress fall as Y/n hunted for the keys in Emma’s little clutch. Y/n had a key to their house for emergencies and she knew where they hid a spare, but she wasn’t going to hunt around in the dark for it.

The door opened before she found them in the clutch which had ten lipsticks that she was rummaging through.

His eyes were so green she felt like they were glowing in the dark. He didn’t say anything he just grabbed Emma and helped her inside. Whispering something to her kindly as Y/n made her way inside behind them. She toed her shoes off before she entered, not wanting to bring Emma’s sick in any more than it already would be. 

Y/n sighed shutting the door behind her as she placed all their things in Emma’s room down the hall. Harry had put her on the bed and was taking her heels off for her. He was a good brother. He was protective over both his sisters even though Gemma was the oldest.

“She always goes to fucking far,” He muttered more to himself than Y/n. Who was finding Emma’s sleep clothes in her bedside drawers, knowing she couldn’t sleep in the sick-covered ones. 

He didn’t sound annoyed at her or angry, just worried. He was a prick sure, but he cared about his family and friends. His small circle is what mattered most to him. Y/n knew his gruff and broody presence was the exterior of a very gentle soul. When he was at home drinking tea in pyjamas that was the real Harry, not some douchebag.

But she knew that he had a reputation for being a heartbreaker and a lot of people would warn you of him. But Y/n didn’t think that was the real him.

Y/n nodded in agreement, tiredly pushing the hair from her eyes she wanted to tie it up it was sweaty from dancing. 

“It’s okay, Niall helped me,” Y/n spoke softly as he stood up from the floor where he’d sat to take her shoes off. He was so much taller than Y/n, his face finally looking at hers now. She felt heat prickle up her back, and the hairs stand on her neck. 

He had such an intense stare.

“I knew I should’ve come,” He said. “I worry when you two are alone.”

Two? She thought. He’d never really shown much protectiveness on his end over her, except when guys were being gross at bars or parties. Then he would give them a stern look and tell them to fuck off. But he did that for anyone, Y/n knew that she wasn’t special. She always felt like Emma was his priority always and he didn’t care what she did as long as Y/n got Emma home safe.

It was almost like he could hear her thoughts. “I don’t like when either of you go without me. The stories Emma has told me about what they say to you Y/n, makes me feel sick honestly.”

She despised the way her stomach flipped. She was about to say that she managed okay without him. But his hand slid onto her shoulder pulling the little spaghetti strap back up over her shoulder. 

She felt breathless but tried to snap back into her usual self. Feeling more pink than usual, Harry always seemed to have that effect on her.

“I- do your frat friends know how much of a softie you are deep down? Be careful now, Styles, I might go around telling them how nice you secretly are. Ruin that scary reputation of yours.”

He smirked in amusement, Y/n had this ability to melt away that hard shell, stripping him bare to his true self. He hated and loved it all at once, he felt like she saw right through him. Even when people said mean things about him, Y/n never wavered and sometimes even defended him. The only thing she didn’t approve of was his restlessness towards women. He felt one was never enough, and was quite open about that with his hookups. Maybe he just didn’t have the right one.

He left after that so Y/n could get Emma ready for bed. He was pottering about in the kitchen and making tea, she assumed. That was his late-night ritual usually.

Y/n shook Emma awake enough so she could help Y/n a little to get her into some pyjamas. She even got her make-up wipes out and removed all the makeup on Emma’s face and tucked her into bed.

Y/n sighed tiredly at the effort of it all and felt sobered up almost completely now. Emma had the downstairs bathroom to herself usually, it was very clean in there. Y/n decided to take a shower and wash the sick smell off her skin and the sweat from the clubs and the dirty Uni sharehouse. 

She washed her hair, face and body. Emma had a lot of really sweet expensive-smelling products, but Y/n had her own little section for when she stayed over. It was all coconut-scented. She felt herself begin to droop in fatigue when she finished cleaning herself. She got the last of the makeup the water hadn’t washed off and changed into a random shirt from Emma’s drawer and some fresh knickers from Y/n’s things she’d left here.

Y/n was here more than she was at her own house. Emma always said she’d kick Harry out and let Y/n take his place, but Y/n knew the siblings actually got on rather well. When Y/n was dressed for sleep she blow-dried her hair on the lowest setting so she wouldn’t wake Emma up, but Emma could probably sleep through an earthquake she was a really deep sleeper. Then she plugged both their phones in and slid in beside Emma tiredly. She shut her eyes and turned off the fairy lights Emma had kept on, ready to lull off.

Y/n had been friends with Emma since they were little they’d all grown up together in Holmes Chapel and it was the kind of place you were just friends with everyone because it was so small but Y/n had always been closest with the Styles family. They lived down the street from each other and Emma and Y/n were never seen without each other. So Harry was used to having Y/n around a lot too. 

Growing up he had to make sure nothing happened to them, he was in charge but it was usually Emma giving him trouble Y/n was always a sweetheart, but she had a quick mouth with one-liners that almost knocked him over. He liked that about her, she was sweet but could challenge him feistily without much thought. He’d met his match when it came to arguments.

Often when the parents went away Y/n would be over and Gemma and Harry would have to make sure neither of them got up to anything wild. But it was usually just a sleepover that consisted of them laughing until dawn. Harry was a much lighter sleeper so he would always tell them to shut up. 

Harry woke up to the sound of a pin dropping rooms away, he didn’t know how his sister could snore like a freight train and sleep through herself. He also didn’t know how Y/n could share a bed with her. Sometimes he’d get up in the middle of the night for a wee or some water and would find Y/n on the couch with a pillow over her face trying to block out the noise of Emma’s snoring. 

So when he heard Y/n roaming about in the kitchen (he knew it was her because he could still hear Emma snoring) he pretended to need some water, wanting to see her. It was probably around 3 AM but he had been unable to sleep. And they hadn’t talked much when she got home. He had wanted to tell her how beautiful she looked, but he knew better. She had worn a dress that hugged all her features, it was black and simple. Hair done naturally, and makeup that was subtle but just made her that tiny bit more pretty. She always looked pretty though.

He came down the stairs from his room and walked into the kitchen. Y/n was using the fridge as a light to find things. She was making tea by the looks of things. She found some of the chamomile that she used every night, in turn, Harry added it to the weekly grocery list in case she slept the night there, and hadn’t heard him creep downstairs. 

She was in a big baggy dusty blue shirt that Harry actually thought was one Emma had stolen from him, and a pair of soft pink cotton knickers that were very small. Socks covered her feet making her practically silent. He stepped closer into the kitchen waiting for her to turn around and notice him. 

She was trying to be very quiet in every step, knowing Harry was a very light sleeper, and not wanting to wake him. When she finally did look over her shoulder her body jolted in fright dropping the box of teabags onto the floor and a hand falling to her chest. 

“Jesus, H.” She whispered, raspily. 

He let out a breathy laugh. “Sorry, Lovie.”

She squinted in the dark trying to see him. His hair looked messy like he’d been sleeping and he was just in some boxers as PJs. He ran hot in the night.

“Did I wake you?” She asked a guilty look crossing her face. Her eyes softened as she nibbled on her bottom lip.

He shook his head. “Nah. ‘Aven’t been sleeping well.”

She frowned, not liking the sound of that. She didn’t know why she cared, but she did. “Do you want a tea?”

He smiled, dimples showing. “Yes please.”

She brewed two as he whispered the truth about why he didn’t come out with them tonight. He was originally supposed to, and honestly, she had been slightly disappointed about it. Knowing she’d have to handle Emma alone.

But he told her why, in a soft hushed voice. A few guys in his friendship group had said some really mean things to Harry. Not realising he would feel them so deeply, she thought, they must think he was as mean as he seems. He told the story like he wasn’t phased by the mean comments, but Y/n could tell they had gotten to him. She knew better than his cold stone face.

“Alex said ‘I was a homewrecking prick and womanizer’.” He explained when Y/n asked what the boys had said about him. He heard a hint of protectiveness in her voice when she asked with a pinched face, and he felt a tug in his lower tummy. Why did she care?

Y/n looked up from the mugs at him. The dim lighting of the fridge meant she could only see the outline of his body and the shadows of his features. She saw a glimpse of his eyes, and she could see the look in his eyes. He believed them, he believed those comments. They were glassy with discontentment.

Her eyebrows were pinched in empathy, and she was about to speak but he cut her off. “I know I’m a total prick sometimes, but—”

She interrupted him, “—You are a prick sometimes, but people who really know you know what you're like.” She tried to reason with him. Because she wasn’t going to deny sometimes he would be just plain rude to her, and to others as well. But she also knew he did a lot of nice things too. He had a hard exterior and shied off people easily, if you didn’t know him well he would seem rude. But all his close friends and family knew that he was just standoffish with new people. And loved to tease, and was brutally honest, which Y/n had to admit sometimes that hurt more than the teasing comments. 

But he did nice things. Wonderful things, that he went out of his way to do. Like helped his sister when she was drunk, drove people home so they wouldn’t have to walk in the dark after parties, picked Y/n up from the library at midnight if she was too scared to walk home, bought chamomile tea in case Y/n spent the night, made enough dinner in case Y/n was hungry, visited the girls when they were studying with snacks and coffee, and he even helped sometimes if they were confused on work. He called his Mum every day without fail and sent his Grandma photos of birds when he saw them. 

He baked a new type of cookie recipe every Sunday and gave it to his friends. He adopted stray cats and played Scrabble with his grandparents every few weekends.

Yes, he was a prick, he said mean things and made fun of Y/n when she went on dates with idiots, and he called her names, filthy ones. And sometimes he would barely acknowledge her. But she knew there was a different reason for that, something she didn’t understand. Something between just the two of them. She thought maybe it was just a way for him to protect his sensitive side from people. From her too, hide himself away.

And yes, he did have sex with lots of people, but he did always tell people the truth before getting involved with anyone. He was honest, and open when it came to his boundaries. Y/n thought that was better than lying and acting like you wanted a relationship just so you can fuck someone. She wasn’t saying she approved of Harry’s constant line of girls coming over, maybe that was her jealousy talking, but she wasn’t going to judge him for doing what lots of people did and owning that he did it. He would never kiss and tell, he was respectful and clear with his intentions. What more could you ask of a fuck buddy or one-night stand? If you wanted a good shag no strings attached Harry was your guy, and surely most people knew from the rumours? She just didn’t understand why people put themself in that position if they knew what they were getting into with him.

He wasn’t a devious person who hid behind a mask of fake sincerity to get in your pants. He was blunt, he asked if you wanted to fuck and if you didn’t that was fine. He wasn’t picky with it either he just liked to have a good time.

She felt differently about being with a person. She usually only wanted to be with someone she had an emotional connection with. But she had a smaller level of experience than Harry, so she thought that maybe she was coming from the point of view of a less experienced person. But the point remained, Harry had his flaws, like anyone but he was good at his core. His intentions remained good. No one is perfect, and she knew Harry was far from it but so was everyone she knew!

She knew her flaws too. Flaws made people human. And she appreciated him despite it all.

“And what is that?” He was standing closer now and she felt suddenly very aware of the fact she was only in knickers and a shirt her nipples could be seen through. The way he was staring her down made her aware of her appearance, he looked almost hungry.

“Well as someone who’s known you for as long as I can remember. You’re kind, honest, open, and a good person with a rotten mouth.” She looked away from him as she spoke, flushed by his close presence. She tried not to stumble on her words but was struggling and honestly felt her hands tremble when she felt his breath hit her neck.

“Kind?” He scoffed eyes trained on her face, it was free of makeup. Her lips looked pouty and her eyes droopy in tiredness. She looked perfect. She always did. Even that one week during the bleak middle of winter when she had been sick as a dog; red nose, glassy eyes, snotty and nasally, hair unwashed, skin red, she’d looked beautiful.

“Harry,” She said his name meaning she was serious, she usually called him anything but, “these fucking friends of yours clearly don’t see you like we do.”

“We?”

She leaned back against the drawers sighing, “We. Me, Emma, Niall, Gem, Anne. People who know you, people who love you.”

“You love me?” He teased. 

She rolled her eyes. Of course, that’s what he got from that. He was so annoying.  

“You’re alright.” She replied, they both knew she did, handing him the tea. He said a quiet thanks.

He placed it back down, where Y/n was letting hers cool. The face she had made smile only seconds prior melted back to a stoic look, more serious.

He hugged her and Y/n was surprised, but she wrapped her arms around him. He pulled back when he started to get intoxicated on her sweet scent, her skin smelt edible and her hair was soft against his cheek.

“I’m sorry if I’m a prick to you.”

Y/n didn’t mean to but she laughed. A giggle bubbled from her tummy out of her mouth her as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“What?” He said, fighting back the smile that threatened to tug on his lips. It was contagious. He was trying to keep his attention very far from her chest.

She didn’t know what made her say it but, but she told him the truth. “I like it. It's like a game we have. A Harry and Y/n one. I tease you, you tease me. You act like I don’t exist most of the time and I act like I don’t care. You’re mean to me and I let you be.”

Hearing her say it out loud was kind of like being winded. It had always been their game, a game neither mentioned, some sort of unspoken thing they shared. 

She could tell he was kind of speechless. 

“I don’t know why I let you.” Now that was a lie. She was trying to backtrack. 

“I do.” He said stepping closer. His bare legs were pressing into hers. She didn’t say anything, waiting for him to tell her. But he didn’t.

“You gonna tell me?” She said quietly, eyes widely looking up into his, as his hands rested on either side of her on the bench. He leaned in closely. So they were eye to eye.

She was trapped in his arms and had nowhere to look but at him, she squirmed under his smouldering eyes.

“You know why too.”

She didn’t speak. What did any of this mean? She had waited a long time to hear him apologise for being a dick to her, and he just did and she’d told him that she liked him treating her that way. What she meant was, that she liked him, she let him treat her that way because for Harry she would do anything. She didn’t care if that made her pathetic, at least she knew it was, at least she could admit it. I mean, wouldn’t you let him treat you like shit under his shoe if it meant he was at least looking at you with those gorgeous eyes? Could hardly blame the girl.

“Why did you have to meet Emma before you met me?” He almost whined with a soft scoff. As if complaining at fate’s hands for dealing them these cards.

She felt her heart rate speed up. 

“What do you mean?” She asked, playing dumb. He was talking so much and she was practically drunk on his sultry voice. It was so deep and she just wanted to hold onto the sound forever and feel it melt into her spine like it was now, and listen when she wanted to sink into a state of lust.

He lifted one of his arms and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, “Then she’d be the one who has to follow my rules, and stay away from you. I could be the one in control. Have you all to myself. No sharing.”

Y/n licked her drying lips, as she processed his words. He wanted her all to himself? “Wait, wait, she has a rule to stay away from me?”

Y/n knew Emma didn’t like it when her friends slept with Harry, it was just weird and they would always complain about how mean he was after, or even try and talk about how good he was in bed. She just didn’t like her friends dating or having anything to do with Harry period. But she assumed it was different for Y/n since she knew Harry pretty well and would consider him someone in her close circle. Even if he did ignore her a lot. She assumed she was fine with Harry and Y/n at least being friends. Y/n had bottled all her feelings away for years, she didn’t think that would ever change. Even if Harry liked her back, she wouldn’t do anything to jeopardise their friendship.

“You’re her friend, not mine.” He said, mocking Emma’s tone, making his voice all squeaky and high-pitched.

Y/n frowned. Emma had always been weird about this. She could understand to some extent, but sometimes Y/n wished she could just have a normal conversation with Harry. “Why can’t we be friends? I’ve known you my whole life, and haven’t slept with you. I think I should be allowed to have a conversation with you. I think I can handle that without pulling my pants down.”

Harry’s lips kicked up in a smirk, “You aren’t wearin’ any pants.”

“Oh shut up.” She replied cheeks bleeding pink.

“She trusts you.” Harry said trying to make Y/n feel better, “She just doesn’t trust me.”

Y/n smiled at that, trying to lighten the mood once again. “Who would? I mean this with respect, but you are a bit of a slut.” Her hand came up to play with the cross on his neck.

He giggled, “I simply enjoy myself openly. You should try, Y/n, it’s fun bein’ bad.”

She felt her cheeks warm further, “I can be bad,” Y/n argued but it was no use.

“Oh thas’ such a lie, Baby.” He laughed at her statement rolling his eyes, and Y/n’s heart skipped a beat at the nickname. He’d never called her that before and it brought a rose colour to her cheeks that Harry adored on her. She was so easy to make nervous. But he didn’t think anyone was as good at it as he was.

“It’s not,” She pouted. 

He cocked his head in challenge. “Name one naughty thing you’ve done then. Bet y’cant.”

She tried to think, that growing up she was relatively good and even now she hardly participated in much other than seeing Emma or Niall and studying. But she felt this urge to impress him, make him proud almost. Or at least shock him.

“I stole a lolly once.”

Harry found a smile slipping onto his face, he’d always seen Y/n as a fairly innocent person. And she was, for the most part. Soft and sweet in real life, like a bunny or puppy. So soft, and you just want to pick her up and put her in your arms and tell her how cute she is. But she had some mischievousness to her, like all people. Something buried underneath her innocent aura, Harry thought of that side of her often pondering what she was like when she wasn’t hiding and she’d been cracked open raw and teased beyond return.

“Oh yeah? Anything else?”

She tried to think of what would shock him but she fell flat. Until—but no she couldn’t say that, it way was too personal. 

“I can see you thinking very hard, c’mon tell me.” He whispered. Y/n shut her eyes. His voice sent shivers down her spine.

Fuck it. It was like she had no control over her mouth, the filth just slipped right out of her pouty lips. She wanted to blame the alcohol, but it was probably just his voice that had her feeling intoxicated.

“Sometimes when I touch myself I think of you.”

Harry practically froze, his lips opening to show he was indeed very surprised to hear that. There was a beat and Y/n didn’t know if she regretted it or not. She was about to tell him it was a joke and run for her life. Change her name, and move to Mexico. Her Duolingo lessons weren’t going to be enough to get by, she’d have to start really learning how to speak properly now.

Until. 

“What do you think about, Y/n?”

She felt herself getting hot, she’d really fucked herself here. He would never let this go. Call it the tequila but Y/n wasn’t lying. Truthfully the only thing that got her off was Harry, she couldn’t cum unless his green eyes flashed in her vision. Which she did feel bad about like she was a pervert. But believe that she’d tried to think of others, or watching porn. But she could only ever think of him. Otherwise, it wasn’t as good, and she didn’t get the release she was chasing.

“A lot of filthy things, H.”

He bit his lip, “Like what?”

He could sense her getting shy once more as she crossed her arms and looked at her feet, cheeks all pink and pinchable. “Don’t get all shy on me now, Baby, whatever you’ve touched your lil’ clit too I’ve probably stroked m’cock too.”

Y/n was surprised, head snapping up at his words, and though he was normally very honest even he seemed a bit more nervous to admit it. He was just as bad as her. And he had such a filthy mouth, but that was not a surprise to her. She was just surprised he thought of her, she never saw herself as particularly desirable. She always imagined Harry to like those people who look good running in slow motion.

It took a lot of courage as she began to speak. “I usually think about you…fucking my throat, using my mouth however you like. I like the idea of those hands pulling on m’hair.”

Harry felt his pants twitch. His expression and dark eyes egged her on to continue. He didn’t know she was such a little minx. He’d always imagine her to like soft, gentle caresses. Which wouldn’t have bothered him, though he was fairly kinky, but he would’ve done whatever she liked.

She didn’t know if he would like this but she felt brave, “Like the idea of calling you Daddy….Want to be good f’you, Daddy.”

That’s what made Harry unable to keep his hands by his sides. He grabbed her face forcing her to look into his eyes. 

“Wanna be good?”

She nodded coyly, eyes wide. His hands were warm and she practically melted into them.

“Sleep upstairs tonight then.” He didn’t ask her, he simply instructed her. And who was she to say no? 

She nodded once again and he patted her lower back as if to say off you go then. She listened and walked slowly in front of him. She felt his presence close by, the sweet citrus and woodsy scent that followed him was right by her nose and she could hear his slow calm breaths.

Her beating heart was thumping against her chest and she wondered how it didn’t fill the quiet house (besides Emma’s window-rattling snores).

He noticed her shaky and anxious energy and his hand slipped onto her waist. “I jus’ wanna hear about y’dreams somewhere comfier, Petal, if thas’ all yeh’ want that’s all we’ll do. Plus I’m saving y’from m’lumpy couch.”

She couldn’t complain about that. 

As they walked inside she was welcomed to the scent of Harry, she’d only been in Harry’s room a few times, but never properly. He ushered her to the bed and she sat down tucking her knees to her chest and resting her chin. Examining the walls of famous singers and art that covered it. In the corner by his desk where the only source of light in his room was a glowing lamp, other than some fairy lights above his bed, was a little picture wall.

In the mess of polaroids and film, she saw one of Y/n, Emma and Harry when the two girls had graduated school. He was between them arms around their shoulders and looking to his left at Y/n who was laughing happily with Emma at Gemma who made some joke about something. Y/n knew the picture instantly because it was one of her favourites of him.

“What else, Baby?” He said softly sitting in front of her, interrupting her thoughts of that day when he’d driven home to visit them for it, and looked over to see him leaning against the headboard, arms interlocked behind his head. 

“You go.” She said, which made Harry laugh.

“I’m pretty filthy Honey, you know me. I don’t know if it’ll be something you like.”

She looked at him stubbornly. “Try me.”

He shut his eyes and only now did she see he was nervous too, “I often find myself thinking about you on your tummy, underneath me, letting me stuff you full while my hands pin yours to your back so that you’re at my mercy.”

She liked that, her tummy twisted in yerning. “I’d like you to be in charge. Help me forget.”

He was looking at her like she was the sweetest most edible thing. “Can I kiss you?”

She nodded and he placed his hands in her hair, kissing her softly at first just a whisper of a touch of two mouths moulding into one. She leaned in further into the warmth of him and hugged her arms around his broad shoulders as the kiss began to deepen, he tasted like a hint of beer and minty toothpaste. Her chest burned with what only could be described as Harry. 

He moaned into her mouth softly, sighing at the taste of her sweet tea-soaked lips. The warmth of her curves pressing into him was comforting, and though he had a desire to completely ruin her until she was crying his name, he liked taking it slow and enjoying this first kiss with her. Exploring her mouth, teasing his tongue against hers, and soft hands roaming up and down her back. 

He rubbed her back under the soft shirt, no bra strap blocking his gentle scratches. She arched into his touch.

After all, he’d been dreaming of it for years and he wanted to take his time, even though he was crazy for her and felt this deep animalistic desire, he was gentle with her. Like she could break if he was too rough.

The kiss began to pick up as she slid into his lap, and he encouraged her to rub against his bare thigh. She ground against his tiger tattoo and he could feel the wetness between her thighs leaking onto him already. She moved slowly and uncertainly, his hands moved from her shoulders down to her hips forcefully moving her against him creating friction that made her create a soft whiney noise in the back of her throat. He swallowed the sounds eagerly.

He pulled his lips away breathlessly and dragged his mouth down the column of her throat, kissing sucking and biting wherever he could. Her skin was soft and she smelt like coconuts and something that was just her. He would’ve eaten her whole if he could. She let out soft breaths and sighs, her hips had stopped moving — too distracted by his magical lips. 

He stopped to look at her. Really looking.

Her lips were more red, almost like she’d been nibbling on them, and they were all swollen from his kissing. Her cheeks were dusted in a warm pink. Eyes wild and doe-eyed looking up at him. She was picturesque. He wanted to remember her like this forever and be able to come back to this moment at any time. He soaked it in, hoping to remember.

“You seriously are the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen.” He said softly running his big hands through her messy hair. His rings were cool on her skin.

“Harry, don’t.” She said bringing her hands to cover her blushing face.

He sighed. “I’m sorry for not telling you every second of every day.”

“Don’t lie, H. I’ve seen the girls you fancy.”

“Only ever fancied you.” He said his hands grabbing hers and moving them away she looked at him, shocked. “Only ever look for your face in a crowd, Baby.”

She didn’t know what to say so she kissed him and he moaned softly when she rubbed herself against him. He was getting harder and harder with each movement until eventually she stopped and moved away. 

“Can I suck you off?” She asked, and the filth was shocking to hear from her soft voice and lips.

He nodded hand stroking her cheek. “Yeah, ‘course.”

She moved down to her tummy between his thighs and looked up at him. “I don’t really know what I’m doing.” She whispered. 

He laughed softly, there she was, there was his Y/n. “Thas’ okay, Love, I’ll teach you.”

She slid her hand up his thigh and her fingers found their way into the waistband of his boxers and began to tug them down when he gave her a nod of approval. His stiff dick sprung out against his tummy, and he was completely naked for her. The head of his cock was oozing precum and it dripped down to his balls. Even his dick was pretty. Which she should’ve expected.

It had a blush-coloured tip similar to the shade of his lips, he was veiny and long. So long that he reached his belly button. He was girthy too and as she moved her hand to wrap around it, he hissed at the contact, and she almost dropped her jaw at the fact her fingers weren’t touching. He smirked down at her.

Her reaction was boosting his ego in just the right way.

“You alright down there, Petal?”

She nodded, her lips grazing against his now throbbing cock. He ached for her. The sight of the swell of her ass and plush thighs was making him very needy. 

And to the surprise of them both she pursed her lips and spat down onto his dick. She was basically drooling all over him, it leaked down over the length of him coating his prick and he practically whimpered at the sight — it was one of his dreams. She then took him into her mouth and began to suck and lick, slowly taking him deeper and deeper. 

His hands had slipped into her hair holding it back from her face and he was letting out loud gravelly moans and sighs of pleasure. He was trying to stop his hips from rolling up into her throat. Her mouth was so deliciously warm and tight against him, he felt like a man deprived of water near a watering hole. Her tongue glided around swirling and sucking and teasing the tip of him. When she began to fondle his balls as well, gently massaging them, he let out a particularly loud whiney noise. She popped out off of him. 

“Shh, don’t wanna wake Emma up.” She said before dripping another trickle of spit onto him and continuing her fast and merciless pace on him. 

“Can’t help it, when you take me like that. S’fucking good.” He said, as his hips jutted into her throat roughly, without realising. “Shit, fuck, sorry,” He said hearing her throat gag on him.

She just went deeper onto him, until her nose was tickled by the snail trail on his tummy. Pulling back when all her breath had gone. She hardly needed to be taught.

She took deep breaths of air and stroked him slowly in her hand, he was panting at her touch. 

“You can use my throat however y’like, Daddy.” She said, voice all raw from his cock having stuffed it just seconds ago, before going back down onto him.

“Just tap m’leg if you need me to stop,” He said and she nodded making a noise around him. His hands pulled her hair up away from her eyes. “sucha’ good fuckin’ girl.” He said pushing her head down once more. Again and again, until he was close to cumming. Which had happened fast, and he didn’t have it in him to be embarrassed.

His balls ached for release and her teasing little hands that twisted and stroked him, along with her tongue, had him so loud he’d taken to biting his lip in an attempt to keep his sounds from slipping out. He pulled her off him stroking her cheek gently, swiping some tears away. Her eyes had begun to leak with tears from how deep she was taking him, and it made him throb.

“Gonna’ cum soon, Baby.”

She nodded. “Let me have it please, want your cum. Want it all.”

He stuffed her mouth once more at her words, rutting into her throat until she was gagging and coughing around him. His eyes squeezed shut, “Oh fuck, cummin’,” he hissed. Opening his eyes to watch the sight below him.

Her eyes looked up at him, and that’s what sent him over the edge. With one last thrust, he was cumming, hard, so hard his eyes saw white spots and he shuddered into her. She pulled back coughing, she’d swallowed as much as she could but some of it made its way out and dribbled down her chin. She swiped the rest with her thumb and licked it up.

She was just perfect.

He pulled her up by her chin and kissed her. 

“That was the best blowjob I’ve ever had.” He kissed her again before asking her, “Let Daddy take care of ya’ now, is that what y’want sweet girl?”

She nodded. “Yes please.”

“Good girl. So polite.” He said kissing her forehead. His hand slipped into her underwear circling her clit, which was slick with arousal. “So wet for me.”

She sighed leaning closer to his shoulder, pressing her forehead into him to cover her whines. He started to circle her clit faster, and her hips squirmed against his hand he then started teasing her weeping hole. She moaned deliciously into his neck. Felt so good.

“Come rest against me, my love.” She shifted her body at his command and turned to face away from him. Pushing her back into his chest, her bum tucked right against his stiffy. His legs spread open for her to sit in front of him and he grabbed the waistband of her undies pushing her undies down and she threw them to the side with her ankle. She leaned into his shoulder head tipped back and he watched from over her shoulder. Just like the rest of her, her pussy was beautiful. It was glistening in slick and begging for his attention. Beautiful and spread for him like a flower, her swollen bud was puffy and eager to be sucked, licked, and teased.

His hand slipped past her tummy and began to rub her softly coating his finger in her slick, preparing her for him to slip his fingers in. She sighed breathlessly. 

“Please, Daddy.” She whispered which made his cock twitch from behind her, she felt against her back.

He slowly slipped one in and her mouth opened but no sound came out until he was all the way inside, knuckle deep, which made her let out a broken cry. “Oh fuck, Harry.”

He began to thrust and curl his finger, moving faster and faster. Her tight pussy clamped down onto him, pulsing every few seconds, as she cried out softly into the room. Her cheeks bloomed with warmth and her body squirmed in pleasure as his other hand kept her legs spread for him. His thumb drew lazy circles on her puffy clit which had her pussy leaking even more onto his finger.

“Like when Daddy takes you like this?”

She nodded. “Mm.”

“Say it, Baby, tell me you like it.”

“I lov-love it when you take me like this.” Her voice was so soft and airy.

He began kissing her neck and shoulder, sucking a mark near her ear. She was too distracted to care about it leaving a mark tomorrow. “My pretty Baby, likes when I tease her little pussy?”

She made a whiney noise and her legs twitched almost shutting.

“So sensitive f’me.”

He slipped another finger inside her and she dripped out even more onto him, crying out softly into the hand she’d brought to her mouth, her slick trickled down her thighs too now and he didn’t slow his movements only went harder and faster into her. Loving the way she melted into his touch.

“Gunna’ cum for Daddy?”

She nodded biting her lip. “‘Feels so good. I’m goin’ ta’ cum soon, Daddy.”

He kept going kissing her skin and massaging her thighs and breasts and eventually her legs shook hard, and shut on his hand and she cried out and pulsed rapidly around his fingers, and he could only imagine how good he’d feel with her cumming on his cock like that. She looked so beautiful he felt like he might cum then and there on her back without having even touched himself. As the peak of her orgasm washed over her he slid his fingers out of her and brought them to her lips, giving her just the middle finger.

“Suck,” He told her.

She obeyed sucking dazedly still trying to calm down from her orgasm, when he pulled it out he brought the other one to his lips.

“Mm.” He said softly, she tasted tangy and sweet. 

She took some deep breaths as he held her close. “Thank you.” She whispered softly, shutting her eyes and catching her breath, she can’t remember the last time she came like that. So hard that she felt it in her entire body, so hard she saw stars and couldn’t contain her noises.

“Sucha’ good girl, you’re welcome my sweet girl.” She turned her head to the side and kissed him, very softly and slowly. Nothing feverish and rushed like their previous actions and his hands massaged her bare hips, kneading her plush flesh contently. God, she was just so soft, so warm, so wet, and so perfect. It was like he’d dreamt but better, if that was even possible. He was drunk on her touch.

When she pulled away she looked up at him. “I want your cock, please, I need it.” Her little pleads made his balls ache, and he wouldn’t have to be asked twice by her.

“Okay, Baby.” He said running a hand through his hair. She lifted her shirt over her head and threw it aside, completely bare, so perfect to him. Her nipples harden at the cool air, and her skin pimpled. Her body was perfect, every scar, mole, mark, and spot he’d have happily kissed and run his over for hours if she’d allow it.

He grabbed a pillow from the top of the bed and placed it down in the middle of the bed right in front of her. “Why don’t you lie on your tummy f’me, Petal? Rest on the pillow.”

She nodded and put her hips in line with the pillow, her bum sticking in the air ready for him. His hands rubbed her softly, her skin was so smooth under his hands and he wanted to sink his teeth into her plush flesh. She was so fucking perfect, and the way their bodies knew exactly what to do to the other was just magic like they were made for one another. Just like a pair of contrasting colours splashed on a canvas together, it just worked.

“One sec,” He said leaning over to his bedside table pulling out a condom and ripping it open. He slid it over his leaking prick that was already standing tall at the sound of Y/n’s soft moans and perfect, wet, pussy that was waiting to be stuffed full of him. 

Before he slid himself inside her she turned to look over her shoulder. “I ‘aven’t in a while. Be gentle please, Harry.”

He kissed her forehead, “‘Course, Gorgeous.”

He held her hand in his reassuringly as he slowly dipped the tip inside of her, feeling her begin to stretch for him. She was tight, from nerves and the fact he was just so fucking large. She wasn’t nervous because of anything being wrong, she just wanted Harry to like her. She didn’t know how, but he had this incredible talent of making her nervous always. He was just so much more experienced, older, and had much more sex than her. She just worried she wouldn’t be up to his standards.

But when he began to coo her gently and rubbed her back and bum with his hands to relax her, she began to feel less nervous. Harry, though a prick with a filthy mouth and a bit of an attitude problem, would never want anything bad to happen to her and liked her for who she was, as she was. They’d been around each other for years after all, and with that sort of time, you just understand each other. He was a mean prick who had sex with just about anyone and she was a naive good girl who strayed from any attention. But they could still appreciate their differences. She was pleasantly surprised at how well their bodies understood each other too. His cock was the perfect fit for her, and she melted into the pain.

Her thoughts of nervousness were lost when he had stuffed her completely full of him, she could feel the tip of him teasing that spot inside her that she could only ever reach with toys, she let out a whimper. “Fuck, Harry.”

It was millions of times better than anything she’d ever experienced.

He hissed throwing his head back, feeling her stretch around him. “So tight, Love.”

He began to move, keeping true to his word, slow and gentle thrusts. Remaining as shallow with his movements as someone could with a cock that big.

Y/n’s eyes watered in a mix of pain and pleasure. Her hand flew back again to grab his wrist. “S’big, Daddy.”

He moaned at the name, it was just so fucking cute coming from her. He wanted to take care of her when she acted all needy like that, “Yeah? Feels big inside your little pussy, doesn’t it?”

God, he was filthy, he made her stomach curl with desire. She never thought she’d like dirty talk all that much, before this she’d felt it was corny coming from boys but coming from his lips it was the closest thing to heaven she’d ever heard.

She nodded into the bed and took her hand back to grip the sheets but he grabbed her hands and held them behind her back. He used them as leverage to push her back onto him, pinning her hands back, just like he said.

“Feeling alright, Baby?” He asked. 

And she nodded once more. 

“Tell me.” He told her.

“Feels fuckin’ amazing.” She said struggling to find the words, her orgasm had made her foggy and his cock bottoming out made it difficult to think of anything else.

“Feel so good on m’cock, fucking made to take it, Y/n.”

That made her shiver, the pain had started to subside turning into just pleasure now. “Can go faster, H.” She said just above a whisper. 

As he began to go faster and deeper like he’d been desperate to, she got louder and louder, and her pussy made these filthy noises against his cock. He was ruining her completely and she was enjoying every moment. Her eyes turned glossy in pleasure.

He let go of her hands to grab her hips and push her back harder, she began to move her hips to meet his, and he cried out. 

“Fuck,” He swore, tossing his head back stray curlings falling over his eyes when he looked back down at her.

He squeezed the flesh of her ass and moved his hand forward onto her hair gently tugging it backward, as he began to pound into her even harder. 

“Such a pretty little thing, letting me ruin you, what a good girl.” He said his voice all rough and coarse.

She keened clawing at the bed, “Feels so fucking good, Daddy, I love it thank you.”

Even in bed, she was so polite and obedient, that he wondered what she would be like after being edged for a while. Would her obedience turn to brattiness? He would have to try another time. Made him speed up even more at the thought.

“Wanna see tha’ pretty face while y’taking m’cock,” He said deciding to turn her onto her back he got rid of the pillow, flipping her to face him. Her cheeks were flushed rosy pink, her hair a mess from his pulling, and her eyes were practically black her pupils had gotten so big. She was perfect, his perfect good girl, and so beautiful he could’ve cum just looking at her.

He leaned down kissing her lips, as he continued his thrusts. He dragged his lips down along her jaw and down until he had one of her breasts in his mouth. Her nipples were sensitive to his tongue and her hands moved from his hair to his shoulders, scratching along the peaks of his back. She felt so close, she couldn’t control any part of herself.

He moved his attention across to the other nipple, massaging the one that had just been marked with his mouth. She was moaning breathily, back arching up into him. She was so sensitive to his touch, so much so that every brush of skin that he dared to touch felt like it was on fire. 

“I’m getting close, Daddy.” She said and he began going even deeper, he could tell by the way her pussy was clamping down onto his prick harder and harder and more often that she was on the brink. It made his stomach turn.

“Atta girl, cum on Daddy’s cock.” Her legs were shaking and she screwed her eyes shut at his words. 

“Don’t stop, please.” She said, clawing his back. 

He didn’t dare change anything he was doing, he stayed hitting that spot deep inside her that made her scream out and claw him extra tightly. She pulled him closer so his mouth was hovering over hers, her legs wrapped around his back and she clawed his arms desperate for her release. She felt her stomach unravelling in the familiar feeling of her orgasm. 

“Gonna- fuck, gonna cum!” 

He felt her pulse rapidly on his cock and whined into her lips at the feeling. She made guttural moaning noise, all loud and high, as her legs squirmed and she shook around him. He helped her through her orgasm, stroking her cheek with his hands pecking her lips until she came down from it.

It was even more intense than her first and his cock greedily continued pounding her hardly giving her a chance to rest. He moved her leg up a bit higher against his hip and began to hit that spot even harder than before. 

She whined hands reaching up to his hair, tugging it, and he moaned. He loved it when she did that

“Can you handle another, sweet girl?” He asked he had no shame in wanting to watch her cum once more. It was too beautiful of a sight you couldn’t blame him, he was greedy for more.

And she nodded tiredly. “Think so. Might have to make me take it though, Daddy.”

Her voice drove him up the wall. “Fuck, so fucking perfect f’me. Love this pussy.” He moved his hand down to rub her clit, he wanted to speed up this next orgasm to be in time with his, and he knew he wouldn’t last much longer. Watching his cock disappear in her was a sight he hoped to hold onto in his mind. It made his eyes roll back in his head. 

He kept throwing his head back and grunting as he continued the final stretch before his orgasm.

“Can you choke me, please? Wanna cum with your hand around m’throat, please.” She asked and it took him by surprise. Little innocent Y/n liked being choked too? God, this really was his idea of heaven. 

“Please, what?” He asked sternly.

“Please, Daddy.”

He smirked, and Y/n knew she was done for. He slipped his free hand around her throat, rings cold to her neck as squeezed the sides, he watched her become dizzy with pleasure and she start to show signs of cumming again, which was good because he didn’t know if he’d last much longer.

“Cum for me please, Princess, milk me with that perfect pussy.” He said his voice all rough and slurring, his pussy had him losing his mind. He was so far gone.

With a few more circles on her clit, and deep thrusts she was squirting all over his cock with an intense grip on his prick. He felt her drip down him around his cock making creating more friction for him to continue his merciless pace.

“Cumming,” She cried out loudly lifting a hand to her mouth to cover it, and Harry had honestly forgotten they were supposed to be quiet. The only thing on his mind was filling her with his cum. She was still feeling the wave of her orgasm wash over her and was loose-lipped and limp as Harry started to feel the knot in his tummy unravel in a familiar feeling of complete pleasure.

Her pulsing pussy was squeezing his cock so hard he couldn’t wait any longer. “Getting close, Baby.”

“Cum for me Daddy, please want your cum so bad,” She pleaded. He released his grip from her throat and let his forehead press into her shoulder as she pulled him closer. Hands scratching his hair and hugging him close to her body. Craving him. 

“Fuck, cummin’ Y/n, cummin’.” He said as his cock twitched hard while he bottom out of her, when his loud moans began to spill from his lips she brought their mouths together and he moaned against her swollen lips. 

Even after cumming he stayed inside her for a moment, absolutely spent, head resting on her shoulder. She gently rubbed his back with her hands and didn’t mind him staying close. Eventually, he lifted off of her and kissed her forehead before pulling out, she winced at the feeling of him pulling out of her ruined pussy.

“One sec, Love.”

She nodded. And shifted her hips knowing tomorrow morning she’d struggle to sit. Her hips would probably be bruised and her body would ache, but she did not care one bit. She wouldn’t change what had just happened. She had the best orgasms of her entire life, and Harry seemed pretty content too. And it had been with Harry, of all people it had been with the one person she wasn't supposed to get with.

He tied off the condom and threw it in a little bin by his desk. He walked inside the en suite in his room (he’d won the coin toss), and wet a flannel. He came back with a warm cloth to wipe her down. She squirmed at his touch, feeling very sore and sensitive. “Sorry, Love, I know, but can’t have ya’ all sticky before bed can I?”

She just nodded once again. He put the flannel back in the sink and switched the light off coming back out to find Y/n limp and star-fished in the middle of his bed on the mess of his sheets. She looked completely spent, her three orgasms had tired her out so much. 

“Y’ want something to wear?” He asked. 

She nodded. “Thanks, Styles.”

He smiled at her usual name for him. “What happened to Daddy?”

“Oh, shut up.” She said blushing, he was probably going to keep bringing that up whenever he could, just to tease her. 

He grabbed a big baggy black shirt and some plaid boxers for from his drawer.

“Y’so cute when you blush, you know?”

She frowned hands moving to her face. “Stoppp!” She whispered loudly.

He handed her the clothes and helped her slide into them, and she half expected to be sent back to the couch downstairs and told thanks for the shag, but he pulled the duvet down the bed and patted the middle of the bed for her to sleep there. She moved to lay in the spot and Harry placed the duvet over her. 

Sliding back on his boxers from before, and running a hand through his messy sweaty hair he looked over at her. “I’ll get us some water, be right back.”

She nodded. “Alright.”

When he came back with two glasses of water he placed them on the bedside table and sighed before rolling in beside her. She turned to face him. “Hi,” she said with a giggle.

“Hi.” He replied with a small laugh too. 

“Your bed's very comfy, Styles.”

“Better than m’couch.” He replied sliding a hand onto her waist to rub her side, soothing her into a restful sleep.

“Much better, should’ve shagged you sooner if it meant bed privileges.”

He scoffed playfully, “Only using me for my cock and the comfy bed, aye?”

She laughed back. “Yeah, obviously, why else?”

He pulled her even closer and turned the tone more serious. “Thank you for before,”

She frowned confusedly. “The blowjob?”

He laughed softly. “No, in the kitchen.”

She laughed at herself. “Oh right,” She said lifting her hand to stroke his cheek which he leaned into. “Well, I like your rotten mouth and shocking brutal honesty and all the rest of you. Don’t worry about those guys.”

He leaned closer, a teasing expression lighting up his face. “You like me?”

She just rolled her eyes, shoving his shoulder playfully. 

“I like you too.”

This made her blush. “Go to sleep.”

“C’mere then,” 

She got even closer and fell asleep to the beat of his heart and gentle caress on her back.

The following morning, she woke up early, which was very unlike her, and in a total panic, that Emma might have noticed she was missing from the couch. Harry groaned grabbing her, “Don’t go.”

“Have to, Em’s gonna notice, she’d kill us both.” She said, voice all raspy and eyes bleary. 

He whined not letting go. “Stupid Emma.”

“Shh. I’ll see you later.” She was about to leave back downstairs, but he grabbed her and she watched him waiting for what else wanted from her. 

“Kiss?”

She leaned down and pecked his lips which he smiled at shutting his eyes to go back to sleep, and she left sneaking back downstairs. Sluggishly wrapping the blanket around her and shutting her eyes, even though she was much too giddy to sleep. 

When Emma woke up with a throbbing head she smiled at Y/n and she started making coffee quietly since her head couldn’t handle anything loud. This made Y/n stir, sitting up and turning the telly on sleepily. A re-run of Friends was on and she wrapped herself up in the blanket and sat back watching.

Emma wordlessly passed her a coffee and sat beside her, stealing some of the blanket. They spent the rest of the episode in silence just huddling together for warmth and sipping away tiredly, until Harry’s footsteps could be heard creaking down the stairs.

“Want some pancakes, children?”

The pair nodded. 

Y/n looked over at him smiling to herself, he’d changed into a loose navy crewneck and some pyjama pants. He looked gorgeous, and she was reminded of last night. She'd liked him for years, and now she'd done filthy things with him, would she ever recover?

When the pancakes were ready they all sat together at the table. Harry was a wonderful cook, he made a variety of pancakes.

Blueberry, chocolate chip, plain, some with strawberries and cream. He'd brought out lemon and sugar too because that's what Y/n liked on her pancakes, and lots of fruit for Emma. He'd brought out two big jugs of juice for them and a coffee pot.

“Sleep well, Em?” Asked Harry, with a mouthful of blueberry pancake chewing lazily. How did he even look sexy eating?

She nodded. “Yeah,”

“Me too.” He replied before turning to Y/n, who was mid-sip on some juice, it was a mix of berries and tasted sweet. “Y/n?”

She coughed, choking on her juice, and Harry smirked knowingly. Emma patted her back, “You alright, mate?”

“Yeah, just wrong hole. I slept fine.” Y/n said.

“Hate when that happens.” Harry teased, and she wanted to kick his shin but Emma definitely would’ve noticed.

They all finished their pancakes and after the big breakfast, Emma had an aspirin and told them both she was going back to bed for a nap.

“I might head off then,” Y/n said, she wanted to go home and nap herself. Harry had kept her awake for a good portion of the night after all, and her body was very sore. “I’ll get an Uber.”

“Alright, Babe,” She said hugging her. Y/n kissed her cheek and hugged her back.

“Bye, Babe,” Y/n said with a soft smile.

“Thanks for taking care of me. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Y/n nodded. “Of course, we have to do our monthly movie marathon rain, hail, or shine!”

Emma smiled. “Perfect, get home safe.”

They parted, and Emma went back to her room to sleep. Y/n’s Uber arrived moments later and Harry watched Y/n leave waving with a big devilish grin.

She waved back hopping in the Uber tiredly, as the car pulled away and Harry shut the door, her phone buzzed with a text.

Harry Styles🍒

Can I come over tonight?

Y/n felt a big grin overtake her face. 

what on earth for mr. styles?

Harry Styles🍒

Didn’t get to give a you proper goodbye, did I?

Y/n blushed with a small laugh as she typed back. 

see u at eight

Harry Styles🍒

See you then Baby X

Y/n bit her lip. What had she gotten herself into?

oh and bring snacks 

and that new film u were raving about to niall

Harry Styles🍒

Ok, done. See you tonight. XX

Y/n felt her cheeks heat up similar to last in the kitchen. This was not the Harry she knew, but she didn’t have it in her to complain. She saw flashes of last night of them together and squirmed in her seat.

‘💗💗’ She replied.

When she put her phone down in her lap and stared out at the window she sighed to herself, knowing she was completely done for. Harry had ruined her, she'd never be able to stop thinking about him and last night. However, she had very few complaints about it. Her phone buzzed yet again. She checked it.

Harry Styles🍒 hearted your message.

They never formally dated, it was sex but so much more too. Movies, dinners, holding hands, hotels. It was everything Y/N wanted in a relationship, expect it was no where near being a relationship. Not a healthy one anyways. But no one had ever been interested in Y/N like that before, especially a boy like Harry Styles. He was like this God that everyone in school worshipped, Y/N never understood it until she started tutoring Harry. His energy was magnetic and she knew he would go on to do amazing things. She just wished she would be there to witness that.

During their senior year, she thought that this would be the perfect time to discuss their relationship. They were both eighteen, thinking about jobs and colleges, she wanted to set her intentions straight for the year. And she thought Harry wanted to do the same.

She was so wrong.

“We’ve been hanging out for a while now…” Y/N said, trailing off and playing with the rings on Harry’s fingers. She had bought him the tiger one, representing their school as he plays football competitively. Harry narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips.

He nodded.

“And maybe it’s the time… to you know.. make it official?” Y/N asked, smiling nervously. Harry grew stiff and didn’t speak, his eyes moving around her face. Y/N’s face heated up as she waited in the silence, her heart beating wildly.

Harry grunted and took his hand away from hers. Y/N’s eyebrows furrowed with concern. He placed his his fingers on his lips and then sighed looking Y/N in the eyes.

“You know I’ve been fucking other girls?”

Those words never left her mind. Not even when he came to her window at three am, sobbing. She comforted him. Even though he’d never love her back.

Harry ignored her in school. Fucked other girls, kissing them in the hallways, smacking their ass as they bend over his car. But when the sun went down and it was just Harry, he found himself wanting, no needing Y/N.

When they graduated, Y/N shut down. She completely locked herself away and studied like she’d never studied before. She ignored the knocks on the windows and the empty text messages sent from Harry.

She got herself through her last few months of school.

And here she is in college looking a fresh start.

Luckily, she found a nice enough roommate and had some money saved up from part time work to make her side of the dorm look pretty. She had gone to orientation and looked around the campus, loving the feeling of being free. She wasn’t constantly wondering if Harry was fucking another girl. Y/N was just thinking of herself for once.

“I’m heading to this freshers party if you want a ride?” Kylie, her roommate asked, flashing her keys. Y/N had never been asked to a party before. She couldn’t pass up this offer. So she nodded excitedly.

“I’ll get ready,” Y/N said nearly falling off of her bed. She grabbed a black short dress from her closet and pair of heels her mom made her pack. She brushed through her hair and left her face bare.

After putting on the necklace Harry had gotten her in Junior year, she let a breath and smiled nodding at herself, loving the girl that smiled back.

Kylie and her girlfriend were waiting in the hall and grinned at Y/N.

She looked good. Better than good.

They all got in the car and the drive wasn’t too bad, about fifteen minutes. These people obviously lived off campus, so she wasn’t expecting anything too fancy.

“We’ll meet back here at 2, if you’re going home with someone text us, ok?” Kylie said and Y/N nodded.

“Promise,”

Y/N went straight to the kitchen and got a drink.

“Y/N?”

She knew that voice and got it felt good to hear it again. But she didn’t turn around, she just tightly gripped her drink.

“Y/N? Is that you?”

Y/N spun around with a fake smile.

Harry Styles.

God, he looked so hot. Why, she groaned in her head.

“You look… amazing” Harry breathed out, his eyes wandering down her body.

She crossed her arms over her chest, her boobs pushing up. Harry bit his lip.

“Haven’t heard from you in a minute,” He said, sipping his drink.

“Yeah,” She nodded finishing off her drink.

She began to walk away but then Harry pulled her back by her wrist.

She couldn’t pull away.

You and your girls had gone out for drinks too and you had mentioned to the boys that you would catch them up later.

At some point during the evening, though, you and the girls had all gone to the beach and you had gone to the toilet. It had been a trek to find one, only when you tried to find your way back you took so many drunken wrong turns that you couldn’t tell your legs from rights now.

Reading a map was useless, but sending Harry messages wasn’t.

You originally hadn’t wanted to send him any messages, not wanting to ruin his last night a “free” man but at some point you had become a little too lost to care.

Swinging your legs as you sat on the wall, you watched the birds fly overhead amongst the clear blue sky. You detailed all the cracks in the old buildings and counted twelve windows on one wall alone.

Your brain was fuzzy and your eyes kept on wanting to close from tiredness. You would be blaming a lot of your girl friends tomorrow for the continuous passing of shots your way.

Your phone rang in your hand.

“Yeah?” You answered, not even checking the caller ID.

“Baby? Love? Can y’hear me?” Harry asked.

“Yeah.”

“You’re not where y’said you’d be.” Harry sounded stressed.

“N-no I am. I sent you my location a-and I haven’t moved.”

You stood up and could feel yourself starting to panic. If Harry didn’t know where you were then there was no way of you knowing. Harry wasn’t ever a big enough drinker to get really drunk, unlike you.

You only ever got drunk when you felt you were in a safe environment, like tonight had been surrounded by all your closest girl friends. Or always with Harry.

Now that you didn’t have anyone and you were still drunk, you were getting anxiety of being alone and intoxicated.

Cue to shaky hands and tears.

“Are y’sure baby?”

“Y-yes. Fuck me. You’re not going to find me. Fuck. I don’t – shit – I.. I’m…”

“Hey, hey. Y/N, baby. Woah, slow down for me, okay? I am coming for you, okay? I just.. It was my mistake and I just need to relocate myself. You’re okay.”

Your phone was shaky in your hands and you started twisting your body around, as if expecting some random creepy guy to come around the corner and take advantage of you.

The twisting didn’t help your head, though, and was making you feel increasingly dizzy and sick.

“Y/N?” Harry asked urgently and you wondered whether you’d missed something he said.

“I-I’m scared.” You honestly said, backing yourself against a wall and trying to let the cool stone calm you down.

Your tears will no doubt have ruined your minimal makeup by now, not that that was a main priority of yours right now.

“Honey, you’re okay. I’ll be there soon, I promise.”

Harry sounded like he was running.

His voice sounded a little breathy and you could hear the fast movement of wind through the speakerphone.

“Y/N, love, turn on your data.” Harry said.

“I ran out.” You banged your head back against the wall, not even thinking about the pain that just caused.

You whimpered as you sank down onto the floor, knees tucked close to your chest and arm wrapped around your legs. Your phone was still to your ear, with Harry’s voice being the only sane thing in this moment.

“Okay, okay.” Harry muttered to himself rather than you. More running sounded from Harry’s end of the phone. “Baby, y’still there?”

“Mm.”

Your mind travelled to many worst case scenarios and due to how bad they were your panic only increased.

This was supposed to be your last nights as an unmarried couple and you couldn’t help but feel like you’d ruined that. He must’ve been having such a good night.

You’d seen a couple of photos on his private Instagram story and other people’s Instagram stories. Your fiancé looked divine. He just looked so perfect that it was difficult to believe that he had chosen you and you got to call him yours.

It did make you nearly cry that he was thinking of you, via Instagram, though.

“You feeling okay, baby?” Harry asked.

“Don’t know. I’m so sorry, Harry.”

“It’s okay. I’m not angry or upset. Just want to make sure you’re okay, my love.”

“Okay.”

“So you have to be brave for me, okay?”

“Yes, okay.”

You got stuck for a moment, trying to think of possible ways you could calm yourself down and distract yourself. Luckily, Harry was already one step ahead.

“Hey, baby?” He grabbed your attention.

“Yeah.”

“We’re getting married tomorrow.”

You couldn’t help but let the smile take over your face. You weren’t scared at all for tomorrow. You had no nervous jitters. All you felt was love in your heart for your husband to be.

“We are.”

“And you’re going to look so beautiful.”

“So are you.”

“I can’t wait to see you in your wedding dress. I bet it looks so pretty.”

You sniffled, building back your strength and overcoming your anxiety. A lot of your strength came from the love you hold for Harry.

You heard a noise from your left and looked to see a cat rustling through some litter.

Your heart deflated when you realised it wasn’t Harry. You knew he was coming though. He was on his way and he would not stop running until he found you.

It was almost like a bad scene out of a romance movie.

The night before your wedding and something terrible goes wrong. It’s a sign!

“I think it’s just perfectly me.” You said, talking about your wedding dress.

“Sounds perfect to me then.” Harry paused for a moment. “Baby, did you walk under an archway, like, uh, a stone archway covered in pink flowers?”

“I-I don’t know. I don’t remember.” You ran a stressed hand over your forehead.

“Okay. That’s okay.”

“Everyone’s going to be so mad at me.” You began getting frustrated with yourself. “Fuck.” You breathed in a sob and exhaled with a bigger breath.

“Promise you no one’s mad, baby. Gem has messaged me a thousand times asking if you’re okay. I can’t even answer ‘cause this bloody maps apps is a fucking nuisance. I swear to–”

“Harry?” You furrowed your eyebrows, looking up from your knees to check your phone. He was still on the line. “Hello?”

“Y/N!” Harry shouted your name, but not from down the phone.

You could see Harry walking over to you very quickly, clearly panting from having run street after street.

“H.” You dropped your phone and cried as you saw him faster approach you.

Definitely a moment worthy of a romcom.

Harry was probably living his Ryan Gosling dreams.

“Baby, hey. I’m here. You’re okay.” Harry sank down to the floor and scooped his arms around you, pulling you close and squeezing oh so tight.

He sank down to his bum and leaned against the wall, pulling your entirely onto his lap. Too close wasn’t an option right now.

Your arms wrapped around his neck as you sat sideways on his lap. Your face was tucked under his chin and his head rested on top of yours. You cried as Harry held you tight.

You couldn’t see Harry’s facial expressions but he was breathing out sighs of relief, some tears in his own eyes from the adrenaline of trying to find you. He had been just as scared as you, but had to remain strong for you. Now he had you he could let it all out.

“You’re never going to the toilet alone again.” Harry laughed. You laughed back.

“Deal.”

“That was scary.” Harry kind of mumbled, but you heard him anyways. He kissed your head a few times and you melted at the feel.

“Harry.”

“Yeah, love?”

“My head is so dizzy.”

Harry used a hand to tilt your head up so he could see your face. He noticed your mascara ridden face first of all, but beneath that you were all beauty.

“Tequila is only our friend for two rounds, remember?” He laughed at you. He was able to tell from your eyes that you weren’t exceedingly drunk, but definitely tipsy.

“I did not remember.”

He nuzzled his nose against yours as he shook his head with a grin. “You’re such a handful, you.”

“M’sorry.” You pouted.

“Never said I didn’t love you as a handful.”

“Do you? Love me a handful?” You used a hand to stroke over his cheek that had gotten so scruffy with the stubble he was trying to grow.

“‘Course. Love you every way and anyway. Love you so much. Love you until my body literally decomposes my wedding ring off my finger, and then some more.”

“That was dark, even for a 2AM drunk thought.”

“It was, wasn’t it?” Harry chuckled, noticing that smile on your face becoming more and more permanent.

“But I’ll love you for the same.” You promised.

Harry kissed you then, not wasting another moment of this evening away from you. Well, morning now. His lips were soft against yours and you smiled into the kiss, happy that he was here with you even if it was under really weird circumstances.

“Let’s go, trouble. We’ll go back to the hotel and I’ll kiss you all night.”

“Don’t you want to spend the rest of your night with the boys? You know, last night as a free man?” Even though you were suggesting this, all you actually wanted to do was kiss, kiss and kiss him.

“Free man?” Harry furrowed his eyebrows with disgust, “What are you talking about?”

“You know? People say the last night before they get married is their last chance to be free?”

“Why would I need to be free when I’ve got you? I’m choosing you, like I always have. Never needed to be free.”

You smiled warmly at him. “I’m shackling you to me for life.”

“Too right you are, baby. Wouldn’t want it any other way.”

“Now, take me home, trouble.” You giggled.

“Oh. So I’m the trouble now?”

liked by gemmastyles and 682,928 others

yourinstagram tomorrow i get your last name forever <3 p.s. i would like to state that harry bought himself that tshirt :)

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harryfan1 oh to be y/n l/n

jeffezoff Where did you two go?

harryfan2 moustacherry fans rrIISEEEEE

harryfan3 wish my bf supported me with tshirts like that

jamescorden Tequila anyone?

harrystyles I am planning on wearing that tshirt tomorrow.

yourinstagram @/harrystyles the tshirt but nothing else please

You’ve never been in love before. 

You had experienced love in friendships and in your family, that deep affection and care you had for another person and the detrimental loss you’d feel if something ever happened to them. But you had never been in love. 

Your friends had always described it as feeling entirely connected to another person, in heart and soul. They said it was like you just wanted to be with them 24/7 and be utterly consumed by them in every way. Their loss was your loss, their win yours too. 

You’d want to spend every waking moment together, and you’d dread saying goodbye. It was hard to breathe when they weren’t around, and physically painful to think of them hurting or leaving you.

None of it ever made sense to you. You had always hoped that one day you’d experience it, but you never really thought it was how they described.

They were right.

Although you didn’t know for sure that what you were feeling was love for Harry, that was the best way of describing it. You yearned for him always and your mind and body had been in utter turmoil just thinking about leaving him.

It hurt and your heart and chest physically ached at what was coming at the end of this week. 

When you thought back to his reasoning for Valentines dinner, you understood why he chose today. But now that things had progressed (on your side), you wished he had picked a later day in the week. It was only Tuesday and with five days still to go, you didn’t know how you were going to go through it knowing what you now did about yourself.

Once you leave you can get over it, you knew you could… at least you convinced yourself you could. But being in his presence was entirely too suffocating. There were still three more morning walks and greetings after work. You’d be in his house where your relationship had started from nothing and now grown to this. 

He had practically fucked you in every room too so there was just no room that left you at peace. It even smelt like him, his heavy cologne like a candle that lingered and stained the air. Being here surrounded by that would be suffocating, you knew it would be.

It almost felt silly to feel as deeply as you did towards him. Partly because he didn’t love you back, but also because you knew that you had fallen in love with only part of a man. 

Harry had never been completely open with you, and you never asked him to, yet you still stupidly fell for him even when you didn’t even know who he was at heart. Feeling like this made all the confusion he caused you hurt even more. The mixed signals, the dates that weren’t dates, spending Valentine’s Day together. 

Since your lightbulb moment everything just felt a lot clearer. You now understood why all those things he did impacted you so much. 

Even when you got a little too close to your previous hookups (which you had with one of them), you were never so caught up and obsessed in their behaviour. It never affected you this much and it was because you were never in love with them. 

Going from 0 and never experiencing a relationship nor wanting one to 100 and being in love and having a deep craving for one in the span of just over a month was crazy. There was no other word to describe it except plain crazy.

The idea of being in love was still so foreign to you that you hadn’t even uttered the words out loud yet. Not to Harry… god you could never imagine even saying the word ‘love’ around him let alone professing yours. But just out loud to yourself, like an admission that would suddenly make this entire situation real. 

You woke up sore. Every muscle in your body felt tight and uncomfortable, and when you went to stretch everything out it only made the pain between your thighs worse. It was a nice reminder of last night, although you hoped your parents wouldn’t notice the limp you knew you had when they get home from their night away later today.

When your eyes opened at the sound of your alarm you felt momentarily confused as to where you were. These weren’t your sheets, and this wasn’t your ceiling. 

It only took a moment to process that you had stayed the night in Harry’s bed. But when you looked over to his side and it was bare, the sheets still rustled and no sign of the gorgeous, tatted man, you felt disappointed.

There was no note, and after looking over to the bedside and finding your phone placed on charge (hence the alarm) with no new messages from him, your heart sunk at the thought of him leaving without saying anything. 

It was time for you to get ready for your walk, if you were heading on one, so still very early in the morning. Archie was kaplunked at the end of the bed and he only did that when Harry was nearby or gone completely. Since it was just too early for him to have left already, you decided to just wait and see when you’d be able to hear or see him. 

You had already chosen not to go on your walk, especially with this pulsing pain between your legs, but you forgot to turn off your usual alarm so you were still forced to wake up at an ungodly hour. 

Now that you were awake though, a nice snuggle in Harry’s bed sounded perfect. The sheets were fresh, changed after last night's activities and just smelt so good too. They felt so incredibly soft against your bare skin you never wanted to leave.

The two of you shared a hot bath last night, which honestly didn’t last too long because of how hot you got in there, but it was the perfect aftercare. You spoke about random things while he massaged your shoulders and lathered body wash all over you.

Then afterwards you dried off and he rubbed that lotion over your ass and thighs, making sure it was gentle and soft before the two of you got back in bed and fell asleep together. He tucked you into his arms, spooning you like it wasn’t hot outside or completely too romantic to be falling asleep together like that.

The entire experience was really damn nice to be honest. You liked when he took care of you, and he didn’t exactly expect any sort of deep conversation or responses on your behalf considering how fucked out you were, which made it even better.

You could just sit there and enjoy being pampered with nothing in your head at all except the life altering knowledge that you were in love with Harry Styles. 

Shaking the thought away you stretched out again, this time a bit harder while letting out a groan at the pain, both satisfying and cruel. Your foot kicked Archie’s bum by accident which made his ears perk up and his head flick to you fast.

“Fuck… ‘m sorry Arch” you apologised, sitting up and scooting closer to him. You dragged the covers with you so your body was covered before scratching behind his ear. His side eye didn’t fade right away which made you pout a little at him, “come onnnn, I said I’m sorry”

You scratched down to his belly this time, smiling when his tail started wagging and he rolled onto his back to expose more of his tummy to you. “There we go, all you need is a bit of tummy scratches and you’re all happy again, huh?”

You let your chin rest on your knee and you wrapped your left arm around yourself while you continued scratching him. “Where’s your dad, hmm? Maybe he’s out cheating on you and walking a different dog?” Archie looked at you funny, like he somehow understood what you were saying but was probably just interested in the sounds of your words.

Your eyes widened and you gasped dramatically, continuing your conversation with him even though he couldn’t respond. “Oh the horror! I’d never cheat on you, you know that? Maybe you should just come live with me instead? You’d love my bed and my view, got a big window you can sit at and bark at everyone down at the street’ 

“Are you trying to poach my dog? Using belly scratches is an unfair bargaining chip y’know?” Harry asked, stopping in the doorway with two mugs.

He overheard the majority of your conversation with his child on his way to deliver you coffee and found the entire thing adorable. He often spoke to Archie, like any other dog parent, but hearing you do it was so much better. 

You looked up at him, gulping at the sight of him stood there only in a pair of small neon workout shorts. He seemed to be a bit sweaty, his hair clipped up in a claw clip. He had clearly been working out before coming to you and the thought of him doing whatever he does in his home gym was riling you up.

As if you didn’t get enough dick last night now you wanted more already. 

“Maybeeeee.” You replied, grinning as he walked towards you. Archie eyed his dad curiously, staying on his back to enjoy your scratches. He clearly was happy as anything in his current position. “I think he’d like my one room apartment where my bed is both my bed and my couch”

“I’m sure he would” Harry laughed, approaching your side of the bed and handing you a big mug full to the brim of thick white frothed milk.

“Thank you” you smiled, taking a sip of the perfect coffee Harry had made you. 

“You’re welcome, love” he sat down beside you on the edge of the bed, taking a sip of his own very black coffee. “Y’know, I thought you’d still be asleep when I got back”

“I would be but I forgot to turn my alarm off so it woke me up” you shrugged, taking another sip of coffee. 

“Ah” he nodded in understanding, taking a sip of his own. His eyes dragged over your body, starting at your shoulder then working down to where your back was bare and uncovered. They roamed until they couldn’t anymore, your lower back and below hidden from his view. 

“Did you have a good workout?” You asked, trying to distract yourself from what his stare was doing. “What about your walk, are you heading off soon?”

“Yes and no” he shook his head,  “A good workout definitely, but no walk for me today…” he paused, looking over your body before back in your eyes, “was thinking of having a quick shower and jumping back in bed with you for a bit, actually. That okay?”

God he hoped you’d say yes. He could think of nothing better than feeling your pretty, soft naked body against his for a bit longer. The skin to skin contact had been a craving of his since he woke up and forced himself out of bed.

He didn’t really want to, to be honest, leave the bed. But he had woken up with a painful hard on and knew you were too sensitive to do anything. His hand just sounded so unappealing too so he decided to just work it off. 

It worked, but now he wanted to get back to you and just hold you for a little longer. Having you in his bed overnight was a treat, a special extra that he didn’t really think he’d have when he planned last night. Now that he had you here, he just wanted to get the most of it. 

No sex, just time, connection. He needed to memorise your body and the way it felt against his, the way it made him feel inside too before you left for good. 

The feeling you provided him was both unwanted and addicting. 

It was such a high to feel so comfortable, yet free and alive all at the same time. He never wanted that feeling to end. It was coming to an end and he knew it, but he just needed a bit more time with it. He needed more time with you. 

“Uhuh, I mean, yeah. That’s okay” you stuttered, blushing at the thought of the two of you just laying in bed together like that. 

It was different doing it after sex or when you first woke up, because you were already in bed. This… Harry asking for him to come back to bed to presumably cuddle with you was a whole different game. 

The fact that he asked in the first place stunned you. 

“Perfect. Get comfy then” he smiled, finishing off his coffee before squeezing your chin and pecking you gently. He placed the mug on the bedside table then got up and walked towards his bathroom. 

“I’ll be no more than 5 minutes!” Echoed through the room once he got in there, leaving the door open without care. 

“Okay!” You yelled back, hearing the shower turned on.

You sipped your coffee, eyes right on Archie who had flopped back on his side to go back to sleep. You could hear Harry rustling around over the sound of the running water, but you paid little mind to it because you were way too focused on trying not to shut down from how fast you were thinking. 

The more you thought about him coming back in bed the more you despised the idea. At first it was nice, lying next to his warm toned body, running your hands over his chest and feeling his muscly arms wrapped around you. 

But as the fantasy went on those thoughts turned into fears of suffocation, like lying there would suck the air out of your lungs. Like lying next to the man you loved would destroy you rather than make you feel good. 

And it would. Fuck. How could you lay there without screaming out your feelings, or screaming at how frustrating this entire situation was. 

How could he even think asking you to get back in bed was okay given your relationship? Cuddling wasn’t normal for you two. It wasn’t something that you just did as friends, and certainly not something you’d do with a man you were hooking up with. 

But you had that same issue with most of the things Harry did. 

You didn’t know how an invitation to cuddle was making your brain so fucking overwhelmed and circling back to all the other issues you had. But it did. 

Suddenly the room felt small and you felt so out of control of everything. Your life, your feelings, your relationship with Harry. You needed to feel in control, even just for a little while. 

Without thinking, you got out of bed and made your way into the bathroom. The sight before you had you stumbling a little, pausing in the doorway to just admire the profile of Harry’s back. 

His back was towards you, palms flat against the tiled wall in front of him. His head was dipped low between his shoulder blades, the hot water cascading down his body and into the drain below. The cool air conditioned room was starting to fill with steam and the clean lavender scent of his body wash. 

Harry was one gorgeous hunk of man. 

He had such a gorgeous profile. As you stepped closer you could see the ridges of his muscles, the glimpses of the tattoos on the sides of his body. You wanted to run your hands all over him and follow the touch with your tongue. 

“Can I join you?” You asked softly, feeling him jump at the feeling of your hands pressed to his back. 

“Fuck, yeh scared me” he cursed, turning around to face you. His accent seemed a bit more British when he was frightened. “But of course you can”

He didn’t hear you walk into the shower behind him over the sound of the running water. Usually he always knew when you were near, he could hear you or smell your pretty perfume, but his head was right in the stream and he had already cleaned himself with his body wash. 

“Thanks” you smiled, shivering at the feeling of his large hands grabbing onto your bare hips. 

“What’s this about then? Wanting to join me in the shower” he turned you so your body was in the water this time, your head tipping back so your hair got wet but your face didn’t. You let out a hiss at the feeling of the warm water on your back, your heated and bruised ass and upper thighs stinging from the pressure and heat. 

Harry couldn’t help but feel happy at the thought of you wanting to join him, like you had missed him in some way. His mind was also filling up with those inappropriate thoughts he woke up with this morning. 

The sight of your head tilted back, exposing your pretty bruised up neck while water started running down your body was driving him crazy. You had goosebumps over your skin from the change in temperature, and your nipples were hard and just begging to be bitten. 

He had to push the thoughts away, knowing this shower wasn’t about that and that he had worked you hard last night. If you wanted a second round he would’ve been utterly impressed and surprised. 

“Just felt like it” you shrugged, placing your palms on his chest, unable to help yourself from just feeling his body. Your eyes scanned his tattoos, leading down to his cock hanging between his legs before you dragged them back up to meet his.

He smirked, noticing immediately where your eyes went. When you looked at him like that he wanted to do unspeakable things to you. Although, he’d gladly tell you everything he wanted to do to you if you asked. 

“Yeah? Just felt like it” he mocked, leaning in to kiss you. You stopped him by pressing your finger to his mouth, his eyebrow quirking in surprise. “What are you doing?” 

You smiled coyly and wordlessly leaned in to press a kiss to his jaw instead. You could see his eyes flutter a little, but he said nothing even as you removed your finger from his mouth to continue pressing kisses along his jaw. 

He swallowed thickly when your lips met his neck, your hands running along his pecs and scratching downwards towards his abs. Harry’s breath hitched when you reached a particular spot on his neck, so you bit down gently then sucked. 

“Y/n… fuck, what are you doing?” He breathed, head tipping back and fingers digging harder into your hips. His fingertips pressed into the bruises on your ass and the sting sent an ache right to your clit. 

“Nothinggg” you replied innocently, nipping down to his collar bones. He let out a little groan, feeling himself getting quite worked up just from your kisses. You had never initiated sex like this, ever, but he was quite enjoying how brave you had suddenly become. 

Being wanted, needed… desired was one of the best feelings in the world. 

It was one thing to have you reciprocate his advances, to tell him how much you were enjoying it or to have you beg him in that whimpery voice of yours not to stop. But this… having you initiate first and show him that you too couldn’t get enough of him was something entirely different. 

It made Harry not feel so fucking crazy. Since he woke up this morning his head had been spinning at the fact that he simply wasn’t able to get over you. 

This last night together was meant to get it out of his system, to be a celebration of everything you two had explored, like a final chapter then he could close the book and move on in time for you to leave. But that wasn’t the case at all. 

He had felt it for weeks, these… feelings and it wasn’t new to him that he had been trying to figure out what to do, how to get rid of them. But last night he realised that trying to get rid of them was going to be much harder than just accepting them… at least in a physical sense.

His attraction to you was palpable, and it was one of the only things in your relationship that he was actually sure about. You had him questioning everything else and that was fucking scary. 

But this, having you stand here and initiate intimacy told him that he wasn’t one sided in that, and that there was a real possibility you two could still see each other in a physical sense going forward. He also couldn’t lie and say that it wouldn’t feed his need to see you all the time too, because he was really going to miss your good mornings and good nights every day.

There was still a lot he needed to figure out, like your odd confrontation Monday night and the logistics of continuing something like this. He couldn’t let himself get too close either. Seeing you in your own space, where you two didn’t need to hide would open a whole new can of worms.

There wouldn’t need to be sneaking around, or limits, fuck he could spend the whole weekend in your little apartment and wouldn’t need to worry about anything. That was dangerous. It was also exilarating. 

But he couldn’t really think about that right now. All he needed to know was a yes, then he could figure out the details later. And after this shower, he was confident that you would in fact say yes to his proposition. It made sense anyway since it was a mutually benefitting arrangement, a part two to this once-a-week agreement that you had to start off with.

Still, after the few odd things that you had done here and there, his confidence in being able to read you had faltered slightly. 

“Y/n” he sighed out in pleasure, watching as your kisses started to go along his pecs. 

He just couldn’t take the teasing anymore. Feeling your soft mouth over his skin was riling him up and he just wanted to pin you to the wall and ravage you. 

Harry attempted to do just so, grabbing onto your throat with one hand to guide your face back up in alignment to his. You allowed him to do so, and let out a little gasp when he turned you and pressed you against the wall. The cool of the tile had your back arching and was so jarring compared to his searing mouth when he pressed it hungrily against yours.

The kiss was welcomed and you were both participating eagerly, your hands feeling his chest while he kept you pinned with his hands on your hip and throat. His cock had started to harden now and you could feel it against your thigh just waiting to be touched. 

It started to get heavier, whinier… your chest was heaving and you were gasping into the kiss. At this, Harry started to slide his palm from your throat down to your breast, groaning hungrily into the kiss like he was trying to control himself. 

But before you let him actually touch you, you stopped him. You broke the kiss and pushed his hand away, stunning him a little. There was a flash of surprise in his face as he panted and stared down at you, fingers twitching as you pushed his hand down to his side.

“No…” you whispered, taking the opportunity to turn your bodies and press him to the tiled wall this time. 

“No?” he questioned, brow raising. “What are you doing, little girl?” He repeated his question from earlier and the pet name almost made you retreat all together. It gave you the urge to get on your knees and have his hands grip your hair, for him to set the pace and fuck your mouth how he wanted. 

But you fought it, because that wasn’t what you needed. You’d always want it, always. Right now, though, you needed to be in control. 

“Wanna touch you, but you can’t touch me” you replied, pulling his other hand off your hip and pressing it to the wall. You intertwined your fingers on both sides and kept eye contact as you started lowering down onto your knees, pressing kisses in random spots on your way down. 

“You want to be in charge, is that it?” His mouth parted at the sight of you on your knees before him, hair cascading down your back and eyes blown with lust. You nodded. 

“Mhmm… Keep these here” you leg go of his hands and scratched your nails along his hips, kissing along his right laurel tattoo. His abs contracted at the feeling and he let out a groan when you spat into your hand and wrapped it around his length. 

“You know I don’t like being out of control, darling…” he paused to let out a shudder moan when you licked a stripe to the underside of his cock. You smiled at his reaction then went back to that slight pudge at his hips that you had always wanted to just eat. “Could say it’s one of my toxic-fuck” you squeezed your palm around his cock tighter, dragging it towards his tip “traits” 

“Pleasee, H” you looked up at him, finding the sight of his glazed over eyes and parted mouth so incredibly arousing you had to squeeze your thighs together. The nickname had his cock twitching in your grasp and you smiled as you nipped at his tattoo, sucking gently to create a pretty mark. 

Harry whimpered but said nothing, he couldn’t. If he did he’d probably just let out a bunch of gurgled noises. Normally he could guide you through a blowjob, talk dirty to you, tell you what to do. And he tried. But there was just something about this whole situation that turned him on beyond belief. 

He was painfully hard and your gentle little tugs and teasing kisses were making him desperate. He didn’t like being out of control, ever, but you were making him feel so fucking good he didn’t want it to stop. 

“If you’re uncomfortable, I can stop”

You liked the look of pleasure on his face and loved how he was trying to hold himself back, but when Harry did anything to you he always made sure you were comfortable and willing. Consent worked both ways, all the ways, and you knew what Harry was like when it came to control so you wanted to be sure that he was okay with relinquishing it for a bit. 

You pulled off completely awaiting his reply, but the moment he did he was reaching out for you. “No, m’not just… continue” 

That was all you needed to get back into position and take him fully into your mouth. You teased a bit at first, running your tongue all over his length to get him really wet before digging your hands into his thighs and taking him deep into your mouth.

He was groaning and whimpering above you, his hips shifting up to meet the movement of your mouth and his hands trembling trying to fight the urge he had to run them through your hair. Your tongue and throat just felt incredible and he was enjoying every second of it.

His head was thrown back against the wall, gurgled moans and words of appreciation falling from his mouth without effort. Then he started reaching out for your head in reflex, like it was a natural reaction from him when he got head. And it was. He was used to being in control in everything he did in the bedroom, so touching your head just felt natural for him.

But then you stopped the second he touched you and pulled off, making his eyes fly open as he looked down at you with a wide mouth. “Why’d you stop?”

“Don’t touch me or I stop, Harry” it was a simple phrase, one that had his teeth gritting as he pressed his hand back to the wall to get your mouth on him again. You smirked a little at his obedience then guided him back to your mouth, bopping your head up and down rhythmically so his tip dipped into your throat with every movement.

The second time he touched you, you pulled off again. But this time you said nothing as you stared up at him, waiting for him to correct himself. “Sorry… sorry” 

You had never heard him apologise like that, nor had you seen the dazed look he had in his eyes. You had seen them heavy and dark, but not like this. 

You returned back to pleasuring him and you could sense that he was getting closer and closer to coming. His noises deepened and his thighs started trembling under your hands. His abs were tensing and he was starting to buck harder into your mouth.

“Don’t stop… don’t stop baby. Fuck. Always feel so fucking good around my cock” he tilted his head down to look at you, eyes hooded and mouth parted like he was obsessed with the sight before him. His hand reached out again, but this time he realised his mistake and pinned it back to the wall.

Harry was so on edge that the thought of you taking his orgasm away was terrifying, so to be safe he wedged both hands behind his ass on the wall so he couldn’t touch you even if he wanted to. That restriction only made it that much hotter for him, and very quickly he could feel that spark of pleasure start to grow in his stomach.

“Come for me Harry, give it all to me” you egged on, your hand now wrapped around his base as you jerked him off and tapped his tip against your tongue. The huskiness in your voice from his cock being down your throat made your voice so fucking sexy, that’s all it took for him to explode. 

Ribbons of come spurt out onto your tongue and cheeks and you happily caught as much as you could. The taste of cum was something you’d never get used to, but you frothed over it when it came from Harry. You loved everything about it, especially that fucked out expression on his face when he finished his high and just watched you swallow all his release.

“God… thank you so much baby” he panted, pulling you up so he could kiss you firmly. You smiled into it, now feeling relaxed and at ease after feeling in control, even just for a little while.

The rest of the shower was short, but wonderful. Harry washed you and massaged you a little and you did the same in return then once you both got out and dried off, he rubbed more cream on your ass and thighs to help soothe them. 

“Ugh, I can’t find my underwear. Have you seen them?” you groaned to yourself, body still wrapped in a towel from the shower as you found your bra but not your underwear. 

“Uhh, no. Haven’t seen them, sorry love” Harry apologised from his walk-in-robe where he was pulling on some clothes. Harry actually did know where they were, safely tucked in the pocket of his pants from last night. He wasn’t going to tell you that though. “Here. Take these. If I find them I'll return them to you” he flashed a kind smile and passed you a pair of his boxers once he walked back into his room.

You smiled and muttered a little ‘thanks’, feeling a little flustered over wearing Harry’s clothes. It was only a pair of his underwear and you had worn his t-shirt before, but it still gave you the same reaction.

You felt… happy after your shower together. Well… as happy as you could be given the circumstance. Still, you felt a little at peace with that being your last sexual moment together. It helped you ground yourself better in the mess of your head and you left it feeling clear-minded.

It felt like a good place to start fresh from. Because that’s what it was, the end of your relationship with Harry. You had never wanted this to end, but it had to. And because it had to, ending it where you were in control put you in a better place mentally. 

You started getting redressed in preparation to leave, feeling your skin burn as Harry watched you drop your towel and pull his boxers and your bra on. That content bittersweet feeling you had didn’t last very long though, not when Harry decided to be Harry and ruin it all. 

“I was thinking… maybe this doesn’t… y’know, have to be the last time we see each other like this.” Harry cleared his throat and ran a hand through his hair, fingers twitching with nerves. 

He didn’t know why he was so nervous for your answer, because the shower you two shared clearly showed that you didn’t get your fix last night. But you were unpredictable at times and he wasn’t totally sure what your response would be. 

Your entire body froze momentarily at his question, stopping mid change as you felt faint at his offer. “I don’t think that’s a good idea…” 

What? Now it was Harry’s turn to be shocked.

“Why not?” 

You finished pulling your dress over your head then turned to face him, trying to avoid as much eye contact as possible as you shoved your phone into your shoulder bag from last night. “I’m way too far from you Harry. And between classes and my other job I just won’t have time. It’s too hard” 

“It doesn’t have to be a thing, y/n. Can just be every now and then if you’re visiting or if I’m down your way for whatever reason” he shrugged like it was casual, but on the inside he felt sick at the thought of you declining the offer. 

He didn’t want you to say no. He couldn’t have you say no. Harry would’ve said anything or made any deal to see you again, to feel you wrapped around him and whimpering under his body. Even if it was casual, a spur of the moment thing that happened every couple months, he just had to know that you’d be open to it. 

Deep down though, Harry knew he’d never be able to go months without being inside you again. 

“So we just sleep with each other every couple months, that’s what you’re suggesting?” you clarified, looking at him properly this time. 

“I mean… it would be nice if it was more than every couple months y’know.” he stepped closer to you and grabbed onto your hips so you couldn’t move away. He had a suggestive expression on his face, one laced with mischief. “We both drive and a weekend away every now and then sounds nice. Plus you do visit your parents every couple weeks. Could see each other multiple times a month if we wanted”

“It’s just too hard Harry, trust me. It’s not worth it.” You slid out of his grip and walked out of his room, beginning your journey downstairs. 

“But it is worth it. To me it’s worth it… Have you not been having fun with me, is that it?” he asked behind you, following close behind. Archie was trotting along too, his tail whacking against your leg as it wagged. 

Harry was trying to understand what was making you so reluctant about this whole thing because to him it felt like just extending what you had now. The distance would make it easier to keep his feelings at bay, but at least he’d still be able to spend time with you and enjoy a physical relationship with you. 

He just thought that someone in your position, single and uninterested in relationships would leap at the opportunity. Sex, regular (well, semi-regular) sex with someone who you had great chemistry with. Yet you were pulling back and seemed to be shutting down and he didn’t understand why.

He didn’t want to pressure you, because that was wrong. But he at the very least wanted to know why so he could try and argue it and convince you. Harry was used to people saying yes to him, but that didn’t mean he didn’t know how to plead a good case.

“No-I mean, yes of course I have.” your enjoyment in this relationship wasn’t the question or the problem, the question was whether you’d be able to handle ever seeing him again knowing all he wanted was to sleep with you. “I wouldn’t have done what I did in the shower if I didn’t”

“Then say yes.” He grabbed your hand and made you stop walking, pulling you so you’d turn to face him. “Don’t think about time or being realistic or anything else, just say yes.” His hand slipped from yours and grabbed onto your waist while the other came up to cup your jaw, his thumb brushing against your lower lip. “Don’t you want to have fun with me again… to have me touch you again?”

His voice dropped lower, and he could see the desire build in your body and eyes, making a smirk play on his lips. Harry loved the effect he had on you. Your breath hitched and your pupils dilated, but it was quickly gone as you nudged his hand away, making his brow furrows. Something was wrong, and he still couldn’t figure out what. 

“And what happens when one of us is in the mood, huh? One of us drives hours to satisfy that itch? That’s not realistic” you pushed. 

Harry rarely saw you push back or speak up for yourself, so it was refreshing. It also told Harry that you felt strongly about this, and he understood why you were worried about it. You were right and Harry knew it. 

It just wasn’t realistic being bounded to each other over such a distance when you weren’t a couple. And as much as he hated the idea of you sleeping with someone else, of another man touching you, he also knew that he couldn’t put that boundary on this relationship. It would make it more than it is and he couldn’t have that. 

Pushing out the words to say that though was like spitting out vomit. Vile. 

“We’ll just continue like we have been. No strings or boundaries. Nothing will change except for us agreeing to keep this arrangement going” he urged you with his eyes, resting his hand on your waist. “C’mon love, wanna see you be a good girl for me again” 

His words were like a punch to the gut, like he had reached into your chest and had a harsh squeeze on your heart. No strings or boundaries. Nothing will change. 

Nothing will change. 

The thought of that was excruciating because it just confirmed what you already knew but tried to deny. He would never love you, ever. You never expected him to, but you also didn’t expect for him to still want you and drag this whole thing out longer. 

That end of this chapter you thought you came to after your shower, the one where you felt semi-content in your mental standing to move on was suddenly hit with a wrecking ball. Harry cared about you as a friend but all this relationship would ever be is meaningless hooking up and you just couldn’t do it. 

It would break you. 

He could see your eyes glisten with tears just for a moment. But then you pushed them back and painted a soft smile on your lips so quickly Harry second guessed whether he even saw that look of sadness on your face.

“I’ll think about it”

“Okay… okay, of course” he let go of you and ran a hand through his hair. “Think about it, take all the time you need.”

“I will… I will” you looked at each other in silence for a moment. It was probably only a couple seconds but it felt painfully awkward. “So I-uh… I better go” you smiled a bit awkward, picking up your heels from near the front door. The air in the room shifted to something that wasn’t warm or arousing, just weird. Harry could sense you were feeling uncomfortable through your body language. 

“Alright, goodbye y/n” he smiled, dipping in to kiss your cheek as he opened the front door to let you out. You were tense to the touch and he could feel it. 

Harry felt weird about that whole conversation, like he was only hearing part of what you were feeling. But he was determined to sway you over, or at least get you to be open to the possibility of seeing each other in the future. 

“Bye Harry” you were quick to leave his property, eager to get far away from him so you had a moment to process everything that had happened. 

The rage and frustration was building up, so was the heart wrenching wake up call that his offer had given you. It made you feel so so alone, and you realised that you needed to talk about it. You needed to tell someone. 

So instead of going home, you went straight to your car and called Lucy from your driver's seat to see if she was free. This thing with Harry was killing you and it was emotionally draining and just exhausting all around and if you didn’t tell someone what was going on, you would’ve exploded. 

You ended up waking her up by accident which resulted in her yelling at you, but after hearing the tone in your voice she was quick to invite you over. Now it was just time to prepare yourself to tell her everything…

//

Two days later Harry decided to hijack your morning walk, unable to keep waiting for your decision. 

“Morning Harry” you smiled, innocently like you hadn’t spent the last two days wanting to spontaneously trash your room or crash your car over the inner rage and turmoil you were facing. Just seeing Harry’s face was like a punch in the gut and a stroke of your heart all at the same time. “Where’s Archie?” Harry never walked without Archie, ever. So his absence was something you noticed right away. 

“I think you forgot something at home” Harry grabbed onto your hand and kept walking, dragging you back towards your house.

“What?” you asked, completely confused by his comment and behaviour. “What are you talking about?” you attempted to unlatch your hands but he squeezed tighter to keep them intertwined. “Harry, What are you doing?”

You hated how gooey his hand in yours made you feel. Just looking at it had your stomach doing flips and your heart beat erratically. After your conversation on Wednesday and your debrief with Lucy, you realised that being in love with Harry was one of the most inconvenient things in your life.

Your heart and body were constantly going towards him, wanting to give up your mental stability at the chance of sleeping with him and seeing him again, while your brain was telling you that continuing this would only break you to little pieces. Your heart and mind were having an evil tug of war and you hated every second of it. 

“Are your parents home?” he ignored your question and opened your front gate, knowing you always left it unlocked when you went on walks. 

“You know they’re not” 

Harry did know that today was the day they both worked, hence why he decided that he could try and convince you to keep seeing him today. He needed to double check though, because his method of trying to convince you wasn’t exactly something he could do with your parents around. 

“You’re right” he smirked at you, and stopped when you both stood still in front of your front door. 

He let go of your hand long enough to pat down your hips. You froze at how close he was, confused about what he was doing yet mesmerised by the feeling of his hands on you. You were getting dizzy with how many feelings he managed to draw from you in one go. 

“Ah, got it” he held up your little house key and unlocked the front door, pulling you inside with him like you two were entering his house instead of yours. You just went along with the entire thing, confused beyond relief but needing to know what he was doing.

“Okay, what are we doing here?” 

“Have you thought about my proposition?” he asked, shutting the front door and completely ignoring your question before grabbing onto your hips to turn you and pin you against the front door. Your eyes widened looking at him, your head hitting the door gently as you were forced to tilt your head up to meet his gaze.

“My answer hasn’t changed. It’s… it’s not a good idea, Harry” your voice was shaky, just like your conviction in your choice. 

His eyes searched yours and the house fell deadly silent, like it was building up to something. And it was. Before you knew it, his hands cupped your face and he drew you in for a searing kiss. You were momentarily stunned, but against better judgement you were quick to recover and kissed him back.

You were quick to realise that being in love with Harry meant there was little he could do that would stop you giving into him. Even if your mind was at turmoil making this choice, your body and your heart weren’t. Two against one. 

“Harry” you tried to break the kiss, but all this did was get Harry to press kisses down your neck instead. “Harry… what are you doing?”

“Let me convince you” he bared his teeth into your neck, grabbing onto your ponytail to pull your head back so he had better access. 

“Harry…” you sighed, eyes fluttering shut as you fisted his t-shirt in your hands. 

“Let me show you what I can give you, darling. Whatever you want… whenever you want, wherever you want it” he mumbled, drawing you in with the smooth honey of his voice. 

He was turning you on fast. His lips at your neck, one hand tugging on your hair while the other caressed up and down your body, rubbing over the gap of skin you had showing between your shorts and sports bra. 

You breathily moaned in response, unable to say anything when every touch he did on your body was making you wet and needy for him. Just having him in the same room could break down all your walls and make you drench your underwear in arousal. 

He started kissing further down your body, firmly grabbing onto your hips to keep you pinned to the door. His fingers dipped into the waistband of your bike shorts and pulled them down to your hips, enough to expose more of your stomach to him but not anything further. 

When his lips met your cleavage you grabbed onto his little claw clip and undid it, letting it drop to the floor without care so you could wound your fingers in his hair. He bypassed your breasts completely, moving down to your stomach. 

His lips curled into a smirk against your skin at the way your hips were bucking into his hands, your breathing growing erratic at his teasing. 

“You gotta say you want it, y/n. Tell me I can convince you and I will” 

“You can… you can convince me… just” you brushed his hair back from his face, absolutely in love with the boyish grin on his face and his dilated pupils. “Convince me.” 

There were no more words in your brain. It had just gone to complete mush. With the way he was staring up at you it was like you were entirely under his influence. He was about to get on his knees yet he still had the upper hand. 

He nodded and kept eye contact as he lowered onto his knees and kissed right above your mound where your shorts were now pulled. He kept going and pressed kisses in all different spots as he pulled your shorts and underwear down in one go. 

Harry wasted no time, and as soon as your clothes were off your feet he was lifting your right leg over his shoulder and going straight in. There was no teasing aside from a few kisses leading up from your knee to your inner thigh. Then from there his mouth was right onto your clit. 

The feeling of his hot slick tongue against your clit had you moaning loudly, head thrown back against the door as your grip on his hair tightened. He groaned hungrily against you, grabbing onto your ass to pull you closer like he couldn’t get enough. 

His facial hair had started growing heavier now, and the feeling of his hair against your inner thighs was making you dizzy with pleasure. Harry just knew how to eat a pussy, and he made use of all his skills and what he knew you liked. 

“Taste so fucking good baby” he complimented, peering up at you to see the complete bliss on your face. 

You didn’t respond. You couldn’t. 

Harry ate you out like he was starving for it, his eyes on you the entire time as he sucked and flicked at your clit. His fingers were pressing on the bruises on your ass and delivering the perfect mix of pleasure-laced pain. 

It was delicious and made your brain delirious with pleasure. Your mind was cloudy and all you could think about was orgasming. With the way Harry was going you could already feel it build up within minutes. 

That’s all it took for Harry to make you cum, a couple of minutes. 

“Harry… don’t stop” you gasped, hips bucking up and grinding down to meet his tongue. 

“Say yes, y/n. Say yes” he demanded, confusing you a little. 

“Huh?” 

“See me again, baby. Just say yes, say yes and you get to come” he barely broke off your pussy to speak, his lips brushing against your clit with every word. It was enough to keep you on the edge, your clit pulsing with the need of added stimulation that Harry wasn’t giving you. 

“You can’t give me an ultimatum like that, it’s not fair” you whimpered, trying to pull him back closer to what he was doing before. 

“I think it’s perfectly reasonable” he flicked his tongue against your clit making you whine at the sensitivity. “Say yes baby, you know you want to” he ran his tongue through your labia, collecting your wetness for his pleasure while he actively avoided your clit. 

You were trying so hard to get his mouth back to your clit, but he wouldn’t budge. He was stronger than you, and you knew very well that he’d refuse to touch your clit any longer if it suited him.  

“Fine… yes. God yes, just make me cum Harry… please”

“Atta girl” 

Then he was diving back into your pussy, attacking your clit with firm sucks and strokes of his tongue. You were coming undone within another minute, moaning his name and pinning his face to your pussy by his hair. 

He let you. He let you grind your hips and use his mouth until you were finished and had to push him away. 

“Did so good f’me, y/n. You’re always so good f’me” he praised, pressing kisses to your thighs while gently lowering your leg to the floor. He kept his hands at your hips to support you so you wouldn’t collapse from shaky knees. 

“Uhuh” you replied, trying to calm your breathing as you recovered from your high. 

“Would you like to finish our walk together?” He asked, grabbing your underwear to help you step in those first. 

“Oh yeah… sure” you breathed, barely registering what he was saying. You held onto his shoulders as you stepped into your underwear so he could pull them back in place. 

“You good up there?” He chuckled, grabbing your shorts next. 

“Yeah, that was just…”

“Good?” He smiled, feeling chuffed even though he knew it made you feel good. 

“Yeah yeah, don’t get a big head” you grabbed the shorts from his grip and pulled them up yourself, adjusting them how you liked while he grabbed his clip from the floor and stood up. You were glad the mood was light and nice, but on the inside you were stressed about agreeing to see him again. 

Part of you was happy. Happy that you’d sleep with him again and feel his comfort and presence. The other knew that spending time like that with him again was detrimental to your heart. 

But your heart still wanted him, and your body wanted him too. It was only your brain that was pushing you to be more realistic and sensible about this whole situation. But you had already agreed, and with there being a two against one battle going on inside you, most of you was happy with the decision. 

“Alright” he laughed, opening the front door so you two could carry on with your walk. “Actually, just one thing” he stopped, grabbing your arm so you two were paused in your doorway. 

“Yeah?”

“Just don’t tell me when you sleep with someone and I won’t either” you were surprised but easily agreed. The last thing you wanted was ever knowing when his penis went near another person. 

“I can do that”

//

As Harry went to exit the front door on Sunday morning, the last thing he expected to find was an orange manilla envelope sitting right on his doorstep. His brows furrowed in confusion because his gate was still locked and he didn’t remember getting an alert on his phone that someone was at his front door, let alone that the gate had opened.

He was already behind schedule on everything he had planned today. He wanted to buy you some flowers as a bit of a going away present and get the last few ingredients he needed for the dish he was bringing to your going away BBQ. 

Harry had half a mind to just ignore the envelope and go on with his day, but there was just something about it that irked him. The fact that it was on his doorstep without him having any idea about it was ominous enough, and he just felt like he had to open it and see what was inside. 

Something as archaic as an manilla envelope also piqued his curiosity to no end. He grabbed the envelope and quickly walked back inside, stopping at the side table at his entrance to have a quick look just so he knew what was inside.

But when he pulled out the stack of thick paper and realised that they were photos, still hidden from his view, he was unsure what to make of it. On top of the stack of papers was a handwritten note in writing that was so eerily familiar it bugged Harry that he didn’t know whose it was straight away, especially after he read the message.

Meet me at Pleasing at your earliest convenience if you want these private photos to stay… private. :)

The smiley face sent a rush of agitation up his spine and he was suddenly wracking his brain for who was behind that stupid note. Whoever it was was childish yet they had to be old to use something as old fashioned as printed pages in a Manila envelope. 

It left a bad taste in his mouth due to the lack of class and technical ability this person had. 

Harry wasn’t really that stressed about whatever private photos these were because he didn’t really care if people knew about his private life. The only thing private in his life that he didn’t want shared to the world was you, but no one knew about you and you two had been careful. 

Still, Harry had this sick feeling in his stomach that he couldn’t ignore. 

Even though he was late, and he hated being late more than anything he made his way to his home office to properly look in this envelope. Chances are it was nothing and he could go on with his day as planned. 

Once he was sat he read over the note one more time, still feeling like he knew whose handwriting it was but still unable to put his finger on it. Then… then he turned over the wad of A5 photos and his entire body went into shock, his knuckles turning white with pure rage when he realised what the top one was. 

It was of you and him. 

He started flicking through them rapidly, angrily, frantically. Photo after photo, it was all the two of you in various compromising positions. The very top few was from his birthday party, the two of you sat in his car while he snorted cocaine off your tits, then the kiss you two shared before you ran back into the party.

The next few were of you two entering his downstairs bathroom right before he fucked you over the bathroom sink and punished you. Then the drive you two took, what was clearly red-light footage from when you were giving him road head and he was stopped next to that other car. You could clearly see where your dress had ridden up and exposed the hole in your fishnets and your tiny g-string.

It was all fucking there. 

The day he made you ride his thigh in the pool. You were straddling him with your head thrown back and your nipple in his mouth. You were fully exposed, vulnerable in the privacy of Harry’s pool. Then there was a more recent one where you were pushed against the inside of his fence and the two of you were kissing.

Harry had no fucking idea how this person got those ones, and through his blinding rage he couldn’t even think about the possibilities. 

The more he flicked through the more he realised that you two had been followed on practically every outing you had. The night at Clancy’s with your legs thrown over his as you two laughed, your japanese lunch and even the two of you entering and exiting Pleasing. Your Valentine’s dinner was all documented, from you walking hand in hand to your legs over his lap in the restaurant as you both looked at each other with hunger. 

There were photos of you two just saying fucking hello on your morning walks or when he came home from work and you greeted him at the door. Some of these photos were easy to explain, to pass off as you two just spending time together as friends.

But the ones he couldn’t explain were the r-rated images. Porn of you riding his thigh and sucking him off. They could be explained, and they’d ruin your life if they ever got out. 

Harry was seeing red. His body was vibrating with anger at the very existence of these photos and whoever orchestrated their existence. 

When he reached the last photo, just a couple days ago when he dragged you back to your house and had his hand in yours he fucking lost it. 

“FUCK” He roared, standing up abruptly and clearing his desk of all the photos and everything else on it onto the floor. His laptop, photos, other papers and pens, everything loudly smashed to the floor. Archie, who had followed him into his office let out a loud whine at the noise and jumped off the couch with his tail tucked between his legs.

Archie ran out of the office fast, then stayed by the door whimpering as he watched Harry throw his chair over next. The anger was making his aura turn red, the room heating up of pure violent energy. 

But Harry didn’t care. He didn’t care about his broken shit or the fact that Archie seemed to be scared of the noise. His mind was void of everything except the burning rage he was experiencing and nothing was knocking him out of it. 

His chest was heaving as he banged his fist on the top of his deck, slamming his hands flat down a few more times for good measure. The pain of the impact seemed to calm him down a little, but a glance at the strewn photos on the floor beside him only made that anger rise up again.

The fact that anyone would dare try and come after you clearly had no fucking idea who they were dealing with. Harry was an expert in business and manipulation, and he sure as hell knew how to destroy a person’s entire fucking life if he wanted to. And boy did he want to. 

His eyes landed on the little handwritten note again and he picked it up to re-read the message.

Meet me at your earliest convenience

Oh it’s gonna be mighty fucking convenient when Harry rams his foot up whoever’s ass was responsible for this. And he was going to do it right now.

Harry bolted out of the house, barely giving Archie a second glance as he entered his car and drove the route to Pleasing he had taken hundreds of times. He was speeding like a madman, weaving through traffic like you were going to die if he didn’t get there within 30 minutes tops. 

The traffic was heavy for a Sunday, but that didn’t stop him reaching Pleasing in exactly 33 minutes. On that account, Harry was late and that only made him even more irritated as he parked in a nearby parking garage and had to walk, or rather march all the way to the aesthetic doors of Pleasing.

His mind flashed to the last time he was there, with you and for a moment he felt happiness at the memory. Then he thought back to the fucking photos of you two entering and exiting the building and all that happiness transformed in a mighty need for revenge. 

The entrance doors were opened and he practically flew in, heading straight for the emerald lounge waiting area where Penelope was waiting behind the reception desk. She was a nice girl, one Harry had dealt with plenty of times but hadn’t seen for months. Harry had slept with her once actually, but that’s not important. 

“Hi Mr Styles! It’s been a while, how are y-”

“Not to be a dick, Penelope. But I’m really not in the mood for pleasantries. There should be someone waiting for me here” he flashed a tight smile, strumming his fingers against the desk. Her eyes widened a little but she didn’t seem taken aback and simply looked back at her computer to have a look at all meetings and bookings for the day.

“There aren’t any meetings booked here, but I think Asher let in Ethan to your office earlier. Said something about pitching an investment deal or something like that. I didn’t really get a-are you alright?” her chattiness suddenly changed to concern at the change in Harry’s face.

It went from irritation to rage and horror all within seconds. 

“Ethan you say?” 

“Uhh, yeah I think so. I can double check with Asher if you want?” she turned her head and angled back in the chair to see if Asher was in the adjacent room.

“No need. Thanks” he was short as he spun around and walked back out. Instead of turning through those double doors that lead to the sex shop, he went through the only other door in the hall. 

It opened onto another small hall, decorated in similar artwork and walls painted that gorgeous emerald colour. There was an elevator right in front of him and a door that lead to a staircase to the left. He headed straight for the elevator and clicked the up button.

Once entered, he grabbed his passkey from his wallet in his pocket and used it to allow him to go upstairs towards the offices and lounges. Going down would enter the club portion of the building, and anyone was free down there as they would’ve been checked in first. 

Going up though… was only reserved for employees and those who worked in the head office portion of Pleasing as a company and apparently backstabbing rats. The entire company was run out of a singular building. It was quite brilliant really. 

Harry rarely used his office at Pleasing because he wasn’t very active in the day to day operations and was more of a silent partner. He still had one though, as did the other two co-owners who worked at Pleasing full time. The fact that one of the girls let Ethan up there said a lot about not only their previous friendship, but also the name that Ethan had around the company and club. 

Every second felt like 10 and the ride up to the fourth floor was agonisingly slow. But when he was there, time flew and he barely registered he was walking until he slammed his office door open and found Ethan sitting in his chair sipping a glass of whiskey like he owned the office. 

“Harry! Mate this whiskey is fantastic. You’re a lucky bastard to have a bottle of whiskey in an office you never use” he laughed to himself like it was the funniest thing he had ever heard before placing the glass onto the desk. 

“You fucking asshole!” Harry yelled, crossing the room and pulled Ethan out of his chair by his collar. Harry was quick to shove him against the window behind him, pulling his hand back in preparation to punch him across the face.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you!” Ethan quickly interjected, holding his hands up in front of his face just in case Harry decided to unleash. “You lay a finger on me and I have someone ready to spread those pictures to everyone you and your pretty pet know”

Harry considered his options. His fist was already drawn back and Ethan was already pinned to the wall. It would be so easy to just beat the living shit out of him for not only betraying Harry but going after y/n as well.

But he didn’t. Because even through rage, Harry’s top priority was you and he swore to himself that no one would ever see those fucking photos. 

“There you go, calm down big fella and have a seat. This’ll be quick if you’re smart” Ethan grinned, patting Harry’s chest condescendingly.

Harry let out a groan of frustration and nudged his fist forward, fighting the urge. Ultimately he let Ethan go, running his hands through his hair before going back to his door and shutting it. The office was pretty empty as it was Sunday, but there were still a few people working to support the shop and help set up for tonight when the club opened later on. 

“Speak before I change my mind” Harry spat, sitting down on one of the chairs in front of his desk while Ethan sat in the chair that was meant to be Harry’s. Harry kept his feet up on his toes, loose and ready to throw himself across the desk to attack Ethan if he needed to.

“Well, I see you got my envelope. Glad to see that worked a treat” Harry’s fingers twitched on the arms of his chair and his teeth ground together in agitation. 

“Yes. Very archaic of you” his words were thrown through gritted teeth, but Ethan wasn’t bothered by Harry’s anger. 

“Yes, well I like to keep things old fashioned sometimes” Ethan laughed, interlocking his hands and placing them on the desk. “Hence the blackmail. Could’ve gone for a more advanced technique to get what I wanted, but sometimes it’s good to go back to basics” he shrugged, like this was a casual conversation they were having.

Ethan seemed to have the entire thing figured out and Harry could see how confident he was. But Ethan’s wits only went so far, and Harry wasn’t about to go quietly.

“So you want money then, is that what you’re saying? Money to keep these photos from getting out?” Harry asked, leaning forward in his chair and narrowing his gaze onto the man in front of him. 

“Well… yes. Isn’t that obvious? What else would blackmail get me?” Ethan asked. Harry shrugged, using his anger and giving into it, controlling it rather than letting it control him. Now that the initial urge to throw Ethan out the window had surpassed, Harry was settling into his rage and was able to think critically about this issue.

To be honest, Harry never suspected or even had an inkling that Ethan was the sort of person to every do something like this and he was facing whiplash from that discovery now that his anger wasn’t clouding his brain. They had been friends for years and Ethan was one of the few people in his life who knew everything about Harry.

He was there during Mel, during all the family issues and death Harry had to mourn, and now he had been here and close to Harry through his time living in Australia. How all that transpired into Ethan plotting against Harry, he had no idea. But he was struggling to stomach the discovery. 

Ethan had clearly known about you two since Harry’s birthday party, but even then three weeks wasn’t a lot of time to plan something like this. Unbeknownst to Ethan, Harry knew a lot about his life and his financial problems. Between a gambling debt and funding a lifestyle well beyond his means for his new girlfriend, whoever she was, Ethan was busy and simply didn’t have the capabilities to plan something like this on top of everything else.

So this plan, or at least a plan of sorts had been on Ethan’s mind for a while. A lot longer than a couple weeks. Because of that and Ethan’s financial background, Harry knew that Ethan had put a lot of thought into it and all the other options of going after Harry in some way. To come after Harry’s money and not his other assets meant that Ethan knew he couldn’t get to them, which he couldn’t.

Harry had one of the best lawyers out there, as well as a financial advisor and confidant who ensured that his assets, both liquid and physical were well protected. To go after any of them, Ethan would have to forge documents or do something stupid and it wasn’t worth the risk. 

Money though… it could be put down as a gift or a loan that never got repaid. There’d be no contract, just a claimed verbal agreement that Harry couldn’t really use to get that money back. It was smart, and apart from the blackmailing bit, wasn’t illegal. 

It also meant that Ethan knew that y/n meant something to Harry, and that was dangerous. Ethan knew that Harry didn’t care about photos like this, and if it were anyone else he would’ve ignored that stupid mustard envelope and gone about his day. But it was you in those photos, and because of that Harry couldn’t let it slide.

Ethan was counting on that and Harry knew it. 

So while Harry wanted to destroy Ethan, and he would, he also accepted that for now shutting Ethan up and paying him was the smartest choice. Keeping him quiet for a bit would give Harry the opportunity to come up with some payback plan, as well as figure out how to protect you from all this. 

“Alright then, how much do you want?” Harry acted unaffected by the whole thing, grabbing out his phone in preparation to dial the bank to authorise the bank transfer.

Money meant everything and nothing at the same time to Harry. He loved it, and it was his drive to work and his drive to be successful. But it was a meaningless tool when it came to you. He’d spend thousands, hundreds of thousands, to keep you safe and to keep your integrity and reputation protected because he knew how important it was to you. 

“Just like that, you’re gonna give me money?” Ethan was slightly shocked and expected a bit more of a fight from Harry, especially since money was more important to him than anything else. 

“Yes. So how much. 50? 60k?” he looked up at Ethan expectedly. 

“No.” Ethan laughed, “It’s not gonna be that easy to pay me off Harry. I’ve seen your bank account” he wagged his finger, tutting Harry like a child before settling back in his chair. Ethan had thought more about this ordeal, and realised that a one off payment wasn’t enough. 

“I want 30k now, then 20k every on the first of month for a year. With every payment you’ll get a copy of a portion of the photos then at the end you’ll have all the photos. Scouts honour” Ethan did a little cross on his chest with his fingers then lifted the cross necklace from his neck and kissed it. 

Harry’s jaw clicked at his terms, but typed out a message to his financial advisor authorising $30,000 to be transferred to Ethan’s account. “How do I know you won’t rip me off?”

“Ohh Harry, we’re friends remember? I don’t want to expose you or y/n, you just have enough money to share and I’d like a piece of it. You can trust me. Scouts honour, remember?” 

Scouts honour… be fucking for real. The only scout Ethan ever saw was a modelling one after Ethan begged one for an opportunity when the group was travelling Italy. Safe to say Ethan’s face just wasn’t the model type.

Harry flashed him a tight lipped smile, “Right… well, friend…” the word was bitter in Harry’s mouth, and he wanted to wash out his own mouth by using it to refer to Ethan. But this was all part of the plan for now. “The money should be in your account within a few days. For that I’d like half the photos, all copies… as a gesture of good will.”

Harry had yet to send the message to his financial advisor until Ethan agreed. Ethan thought it over then nodded, “Sounds reasonably. The moment I have the money you’ll have half the photos”

Harry pressed send then stood up, tucking his phone in his back pocket. “Good. Is that all?” 

“No” Ethan stood up as well, “You tell no one, including your little girlfriend. And if I find out someone knows or suspects something is wrong, every photo will be sent out and y/n can say goodbye to that perfect reputation of hers. Understood?” Ethan smiled and held his hand out for Harry to shake.

This entire situation had Harry ready to boil over, but he concealed it and flashed another tight lipped smile before forcing himself to shake Ethan’s hand. It was a hard shake, one that had Ethan struggling to cover a wince from the force. “Understood. Now get out of my office before I get you banned from his building.”

“Oh Harry, you’re a funny one” Ethan laughed, patting Harry’s shoulder before grabbing his phone off the desk and sliding it into his back pocket. “See you at work tomorrow, bud!” he walked out of the room like he hadn’t just blackmailed Harry into sending 30 grand, and that fact alone made Harry so fucking irritated.

Ethan was so confident in this entire arrangement, and so blind to the fact that Harry so easily gave up money that he didn’t realise what setting up a payment plan like that would give. Time. Harry now had months to try and get those photos, all copies from Ethan as well as plot his own plan of revenge on him.

And if Harry lost his initial 30 grand in the process, he wouldn’t bat an eyelid. If everything went to plan, he wouldn’t even be sending another 20 before all the photos were in his possession and Ethan was put in his place. 

For now though… all Harry could think about was what this meant for him and you. 

Only a couple days ago was he on his knees before you, eating out your pretty pussy to get you to keep seeing him. And now… now he had to break it all off. It wasn’t what he wanted, and the thought of never seeing you in an intimate way, or even a friendly way again was physically painfull for him. 

But someone was following him, or you, or both of you, and until Harry dealt with that it was better if you two didn’t see each other. Every meeting or conversation was another photo that could be used against you, and another photo Ethan could use to weasel more money out of Harry.

The money wasn’t the issue to Harry, it was the fact that whoever was taking these photos, or hacking cameras or whatever they were doing, was seeing you and your body without your consent. This was sexual assault in Harry’s eyes and he was going to do everything and anything within his power or the power money could buy to make sure no one ever saw you in that state again.

So for now… or for indefinitely, Harry had to make sure you two had nothing to do with each other. 

//

The BBQ went off without a hitch. The weather was perfectly sunny and hot, enough for shaded areas of the garden and back deck to be comfortable without making you want to die from the heat. The food was delicious, drinks cold and refreshing and the entire street had showed up, as well as your friends. 

Everyone was there except Harry. 

Harry was never late to anything, ever. He was always prompt and precise because that’s how he liked to do things. So when he wasn’t there right at 4pm when your parents told everyone to start coming around, you were feeling anxious.

It was a late start to the party, mostly because you and your parents had spent all last night drinking and crying over you leaving again like you did every semester so were now severely hungover. But also because you liked to head to the beach for a swim on your last day together.

It was a bit hard to hide the bruises on your ass, but you managed with Lucy’s help.

Harry was notorious for not showing up to street BBQ’s or other events, but he told you himself that he’d be here and he never went back on his word. And after his very convincing effort of getting you to keep seeing him, you just assumed he’d be here.

You tried not to let it get you down, but it was hard not to when you were leaving tomorrow. You had to leave early tomorrow morning to beat the traffic and you doubted that Harry would be around to say goodbye. Plus, he was bringing Archie along and you wanted as much time as humanly possible to spend with your favourite dog. 

You were already mourning Harry and Archie like they were dead. And after everything the three of you had gone through and the bonds you now shared, you just wanted to have a proper goodbye and enjoy the entire day together. So Harry not showing up really spoiled the entire thing.

At the 6pm mark you were ready to march over to his house and question him, which your tipsy mind had convinced you was a good idea. But as you were building up the courage and trying to remember if you had given him your key to his house back, he walked through your house and into the backyard casually with Archie by his side.

Archie ran straight to you as Harry stopped to greet your parents first. He looked gorgeous. His hair was out and fluffed on the top of his head and he was wearing a pair of linen shorts and this bright crochet button up with flowers. He had his classic rings on and had a thick pearl necklace on that made you want to scream. 

You loved when he dressed casually, because he just did it so immaculately. 

As you excitedly broke your conversation with some of the neighbours to crouch down and greet Archie, you immediately noticed the bouquet of tulips and peonies he had down by his side. They were gorgeous and it was much like the bouquet he bought you earlier in the week. 

He bought you flowers.

The thought made you blush and heat flush through your chest. His eyes caught yours across the deck and he flashed you a small smile, excusing himself from your parents and ignoring everyone else to come straight to you.

“Hi, love” he smiled, giving you a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek hello. You just wanted to bring him in closer and tighter and kiss him, but you knew you couldn’t.

“Hi. I’m glad you made it” you smiled back, grabbing his shirt subtly before letting go of it quickly so no one would notice.

“I wouldn’t have missed it. I’m sorry I’m late” he apologised, looking you deep in your eyes. Something was off about him, but you couldn’t really put your finger on it because you felt off too. Now that he was here, you realised that this was the last proper time you’d be spending together and it made you feel nauseous. 

“It’s okay” you smiled back, then looked down at the flowers. “Are those… are they for me?”

It wasn’t like Harry to forget a gesture like that, but you guessed, or rather hoped it was because he was also feeling upset about you leaving. 

That was true, but Harry was also so distracted by everything that happened with Ethan that he could barely remember his own name.

“Oh, yes! Sorry. Yeah, these are for you. A little going away present and a thank you for all your work with Archie. He’s gonna miss you” he gave them to you and looked between you and his happy dog, who was stood between you two just wagging his tail. After Harry returned home he was quick to apologise to Archie.

In fact, he felt sick to his stomach for scaring him like that, so he made sure to give him extra reassurance and cuddles and treats. It was one of the reasons he was so late.

“Thank you, they’re beautiful” you smiled brightly and Harry swore he felt his heart crack at the sight. He’d be destroying your beautiful smile and he couldn’t bare the thought. He even felt over his heart at the strike of pain there and quickly shoved his hand back into his pocket, hoping you wouldn’t notice. 

“You’re welcome. I’m just gonna go grab a drink, I’ll be back” he cleared his throat, excusing himself to give himself a breather.

“Help yourself! I’m gonna put these in a vase” you left as well and went inside to prep them for a vase. You decided you wanted to bring these flowers with you to uni, so you didn’t want to fully unwrap them.

“So… Harry bought you flowers, huh? Is he trying to score some bathroom quickie or something?” Lucy asked, irritated at the sight of Harry’s ‘gift’. It was safe to say that she hated him after your conversation on Wednesday, which is exactly what you expected to be honest.

“Lucy! Be quiet, someone could hear” you scolded, scared someone could walk past and hear you.

“Sorry, sorry”

“Anyway, he did but they’re just a thank you. They’re not romantic or anything” you shrugged, even though you wished they were. You kept working on your flowers, cutting the bottom of the plastic off so you could get them in water without completely unwrapping them.

“How are flowers not romantic?” she asked, coming to stand beside you as she sipped on her drink. 

“I dunno. Harry doesn’t think of me like that, so because of that they’re not romantic.” Your voice fell a bit flat towards the end and Lucy could sense it. 

God, she hated seeing you like this. You never liked boys or had any urges for a relationship, so to see you so in love with someone who didn’t love you back or appreciate you was heartbreaking for Lucy to witness.

“I hate seeing you like this. He doesn’t deserve your heartbreak” she sighed, rubbing your upper arm.

“I know… trust me I know” you mumbled, not wanting to get down about it since it was your last day. But now that you were thinking about it, you were thinking about it. 

“Do you want to talk about it? You never told me what you ended up deciding about his fucked up deal” she was actively listening and actively putting him down at any opportunity. 

You couldn’t tell her what you decided. During the conversation you had with her she called him every name under the sun and decided that ‘even if he had the greatest abs she had ever seen, he was just an asshole’ (her words not yours) and that she was the president of the ‘I hate Harry’ fanclub. Your brain was in that fanclub with her, while your pussy was in Harry’s bed.

“Uhh no, nothing happened I decided not to do it. Better this way” you smiled at her, acting proud in the decision you knew she would’ve liked. She smiled happily and hugged you tight.

“Good. Let this be a fresh start for you. You deserve it, y/n. I just want you to be happy” you hugged her tight back and smiled at her words, knowing it was what you deserved and what you wanted for yourself. 

You hated yourself for picking a path that wouldn’t give you that.

“Thank you” you pulled back from the hug and cleared your throat, “I’m just gonna head to the bathroom. I’ll be out in a bit”

“Okay, see you out there! I’m gonna get another drink”

While Lucy went outside, you went straight upstairs to your room and shut the door. You just needed a moment to yourself. It could’ve been the heat, or Harry, or Lucy’s comments or a rough combination of the three.

It wasn’t long though, before a knock at your door interrupted your down time and made you look up from your phone from where you were sitting on your bed. “Yeah?” You called. You expected your parents at your door, your mum coming up to see if you were okay, maybe even Harry looking for you after you disappeared from the BBQ.

What you didn’t expect was Tracey opening the door just wide enough for her head to pop through. “Hey hun, have time for a chat?” 

You were confused why she wanted to talk to you in the first place. Her family hadn’t moved into the street until you were in your teens, and your mum never got along with her so you never bothered either. Tracey was the same age as your mum, but had kids a lot later so there wasn’t a whole lot in common there. 

She was a bit of a cunt too, and if you got a few wines in your mum she’d gladly tell everyone about it. But you two were always friendly, aside from your new hatred towards her due to the whole polaroid debarcle.  

Still, you had no idea what she’d ever want to speak to you about. You two had already had your casual curtesy chat and her little ‘oh we’ll miss seeing you around the street’, so being alone in your room together was unwarranted. 

“Uh… sure, I guess” you smiled, turning off your phone and putting it on the bed beside you. 

She entered your room, cocktail in hand and shut the door behind her before coming across the room to sit beside you on the bed. The shut door sent a shrill of dread down your spine and the room suddenly felt very uncomfortable. 

The only time you had been in a room alone with Tracey was when you were babysitting her kids, but at least then there was a buffer to separate you from her. If there was one thing you did know about Tracey, it was that she loved gossip and you had no interest in discussing that with her. 

“So y/n, how are you feeling about heading back to uni?” She sipped her cocktail while peering over the rim at you. 

“Not excited” you chuckled, happy that the topic was a casual one. “But I’ve missed my friends. None of them live near me so I only saw them like once all break. I’ll miss home though, I always do” 

“Yeah, would be hard leaving your parents, this beautiful house” she nodded and looked around your room then took another sip, “Archie and Harry too. But you’ll be fine!” She laughed and hit your arm playfully. 

Now why in the hell was she bringing up Harry? 

“Yeah, I’m gonna miss my parents a lot” you laughed a bit uneasy, ignoring her Harry comment while looking down at the spot she hit like it was scarred. 

While you were excited about seeing Harry again, even if you hadn’t said goodbye yet, you were worried about him sleeping with other people. Worried didn’t really cover it actually, you were sick to your fucking stomach. 

The thought of some other woman, Tracey in particular, being in his house, his bed… around his cock… it made you ill. Worse than that, it made your heart clench like it was broken. 

You had no right, just like you had no right to fall in love with him yet you still did and now you had stupidly let that lovesick feeling influence your decisions. You should’ve stuck with your no when he first asked to see you again, but you relinquished just like you always did. 

You were so goddamn in love with him he could’ve asked anything and even if it took some nudging, you’d give in. 

Not being around him everyday and not knowing what was going to happen with him and other women scared the hell out of you. There were no strings attached to this new arrangement you had, one you were still confused about to be honest, so he had free reign to sleep with whoever he wanted. 

Though… he had free reign this entire time and still hadn’t slept with anyone else. 

Being apart was different though. With the distance there was no way you’d see each other weekly or even bi-weekly. You’d be lucky with once a month between uni and work and while you could’ve lasted that long without sleeping with someone, Harry definitely couldn’t. 

You hated yourself for feeling so wrecked with jealousy and heartache over him. More so though, you hated yourself for getting in this situation in the first place. 

“Yeah” she laughed along along with you before letting out a heavy sigh “Harry too, though. Right? I mean I’d certainly miss him if I were sleeping with him.” 

What?

It was like you suddenly went deaf and all the air got sucked out of your lungs, ringing going through your ears and head and blocking out every other sense. She couldn’t have said what she just said. 

There was just no way. 

Play dumb, just play dumb. 

“What are you…” you swallowed the lump in your throat, fiddling with your fingers anxiously, “what are you talking about? I’m not sleeping with Harry, that’s ridiculous. We’re just friends. I work for him” you laughed a bit uneasy, your mouth suddenly going incredibly dry. Your body was growing hot and you could feel your face get flooded with heat from feeling so nervous. 

How did she know? You two were so careful. Hell, Harry made sure it only happened once a week so no one would grow suspicious so how did she know? 

“Oh sweetheart” her hand landed on your arm, this time in a comforting squeeze. Her expression suddenly turned a bit more serious, almost maternal. “You don’t have to pretend, I’ve known for a while now. But it’s okay, I’m not here to judge, just talk woman to woman” 

“You can’t tell anyone” you blurted out, suddenly standing up and starting to pace the room while you had a mild freak out over what this meant. 

Tracey was a gossip. The biggest fucking gossip so if she knew she’d tell everyone. You knew she hadn’t said anything yet because it would’ve gotten back to you by now. That was the only thing you had some weight over. 

You were an adult, as was Harry so you hadn’t done anything wrong. But your parents couldn’t find out. Your dad probably still thought you were a virgin and if he found out you were sleeping with Harry all fucking hell would break loose. 

He was a good man, your dad, a loving and supportive man but Harry was his friend. Harry was closer in age to him than you and you knew that he would never forgive either of you if he found out you were sleeping together. He’d probably try and kill Harry if he was given the opportunity. 

Your life would be over. 

Dramatic? Maybe. But there was a reason you kept this whole thing a secret to begin with and you weren’t about to let Tracey parade it around the whole neighbourhood. 

“Please, Tracey. I’m serious, you can’t tell anyone” there was a slight beg in your tone as you turned to look at her. She had a look of sympathy on her face as she put her now empty martini glass on your bedside table and patted the spot beside her on the bed. 

“Oh hun, come here”

You complied and went to sit beside her, your stomach churning at what she was about to say next. You were riddled with anxiety and your hands were trembling, even as you wiped them on your dress then wedged them between your thighs. 

“I’m not going to tell anyone…” she put her hand affectionally on your arm again. 

“Then why are you telling me that you know?” You asked cautiously, wanting to shrug her hand off your arm badly. You didn’t though. 

“Because, y/n. I want to warn you about Harry… about what you’ve gotten yourself into”

Warn you? Now you were both suspicious and curious about what she was going to say next. 

“Warn me?” 

She nodded, giving you a sympathetic smile. “Yes hun. I’ve watched you grow up from a child to a beautiful young woman” she cupped your face, brushing her thumb against your cheek “and I’d hate to see you get hurt by a stupid man” 

You stayed silent, just staring at her as you waited for her to continue. Her hand dropped to her lap and she looked at you like her next words pained her to say. “You know… ladies talk but it’s also not hard to see the man Harry is. He’s good at making people think that he cares for them when in reality he only cares for himself.”

“That’s not true” you interrupted. 

You knew the man he was. Harry was a liar, he kept secrets and could be selfish and money hungry, emotionless even at times. He had an ego and loved being in control, but he was more than that. 

Harry was also kind and generous. He had a gentle side of him where he held such interest, genuine interest in your life. It wasn’t fake or something he did to benefit himself in some way. 

He always asked questions about you and actually cared about the answers, and he’d remember them too. Like that bouquet of tulips and peonies. You told him you liked them once, and it was a fleeting comment you threw into a different conversation you two were having. 

He remembered your friends names, their families too if you ever spoke about them. He remembered every class you were taking this semester and what your goals were for them. Harry remembered those things because he cared. 

He was a confusing man, one you despised at times because of his behaviour. But you knew he cared for you, at least at a friendship and human level. 

Because of those reasons, you fell in love with him. Even though you only knew half of who he is, you still loved him anyway. 

“It is true. He’s a liar, y/n. He’ll tell you how beautiful you are, how good you are, how much he cares for you. He might buy you nice things and take you for lunch, or treat you to a weekly dinner. But he only does that so you stick around” 

You looked away from her, knowing he did all those things to you, with you. But you didn’t want to believe that he just did it to play pretend and benefit himself. He could sleep with whoever he wanted so it didn’t make sense because you couldn’t give him anything special. 

“How many women has he slept with? How many neighbours have you seen leave his house or be upset that he didn’t date them? Dozens, yet you two have been sleeping together for weeks. Have you ever wondered why?”

It was something you had always wondered, why he started this whole thing in the first place. Why did he keep sleeping with you? 

You hated Tracey, and you rarely believed a word she said. Yet everything she had said so far was true, and it was making you doubt what you believed about him. 

“It’s because he likes the power play y/n” she continued, seeing that you weren’t going to give a verbal response.  “You’re probably the youngest person he’s slept with since he was your age and he probably gets the biggest high off it because he likes to be in control. And because of that he doesn’t want his life to change. He likes his routine and he likes his money. If he spends it it’s because it benefits him, not the person he’s giving it too.”

She was right again. 

Every time he bought you something or treated you to dinner it was in the lead up to sex. Your lingerie was for his eyes. Those flowers were so you’d forgive him and sleep with him that same night. That stupid lunch he took you on ended in him taking you to a fucking sex shop to buy toys that he’d use on you, that he’d get sexual pleasure from. 

Your weekly dinners where he either cooked the meal or bought it was in the lead up to him fucking you. He even used pleasure to buy your forgiveness back so he could keep sleeping with you. It happened when he ‘forgot’ about telling you about his birthday, then in the pool when he had to apologise for his confusing comments at his birthday party. 

When you thought back to the nice gestures he did, every single one of them (after the first night you slept together) resulted in you two sleeping together. It made you like him, trust him. You trusted him so much you explored so many things that you probably wouldn’t have done with anyone else. 

“That’s why he wears a condom y/n. Because he doesn’t trust his partners to be on birth control. His money is precious to him and one of his biggest fears is being baby trapped because of it. It always has been” 

That comment right there is what made the pin drop again and that fucking ringing noise echo in your head. You looked up at her, eyes glossing over as you processed what she just said. 

“What do you mean?” 

It was the only thing you said for a while but Tracey knew what you were referring to. It was the one piece of information she knew would be the cherry-on-top of this whole situation. 

“Oh honey…” she sighed, feigning upset for that little doe eye expression in your eyes. In reality those blurred pupils of yours were only making her happy with satisfaction because her plan was working. “Harry doesn’t trust the women he sleeps with, he never has and he never will. You could ask anyone he’s slept with and they’d all say that he wore a condom. It wasn’t for STD protection, it was so they wouldn’t lie and trap him with a child that he’d have to financially support for the rest of its life. That’s all he cares about y/n… money.” 

Oh my god. 

You wanted her to be lying, for it to just be sick gossip. But the fucked up truth of it all was that it made sense and that it wasn’t out of the realm of things Harry might or might not do. In fact, it was actually so on-character to him, you’d expect him to tell you it himself if you asked.  

You remember the first night you slept together where you offered him not to use one because you were on birth control. He declined and you had no issues with that. In fact, you never had any issues with it because the more protection the better and it did protect against any STDs (he was a clean man in general and very concerned about health so you had some trust he was clean). 

But now that you knew it wasn’t because of a health reason, all you could think about was how dirty you felt, how used you felt. How betrayed and… heartbroken you were. 

You were friends before sleeping together, and you wouldn’t expect him to stop being careful because of that. But you slept together so many times and shared so many experiences together it just felt so shit to hear that he never trusted you in the first place. 

Everything just felt like an exchange now. The lingerie for sex. The flowers for sex. The lunch and dinner for sex. His sweet nothings in your ear and that lovely aftercare was just so you’d come back and let him fuck you again. 

You knew he was a liar and you were never naive to the secrets he kept. But you thought that at the very least he was telling the truth when he said he cared about you, that he valued you as a person and friend. 

But he didn’t. 

You were no different to his one night stands, a random woman who he had no prior relationship with, no trust or bond with. This entire time all Harry thought of you, was an untrustworthy baby-trapping child who was happy to let the older rich guy fuck her. 

That’s why he never truly opened himself up to you. That’s why he always acted like you two were more but said that he didn’t want anything, because it was all a fucking ruse to get you to continue sleeping with him. If he strung you along and made you feel special then you’d keep sleeping with him and he’d continue to feel accomplished about sleeping with a 22 year old. He’d continue to feed his ego and be able to boast about it with his friends. 

All you’d be is a story he’d tell in a couple years time about the young neighbour he seduced into being his fuck buddy for a month. 

It was all a fucking lie. 

You looked back up to Tracey from your lap with tears welled up in your eyes. Your heart was broken and it felt like the entire world was crashing around you. 

“Oh honey, I’m so sorry” she smiled sympathetically and rubbed circles on your back. You looked down to your lap again, hastily wiping away the few tears that started to fall. “The only good thing is that I told you before you started gaining feelings for him…” when you looked up and she saw that look in your eyes, the one that told her you definitely had feelings for Harry she actually felt bad for you. Then she remembered the way you purposefully threw her photos in the bin and that sad little gaze actually gave her a lot of amusement. 

Good. Little girls don’t deserve a man like Harry. Especially conniving bitches like you. 

“Oh honey, it’s okay. There’ll be another boy for you, someone more in your… league” you didn’t miss the snide remark on her end, but you were too focused on not sobbing in front of her to care about her bitchiness. 

“Yeah…” you didn’t want to argue with her, all you wanted to do was roll up in a ball and cry away your broken heart. “Would you… would you mind giving me a minute?” 

“Oh of course!” She seemed happy to leave and was up in an instant, adjusting her illegally short denim skirt and picking up her cocktail glass from your beside table. “I’ll be downstairs when you’re ready hun, your mum really did do a good job at making these cocktails” she gave you a smile and patted your shoulder before walking out without a second glance. 

She didn’t bother closing your door and you didn’t bother to get up and do it yourself because you just didn’t have the energy to. The moment you were alone the floodgates opened for the very first time since you started sleeping with Harry. 

You never allowed yourself a moment to cry and get out all the rage and mixed feelings you had towards him, choosing the avoidant coping mechanism instead. But now that choice was out of your control and you were sobbing whether you wanted to or not. 

//

Harry had been rehearsing what he was going to say to you all day. He always had a plan and knew what he was going to say in any situation, yet this… he had no idea. He knew what he needed to get out and what he needed to do, but he was dreading it. 

He had a pit deep in his stomach and he felt sick over this whole situation, nauseous like he was going to throw up. But he was also livid. The anger he felt towards his once-best friend was seeping into his bones, nearly making him shake and having to restrain himself from punching another hole in the wall. 

Harry had already destroyed his home office and given Archie one hell of a fright through his angry rampage and now he was about to destroy you in a completely different way. The thought of hurting you made him feel disgusted in himself, like he couldn’t bear the thought of seeing any hint of sadness in your eyes. 

But what choice did he have? 

Aside from the bullshit payout which Harry was going to figure out later, breaking up with you, hurting you was the only way to keep those photos from being spread everywhere. It was the only way to protect your dignity and your reputation, to prevent something that could ruin your life. 

It could ruin your relationship with your parents and stop you from getting a job, from doing your masters degree if that’s what you wanted to do. Ethan was a smart man when he wanted to be, and Harry knew he would spread those photos in a way that tainted your life forever. 

Harry would never allow that. So while breaking up with you wasn’t part of Ethan’s deal, it was better this way. While you two weren’t a couple, Harry had gone through a lot of persuading to get you to agree to keep seeing him and undoing that wasn’t going to be easy. He had to make you hate him for it to work. 

The entire way up your stairs, Harry was preparing himself to stomach the look of betrayal in your eyes. What he didn’t expect to see though, was Tracey walking down them with a satisfied smirk on her face. 

“Harry, darling. So great to see you! Have you tried the cocktails yet? They’re delicious” she smiled, stopping to attempt a conversation with him. He kept walking and flashed her an apologetic smile, masking his anxiety about what he was trying to do. 

“Sorry Tracey, gotta run to the loo” he jogged up the rest of the way, turning the corner so she couldn’t see him anymore. 

He had never been in your room before, but he had seen it through his window and roughly knew where it was since it was right across from his. Upon nearing where he thought it might be he came to a complete stand still at the sounds coming from there. 

Crying. 

His heart started beating erratically at the sound of crying, your crying. He picked up his pace and found himself in your doorway, eyes wide at the sight of you on your bed with your knees tucked to your chin and your face buried into them. 

It was devastating to see you like that and it also riled him up in violent rage for whoever made you feel like that. He thought he had semi-prepared himself for the possibility of seeing you cry. But now that he was confronted with it before he even broke things off with you, he realised no preparation could stop his heart breaking at the sight. 

“Y/n…” he managed to get out, alerting you to his presence. 

Your head flicked up and Harry felt winded at your puffy face, red eyes and tears still streaming down. He was even more unprepared though when your eyes glazed over with fury and you let out a dry laugh that was laced with malice. 

“Of course” you laughed bitterly, hastily wiping away your tears and trying to control them. “If the universe didn’t hate me enough it just had to deliver you to my door right when I’m crying… fucking fantastic” 

Harry was confused, really fucking confused. You sounded angry at him, but by his memory he hadn’t done anything that might’ve upset you. His entire day had been spent trying to protect you and deal with the fucker trying to ruin your life. 

“What’s going on? Why are you upset?” He stepped into the room and shut the door, sensing that this conversation needed privacy. 

“Why am I upset?” You repeated, laughing again to yourself like it was hilarious. “Like you even care if I’m upset” 

“Of course I care” he deadpanned, voice softening when he noticed his anger for you being upset in the first place came through in his tone. He didn’t mean to snap, but he was having a hard time controlling his emotions. 

Seeing you so upset, and at him too was making him spiral. 

“Why do you think I wouldn’t?” He walked further into the room, noticing how you were eyeing him like you didn’t want him anywhere near you. 

“God, I don’t know” you remarked sarcastically, standing up and wiping away your tears again. As much as you wanted them to stop, they just wouldn’t. “Maybe because you’re fucking liar.”

“What are you-”

Harry started speaking but then didn’t get a chance to continue before you interrupted him again. He had never ever seen you this angry before, nor had you ever spoken up like you were now. But it was clear this wasn’t a new issue, not with the rage and heat you were delivering with every word. 

“For weeks I have been thinking that you were just being secretive because of some trauma or something, or because you’re just a guarded person and I accepted that. I accepted that we’d never get deeper as friends or fuck buddies or anything else and I accepted that you were going to lie to protect that side of yourself. But fuck… god I’m so stupid… I can’t believe I didn’t see it until now!” You looked down at the floor, all the rage and frustration and heat building up in you. 

It was like you had well and truly hit your breaking point, like the kettle finally blew. Once you started talking you just couldn’t stop. 

“There were just so many hypocritical things that you did! Ugh! So many!” You started pacing the room, tearing at your hair a little as you spoke to him. “And I just thought, fuck-I can’t believe I even thought that, but I thought that you didn’t mean it. That you were maybe just an affectionate guy, or didn’t realise that your actions never ever matched up with your words.”

You looked back at him to find hurt laced in his expression, and if anything that just made you more upset. He had no right to be angry at you, no right to have that sad puppy dog expression on his face when he was the one who fucked up. 

All you did was tell him the truth, something no one had ever done before. It was clear he couldn’t handle what everyone had been hiding from him all this time. 

“I thought that you just didn’t know how confusing you were being. But I was fucking wrong! You knew. You knew the whole time because you never cared for me, not once. Everything you did was just to fuck me. Every nice word and gesture and your stupid smirk and pet names were just so I’d spread my legs for you.”

Harry just stood there, unsure what to say or what to think. He was feeling so many different things at once; confusion… frustration, anger. Most of all though, he felt broken. 

Everything you were saying was wrong, it was all wrong and he didn’t understand why you were saying it or where you got these ideas from. Yes, he lied to you and god he hated doing that, he regretted doing it and he could admit to himself and his therapist that it was all in self preservation. 

But he never used you. Not once. He never manipulated you or tried to bribe you, and he certainly never once viewed you as just some body for him to get off on. Harry cared for you, deeply, even if he didn’t want to and that was clear by how distraught he was by your allegations. 

He had never cared about someone as deeply as he did you, not in a platonic way or… or more. If you were anyone else he wouldn’t have tried so hard to keep this secret, nor would he have even entertained the idea of paying Ethan off to keep those photos secret. 

If what you said was true he would’ve laughed in Ethan’s mutant looking face and told him to do whatever he wanted with those stupid photos. Harry definitely didn’t care if people knew who he slept with and he never would’ve paid to keep his love life a secret. But this was you, not some random hookup and he couldn’t, wouldn’t allow you to be disrespected like that. 

He also couldn’t sit around and let you accuse him of all of this without standing up for himself. 

Harry had the upper hand in every conversation, always, especially heated ones. But in this one he didn’t have a leg to stand on, and he was struggling to even find any words to try and defend himself. 

“That’s not true! Y/n I-”

Even if you didn’t interrupt him again, he wouldn’t have known what to say. You left him speechless. Just like you made him nervous for the first time in 20-something years, you were also the first one to leave him speechless. 

“No. Don’t you fucking lie to me Harry. I…” your voice broke, because here he was again, lying straight to your face. “I thought we were friends, and I thought… I don’t know… I thought you trusted me, like I trusted you. And then I find out that you don’t even trust me enough to not trap you with a fucking baby. Do you know how that makes me feel? You know how I feel about children and you know-well I thought you knew that I’d never do something like that to you. You told me yourself I wasn’t some one night stand yet that’s all I am to you! A good fuck, a notch on your mile long belt!”

He was still wrapping his head around your previous statements but the baby-trapping one was one that completely winded him. That was true, and it was in fact well known as a fear of his and something he prevented by using condoms with every partner. But you didn’t know that, so someone would’ve had to tell you. 

While it was true, Harry never feared that you’d baby trap him. Not even the first night you slept together. But it was a habit, a safe-sex practice that he had been doing for years and wouldn’t change for you, especially not the first night when he thought it would just be a one night thing. 

And he just couldn’t bring himself to change that even after you step with each other multiple times. He could’ve, because he trusted that you were on birth control like you said, but it was too personal for him. Going without a condom was a big move for Harry, and he had spent your entire relationship trying to get rid of his growing feelings for you so making a step like that was going closer to you rather than further away. 

The only two times in his life he didn’t wear one was with his first love and Mel. They were both emotional relationships and he often thought back to his first love, the only woman ever capable of pulling that emotion from him. That relationship was the hardest to break from, because it wasn’t done over a loss of love, just right person wrong time. 

She was moving overseas on a dream scholarship university opportunity and Harry was staying in the UK to pursue business. Long distance just wouldn’t have worked, so they broke up. It was awful. When he ran into her a few years later, she was engaged and he was still screwing around with little care. If she was single maybe things would’ve been different. 

And even though he cared little for Mel, there was a respect there that came with being together so long. That respect disappeared when he found out about the affair, but he still thought back to her when he thinks about forgoing a condom. 

To use one with you, would be like making these feelings of Harry’s a reality. It would be cementing your relationship when Harry didn’t want that, couldn’t want that. 

It was never out of a fear of baby trapping. But he couldn’t lie and say that wasn’t the reason for everyone else, because it was. It just wasn’t the only one. 

To hear you call yourself just a notch on his belt was so dehumanising he wanted to scream, he wanted to yell and punch a fucking wall at the thought of you even thinking that. He could never think that, not in a million years. But is that the idea he put out? Or was it something someone else fed you? 

“Y/n-” he tried again, desperately trying to explain himself. He needed to break things off with you, yes, but he also couldn’t stomach the idea that you believed that he ever thought of you like that. 

“I didn’t believe what everyone thought about you, at least not once I got to know you. And fuck… I was even stupid enough to fall for you, even despite all the obvious red flags.” Harry’s heart nearly leaped out of his chest at your admission of feelings. But he barely had a chance to process it before you were speaking again.  “But now… now I know it’s true.” You took another deep breath, eyes narrowing as you stared right at him. “All you are is a selfish, egotistical asshole who only cares about money and getting his dick wet. And that’s all you’ll ever be Harry. A lonely pitiful man with only his money to keep you company.”

Those comments cut him deep. 

He had heard those words before. Egotistical, manwhore, asshole, money hungry, power hungry. But it was all from people who were intimidated by him or used it as a compliment so he’d work with them in some business deal. He had heard it in hatred too, but he never cared.

Hearing you say those words though, similar to what many others had said before, destroyed him to his very core. Harry never cared what people thought of him because he had other focuses that were more important to him. But he cared what you thought, he always did. 

He felt sick to his stomach, his chest was physically aching and he was almost struggling to breathe. Harry just never thought you’d have such an effect on him, but it was clear that these feelings he had been trying to push away were a lot stronger than he thought. 

He hadn’t felt hurt like this since his first girlfriend, and the realisation of that was fucking terrifying. He wanted to run, or scream, or deflect but he was also frozen in place still processing everything that had just happened. 

From saying a quick hello to you when he arrived and seeing that bright smile on your face at his presence to this. 

Yelling, crying, spews of hatred. 

It was the look he saw in your eyes though that seemed to flip his reaction to what you said. All he saw was hate and disgust. You were disgusted in him and he knew that nothing he said would change that. 

So while he was hurting, and while he was still plotting revenge against Ethan in the very back of his mind, he decided to use this to his advantage. Why try and save your opinion of him when he needed you to hate him anyway so you’d stay away? 

So he became exactly who you said he was. A manipulative asshole. 

Harry let his face go straight and forced a dead look in his eyes as he let out a mocking laugh, taking a few steps so he was close to you. The sight of your swollen sad eyes widening had his heart clenching. But he pushed that far away and shook his head a little, running a hand through his hair. 

“Well… guess the jig is up. You’ve caught me” he shrugged and held his hands up in a ‘I surrender’ motion, voice clearly mocking you. “Now what? You want an apology? Is that what you want Angel, me to apologise to you like you’re a baby?” He pouted, stuffing his fingers into his pockets to hide how badly they were shaking from anxiety. 

He could feel it building inside him, the anxiety and all the voices raging at him inside his head but he tried to push them away. What he couldn’t ignore though, was the flash of horror across your face, like you couldn’t believe the man standing in front of you. 

You were speechless, body beginning to tremble with anger and shame. “Fuck. You” you spat, unable to think of anything else to respond to him. 

He laughed again, flashing that classic smirk of his before reaching out towards you. You flinched as he brushed his knuckles across his cheek and pushed your hair behind your ears. It was a movement that always gave you butterflies before, and now it just made you sick to your stomach. 

“You already have, sweetheart” he smiled down at you, mocking you, degrading you. “I’d offer another round but after that little… tantrum I don’t think you’re in the mood” 

Insulting your age was one thing Harry swore he’d never do. You were an adult, not a child and he always promised himself he’d treat you like that. He knew you’d hate if you were ever judged on it, so he used that to make you more upset. 

He hated himself for it. His anxiety was becoming worse the more time went on. Each second felt like 10 and the sound of his own heartbeat and breathing were becoming so loud he could barely hear himself talk. He was trying to calm himself down, but he knew if he didn’t leave soon he was going to have a full panic attack right in front of you. 

His hand dropped to his side and without even thinking you raised yours up and slapped him right across the face. His head whipped to the side and he seemed momentarily stunned before he laughed like it was hilarious and rubbed his reddening cheek. 

His mocking laughter was making the tears well up in your eyes again so you had to wipe them away before he could make fun of you for that as well. “Get out.” 

When he didn’t move straight away you repeated yourself, pointing to the door and raising your voice so he’d get the point. “Get the fuck out of my house Harry! I never want to talk to you again or see you again, ever. So get the fuck out and just leave!”

“Well, you know who to call if you’re ever feeling lonely. Have fun at your little BBQ, y/n” he shrugged like he didn’t care and left. 

As soon as he heard the door slam behind him and your wailing start again he took off, running downstairs and out of the house straight to his own. If anyone saw him they’d be extremely confused and have a lot of questions, but he didn’t care. He could barely breathe let alone think. 

His vision was becoming blurry, chest hurting and breathing picked up so fast he felt like he was choking on it. He barely made it to his front garden before he was collapsing onto the perfectly trimmed grass and clutching onto his chest. 

Harry curled into a ball, feeling the world go dark around him and his limbs start to lose feeling as he tried to remember all the techniques Max and his previous therapist had told him. 

It had been years since he had a panic attack but it was still like rote-memory going back to the one he found helped the most. He tried to deepen his breathing and forced his eyes open, darting around through the black dots to find three objects or things to try and ground himself.  

“Three objects… bush… r-rock… water. Bush… rock… water.” 

It seemed to be working but not enough, so he closed his eyes again and focused on the sounds this time. 

“L-laves rustling… c-car… barking. Leaves… car… barking… leaves, car, barking” as he repeated the words out loud he could feel himself calming down and regain feeling in his body again. He started to wiggle his fingers and toes until that tingling feeling subsided. The ringing in his head finally stopped and when he opened his eyes he could see the world clearly again. 

He flattened out on his back and looked up at the sky, finding the moon shining down on him. There weren’t many stars visible because of how close he was to the city, but the moon was present. The moon was always present. 

Harry hated himself for what he did to you and he would for a long time, but at least he knew that for tonight he had the moon to keep him company.

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