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illustrator — pencil art + procreate

_something to consider_

now we are moving on to the next chapter. after trying a lot of new things and techniques I want to start developing my new art style as an illustrator. for now i want to start sharing series of illustrations inspired by all the places i visited in the recent years + share some tips

sometimes i feel i can let it go but then something triggers a childhood memory and i get reminded of how they left me behind with my abusive grandparents when they had another child. How my grandma was saying i am useless and always compared me to my classmates saying nothing good would happen to me in the future. how she didn’t want my mom to see me and my mom basically agreed to it because i don’t remember her coming to see me at all. how my grandma was taking my stuff away or wasn’t letting me watch tv/use laptop etc for misbehaving so I was anxiously hiding my stuff. how she wasn’t letting me see my classmates after school at all or only under very specific conditions and i was caught sneaking and punished. how she was constantly yelling at me and I had no one to advocate for me. how she was complaining about my behavior to my dad and he was always taking her side and blamed me for making her feel worse. she even told me to beg for forgiveness for smth on my knees once

i was all alone, i was scared, i developed maladaptive phobic disorder when i was barely 5. Since then i have been escaping to fantasy worlds in my headspace. i am also autistic and adhd even though nobody knew it at the time. now im glad they didn’t because i would have endured so much medical trauma knowing what they did to my sibling who was diagnosed with a certain genetic condition at a very young age. now i have no precious childhood memories. the word childhood basically equals a nightmare in my mind. i developed hyper vigilance and paranoia. i get reoccurring nightmares where i’m being neglected by people im close with and i wake up in tears. sometimes i want to cut ties with my parents for what they did even though they treat me differently nowadays when i don’t need their support and protection

1. feeling as if the present moment is a memory im recalling

2. feeling like things i need to attend later in the day are not my actual plans, then remembering they are, feeling uncomfortable, forgetting, repeating the cycle after some time (e.g. going to dentist, meeting w/ friends, things that are not a part of my everyday routine)

3. talking but feeling like you participate in the conversation from 3rd person’s perspective

4. reality checking myself when I’m out somewhere I’ve never been before (wow im actually here, im not at home, im in another place…) over and over again

5. constantly feeling like whatever happened 3-4h ago happened yesterday

6. being trapped inside my head, processing surroundings and actively talking to myself, but staying quiet on the outside (possibly a sign of a shutdown)

7. feeling numb, hearing voices all mixed and as if they are coming from far away

I finally found a suitable reference for my small tutorial^^ ofc it has to be Mon Mothma!! This technique might not be original but that's how I like to do it and what helps me a lot while working with references. i tried to make it is quite beginner friendly

Though back to the topic! The most important aspect of analyzing a reference is simplifying!

step 1 -> carefully break the picture into straight lines and build your contour. try to notice connections between the size of the lines

my tip: pay close attention to angles!

now repeat with hands! notice how they do not cross the line of her shoulders

my tip: notice how fingers, knuckles and arms form a lot of straight lines!

check proportions by breaking empty spaces on simple shapes and comparing them to your sketch

let's break her face next!

my tip: put a piece of paper or a pen on top of a reference to better see the tilt

another check point

step 2 -> notice connections!