Ian's blog

I'm writing svsss fanfiction to, yk, publish and hopefully make extra cash from comisions in some years maybe? Idk.

My name is Ian, my pronouns are he/hym, I'm part of a system and that's all the disclosure I'll ever make about it.

I'm a MINOR, I do not care if older people interact but I'm not very fond of older people being in my DM's unless it is strictly for commissions

Imagine him going “I would've been a better teacher for him” while reading the Lotus Binghe arc

Or during a random Papapa™ scene he would just randomly go “I probably could stretch like that for him” or maybe during a (very rare) domestic scene his mind would say “I could cook better than this wife for him” and that's completely normal

Other totally normal heterosexual activities of Shen Yuan include: his massive merch collection, his thirst trap edit collection on tik tok, a Luo Binghe fan account that collects official art and reblogs fanart, his ungodly big amount of “Luo Binghe/Reader” fics on his ao3 account, among other very heterosexual things

But it doesn’t matter if Luo Binghe is a man because hes just fictional,

He looked a bit younger because of his round face and small stature, that means that the Starter Pack™ for being an An Ding disciple that started to work close with their very kind shizun is that they must absolutely have a dumb crush, never a thing that stayed because the love filter wore off and they saw that their shizun had the same sense of self care than a 2yr old, and that translates directly to nothing.

The other disciples (who already passed the week and a half phase) would just half-heartedly laugh and tell the one that's in love that they should just drop it, "don't you see he's already buried in paperwork? He would be such an awful husband" and they criticize him in pajama parties, mostly as a joke of course because they hold no grudges against him, most of them owe him for their health in some way because he knows how to act quickly and obviously he's their shizun, a very good shizun

So when Mobei-jun comes into picture the teen and tween girls go crazy mad, "you can't take OUR shizun like that" type of mad. They seriously demand better and more courting gifts for his shizun because "look at his face, don't you think he deserves a bit more?" And Mobei-jun always falls for it, even if Shang Qinghua has tried to tell him to not do it or to try to tell the girls that he doesn't deserve so much they DON'T budge.

At the end, Shang Qinghua basically got buried in jewelry and other courting gifts before the full An Ding peak accepted it (because the 15 teens that started it dragged almost everyone else into it and they DO NOT feel shame for it)

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Before PIDW ends, the ship tag is one of the top 5 of the fandom in ao3 and they have tons of fanart and even an animation video on youtube that has hundreds of thousands of views and obviously airplane had seen it, and he found it hilarious too.

So when he finished PIDW he made some specials and he decided to be the funniest man ever and write one where peerless cucumber died and reincarnated in a male demon whom happened to be working close to Luo Binghe, and that was the first and last gay chapter of PIDW.

The fandom EXPLODED when they read this and the ship tag quickly became number 1 on the fandom in ao3, fanfiction.net, wattpad and tumblr.

Sadly, peerless cucumber stopped his activities on social media as soon as the final chapter of PIDW dropped, wonder what happened to that guy...

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He was down bad enough to actually spy on Shang Qinghua when he was on An Ding peak and he discovered a lot of things

Shang Qinghua's favourite colour was yellow, his favourite food was rice with mashed potatoes and his favourite flower was the crystanemum.

Eventually, in the first meetings with Junshang, Mobei-jun casually confessed to spying on his servant on a weekly basis and Luo Binghe told him it was not normal and that he maybe should stop, "Shang Qinghua wouldn't like it" is the argument that finally convinced him.

But, when Mobei-jun was trying to court Shang Qinghua he had no batshit idea of how the fuck to do it, so he resumed his spying, with Sha Hualing being 101% supportive of that and Luo Binghe just promising to not tell his shizun

And Mobei-jun discovered things

A lot of things

For example, Shang Qinghua smoked

And seeing Shang Qinghua in the way to be out of his mind, only in his inner robes, his curly hair being loose and messy, his eyes red and a drunken smile on his face was the hottest thing Mobei-jun had seen in his life

Everyone thinks that Mobei-jun is delusional because he finds Shang Qinghua attractive even in the situations where he realistically is not even close

Shang Qinghua in the morning, barely awake with his wavy hair being loose and tangled, only an inner robe and pants old enough to be from his inner disciple days, some drool still on his face? Yea, Mobei-jun is absolutely dying to see that

Shang Qinghua in the middle of the night, with red eyes from forcing his view because his only source of light is a little candle that is doing its best, his chubby face with some marks of ink just like his robes and his mouth lightly biting the brush? Yes, that's the man Mobei-jun WILL wife up

Or when they go on multiple-day diplomatic missions and Shang Qinghua needs to sleep in the same bed as Mobei-jun for some "unknown mistake" and Mobei-jun gets to see and feel the warmness of the body that is about to throw him out of the bed with a flying kick exactly on his face? Mobei-jun is able to stay awake for days just to see that every night

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Well, his anger fits didn't count

But there was a little cultivator with that curly brown hair, big brown eyes and a chubby body that made Mobei-jun just crazy.

Mobei-jun hadn't figured out how much that body made him lose his mind because, well, he was very concentrated on those hypnotic eyes and that long bouncy hair, which was sadly almost always kept in a bun.

Until one day Mobei-jun decided to make one of his spontaneous visits to the human because obviously he needed to confirm that the human wasn't plotting something to take him down (right?)

When he passed the portal, he realized the human wasn't there, but a lot of hot steam was in the room. Mobei-jun walked to the bathroom and realized that maybe he wasn't the calm and minded individual he believed to be

Shang Qinghua was taking a bath, in a hot bathtub with his wet hair doing a perfect frame for his face and all of those curves usually hidden by at least the six layers of clothing, the bare minimum socially acceptable amount. Anywhere he looked he just saw perfection, perfection that would look even better with the marks of his bites, his hand around either those hips or thighs (Mobei wasn't picky!) and his seed all over that juicy ass, maybe with some bloody bites to show anyone that warm body was taken.

It seems that Mobei-jun's face wasn't the only thing that became hot from the view

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After Shang Qinghua run away and came back, Mobei-jun had been more clingy, extremely clingy

You see, after Shang Qinghua disappeared, Mobei-jun had time to think and oh did he think a lot

He had realized that Shang Qinghua must like him back! Because he always acted so weak in front of this king and as he now knew because of Luo Binghe's questioning some time ago, humans didn't show their interest with hits and punches, they showed their interest by acting weak and fragile! But if that was right, why did the human run away...?

Mobei-jun decided to think of that later, as the human had been very unreasonable and had made weird decisions before

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After finding his servant (now future consort! Mobei-jun was so thrilled for that) this king decided to try to show his interest for the human in a way that the human would understand

So he started trying to show himself weak, willingly being almost a servant to the human. Anything the human would ask for and even if the human wouldn't ask for it, Mobei-jun would provide for him "like a good courtmate and husband should do" like Luo Binghe said

If Shang Qinghua wanted ink, Mobei-jun would blissfuly get and prepare ink, obviously Shang Qinghua tried to stop him! How would a king prepare ink for this lower servant? But this king stopped him, even though he loved hearing him talk because it was part of his charming personality, Mobei-jun was trying to be romantic here! Don't try to stop him please!

If Shang Qinghua was overworking himself again, Mobei-jun offered to do his work for him, even the Caing Qiong work!

It had been kind of complicated to just start doing office work without any context nor any idea of what to do, but with time and maybe some (a lot of) guide from Shang Qinghua, Mobei-jun started to understand and finally managed to do a quarter of Shang Qinghua's load of work from Caing Qiong every month.

If Shang Qinghua was hungry, Mobei-jun would make the chefs cook a grand meal so Shang Qinghua would have many options to eat, but the problem was Shang Qinghua wouldn't eat almost anything! Just serve two or three things on his plate and just eat them while talking like usual, but he wouldn't touch anything else! And Mobei-jun became so conflicted with the idea that he ended up lowering himself more than he thought by asking Luo Binghe for advice

Well, it wasn't actually not useful to ask Luo Binghe as he currently had a successful marriage, but the problem is that he was Mobei-jun boss! How miserable do you have to be to only have your boss to ask about romantic advice?

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-... Junshang, what do humans like to eat?- Mobei-jun asked while slicing some meat. The current task was to find a specific organ from some beast that Mobei-jun didn't bother to remember.

-Well, humans like rice, fruits, vegetables and meat, but not those crazy amounts of raw meat you eat! Raw meat is very unhealthy to humans and may kill a human if eaten, just a little cooked meat is fine- Luo Binghe rambled, he liked cooking, it was fine to share some after all!

-What is... rice? - Mobei-jun sincerely asked, as rice wasn't really something heard of in the Northern Desert

-Wait, you mean you have been feeding Shang-shidi without rice for what? 20 years? - Luo Binghe asked, stopping the task in his hands and looking at Mobei-jun

-Well, yes. - Mobei-jun responded, really feeling like the suspect of a heinous crime

Mobei-jun was gifted a very thick and heavy "recipe book" and the advice that "you should try to do some of this yourself! I'm sure he would appreciate homemade food more than just food made by some cook"

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-My king! Why do you have a bowl of rice in your hands? - Shang Qinghua tiredly asked. His day had been long and he looked at this delicious very full bowl of rice and he was currently very drooling for it

Mobei-jun moved some of the papers in Shang Qinghua's desk and he put the rice bowl in the desk

-It's for you, eat- Mobei-jun plainly responded, grabbing a chair to sit next to his very happy human, who without further thoughts started eating the bowl of rice like it was gold, not that Shang Qinghua had a desire to eat gold, but it was "just an expression", another one of those confusing things the human liked to say and Mobei-jun tried to understand for the sake of their future relationship

-Mhmmm it's very good my king! I love it- Shang Qinghua said while still eating the rice, it was surely a very pleasant upgrade from that horrible rice that all of Caing Qiong had to eat. Mobei-jun watched happily his future husband eating this plate of food made by HIM, proving to the human that he can provide for him, even if he had been doing it kind of badly for the past years, maybe now that he knows how to cook rice Shang Qinghua wants to marry him!

-Mhm - Mobei-jun silently enjoyed the view of his love eating food like a little hamster with his big cheeks that could probably save some seeds for winter

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-And hear me out, he even cooked me fucking rice! He's such a good friend lately - Shang Qinghua said to his best friend, whom started to question his own hearing after listening about the last part

-Okay I'm just tired of being gentle with you, tf you mean friend? He's more of a malewife at this point- Shen Qingqiu finally said, after now two months of just nodding at the obvious Mobei-jun courting tactics and putting his fan on his face every time the never-more-oblivious Shang Qinghua ranted about how of a good "friend" Mobei-jun was, it is understandable to say that Shen Qingqiu was tired of his friend with the brain the size of a hamster.

-The fuck? No!! You're completely misinterpreting my friendship with him! I swear - Shang Qinghua said very defensive driving Shen Qingqiu, once again, very crazy

-Bro don't you realize? He started acting all weak and he's like your servant, and he looks like a happy puppy everytime you complement his cooking and everytime you get your 8 hours of sleep! He even fucking started doing your paperwork! How dumb are you, you little no brainer airplane? - Shen Qingqiu said very much like an accusation, accusing his friend of being dumb witch was more of a truth that an accusation

-What? He means that as a friend you dumbass - Shang Qinghua responded, brushing it off

-Omg how dumb can you be dude? Don't you remember what you told Binghe as dating advice all those years ago? Just in front of Mobei-jun? - Shen Qingqiu said, trying to trigger some type of neuronological connection in that head

-Wait, the "be weak so he'll like you"? What does that have to...

Oh fuck.

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He will stare indefinitely at Shang Qinghua when he wants something to be bringed to him, he fakes not being able to do random things but he is not very clever about it, because what do you mean you suddenly can't brush your hair neither can prepare your own baths?

Imagine Shang Qinghua having THAT favourite inside robe, that he will use for a week and be very sad when it needs to be washed, it has holes, it is tearing and undoing in so much places but Shang Qinghua has had it since he was an inner disciple, just the fact that it still fits him is a miracle itself.

Imagine that Mobei-jun is trying to court Shang Qinghua by gifting him skins to put on his bed and Shang Qinghua being horrorized just by the thought of sleeping with something different in his surroundings, that's just impossible!

After Mobei-jun had seen the secret disgust that his servant and also the guy that he liked had for the skins he decided to change tactics and gift him wool robes, what a horrible idea

Shang Qinghua plainly hated them because they felt wrong in his skin and that overwhelmed him so much, but he felt obliged to use them because he had already rejected one of his king's gifts. But he disliked wool so much that he cried while putting them on and was very teary, with red eyes and a red face while on court until his king "got annoyed" (got worried), went to a side room with him and asked what was wrong and Shang Qinghua just cried, standing there, he ugly cried because everything felt wrong, his whole body felt so wrong, every movement feels very wrong and even being still feels wrong. Mobei-jun freezed, he didn't know what was wrong with this little human that always amazed and confused him, but he realized it wasn't the crying that Shang Qinghua did when he wanted something from him, this was actual crying. Shang Qinghua couldn't even talk to explain to his king what he disliked, what he needed and why he felt just so wrong. Mobei-jun just managed to mutter that he should not worry for court today and should just, go to his room and relax.

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Mobei-jun was very confused.

He was always confused about his little human, his actions and his entire existence was plainly a mystery to this king, but he did want to know him, because he knew that he was doing something wrong about the human, but Mobei-jun doesn't really know almost anything about humans! His only knowledge was learned on the run and with a lot, a whole lot of errors and confusions in the way. But Mobei-jun did know someone that knew more about humans that they don't eat raw food and they don't like being hitten, and it was Luo Binghe.

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-So you're saying that you want to know about humans?- Luo Binghe said, kind of annoyed that Mobei-jun requested a "very urgent meeting" for this.

-Yes.- Mobei-jun responded, very seriously

-Why... Why do you even want to know about humans?- Luo Binghe just said, already smelling that he will not leave this conference room very enthusiastic about living another day as Mobei-jun's confident or more like dictionary of human terms

-Because Shang Qinghua is not happy with the things I'm gifting him- Mobei responded, with the worry on his face that only Shang Qinghua would've noticed. The fact that Mobei-jun didn't even know what Shang Qinghua would like as a gift and this man solved him like a puzzle so many years ago made him easily frustrated

-Look, the only thing I know about your little human is that he is friends with my Shizun so you shouldn't ask me- Luo Binghe said, just the knowledge that this was, once again, about that little human that likes to say weird things in a weird language with Shen Qingqiu and that for some reason Mobei-jun has tried to wife up for some time now and from the ranting that Luo Binghe didn't even knew if those few words counted as ranting, it was not going well just made him very annoyed

-Then take me to your Shizun- Mobei-jun said, very happy that he was going to get answers

Luo Binghe though that he very much hated that the non-existent romance in between Mobei-jun and his human was bothering him so much even before starting.

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-So, what do you want to know about Shang Qinghua?- Shen Qingqiu said behind his fan, while the smell of incense and hot tea burned on his nose

-Everything- Mobei-jun confidentaly said

-Okay I'm... What do you mean by everything?- Shen Qingqiu tried to add some clarification to the question he asked before

-Everything- Mobei-jun repeated

-... Okay let me rephrase that, why do you want to know everything about Shang Qinghua?- Shen Qingqiu added, hoping to have clarified something

-Because the gifts I'm giving him are not making him happy- Mobei-jun admitted

-So, what kind of gifts are we talking about?- Shen Qingqiu said, happy to be going somewhere

-I gifted him skins for his nest and he didn't use them then I gifted him wool robes and he cried when he used them- Mobei-jun said, remembering the sour memory of Shang Qinghua's ugly crying in front of him

-... To start he doesn't have a nest where did you even get that idea? And to follow, why did you even try to give him WOOL robes? Do you know that he hasn't touched wool in more than 7 years because he hates the texture? He cried the last time that he did. You know how hard it was for him to sleep for the first time after he had been kicked out of Caing Qiong because they didn't let him take any of his comfort robes neither his comfort pillow? I had to take those to him because I was so worried! Do you even know what "sensory needs" mean?!- Shen Qingqiu shouted, he was so tired of people not understanding his best friend's needs that he just unleashed everything, every single time that he happily went out of his way to accommodate his friend, something that no one seemed to even try to do even if Shang Qinghua asked them specifically to do so. Shen Qingqiu knew that the discomfort that his soul brother lived in everyday was nothing that only he could disappear by making accommodations every time that Shang Qinghua came to his bamboo house by not putting incense, only serving in fully white silverwear and putting a silk pillow for him to sit. Shen Qingqiu isn't particularly interested in silk but after knowing that his best friend loved it he decided to buy a silk pillow, just for his friend to sit on and not look constantly overwhelmed from having a disliked texture under his legs.

Both Mobei-jun and Luo Binghe, who came running after hearing the screams, were frozen there. Neither had ever seen Shen Qingqiu so enraged, losing that "I'm more than you" mask and just unleashing his rage, the rage that he kept for years after his friend confessed to him that he had sensory needs and he explained the things that made him uncomfortable in his bamboo house.

Shen Qingqiu breathed heavily while sitting again and trying to fix himself up - I'm very sorry, you not knowing how sensory needs work just enrages me because you are doing all of this so wrong you don't even imagine it- Mobei-jun left that day with new knowledge, a list of gifs, scents, types of robes, skins, foods and the general likes of Shang Qinghua.

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-Oh! How did you know that I love medlar incense?

-Mm, I just guessed it

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-Silk sleep robes? That's so comfortable, I love it. How did you know?

-Mm, I just guessed it

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-My king, you have been feeding me noodles for dinner for two weeks, why do you do everything just right?

-Mm, I just guess

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Shang Qinghua was a mere child when he met his king.

Let's just rephrase that

Shang Qinghua was stuck on his own world, on a mere child's body that was destined to be killed before he hit 30 because he was just traitor scum and his king just got bored of him.

He was now seeing the man that will once kill him, and he was very amazed by the natural beauty that Shang Qinghua just stayed there, very in awe because of what he later explained as "seeing his OC for the first time"

He was so in awe that he didn't realize when all of his mates were finally dead and he had to pledge for his own life.

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Even after more than 7 years working as a spy for his king, Shang Qinghua never stopped realizing that his king was dazzling, amazingly beautiful like those amazing royal blue flowers that bloomed in the "summer" in the eastern garden that Shang Qinghua secretly tended to everyday, from the moment he realizes that the lilac leafs could, once again, be seen from his office window until the stunning royal blue flowers were finally ready to be buried by their caregiver while he said the last goodbye.

Qinghua was surrounded by people but still very alone, the flowers reminded him so much of his king that he befriended the plant. He talked to it everyday, sometimes he started singing to it, because when he was little, his older sister told him that singing to plants helped them grow. That did not work with the succulent plant that lived around two weeks with this pair of siblings, but it looked like that did work with this rare plant friend.

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Hello! My first short fic :D