Moving forwards this Tumblr side blog of mine will be no longer active. If you wish to continue interacting with me please do so on my primary blog @tiedinforgetmeknots my (very inactive) art side blog @ficklelamb.
Thank you everyone who has followed me here and to the bsd fandom as a whole! Unfortunately, this blog now holds too many memories for me to continue it/remain actively in the bsd community. I appreciate my time in the space and the people I met as a result.
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Big apologies for being dead recently...and bigger apologies to any moots who are waiting for responses to stuff ( •́ ‿ ,•̀ )
**CW/TW for below the cut**: discussions of mental health; not in depth or heavy.
To clarify before I start into the more personal stuff...since this is not the typical type of post on my blog, I don't want anyone to be uncomfy or think that it is gonna be the direction of my blog in future. If people want me to make a more in-depth post about specifics I'm happy enough to make one especially if people are struggling too and think it would help them but I just wanted to make it clear that the blog moving forward isn't going to transition into a jiari blog, I don't have an issue with them but I just don't want this blog to even be a place that isolates anyone who isn't a fan of more serious/sensitive topics or even accidentally project my own issues onto someone else, you know?
There's a wonderful spoken word poem by Blythe Baird called 'Relapse' which I'll link that talks about the complexity of talking about mental health (specifically it discusses the poet's struggle with an ED so please be aware it may be triggering!) especially in a public forum where anyone can stumble across it. I wanna link it cause it's personally one of the most poignant contemporary poems I've heard after I discovered it almost 7 years ago and is one I come back to often. I think the poet is excellent and would definitely recommend her other poems too, all of her rework is quite heavy with themes of sa, eds, homophobia ect. so just be aware of that if you want to check out her other stuff. She blends bitter humour with trauma in such a way that never pulls too far one way or another- her poetry is so wonderfully inviting despite the raw pain felt, listening to her poetry to me feels like standing in the eye for the storm.
Okay onto the actual stuff now:
Lock has been not doing great to say the least- I'm slowly getting back into a more stable state of being I think but atm I'm still having some big issues with my anxiety and stuff so just know ily and I haven't ghosted my moots because I'm soft leaving the fandom or anything...I know I have a few different things for moots I am working on/have to respond to, so I promise it's still gonna get done eventually!
I don't want any of my moots to see this and worry about me or anything, I'm not a flight risk I promise lmao. I'm good at handling mental health episodes due to having a chronic illness which causes such things and other stuff which has caused past issues. I've thankfully learnt what my limits are and what works for me depending on different situations and largely that is more independent which people can find abnormal or concerning and it is not to shame anyone who handles stuff differently, if you need help please always reach out to someone! This is just something that I've found most effective due to how my brain is hardwired and I've discussed it with mental health professionals before and only do this cause I know my limits and will reach out if I can't process something by myself. I do not recommend just deciding to do this without talking to a mental health professional or at least family and friends so someone still knows to check up on you especially because it takes years to learn your limits and this could have a negative impact depending on the person and their needs!
I've just kinda had my head in a lot of different places and am a chronic overthinker who can be too introspective for their own good so at times it's been difficult trying to even find where to start with some of the stuff I'm feeling atm cause it's a lot- there's both good and bad emotions swirling around mind and soul, thankfully though! I'm getting a slightly better sense of things now and I'm hoping I can use some of the excess emotions to help fuel some future creative works because I've been drawing a lot recently! Icl- this experience has made my ADHD want to start journalling for the first time ever, like I never had a diary or anything growing up and I can't keep a planner to save my life so it's a very foreign concept to me but one I'd be open to trying to see if I find it personally beneficial or not for the way I process things.
I'm just the unfortunate mistake produced from the bad genetics there are on both sides of my family. I'll hopefully be back fully to my usual annoying overexcitable puppy antics on this blog by next week but I'll see how I feel and posts might be slow at the beginning. I hope everyone else is having a wonderful day and if you want a chat, my dms are still open as always :3
ssk Howl's moving castle lives rent freeze in my head at all times so I did a little doodle of them based on the hug scene™ as chosen by the wonderful @wishing-on-stardust and @cosmopolitanalienation:
I'm gonna be selfish and pick the song I recced you for skk- so if you're up for it, I would love a ficlet/drabble based on, 'Love At First Sight' by The Brobecks!!!
Hi there Lock! This is not a selfish pick at all, I love this song and that is why it ended up on my playsist (thank you again for reccomending it to me <3).
Here is 907 words of fairytale-adjacent skk :)
There once was a boy who believed in fairytales. He was plagued by monsters that danced inside his head. The boy dreamed that one day a prince would come to save him from the horrors that lived in his mind - a prince that wouldn't let any obstacle stand between him and his love. Deep down, the boy wished to be loved. But he knew there was no one in the world who could ever love a boy who was part monster. Happily ever afters were not for people like him.
So he forgot all about the fairytales.
The boy became as cold as snow and as shadowy as night, no longer did he dream of being good, for he was the worst kind of evil. He let the monsters in his head shred his storybooks and tear his wishing stars from the sky. The monsters in his head made sure the boy was alone in the darkness of his starless night.
Then he met a boy made of stars.
It was strange to see the stars up close, they were less like the twinkling glow of his memories and more like the blinding light of an insatiable fire. Still, the boy wished to touch the stars. So he poked and prodded the star boy and wrapped his hands in bandages every time he got burned.
"Stop touching me!" said the star boy.
You're so warm thought the monster boy.
"Stop following me!" said the star boy.
You're so pretty thought the monster boy.
"I hate you!" said the star boy.
I love you thought the monster boy.
Despite all of the star boy's words, he never got rid of the monster boy. He let the monster boy follow him home and sleep on his floor, and then his couch, and then his bed. The monster boy finally slept when the star boy's light scared away the monsters that came to him at night. For the first time in a long time the monster boy dreamt of being locked in a tower full of monsters but instead of them placing a crown on his head and letting the darkness eat him alive, a prince made of light came and burned all of the monsters away.
As time went on, the monster boy learnt that he could make the star boy flare brighter if he made him upset, so he poked and he prodded just so he could see the star boy's light get brighter and brighter.
One day, he went too far.
He threw a bucket of water over the star boy's head in hopes that he could make him shine the brightest he had ever seen. Instead, the light around the star boy was extinguished and when the smoke cleared the monster boy saw that underneath all of the star boy's burning brilliance, was the most beautiful prince he had ever seen. Unlike the boy made of pure light that he had known before, this boy was devastatingly human. He had freckles that made up constellations, eyes the colour of the clear blue sky, and lips that looked as soft as rose petals. The prince screamed in agony as his light was extinguished - it had hurt to burn, but it was agony to be human. But the monster boy could not tear his eyes away. He did not regret extinguishing the star boy's light, for all things are more beautiful when they suffer as human.
With time, the star boy's light began to burn again, and the prince was once again hidden away. But the monster boy could not forget the sight of what hid underneath the star boy's glow.
The star boy would not forgive the monster boy for extinguishing his light that day, but he still would not push the monster boy away entirely, for the secret that the star boy kept locked inside his chest, was that he had grown to love the monster boy as well.
With time came distance and the boys made of shadows and light were separated by miles. The boy with a monstrous heart went in search of the day - he could only rely on a single star for so long. For years he searched until he found a home in the twilight, where his shadowy form could exist closer to the dawn. With more light around him, the monsters in his head grew quieter, though they never went away. Nothing could banish them quite like his prince of stars.
One day, the monster boy and the star boy met again. The star boy was angry, for the monster boy had not told him he was leaving before he disappeared towards the dawn - somewhere the star boy could not follow.
"I hate you" said the star boy, who was angry that he still loved the boy cloaked in shadows.
I love you thought the monster boy, who had fallen for the prince of the night sky yet again.
There was once a boy who believed in fairytales. He may not have been saved the from monsters in his head, but one day a prince did come to save him from the horrors that lived in the outside world. The prince did not let villains or demons or dragons stand between him and the boy he had grown to love, and perhaps if they could learn to be together again, happily ever after might be possible for people like them.
Lock finally making dazaku content after only making skk even tho my otp is dazaku but Liv pulls out this shit and now I immediately have to go back into the skk wormhole and draw the howl's moving castle au I have been thinking up for them because the fic fits the vibes so well that I'm gonna kms if I don't-
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I'm gonna be selfish and pick the song I recced you for skk- so if you're up for it, I would love a ficlet/drabble based on, 'Love At First Sight' by The Brobecks!!!
Hi there Lock! This is not a selfish pick at all, I love this song and that is why it ended up on my playsist (thank you again for reccomending it to me <3).
Here is 907 words of fairytale-adjacent skk :)
There once was a boy who believed in fairytales. He was plagued by monsters that danced inside his head. The boy dreamed that one day a prince would come to save him from the horrors that lived in his mind - a prince that wouldn't let any obstacle stand between him and his love. Deep down, the boy wished to be loved. But he knew there was no one in the world who could ever love a boy who was part monster. Happily ever afters were not for people like him.
So he forgot all about the fairytales.
The boy became as cold as snow and as shadowy as night, no longer did he dream of being good, for he was the worst kind of evil. He let the monsters in his head shred his storybooks and tear his wishing stars from the sky. The monsters in his head made sure the boy was alone in the darkness of his starless night.
Then he met a boy made of stars.
It was strange to see the stars up close, they were less like the twinkling glow of his memories and more like the blinding light of an insatiable fire. Still, the boy wished to touch the stars. So he poked and prodded the star boy and wrapped his hands in bandages every time he got burned.
"Stop touching me!" said the star boy.
You're so warm thought the monster boy.
"Stop following me!" said the star boy.
You're so pretty thought the monster boy.
"I hate you!" said the star boy.
I love you thought the monster boy.
Despite all of the star boy's words, he never got rid of the monster boy. He let the monster boy follow him home and sleep on his floor, and then his couch, and then his bed. The monster boy finally slept when the star boy's light scared away the monsters that came to him at night. For the first time in a long time the monster boy dreamt of being locked in a tower full of monsters but instead of them placing a crown on his head and letting the darkness eat him alive, a prince made of light came and burned all of the monsters away.
As time went on, the monster boy learnt that he could make the star boy flare brighter if he made him upset, so he poked and he prodded just so he could see the star boy's light get brighter and brighter.
One day, he went too far.
He threw a bucket of water over the star boy's head in hopes that he could make him shine the brightest he had ever seen. Instead, the light around the star boy was extinguished and when the smoke cleared the monster boy saw that underneath all of the star boy's burning brilliance, was the most beautiful prince he had ever seen. Unlike the boy made of pure light that he had known before, this boy was devastatingly human. He had freckles that made up constellations, eyes the colour of the clear blue sky, and lips that looked as soft as rose petals. The prince screamed in agony as his light was extinguished - it had hurt to burn, but it was agony to be human. But the monster boy could not tear his eyes away. He did not regret extinguishing the star boy's light, for all things are more beautiful when they suffer as human.
With time, the star boy's light began to burn again, and the prince was once again hidden away. But the monster boy could not forget the sight of what hid underneath the star boy's glow.
The star boy would not forgive the monster boy for extinguishing his light that day, but he still would not push the monster boy away entirely, for the secret that the star boy kept locked inside his chest, was that he had grown to love the monster boy as well.
With time came distance and the boys made of shadows and light were separated by miles. The boy with a monstrous heart went in search of the day - he could only rely on a single star for so long. For years he searched until he found a home in the twilight, where his shadowy form could exist closer to the dawn. With more light around him, the monsters in his head grew quieter, though they never went away. Nothing could banish them quite like his prince of stars.
One day, the monster boy and the star boy met again. The star boy was angry, for the monster boy had not told him he was leaving before he disappeared towards the dawn - somewhere the star boy could not follow.
"I hate you" said the star boy, who was angry that he still loved the boy cloaked in shadows.
I love you thought the monster boy, who had fallen for the prince of the night sky yet again.
There was once a boy who believed in fairytales. He may not have been saved the from monsters in his head, but one day a prince did come to save him from the horrors that lived in the outside world. The prince did not let villains or demons or dragons stand between him and the boy he had grown to love, and perhaps if they could learn to be together again, happily ever after might be possible for people like them.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
(you might be pleased to know both Agape and Eros are in my secret skk playlist)
SCREAM- YES I'M SO HAPPY TO LEARN THIS...I beg of you to drop the skk playlist please! ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ
(also an ask from my moot's coolest moot! Dream come true istg I was literally too shy to send you an ask earlier...brb guys, Lock has to go die for a minute because they're fangirling too hard rn-)
the day kunikida finds out dazai used to be part of the port mafia he goes home and cries because he’s been trying to get fukuzawa to fire him for years and if the director won’t fire him for his 135+ kill count it’s never going to happen
hehe, yes my master plan is working now you're gonna have to come visit me!!! Also, I'm gonna make you watch turning red with me and propaganda you further if you're not careful ୧(^ 〰 ^)୨
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
@cosmopolitanalienation @silverysnake @mirabel-on-a-bicycle @dans-exposed-ankle (are you still on here? Please be) @tiedinforgetmeknots @mayafoxwitch @actualstardust @anyone my ADHD ass can't recall rn!!!
I both need to be Cillian Murphy's controversially young gf and to steal his gender aura on a biblical level- how is that man just out there walking about...life is not fair ಥ╭╮ಥ