The Riff Raff

@lifeinahole27

Thank you for making an office of two adjuncts laugh today.

that was so intense

where is her oscar I’m shaken

How dare they play their own dog like this?

This girl last night told me I had “great face bones” and “rare skin” and idk if she was flirting with me or if she’s a bodysnatcher.

As someone who’s worked in several cafes, I’m mad at how accurate this is.

I will forever remember the time my friend and I were out for chinese food. we got up to pay and I (the short one with bottom energy i guess?) revealed that I would be paying for the meal, and the elderly man at the counter just flat out said “Oh, YOU’RE the boss!”

honestly the only reason im not an old man is that i happen to have been born somewhat recently. other than that 

The lord giveth and the lord taketh it back now y’all. Two hops this time.

Girls will deadass sit there and tell you a story that they were 100% the antagonist of lmao

the most obnoxious part of the holiday season is commercials that try to sound like ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas and have a dinky xylophone playing in the background while the narrator tells you in rhyme to buy a Ford

every time i burp it tastes like Arby’s

and every time we kiss I swear I can fly