— for what it’s worth worth i’ll never stop loving you even in tragedy | letters of a lost love.//t.c
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@iamtheempty
— for what it’s worth worth i’ll never stop loving you even in tragedy | letters of a lost love.//t.c

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Dont do this misha
(This was done super quickly sorry its shit)
@iamtheempty thank you for putting this in my head
Imagine if when Cas found out how Dean died he just goes straight to the barn and starts punching the rebar. And Dean’s just standing behind him like “babe, this is pointless”
But Cas just keeps punching and punching the damn rebar and Dean’s over here like
But then the Shadow comes out of nowhere cause Cas is back and alive again. And they cant have that. So Dean’s just like
But Cas, without missing a beat just rips the rebar off the beam and drives it through the shadow. And it somehow actually works. The empty is defeated once and for all and Dean’s just standing there like
Oh shit that actually worked. Well, uh, okay then.
The stories of angels had always been a part of the Novak’s story. Tales of angelic beings passed down and sometimes forgotten throughout the generations. Jimmy remembers being a young boy, sitting with his grandmother as she told him the story of her mother and the year she went missing, only to come back talking about angels. The family thought that she had gone mad. It was something to be kept behind closed doors. The mad woman and her stories of an angel coming to her and taking hold of her body. While others dismissed the tales, Jimmy held them close to his heart. He always believed deep in the core of his soul; he had faith.
That faith never left him as he grew. It was something he found pride in. And when he had a family of his own, he told those stories to his daughter, Claire. He prayed to the heavens, asking if he could be of help, if there was anything a simple human like him could do. He finally got his answer and became the vessel for the Angel of Thursday; Castiel.
Jimmy soon learned that the stories of his great grandmother were true. She had been the vessel for an angel. But not just any angel, she was also Castiel’s vessel. The Novak’s were the true vessels of Castiel. Throughout time, they had allowed him to walk amongst humans and now it was his turn.
Claire loved the tales she had been told by her father and while she was never one to pray and she was still full of questions; she believed. She believed that there was more out there, that there was an omniscient presence within the vastness of the universe. What it was, though, she did not know. It wasn’t until her father returned and she learned of Castiel and was his vessel for a moment. For her, that moment was infinite, an incalculable amount of time where she was chained to a comet speeding through all of space and time. In that moment, she saw everything, felt everything. It was incredible and yet devastatingly terrifying.
After Castiel went back to her father, taking him once more as his vessel, Claire still felt a connection to Castiel. A spark within her soul had been lit, binding her to the angel. It had been there before, as it had with all the Novak’s. But now that she had swam in the oceans of divinity, it was like the veil had been lifted.
It wouldn’t be until years later, after her father had passed away, that the spark became something more. Castiel became her friend, a father to her. When she prayed to him, he was able to answer her and she could hear him in her head. The connection that all vessels had with their angel, whether or not they were still the vessel, was this. The connection and ability to communicate from whenever and wherever. Claire used it mainly to send Castiel telepathic memes and to ask for advice on hunts. Sometimes she prayed just to talk, just to know she wasn’t alone.
The spark sometimes went out; Castiel was dead. But it wasn’t long before it came back and she knew he walked amongst humans once more. But when that spark died out for the last time, something inside of her told her that it was gone forever. Castiel was not coming back. She made the journey to Kansas to see those she now called family; Sam and Dean Winchester. She mourned with them, especially Dean, the loss of Thursday’s Angel.
Months later, while laying in her bed staring up at the ceiling, small embers of the spark were reignited. Castiel was alive. She jolted upright in bed. A new sense of power and life filled her soul. She prayed to the angel and while she got no answer, the spark surged, letting her know he was alive. She prayed once more, asking if he was in heaven, and again Castiel replied with the spark. Overcome with joy after months of darkness, she got in her car and drove straight to Kansas.
She drove all night, only stopping once to fill up her old beaten down car. She couldn’t wait to tell Sam and Dean. But mostly she couldn’t wait to tell Dean, to tell him that Castiel was back, and that everything was going to be okay. She had watched the man spiral downward into a pit of depression and darkness. Dean could tell Castiel now how he felt, about the love that he too felt for the angel. Claire knew that Dean could now be happy. He would have his angel back and everything was going to be okay.
She burst through the heavy metal doors of the bunker, her boots heavy on the stairs as she raced down them. When she crossed the threshold into the library, she stopped dead in her tracks. Sam sat at the table alone, his face long and riddled with sorrow. She was too late. Dean was dead. Inside, the embers of the spark surged throughout her soul. She didn’t need to hear Castiel to know that he was screaming in pain for the loss of his love.
Several weeks passed, and the spark, while it was still there, was dark. Finally, it burst again to life, full and vibrant. She prayed to Castiel, asking if he was okay. And after months of only communicating by making the spark surge briefly, she heard his voice in her head.
“Dean Winchester is in heaven. We are happy.”
Claire smiled and asked, this time out loud, “Will I ever see you again?”
“Not for a long time. I cannot leave Heaven, but one day we will see each other once more. Until then, I will be watching over you. Dean says hey by the way.”
Claire laughed, overjoyed that the two were finally together, and that Dean got his head out of his ass about his feelings for the angel. She found peace in knowing that one day she would be reunited with her family.
I re-watched Bugs today (I don't know why either), but Dean talks about something interesting. He essentially says he'd hate the typical "white picket fence" life. I'm so happy I know that he grew up and out of that mindset but the thing is... he never actually got to have the life he wanted. He wanted to retire and have a normal life but all he got was dead.
I would also like to add that John going to check on Sam at Stanford wasn't "fatherly love" like Dean made it seem, it was John making sure Sam hadn't gone all demon yet. John never cared about his kids.

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I re-watched Bugs today (I don't know why either), but Dean talks about something interesting. He essentially says he'd hate the typical "white picket fence" life. I'm so happy I know that he grew up and out of that mindset but the thing is... he never actually got to have the life he wanted. He wanted to retire and have a normal life but all he got was dead.
17 was the nuns. 28 was after John died.
I was thinking today about what if in 15x20 when Dean was killed, Sam was *also* killed. And because the hunt was unexpected they didn’t tell anyone about it, so their bodies are just left to decompose in the barn for who knows how long. Then a friend suggested Claire, Jody, and Donna are the ones to find their bodies.
So I wrote it. I am not responsible for any emotional damages. Read at your own risk.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/36319588
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Ok I was ranting to my wife about this but just. Dean does not do anything for himself. Like. Nothing. Except over indulge in sex and food and booze. But those aren’t FOR himself those are to cope because he doesn’t truly do anything for himself. He lives his life for his father’s orders, to avenge his dead mother/earn his alive mother’s love and attention, to keep his brother safe. Any and all things Dean does are rooted in that. But loving Cas, and being loved by Cas, is selfish. It doesn’t serve a purpose, it doesn’t fit the carefully constructed narrative Dean surrounds himself with/deludes himself with. It is just for Dean and he loves that. Post good-version-of-supernatural Dean thinks about that constantly and it makes him greedy. He hoards Cas’s love like a dragon hoarding gold. He runs his hands over Cas reverently and thinks “mine, mine, mine”. He drapes Cas in his clothes and feeds him everything and anything and takes care of him when he’s sick because he is the most precious thing Dean knows.
Adding Sarah’s other comments because she’s too shy to but: Dean is so angry at the beginning of season 13 because he loved Cas and he misses him but also because it was the only thing outside of obligation that he had and it was taken from him.
and god, how must Dean have felt in s4 that this angel, a warrior of god, was interested in him? Not even from a romantic angle or anything. But after years of being told by his father that his only value was in keeping his brother alive and helping John on his revenge mission, this angel cared about HIM. Looked straight into his soul. Trusted him with secrets he’d never told anyone. Believed in him, prayed for him to do the right thing, listened to him in defiance of heaven. Sam had always been the golden boy but this angel burned his mark on DEAN.
Happy 14 Months.

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- Joan Didion, The Year of Magical Thinking
im thinking about dean at 21 and his stack of napkins and notes with numbers from strangers and a phone that never rings and the cassettes in his tapedeck and no one who listens and the books he devours but no one wants to talk about books to a face like that and everywhere he goes, people are vying for his attention, but with every passing year all he achieves is a growing sense of loneliness
Just thought of a headcanon. I think Dean at some point in his youth (like 20-25) took a week or so and went gay club hopping in Florida. It's canon that he knows what Purgatory in Miami is so it's not that much of a stretch that he's been there. And if he's been there who's to say he hasn't been to any other gay clubs in Florida. So here's where my HC comes in. I think he went to Pulse. And I think when the news broke, he broke.
I'm re-watching 11x20 for obvious reasons (Fare Thee Well) and a friend brought up a good point to me. What happened to the dog? Why don't we ever see it again? (The one by the dumpster that Metatron gave his garbage pastrami too.)
My theory is that Chuck killed it. It was created purely to torture Metatron, for him to give his garbage sandwich too even though he was starving and then Chuck killed it. It fulfilled its purpose. (Which that's very Jewish-coded of him to do.) But apparently this theory is too painful cuz like dead dog? IDK
@kingoftheempty
Early seasons Dean hits different. In 1x2 Wendigo, Dean literally used himself as bait and sacrificed himself to the wendigo. He was so self-destructive.

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Suptober | Day 23 - Undone
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I watched Brokeback Mountain today. I've never seen something so Destiel-coded that wasn't Destiel.
I also learned after watching it that in the original advertisements they didn't say that it was a gay love story, so it was a surprise for most people. I can see Dean sneaking off to go see it in theaters, expecting to see a cute little cowboy movie and then bam, two cowboys in love. I can also see him crying over the gay cowboys. And absolutely decking a homophobe who was surprised and mad.
Spoilers under the cut