I am trying now more than ever before.

P-praise and thank the Lord

R-repent for your sins

A-ask for what you need and what others need

Y-yeild and be humble, remmeber in His will not ours.

Matthew 11:15

"Whosoever has ears, let them hear."

I don't pretend to understand even a fraction of what the bible means. Sometimes it's hard to sit through (lookin at you the numbers and the later half of genesis haha). But there are verses and things that stick out and understanding rains down like a warm hug upon my head. And that's awesome it's like a lil light bulb moment.

And with that said let me explain what was revealed to me.

"Whosoever has ears, let them hear."

Yes, let them hear the word of the Lord, but it also means let all those who are willing and wanting to not only listen but to understand.

James 1:5-8 "5 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. 6 But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. 7 For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord. 8 A double minded man is unstable in all his ways."

Meaning if you don't look in faith and don't look for God and look only for youurself you will find nothing but words that aggravate you. You will see a cage and a rule book you don't want to abide by. You will get the world and lose your life. James 4:4 "Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God." And with out God we are dead. John 15:5 "5 I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing." And further in Ephesians 2:1-10: "1 And you hath he quickened, who were dead in trespasses and sins; 2 Wherein in time past ye walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience: 3 Among whom also we all had our conversation in times past in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind; and were by nature the children of wrath, even as others. 4 But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us, 5 Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;) 6 And hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus: 7 That in the ages to come he might shew the exceeding riches of his grace in his kindness toward us through Christ Jesus. 8 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: 9 Not of works, lest any man should boast. 10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them."

Without God sending Jesus down we would be dead in a grave and doomed to eternity in hell. So if we look for the Lord in faith, we will find him.

Jeremiah 29:13

And the answer was so quick "gluttony and sloth." And it's true. And I felt so convicted I started crying and thanking him for telling me. But the problem is they are two sins I've struggled with my whole life and I tried so hard to do things in my own will for so long. So I asked him to help me because I just can't get over these things on my own. I have always gotten pleasure from these things and I am a sinner and I seek pleasure. I seek happiness in the world and not from God. And I just started crying asking for help because I need it. I can't do it on my own.

Anyways, the point I'm making here is to ask God what sins you're still committing if you don't know, because if you genuinely want to know he will tell you. Ask him and he will give.

James 1:5-8

Anyways as I was talking I said the following:

we put value to everything, and it's detrimental in someways, depending on what we put more value in. Like if we value our job over our family, our family will be destroyed. And if we value our family over our job we will never be poor, but be the richest, because our family is a treasure.

And as I was saying this a fragment of scripture (which I have looked up now) came to mind.

Matthew 6:19-21

"19 ¶ Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon the earth, where moth and rust consume, and where thieves break through and steal: 20 but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth consume, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: 21 for where thy treasure is, there will thy heart be also."

Often times we think of treasures as gold, diamonds, expensive clothing and art. But what is material things to the love God has and wants us to have? Family is the treasure and he wants us to have heaps and bounds of it.

So how do we have heaps and bounds of treasure in heaven?

It says in matthew 28:19-20

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

We go and spread the good news of what Jesus did. We show people how good and faithful our Father is. How he is always with us. Tell them Jesus says "28 Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." (Mat 11:28-30)

This is important not only because when we are called to do something we don't necessarily want to do or think is crazy but for other things that conflict with our ego (that "I am" sin) and hinder us from being humble.

Most people don't like/ read the bible because it convicts us of our selfish nature. It bruises the ego. And so we convince ourselves it's corrupted or it's used to enslave us or it's full of hate and anything else that will get you to turn away from it.

I was watching this video the other day, and it made so much sense. This woman said, " When I first read the bible, I didn't like it, nor did I really understand it. And throughout, I would ask the pastor questions. And when I finally finished it I told him that I didn't understand it. He said to me that based on your questions, you asked through your reading, and you were looking for yourself in this book. Go back, read it again, and this time look for God. So I did, and that's when I fell in love with God." Not her exact quote, but pretty much the same. And I think that's the biggest issue. People look for themselves when they should look for God. And that will help with our selfish "I am" nature."

Side note this is from a text message to someone in my life. And thought maybe someone here could benifit from the same advice I'm trying to give them.

The enemy is a snake for a reason. It comes for our weaknesses. Our weaknesses are our cracks. That is why we must build our house on the rock, the rock being Jesus and Jesus being the word made flesh. We must be vigilant to the enemy's attacks. We must deny ourselves every day and pick up our crosses and follow Jesus. He is the way the truth and the life. And if we focus on him, nothing else matters, not the words of the enemy, not our weaknesses, not the world and not the problems in the world. If we just live for the Lord and let him take over and guide us, everything will be alright. He loves us.

Just sit back and enjoy the ride. Let him work through you. Be in the world and not of it.

And today I was reminded that all of this is a spiritual attack meant to keep you from the LORD. The enemy tries to get you to feel this way so that you are far from you Father in heaven. To keep you from your purpose. He whispers lies to you and if you choose to accept them it leads to pain and anger and further sin. And its all to get you to distrust the Lord to question if he is truely there, if he cares and anything else. And our best way to combat it is to recognize it for what it is and to bring it to the Lord. Pray and talk it out. He wants our hardships he wants to be there for us. And to know him is to know his word, the Holy Bible.

I've been dealing with this cycle a lot lately. I feel as if I am faking it and going through the motions. Thinking that I am learning of him and not truly having that relationship, questioning if i am making it all up in my head as some sort of comfort to help me cope. And I won't lie, its made me feel quite hollow and sad inside. But then I came across something that reminded me that this is spiritual warfare, the enemy's handiwork. And while I can't find the post that reminded me of this, I will leave you will something He, the Lord, reminded me of when I was in one of these dark cycles.

LUKE 10:10-20

While this is very long, I will sum it up. The deciples were sent into the cities two by two to go and speak all that they learned from Jesus. He told them that people may or may not welcome them. And to all that do not welcome them, shake it off for he has given them "authority to tread upon serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall in any wise hurt you. 20 Nevertheless in this rejoice not, that the spirits are subject unto you; but rejoice that your names are written in heaven."