This song is a special one for me. My pregnancy was for sure a surprise, but a welcomed surprise. It was beautiful but also a tough pregnancy.
When I found out I was pregnant it took me some time to process because I was on a birth control and was for sure not planning to have any more children, my mind was set that one was more than enough that I could handle, but God had other plans.
My daughter fought to be brought to this world from the very start. I went through a lot of health scares while pregnant, there was HG, High Blood Pressure , Gestational Diabetes, Chronic Placenta Abruption (which is what lead me to be on complete bed rest and to having her come to this world a little bit earlier than expected) and this is without mentioning the emotional stuff happening all around me. I saw darkness throughout most of my pregnancy honestly - her kicks were my reminders that she was there, and although at moments were painful, they also would bring a smile to my face - knowing that there was a fierce little mini me growing in there.
I remember when I first heard this song, I had just received some disappointing information about someone really close to me; and to add to that was going through just so much in other areas that I just laid on the floor and looked up and screamed, what else? What else is next? What else do I need to go through? Why not just give me a break? Why can’t I just have a period of continuous happiness?
Then I rolled over, grabbed my phone and scrolled through Facebook, and came across this song. As if God answered those questions I asked him 3 minutes prior to finding that song.
“Giving in to your feelings is like drowning in the shallows - Oh you got to keep believing even in the middle of the unknown cause Grace will be there when you come at the end of your rope and you let go, it may feel like you’re going down now but the story isn’t over. There will be joy in the morning, there will be joy in the morning, if it’s not good then He’s not done, no He’s done with it yet, there will be joy in the morning.”
Aubrey definitely made an entrance. My princess was due to arrive on 8/23. However, she arrived on 07/29. She was so tiny but long. She was so hairy too! I was so happy! I couldn’t wait for them to finish up with me so I could be reunited with her at my room. Unfortunately, she was transferred to the NICU 1 hour later after I had her. She couldn’t breathe on her own. It was heartbreaking for me. It wasn’t part of MY plan. I didn’t expect it. I didn’t expect me being away from my daughter. I didn’t expect that when I would see her again after the 5 seconds they put her on me when she was born I would see her covered in wires and a breathing tube, in a cube. It was so hard, I felt numb. Confused. I thought it would maybe be for a night - but then things were getting more complicated. At moments when I thought she was getting better, she would have a set back. It was an emotional roller coaster ride - but she was a fighter. After I was officially discharged I was a wreck to have to come home without my daughter. I felt so incomplete. I felt so confused. So conflicted, because yes she was in the condition she was in - but there were babies in worst conditions in there, I’m talking 20 week old babies in there fighting for their lives as well. NICU is definitely a life changing experience and changes your views and thoughts on so many things. My heart goes out to every parent who have gone through that, and are currently going through that.
The night that I went home without her, I just stayed in bed. Didn’t want to see anyone, talk to anyone. My son was confused, because I even pushed him away. I feel guilty for that till this day. The emptiness that I felt is one I wouldn’t wish on anyone. That night I prayed for a miracle, then I played my playlist and that song came on again…
“Cause it ain’t even faith til your plan falls apart but you still choose to follow, if it doesn’t make sense right now it will when it’s over. There will be joy in the morning, there will be joy in the morning, if it’s not good, then He’s not done, no He’s not done with it yet, there will be joy in the morning.”
I prayed, cried, and screamed in my pillow. Then I fell asleep. The next morning my husband and I went to the hospital, and got the news she was coming home. The doctors were in shocked as well and called it a miracle, my baby girl was breathing on her own. God made those lungs strong and allowed air to flow through them. I can’t explain the joy that my heart felt, my princess had a different color to her, she was just a different baby. I felt so grateful, primarily with God, also with those amazing hard working loving nurses and doctors.
My princess was heaven sent. Her strength is definitely to be admired. She is so smart and is building such a personality. I feel like she’s a boss baby. Here I am with her almost 6 months later. Every time I see her, I remember that she is God’s miracle and she was given to me. What an Honor to have been chosen to be her mother. God has been so good, she was the piece to me that I did not know was missing. Aubrey is a representation of His Love, His Grace and His Mercy. Thank you, God for showing me so much love through her.
If you’re going through a rough period in your life, run to Him. Lean on to Him, to His word, to His Promise.
There will be joy in the morning, there will be joy in the morning, if it’s not good then He’s not done, no He’s not done with it yet, there will be joy in the morning. 🤍
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