FANDOM TRASH

a/n.a shinigami,drinking her tea: ah,yes my beautiful chunky baby (looks out the window).....and ah yess....my chaotic husband who thinks my child is a soldier at 5 months old....

Main Masterlist @shayinstarlight୨୧ | ©shayinstarlight

The baby is built like a tiny tank

Kenpachi loves that the baby is chunky.

Those thick thighs, arm rolls, and big cheeks? To him that means “strong kid.”

He’ll hold the baby up with one arm and grin.

"Heh. Look at those arms. Kid’s gonna hit hard someday."

If someone suggests the baby should eat less, Kenpachi immediately shuts that down. "What? You want my kid weak?"

“Training” Starts Way Too Early

Kenpachi treats the baby like a future warrior from day one.

Lifts them into the air like a weight.

Lets them grab his finger and praises their grip strength. "Good grip! Try harder!"

Meanwhile the baby is just drooling and giggling.

Drapes his arm over the baby and excepts the baby to raise it off them ''...Hey hello,you have to do something-there is no time for slacking!''

I dont really include it but in the first few seasons he had bells in his hair-they baby loves it.

They grab them constantly.

Pull them.

Shake them.

The bells jingle and the baby laughs hysterically.

Kenpachi just laughs too. "Oi, you like that sound huh?"

Feeding Time Is Chaos

Raw,Pure,Non touched chaos

Kenpachi has zero baby-feeding technique.

Milk on the baby’s face.

Food everywhere.

The baby grabbing the spoon and smacking it around.

Yet somehow the baby ends up extra full and happy.

And Kenpachi is proud.

"See? Easy."

''Captain you missed their mouth'' Zaraki: (bombastic side eye intesifies)

Yachiru Is the Babysitter

Yachiru Kusajishi is obsessed with the chunky baby.

She squeezes the baby’s cheeks constantly. "Squishy baby!!"

The baby absolutely loves her and laughs every time she appears.

The 11th Division basically becomes one giant chaotic daycare.

Kenpachi Gets Competitive

If the baby starts crawling toward someone else?

Kenpachi gets weirdly competitive.

Baby crawls to another Shinigami.

Kenpachi crouches down across the room. "Oi. Over here."

The baby immediately waddles toward him.

He smirks like he just won a fight.

When the baby falls asleep on his shoulder…

Kenpachi goes completely still.

No shouting. No fighting. No movement.

Anyone who wakes the baby?

The entire division knows they’re finished.

The Baby Tries His Food

As the baby grows a little older, they start grabbing food off Kenpachi’s plate.

Huge mistake.

Because now the baby loves:

Meat

Rice

Anything Kenpachi eats

And the baby gets even chunkier.

Kenpachi proudly declares: "That’s my kid."

Kenpachi normally laughs at danger.

But if someone scares the baby?

The atmosphere changes instantly.

His spiritual pressure spikes and the entire room freezes. "You made the kid cry."

No one ever makes that mistake twice.

Kenpachi does not use a normal baby carrier.

No.

He literally ties the baby to his chest or back with a cloth like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

Big chunky baby

Little legs dangling

Tiny drool stain on Kenpachi’s haori

And Kenpachi walks around the barracks like nothing is unusual. "Oi. What’re you staring at?"

Yumichika nearly faints.

"Captain Zaraki!! That is NOT an elegant childcare arrangement!"

Kenpachi just shrugs. "Kid wanted to come."

Ikkaku Tries to Be Respectful… and Fails

Ikkaku is trying very hard not to laugh.

He salutes seriously. "Captain."

But the baby suddenly punches Kenpachi’s chest with their chunky little fist.

Kenpachi laughs.

"Good hit!"

Ikkaku immediately loses it and starts laughing.

Yumichika is horrified. "THIS IS NOT FUNNY!"

The chunky baby is completely happy strapped to Kenpachi.

Watching everything

Grabbing his hair bells

Occasionally bonking his shoulder

Sometimes the baby just naps there while Kenpachi walks around.

Their cheek squished against his chest.

Kenpachi does not slow down.

At all.

He’ll be walking through the training yard with the baby tied to his back.

Soldiers fighting around him.

The baby bouncing gently with each step.

Yumichika screaming from the sidelines. "YOU CANNOT BRING A BABY INTO A TRAINING GROUND!"

Kenpachi: "Kid’s fine."

One day the baby suddenly slaps Kenpachi’s cheek.

Everyone freezes.

Kenpachi pauses…

Then bursts out laughing. "HA! Good one!"

The baby laughs too.

Its one big bag happy chaos in the 11th division

Early days, a loose follow-up to this

"Doctor Lecter? What are you doing out in the rain?"

"I was wondering if you will dance with me." Your psychiatrist held out his hand.

"I don't know how."

Alien Boyfriend with a monster fucker Reader, except he's pathetically mundane and ridiculously human-like in everything but appearance.

Oh, you were thrilled when he first approached you, asking you to be his partner. The tall frame, additional limbs and downright horrific features had you shivering in anticipation. You could already picture yourself pounded into the nearest wall.

"Is this your experimenting lab," you asked with a knowing grin, dragging your hand across the foreign tools. Was he going to tie you up and use you as his pet?

"You could call it that if you'd like," he answered with mild confusion, "but I'm sure you're already familiar with the concept."

There was a ding, and he pulled a tray out of the nearest machinery.

"It's my kitchen. Care for some muffins?"

You made the tragic discovery that your alien suitor was a soft-hearted, friendly neighbor living the quiet suburb life. Where was the fear? The danger? Alas, the extraterrestrial being would do his best to give you what you wanted.

"Remember how you said I should become the leader of the masses with my terrifying powers?"

He stands before you proudly, the many rows of sharp teeth glistening in the light.

"Yeah?" you squirm in your seat, cheeks turning red.

"Well, you're looking at the new HOA president! I metaphorically destroyed them with my speech. Everyone voted for me."

RARITY SERIES [4/??]

[Sebastian Castellanos & Joseph Oda]

And the full version of this art!

Hiragi: Name one thing.

Sakura :French toast.

Umemiya:French fries.