MsPaint my beloved

Ok - you look at William and see a very awkward, bookish guy. Why in the world would he want to be a magician? Who is he kidding?

To answer this: I believe that every person has an inner desire that they’re born with. It might not be for something specific, but it will usually be a desire to live life in a specific way. For performers, this feeling will be akin to something so big you can’t hold it in. Any time these people are near other performers, they will usually experience a resonance, that sense of “I want to do that!” Depending on how these people are raised, however, and if that feeling clashes with the values of their parents, they may find their inner sense of “right” immediately smashed and suppressed, practically from birth. {Giving William a strict Victorian upbringing definitely provides the suppressing force.} Many people find themselves in William’s situation, where despite their appearance and behavior, they have an inner desire that might make sense to nobody except them. The fact that William is pursuing magic, something which is not economically stable and is quite difficult, means, to me, that it must come from a place of personal longing.

My thinking is that William saw a magic show as a child, and experienced a resonance with his innate self. That, combined with the wonder and possibility of magic, meant that it became the form that his dream took. It had a certain promise of freedom that beckoned to his real, hidden self.

I like to treat the train crash as “the death of William.” Coming so close to his life ending, with all this inner ambition unmet, means he finally was able to say “To hell with this,” and made a conscious choice - possibly for the first time in his life - to live in a way that was meaningful to him. Sure, he didn’t go about it in a very smart way, but messy or not, I’m guessing he just couldn’t put up with being “safe” anymore.

By the time he’s Maxwell, he’s acquired a sarcastic, cutting wit, and a snobbish, derisive attitude about good taste and style. Much like a teenager experimenting with pushing their boundaries, Maxwell might have initially gone too far with his self-image and became overly-concerned about presenting a certain persona. The most egotistical, self-aggrandizing people often have the most sensitive, fragile self-esteem.