Discretionary Freedom🖤

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Silent and speechless.

September 21, 2022. 3:00 am.

Blank stares and deeps sighs.

Overflowing and disturbing thoughts.

When will this end?

It seems like a routine that will last a lifetime.

I don’t even know where to start; where to begin.

I don’t even know what’s causing this dilemma inside.

Stressed. Frustrated. Depressed.

How can I end this? This never ending pain, hurt and heartache…

Can someone just stab me in the back and end all of this?

 I sometimes wish to just be numb from all of this shit, but the pain -- it’s just so excruciating.

I am that bad that I need to feel and carry all of this unnecessary stuff?

Can please someone tell me to just quit and just die?

Than trying to make me feel good or make me feel better?

I am tired. I just want this all to stop.

I am just stupid and dumb as ever.

It’s scary what a smile can hide.

People often think you’re happy when you’re smiling. If only they know the story behind those sweet and innocent smile -- they might think again.

 A smile is either something wonderful or something horrible.

 Lots of people who commit suicide are the ones whose smiles are like diamonds that glitter. Trying to fake a smile so that no one would know that they are hurting inside. To show people that they aren’t weak or in pain. It’s saddening yet an effective way of hiding.

 A smile is the best accessory a person can have, but also the most dangerous one.

You might see me smiling but I’m thinking of dying.

They don’t know that it’s really hard to maintain a smile that makes you look strong and happy and brave. A smile that you have that matters to some people around you who looks up to you and wishing that they’re like you who just smiles the problems away.

 It’s tiring. Very tiring.

 I’m writing this today for me not to forget what I feel right at this very moment. I’m just freakin’ tired.

I don’t want to end my life because I know that it’s stupid and a very selfish thought to even think about -- but why does it feel like I want to reconsider?

Thursday, August 19, 2021

2:04am

I feel so heavy. I feel uncomfortable. I feel stupid. I feel furious. I feel like I want to break something.

I feel weak. I feel hurt. I feel useless. I feel empty. I feel alone. I feel stressed. I feel frustrated. I feel depressed.

I don’t know what to do…

I feel the darkness creeping out of me. I feel like I want to hurt myself again because I am so hurt inside.

I decided to write down what I feel at the moment so that I won’t forget it. I don’t like to forget it. I want to remember it until my last breath.

 I want to be alone.

These days are not quite normal.

Severe mood swings.

Undecided decisions.

Dear Readers,

When I was young, I thought that you can only learn things from attending school or even going to church. As I grew up, I have encountered different situations and a lot of people along the way with different perspectives and point of views, which affected my whole personality.

Now that I have finished my teenage years and completed my year of 20s, I realized that I should become more responsible and mature enough in handling a lot of things and it should start from me.

Self care ISN’T SELFISH! These are a few things that I believe I’m still learning:

What others think of me is not my concern. They can honestly tell me whatever they want, after all, I don’t care. Seriously, people don’t run out of comments, suggestions or judgements. They are non-stop. I don’t live for them. Its a funny thing that most people say that they know me -- when they don’t. Don’t limit yourself because you’re scared of what others will think about you. You cannot control what others will say about you -- NEVER. Its just the sad truth. Live your life the way you want it and as long as you’re not hurting someone or stepping on other people’s shoes.

Rest is an essential part of my hustle. We are just a human being. We are not a super-hero who has extra-ordinary strength and can recuperate fast. We need to rest. It is okay to exert a little effort but over doing something is not healthy. Its better to rest for a while and try to unwind things before continuing doing what you’re doing.

Everybody I started can’t come with me to the next level. People come and go. People sometimes come in our lives only to teach us some valuable lessons. Each and everyone of us has our own journey. We have our different and unique next level.

I have the right to change my mind without explanation. I don’t need to explain to people. I don’t need to owe them anything when I change my mind on something.

Growth can be found in stillness. Stillness is a calm, quiet, motionless state. Being still can draw you to make clearer thoughts and ideas. It makes you feel more at peace and less stressed out.

Struggling doesn’t mean I’m failing. Struggles are a big part of growth. Struggles are challenges that makes us strong along the way. Nothing comes easy. Its better struggling for success than to accept the fact that you’re just contented with what you have and be stagnant for the rest of your life. Failure is a crucial part of success because it is when you learn things that makes you do things differently.

Self care is the individual practise of health management without the aid of a medical professional.(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-care) It is very important to be mindful of your own needs, so that you can be able to support the people you care about more.

Hoping these helped you.

Sincerely,

Daphne

Just open up and try to see things in a clear and different perspective.

Focus on the most important thing for you -- then everything else will follow.

Eyes straight to the goal. 

Dear Readers,

This is my very first time to make a blog of my own so please bare with me. I have decided to start one because I believe that sharing my insights, views, comments, and suggestions could help a lot of people of all different races.

I would like to start with a very common topic which I know can be troubling and can cause a lot of deaths as of the moment: DEPRESSION.  

Scientifically, it is a common but serious mood disorder. It causes severe symptoms that affect how you feel, think and handle daily activities, such as sleeping, eating or working. To be diagnosed with depression, the symptoms must be present for at least two weeks. (according to Brain and Behavior -- https://www.bbrfoundation.org)

Most people don’t care about this because they believe that people with depression just wants to get attention. I am very concerned about this issue because I have personally experienced it --- it was awful and scary to be precise. It was the time when I feel really down and everything seems negative to me. I didn’t want to feel that way but it came to the point where I can’t do anything but be depressed. I know that problems are part of our daily lives but, as a human, I’m not that stable enough to handle it all well at the same time. Even though I know that my family, relatives, closest friends and special someone have my back, it came to the point where I chose to be alone. It was a very difficult time for me because depression almost took my life away. I didn’t want to ask help from anyone. My friends suggested that I’d go to a psychiatrist to get some medication to cure this --- but I said no. I thought, why would I do that? Why would I ask help from other people (who barely knows me) when all I did was turned down all the help my loved ones (who knows me very well) have given me? Separation and isolation was the only option for me.

People think that being depressed is a joke --- its NOT.

It is not funny, specially, when you’re already in the point of taking your own life. It is not funny to feel down, frustrated, stressed and alone everyday. It is not funny to feel physical pain (cutting yourself) just to ease your mental and emotional pain. It is not funny that you’re having a mental breakdown every second, every minute of everyday. It is not funny that your mortal enemy in that state is yourself. Yes --- DEPRESSION is not a joke.

Fighting depression is the bravest thing a human can possibly do. It attacks all ages.

There is this saying, “Always be kind because you never know what someone is going through.” It is really hard to distinguish someone who has depression. They are the people who are like iguanas -- though they are having depression, they are also very good at camouflaging it. They are the people who doesn’t want anyone to notice that they are having difficulties of their own. Ironically, they are the people who gives best advice to others even though they can’t do it themselves.

All you can do to help people who suffers from depression is to listen to them. Never judge them. All they need is someone who can let them be themselves -- let them cry to their heart’s content -- and genuinely tell them that they are not alone. It is very difficult for a person who is suffering from depression to open up to a person. It takes a lot of courage and humbleness for that person to do that. If they choose you, it means that that particular person trusts you so much. Also, be mindful in telling them any advice. Never tell them these: “I understand you.”, “I know what you’re going through..” or even “Its okay because been there in your situation…” --- Trust me… you DON’T.

We are created differently -- uniquely. We may have the same situation but never the feelings. People feel differently. No same human being share the same feelings in a situation -- even twins. No one can be in the same exact shoes of the other.

For people who are having depression at the moment --- “YOU ARE NOT ALONE.” Instead of having those guts to cut or hurt yourself in any way, pluck up the courage to open up and ask for help. It is very difficult but it is worth trying. Depression with a lot of PRIDE and EGO won’t end up good anyway. Yes, it is easier said than done, but at least try to save yourself. It is very easy to take away your life but try to think of those people who will be left behind.

Depression is a deadly game wherein it can play serious tricks in your head that could cost you your life so make sure you won’t lose to it.

Sincerly,

Daph

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you...

When I'm caught in bad weather...

In my Volkswagen Jetta

You make me feel like I'm complete work of art...

When Im just falling a part....

A really nice piece of art.....

Its not always sunshine and clear skies.

Its not always good friendships and companions.

Its not always "a good cup of tea in a nice afternoon" scene.

Sometimes - - -

Its always rainy and foggy.

Its always cloudy and windy.

Its always haters and bad company.

Its always the wrong choice of filling for your soon to be delish sandwich.

---

Life is awfully unfair.

Time is sometimes untimely.

People----- always makes it worse.

Dare to stare back?