Iambic Stan

Empath | The Day After | School Night | Telling Stories

But about Patricia Ononiwu Kaishian's memoir--it's perfect, it's divine, and my only gripe is that it's too short at 255 pages. Kaishian, a mycologist, talks about her struggles to fit in as queer, neurodivergent child with unique special interests and how she found refuge in the swamps and forests near her home. (My ignorance is gonna show here, because I had no idea there were swamps in New York until I read this book). Growing up and immersing herself in the sciences, she learned about the queerness of many creatures (fungi included), and how scientific research has traditionally held very hetero- and cisnormative views that negatively affected outcomes and contrasts glaringly with overwhelming evidence of queerness in nature. I got to learn about sit spots--a form of meditation that seems much more accessible in my view than many others because I'm lousy at relaxing. Loved the sections about cicadas and their uncanny understanding of time, empathetic crows, and magnetized eels. Also all of the sociological and ecological revelations...it really is quite a lot from such a short read. It's also not overly scientific even though it is science-based, so that was easy enough for me to stomach with my humanities background.

The kid in me would require a gift shop, too. All kinds of stethoscopes in every color and design, stethoscope and heart jewelry, home decor, apparel, etc.

Has anyone else brought this into other spheres of their life, whether it's other types of social media, or IRL, as a way of introducing yourself/describing your identity/interests? Did you use the word "cardiophile," or did you choose to explain it another way?

from Forest Euphoria: The Abounding Queerness of Nature by Patricia Ononiwu Kaishian

That was almost 20 years ago, and I am in touch with this friend again. But do they remember this interaction? Would you, reader? It is unusual, right?

It’s nice to say this proudly, but confidence doesn’t necessarily hand you the tools to navigate every interaction.  I’m still not 100% sure how to bring this up to people I call friends.  I could send someone a link to this blog, but that’s A LOT.  The self-assuredness to at least try to talk about this doesn’t guarantee my feelings won’t get hurt.  I will still feel that a relationship is diminished in some way if it can’t include this shared closeness.  Is it my fault that I can’t take that in stride, understand that my “special interest” of sorts is a love language that not everyone will want to use?  Absolutely, yes.  That’s on me.  Everyone is different—some people give lots of hugs, others would rather never hug or be hugged by anyone other than their significant other.  In a way, auscultation is no different aside from being weirder.  There is a whole universe of ways to express affection.  Intellectually, I get that.  Emotionally…I might never be the best at coping with it.  But I’m working on it.

Please take me to the reality where this is just commonplace stuff, please. I mean it. I'll still be plenty weird in other ways, trust me. If this is so normal in our reality, why has it presented a problem to some degree or another in every single romantic relationship I've ever been in? And not to mention made things awkward with friends??

Sharing this pic again just because I love it 🐈‍⬛💙

In love with this piece!

European young adult novels are quite different from American ones, if Ludwig Volbeda's translated Self Portrait is any indication. I don't think about it too deeply, but I'm used to being preached to a bit. I'm used to having threads neatly tied at the end, with something resembling an explanation of what it all means. I don't know if I realize how much American YA does this, almost to the point of being insulting at times, until I read something from another country meant for younger readers (in this case, the Netherlands). I gave my EKO Core 500 a little blue coat to try to match the subtle blue in the cover...and then got carried away because I, much like the protagonist, Jip, do love beetles. In the story, Jip is going through an adolescence more confusing than some, and spending time outside examining bugs provides a relaxing escape. But only for so long. The book is written in second person, directed not at the reader, but someone we don't come to know at all until the end of the book. Though all manner of other things come into focus, Jip's goal at the beginning of the novel is to draw a self-portrait for art class--something that feels impossible, even for a talented artist. No one around Jip seems to understand why this is so difficult, and Jip fails to explain why the assignment is so challenging. This is a tender, sometimes heartbreaking story of Jip's journey of gender discovery, though thematically, it's still pretty universal to the adolescent experience.

I've gotten a few asks with this question, and while I do appreciate the interest, I don't think I'll ever post a pic of my collection. It's much more fun to do "last book + last stethoscope" with one at a time. It's not like there's a great deal of mystery surrounding me--I might as well have something, I suppose, ha.