My litlle space

A few months ago, the two women had grown closer and closer through working on some scientific projects, watching over Supergirl and making sure the missions would go as smoothly as possible, and of course spending time with Kara. They even used to team up every now and again at game nights, spending the whole time boasting while the other tried to minimize the damages the best they could.

It seems like a whole different life, Lena thinks, so much has changed.

Lena had learned all about Kara’s real identity as a super hero, they all had been transported to a new planet after earth-38 had been destroyed, she had developed non-nocere out of a place of hurt and despair, hoping it would fix things.

She had worked with Lex.

Out of all those things, this one makes her feel sick. She had done so willingly, believing everything he had told her, believing that maybe the brother she had known and loved all those years before had come back to her, having her best interests at heart. Someone really cared about her. Of course he knew everything of her deep desire to be accepted, to be truly seen for who she is, he had played that string just right, and Lena had been all too happy to do as she was told.

A puppy eager to please.

The brunette had used that comparison to describe Kara more than once while she had manipulated her, biding her time till she could get her hand on Myriad and set her plan in motion. But had she really faired any better?

Reality had caught up with her, hard and fast. All the warnings from Kara had been true and Lex had once again let her down, once her purpose had been served. And sure, she had helped fighting Leviathan, but she couldn’t erase what she had done during the last months, the superfriends making their distrust clear through all their side glances and the general stiffness while she was at the DEO to help them handling that situation.

And ever since that menace had been dealt with, none of them had reached out to her, wondering how she was doing after all what she had been through. She had hoped against all odds that one of them would ask for news from her, from sheer politeness at worst. But nothing happened. No visit, no phone call, no text. The only one that had cared enough to come to her once things had settled down had been Kara, and of course she had to send her away out stubbornness, holding on her hurt and betrayal like a life line, and using harsh words to make sure the other woman would hurt just like she does.

By the time her blood had cooled down enough for her to think rationally again, it was too late to apologize, the Luthor pride getting in the way, and all Lena had done was pouring herself another drink to try to dull the ache in her chest.

Her wish had been granted. She had not heard from her ever since she had issued her threats. She was on her own all over again, and this time she couldn’t blame anyone but herself.

Agent Danvers has all the reasons to be mad at me, Lena winces internally. To want to see me hurt after what I did to her sister. In her position I would.

Seeing Alex standing here, dressed up as if about to go on an intervention, made Lena reconsider her position. If usually she was the figure of authority in that room, the tables had turned.

Unconsciously the CEO leaned back into her chair, adding some distance between herself and the other woman. Her posture was slowly turning more defensive, despite being all too aware that if the agent had set her mind on hurting her there was very little she could do, especially given her condition lately. Slow reflexes and shaky legs would make it  easier for the special agent.

And wouldn’t she like that? Lena feel a chill running down her spine.

Alex had been the most suspicious from them all, always telling Kara that a Luthor would never change, always keeping an eye on her and quick to paint Lena as the culprit of whatever happened in National city. The short haired woman would surely love to see Lena try to escape her only to trip and fall. Maybe she would catch her, not willing to see the game being over too soon, before backing her against a wall and relishing into finally having a Luthor at her mercy.

Lena could picture it and the thought makes her dizzy, her heart pounding in her chest in a fight or flight reflex.

But for now Alex is just standing in front of her desk, looking at her with a mix of confusion and concern painted on her face. If not for her straight posture and uniform, one could think she is a concerned friend paying Lena a visiting to see what is going on.

Why would Alexandra Danvers of all people be concerned about her? Or is it away to get Lena letting her guard down? To fell safe before pulling the rug from under her feet?

It’s barely 11am, but Lena is still too hungover, and the fear in her chest too oppressive, to give much thought to what is on Alex’s mind. Agents are trained to have a neutral expression at all time. The brunette has only ever seen the other woman wearing that kind of expression when something involving loved ones happened. When Reign had beaten up Supergirl into a coma. When Kara … when Supergirl had been poisoned by kryptonite. Maybe it’s about Kara, maybe there is …

“Lena, did you hear me?” Alex says, raising her voice slightly to catch the CEO’s attention.

“Sorry, what?” Lena jumps in her chair, shaken back into reality by the raised voice. She had completely lost track of what was going on around her.

What a way to prove your not a mess, or completely freaked out at having a DEO agent in the same room as you, Lena thinks bitterly.

Alex sights, stepping forward to get a closer look at her.

“Lena” Alex starts, sounding hesitant “I know we’re not friends and I won’t pretend that we are in good terms at all. But what the hell is happening?”

She leans closer into the CEO’s space, and Lena doesn’t know when she grabbed the armrests of her chair but now she is holding tight on them.

“Take a seat please” she says curtly, with a jerk of her head. “And I don’t know what Kara told but everything is …”

“Please, humor me Luthor” Alex stopes her before sitting down on the edge of her chair, as if ready to pounce on her.

Lena hates how such a detail makes her anxiety swells up even more. Get a grip of yourself, dammit!

“No need to be a genius to see you’re not okay. The dark circles under your eyes, your agar look, your jumpiness and the increase in security … I can put two and two together.” Alex gives a pointed look toward her slowly healing hand, causing the brunette to anxiously rub the scabbing still holding on her palm since she seems unable to let it heal properly and regularly find herself picking at the scabbing. Many blood-stained shirts being the collateral victims of her nerves.

Alex takes Lena’s silence as her cue to keep going.

“Besides, Kara didn’t say anything from the last time she came here. She only came back with the look of a kicked puppy and refused to pipe a word about you.”

This catch Lena’s attention. Kara didn’t talk about what she witnessed? Lena was sure she would have told her sister about she had seen at Lena’s place or at least about their last exchange “… I’m not my brother but it doesn’t mean I don’t know how to keep a kryptonian at bay if need be.” Now that she was thinking about it, not seeing a DEO squad barging in her office should have clued her on the fact that Kara didn’t share about their last exchange.

“And that’s probably the more worrying of all this!” Alex continues “Usually I have to sit through hours of Lena this, Lena has invented that, Lena explained me this, … she is unable to stop talking when it comes to you.”

Lena snorts softly at the agent clear exasperation, happy to see that the blonde woman can get under anyone’s skin.

Though a quiet Kara is a foreign concept to her, given that this woman is able to babble about any topic for hours on end. That’s something Lena had thought endearing about her, listening fondly to her former friend just to see that thousand watts smile she reserved for Lena.

That was before she learnt the truth. The endless rants about food, books or series had turned into endless streams of apology whenever she was next to the CEO, the superhero not noticing how this would only fuel her anger. Lena couldn’t stand watching the blond-haired woman looking at her with her blue eyes full of unshed tears, stammering meaningless apologies to her while she had been the one deciding to lie to Lena for years.

Alex as well. No matter how many times Lena had answered her calls and come rescuing her alien sister, she had never dimmed the brunette worthy of her trust.

Lena rubs her temple, trying to reign on the anger, hurt and anxiety threatening to drown her from the inside. She cannot let Alex throw her off balance, she won’t give her this satisfaction.

The agent stops talking to give her a thoughtful look, as if weighing her options.

“God I understand Kara’s better now … Lena, are you okay? Do you need help?”

What? Lena is struggling to process what the agent is saying.