You Look A Bit Strange, But That’s Okay

1920s medical supplies

EVERY TIME it's a (different) hot male nurse who does it, and by "it" I mean lying me on my side, smearing my chest and stomach in lube and sitting behind me, practically spooning me while he presses the probe against me.

There is a brutal and dispassionate older woman slowly pushing needles into my flesh, telling me not to move or I’ll mess up the results, and then shocking me through the needles. She’s bored, I can tell, and I’m trying so so hard to be a good subject for her, fighting against my most basic animal instincts to stay still and docile and compliant. Afterwards, she tells me I did such a good job, and the enthusiasm in her voice is almost believable.

There is a beautiful tech with the deepest eyes I’ve ever seen strapping me down onto a table, making sure I can’t turn my head even a little bit. The machine clunks and hums around me as he sends me into it, translating my body into data and form. I’m completely immobilized, which is a relief because it means I can just give up control of my body, surrender the small field of vision I have left to close my eyes, and just listen to his voice as he walks me through the steps he’s taking to see all the way into my organs.

There’s a woman roughly my age, maybe a few years younger. She’s nervous. She forgets to turn on the machine before she lubes me up, has to change gloves to turn it on and laughs, high-pitched, when I tell her if she wanted more time with my shirt off she could have just asked me to dinner. Her mentor is standing over us, quietly guiding her through the steps. He doesn’t see me, just his student and the tools and the material she’s working with. She pushes the probe up under my ribs, grinds it against the bottom of my ribcage in a flash of pain, murmurs a quiet apology in my ear. Her hands are shaking a little. I tell her she’s doing a great job; she flushes a deep red. She points out the flutter of my aortic valve with something like wonder in her voice.

amputation saws from the 18th century.