target self checkout security camera: you look like this

Candee Fluff is a horrible brand of cotton candy, I used to feed it to my clowns and they would just throw it back up. The sugar is all unprocessed, when clowns need highly refined white sugar, just because it’s cheaper. Which is something they don’t list on the packaging to fool clown owners. Ideally you should only feed your clown freshly whipped cotton candy. Large mixers may be expensive but a simple childrens make-your-own candy floss machine will suffice if your budget is tight.

Clowns shouldn’t be confined to a car. (Especially a childrens car..?) Clowns are curious creatures that need to jump, tumble, honk and play to be healthy. Keeping them locked in a car 24/7 as a toy for your kids will stress them out in much the same way as a hamster in a ball. Clowns do enjoy having access to a clown car, especially in groups, but their car should provide 1 square foot per clown and their enjoyment comes primarily from exiting the vehicle in large numbers. Keeping them locked inside can reduce their lifespan by up to 10 years. A small human-sized compact car may be suitable for larger groups of clowns.

I’m cringing at that rainbow collection of “my mommy got me a cute clown” balloon sticks. These are creatures that need to run around with helium balloons. They need to bounce and float away when released. Air-filled balloons on sticks are not a suitable replacement. This is the proper set up for a clown or more modern jesters.

Clowns get stressed from any foot confinement under size 16. Clown shoes are the worst item for being sold to kids as “accessories” in human foot sizes. When kept like that the clown will die a horribly stressed life within a year when they can live for 60 or more. They need colourful shoes or boots with plenty of toe-space and loud squeakers. Clowns are so intelligent that they actually play with you, and they need podiatric stimulation to live healthy. These are proper clown shoes.

Never change the natural markings of a clown. This should go without saying, but I see people buying halloween store ‘clown makeup’ and attempting to alter their clown’s faces. Clowns use their facial markings to identify one another, and altering it may cause stress, and even endager the clown if you keep several in the same tent.

The year is 2027 Traditional wedding and engagement rings are out These are in

me: it’s gunna be dar-

yugi: DARK MAGICIAN

me: