unconventional gender envy

truly the strangest thing about our sheltered Christian culty homeschooled isolated upbringing is that we WERE in fact allowed to watch SpongeBob SquarePants. it was on all the time. my mom particularly laughed at the rollercoaster episode where they switch spines. Still baffled when other people with relatively more “normal” childhoods say they couldn’t watch SpongeBob cause that is like the one thing we COULD watch

opening this blog for the first time in months because where else am I going to vent about the fact that it is 6:19am on Saturday morning and I am close to tears rereading scenes from a play I was assigned for school imagining the score I could compose for it. and this was the play my teacher was like “I know it’s my favorite and I reread it every year for class but it’s okay, you don’t have to like it” and I’m like no, ma’am, I am ON MY KNEES. PROSTRATE even. ma’am you may be a godsend. I am getting to spend hours of class time seeing Andrew Garfield in what is just an incredible performance that I saw mention of once on Pinterest like two years ago without making the connection. but also I am just sad and feral and I need to go to sleep :( but why sleep when hyper focus gay music brain go brrr

saw an image of mads mikkelsen and had the revelation that maybe bbno$ has not only a similar aura but also appearance?? does anyone see the vision?

i don't wanna be one of those obnoxious astrology people that attributes everything to like ... mercury being in retrograde but today is the summer solstice and i'm wanting to use that as my opportunity to reset and look forward to the next few weeks but like, maybe writing down different things i can pay attention to/focus on from the horoscope *shrug* maybe it's silly but i'm treating it like guided journaling more than anything ig. i want validation that i'm not absurd for this

i don't think most people can say that they have their therapist as a discord friend but i do, and i don't know if it's necessarily a flex but i'm willing to sacrifice my HIPAA compliant methods of communication for some good old fashioned hating on the shitty people in my life with my therapist who sends me homemade memes and tells me to set boundaries

well in my cursory internet search on the term lesboy I have discovered that Reddit is rather unkind about the whole thing, so here I am to word vomit a bit… since coming out as transmasc I’ve considered what that looks like for me since I previously id’d as a lesbian and still only find myself attracted to women and non-men. I would say I’m also demisexual and pan- or nebula-romantic, but I’m not really interested in close relationships with men (though perhaps t4t yes). I most want a way to express the queerness of my attraction to women and enbies while honoring the journey it took for me to even see myself as a lesbian. (Also just want to update my usernames where the term sapphic is involved)

long time no see— currently I’m living with my partner because I’m trying to move out of my apartment where my roommate is being shitty and practically abusive for no damn reason— but I’m here to say that while I was getting ready to leave earlier I was singing a song composed of meows as I was gathering my stuff. from their computer in their bedroom my partner asks “are you enjoying yourself?” and I immediately ask “am I bothering you?” — they reply “no, I asked if you were enjoying yourself” and I say “yeah I’m vocal stimming like I would be if I was home alone, no one really likes it” and they say “well that’s their problem” and they said they enjoyed it and I could have cried and made out with them that very second ngl