wait for me ☼

(...)

 “Do you still have that scar? The one on your left shoulder blade? When I was a teenager we used to roughhouse in the apartment complex we lived in. I never was able to get one over you–being significantly older and bigger than me as you were.” He shivered faintly, shock and the stress of the situation starting to manifest physically as his injuries began flaring up, “But there was this one time…I don’t know if you were tired from working all day or what, but I won! Tossed you off of me so hard you shoulder hit the corner of the bookshelf and causing you to bleed. Something which you never let me live down.” His voice was interrupted as a sob escaped him, tears finally spilling down his cheek at the magnitude of his loss started sinking in. Don’t call be brother,

“It seems like you’ve forgotten me big brother…”

A scar on the shoulder blade. 

It was a mistake that he had remained for this long, which was certainly not part of the protocol. Seonmin’s second mistake was actually listening to this Rebellion member, enough to the point where his hand reached towards his left shoulder blade, feeling around for something that should not exist. 

And it didn’t. 

His finger touched smooth skin, and for a second Seonmin didn’t know if he should be relieved or dismayed because...

Because.

A toddler clinging onto his arms turned into a child dragging on his legs. Then finally he was a playful teenager hanging off his back, loud laughter turning into a gasp of fear as blood dripped to the wooden floor. Big brother, the kid was calling, running towards him with distress evident in his voice. Big brother!

“Ow...ow.” Seonmin stumbled back, unsure what hurt more - his head from the bits and pieces of nothing that he was struggling to reclaim or his chest, which twisted at the sight of Kang Dohyun’s tears. “Is this your doing?” His hands flew to his temples, pinching, massaging, trying desperately to soothe his pain. “But you took the suppressants.” Those pills were not meant to fail, and they haven’t so far. So how was this happening? Seonmin attempted to figure things out, but quickly realized that thinking hurt, and with every new string of thought he formed came a wave of nausea, threatening to unbalance him.

Ring ring. 

(...)

“I didn’t take you for someone to find trouble, though I’m never one to truly judge a book by it’s cover either.” The last bit she says more to herself, which could be funny in some ways seeing as she was known for spending her free time reading books.

"Trouble found me.”

It was a fair statement, at least in his opinion. Seonmin had never asked to be plagued with random bursts of feelings that end up swaying his actions on the battle field. This time it was a mistake, and next time it could be fatal. Did he dare to tell someone - anyone? There were enough people watching him on the daily without him revealing any weaknesses, if they found out that the mistake wasn’t born from misjudgment, but instead, a lack of control...

He smiled, pushing down the panic, burying it somewhere so he could address it on another day. 

“But enough about my little indiscretion, let’s go for a walk, Liying.” But first things first, Seonmin extended his arm and allowed himself to reach for the power that he did not in Minjee’s presence. The golden glow lit up his palm as it gathered energy from those nearby and was behind both of his eyes as he focused to not take too much. These were his colleagues, and while most were happy to donate a small, negligible amount, he had to be careful to not take advantage of their unknowing generosity. As energy flooded into his system, he stood up straighter, relief washing over him as he walked with officer Nyx. His power always reassured him, if nothing else. 

&. 𝐡𝐢𝐭 ‘𝐞𝐦 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐬

Weep?

He had no reason to do such a thing.

Yet there was indeed a tear sliding down his cheeks, passing the upturned corners of his lips tasting of salt and bitterness. His body was acknowledging sadness and accepting emotional pain, even without his comprehension. 

Lately he had more and more questions, yet no answers because every time he wanted to ask, something prevented it. 

A voice whispered for Seonmin to leave it alone, that out of self-preservation it was better to live in ignorance than crack open the Pandora’s box and reveal information which he may or may not actually be strong enough to stomach. That voice found its way into his mind now, pushing down the desire to protest being a weapon, because deep down that was not what he considered himself. 

“Sorry, ma’am.” His voice came out light despite his inner turmoil. “I think something just got in my eye.” Seonmin swept the tear away with his thumb and smiled as if nothing was amiss. “What were you saying about the next mission?” He stepped away from the corpse he did not recognize, chest remaining heavy. 

(...)

Kitae wanted to ask Seonmin so many questions. What happened back there? What happened to you? I want to know. Tell me everything.

Kitae started with, “You okay?”

The beautiful summer day was lost to him. Sun kissed his skin, but its heat could not compare to the burn that he had managed to cool, aloe vera and loosely wrapped up while Kitae was grabbing the little brother. 

He was still angry, but the emotion was no longer so overwhelming that it allowed for nothing else. Worry crept back, and despite everything, he sent a text to his father while Kitae was in the convenience store, inquiring on the other’s condition. Seonmin couldn’t help it - the moment of irrationality had come and gone, and now that they must continue forward with life, he had to go back to being the person he had always been. 

“Define okay,” he said with a soft smile, cracking open the cooler and tipping it back against his lips. “I am hurt, I guess.” Seonmin waved his bandaged left wrist, but of course the hurt he was referring to did not limit to just that. “Sorry you had to see me like that.” He kept his voice light in an attempt to brush off the situation. “I was angry, but I wasn’t actually going to do anything.” Seonmin broke their gaze and turned his head to look at his peacefully dozing brother. 

The corners of his lips remained up tilted, but there was a wariness in his eyes that remained. And even the calming sound of the waves could not fully ease the tension inside. 

“Alright, fine.” Seonmin placed the half-empty cooler down beside him and spoke with a hint of resolve. “Maybe I would have.” He sighed, letting his eyes shift from the horizon to the ground, somehow having decided against lying despite still fearing judgement. He wanted people to think well of him, to love him and fill that hole the death of his mother left behind. The thought of scaring Kitae off with his admittance was a terrible one, but there must be a reason the other was still sitting next to him. Perhaps Seonmin did have a little confidence in their relationship after all. 

“It’s crazy to think I can hold so much hatred towards my own father.” In a way, on the day his mother died, he lost both parents. Father was simply never the same again and while Seonmin tried his best to not blame the man, he could not help but pining for love and care. He was a child, after all. “It wasn’t always like this.” From his wallet, Seonmin pulled out a family photo that he had hidden in one of the back sleeves. This was before Dohyun’s time, when Seonmin was around five, maybe six. All three of the people on the photo were smiling brightly, happy as can be. 

tw; violence

@xxkitae

What makes a killer?

So much negativity came with that word, yet deep down, rooted within the core of human nature, they were all well capable of murder. It didn’t take a special mind, only a troubled one. 

The child’s wails snapped Seonmin out of his shocked state and sensations came rushing in. The first thing he felt was the pain on his left wrist, where scalding hot seafood porridge had spilled when father knocked the bowl over, demanding for additional booze instead of the homecooked meal he was served. Seonmin argued with him, wishing the man would stop making his life difficult. He had homework to do, exams to study for, and between work and academics he had to take care of this household. The porridge was all that he could manage for the night and while it was hardly anything to be impressed by, it would keep them full. 

Father didn’t care - he could not be reasoned with. When Seonmin gasped from the burn, the man did not soften immediately as he would have just six months ago. Instead he pushed his son, determined to get that second bottle. 

Seonmin pushed back this time. He wasn’t young and weak as he once was, and against a pathetic drunk man his strength proved superior. Father fell, knocking over the book shelf on his way down. Karma sent a vase over his head and since then he had not moved. 

Blood seeped from the spot on father’s forehead where he was hit and Seonmin thought he would feel something. Maybe guilt, perhaps fear, but instead he felt this deep numbness and a strange pull towards the kitchen. 

It’s not enough. Something whispered on his left shoulder. This was years of anger held back, and now too difficult to ignore. 

Seonmin still managed to go to the crying child first and picked him up, forcing himself to smile with unblinking eyes and cooed at his brother to behave. Yes, he had priorities, even in this state of semi-insanity his love for his younger sibling refused to budge. He tucked the kid into bed and sang him a lullaby before leaving the bedroom, locking the door behind him. 

In the living room, father remained on the ground, a heap of fat and misery, too ugly for this world. And to think, Seonmin supposedly took after him...disgusting. 

(...) 

“My ge is always the best,” he gasped out, words slipping out before he could even make sense of who he really meant the words for.  But it didn’t matter - not when he still had Seonmin trapped beside him and his words rang true either way.  Even the feeling of phantom bruises forming around his neck couldn’t stop him from smiling up at Seonmin, not as his grip tightened just a little more.

“This is why you’re stuck with me.”

His gaze slid down from Yun’s smile to his hand, studying how those fingers curled around his wrist...noting how they subtly tightened. 

My goodness. 

“I am happy to be here,” he reassured, always ready to indulge. Truth to be told, Seonmin didn’t mind possessiveness, and at times, felt the need to feed the monster, secretly gleeful at its growth. While some viewed possessiveness as a negative trait, he saw it as something positive...If someone wanted to own you, it must mean you have value. In the government where everything was decided by worth, Seonmin liked to be reminded that his was high. 

Why the insecurity? 

Because he was observant and socially aware - sometimes people behaved strangely around him. A few times on missions, Seonmin felt like he was being watched. Instead of focusing on their enemies, his colleagues’ eyes were digging into his back instead. Whenever he began chasing down an opponent, another colleague often offered to take over, opting for him to remain in spot and wait instead. 

People didn’t trust him, and that made his position in the government unstable, despite his seemingly impressive power portfolio. 

“There’s something I’ve been wondering...” Seonmin said, tilting his head and allowing an inquisitive glint to enter his eyes. “My dear Yun, officer Leo.” He started, his free hand slowly crawling up Yun’s arm to his shoulder, then across his collar bone and up his throat. “Are we really best friends?” The question seemed dangerously pointed, but his smile remained warm and playful. “It’s just that...” His fingers had made their way to his fellow officer’s chin by this point, sliding along Yun’s jawline until they reached just beneath his ear lobe. 

(...)

“You do know I’m not a kid anymore, right?” He asked, stealing the cushion from his brother and cuddling it to himself, toying the with frayed edges of the cushion, a sign that it had been well loved. “No, I don’t need a talk. You wouldn’t be able to answer my questions.” 

He was pretty sure his big brother was straight.….and girls were the last thing he wanted information about. Gross.

“You are a kid to me forever.” Sorry, but ten years made quite the gap and considering how Seonmin had practically raised Dohyun, he would never be able to see him as anything except an overgrown toddler...who sometimes still needed time out. “And what do you mean by that?” Seonmin frowned slightly, trying to understand what Dohyun was getting at. 

(...)

“They really did a number on you, didn’t they, brother?”

A wave of irritation. 

Something about this kid’s presence here upset him, and Seonmin couldn’t quite pinpoint why. Was it the child himself? If so, then he could simply end this conversation here and walk away. Yet there was also a part of him that was reluctant to leave. 

I hate this. Seonmin’s lowered his eyes, hiding his discomfort neatly beneath thick lashes. These random waves of feelings he’d sometimes receive were so unnecessary, unwelcomed, and occasionally a great hinderance. Last time it caused him to screw up a mission - instead of shooting an enemy dead, he caught the wrist of a girl he did not recognize. The trouble that came afterwards only made himself more disappointed with his own whim. 

Seonmin wanted control...he needed it, and so when he spoke again it wasn’t in his usual soft voice. 

“Don’t call me brother,” Seonmin snapped, eyes narrowing. “It’s too friendly a term considering our job positions.” They were enemies and frankly, likely to remain that way to this Kang Dohyun’s death. With a power like that - dark and sinister, also unstable - Seonmin couldn’t possibly imagine the government wanting to recruit this young one. What awaited Dohyun was likely several rounds of intense interrogation and after that, a swift execution. If the kid was less lucky, then he might end up on a table under some curious hands. Seonmin didn’t actually see anyone get dragged off for experimentation, but he imagined it happened plenty. Super powers are fascinating, and surely the government would want to learn. 

Seonmin’s phone buzzed. 

“I have to go,” he muttered. “Well, nice to meet you, Kang Dohyun.” 

And perhaps they shall not see each other again. 

Something about that knowledge hurt so terribly.

He hadn’t really slept in the past three years, and the ability to do that felt like a blessing and a curse. While he had more time than the average human to do whatever he wanted, he also couldn’t really catch a break from intrusive thoughts.

Lately, Seonmin kept on feeling like something has gone wrong...and that some sort of unfortunate situation was heading their way, only he didn’t know what. 

He needed a distraction. 

Thankfully, there were always plenty to do around the mansion. The mountain they lived on was a great provider and this chore of gathering its natural offerings was perhaps his favorite. So far he had filled his basket with herbs, and intended to add soon two handfuls of wild edible mushrooms. A patch grew near the cliff area and they taste quite good fried with butter and salt. 

Someone (@hwanara) already beat him to the cliff - a surprise since it was still early morning. The kid also hovered way too close to the edge for Seonmin’s liking. Calling out now might startle the boy, so Seonmin simply set down his basket and walked over instead. His feet were impressively quiet - yes, from years of practice not waking up a sleeping infant who’d later grow into a cranky toddler. 

“That’s too close to the edge, young man.” He chided when he had safely captured the teenager in his arms. “You must not stand there again, alright?” It was a command, but one that was delivered with a plenitude of gentleness. Seonmin only took out his authoritative dad voice around Dohyun, and to all the other young ones in the house, he presented his most angelic loving self. 

(...)

Eight months ago, Silong was used to handling everything on his own. But now, after countless missions and battles together, he trusted his partner enough to rely on him, consciously and subconsciously. Silong looked towards his partner for help.

What a beautiful day. 

A part of him wished the mission wouldn’t end, so he could stay out here for a while longer, soak up the sunshine and the sounds of happiness from all the children playing at the school playground. 

Unfortunately, the peace did not last long. 

Seonmin turned to see the wailing child and gave Silong a look that said what did you do? He was teasing, of course. They worked long enough for him to realize Silong didn’t have any negative intentions towards people, especially innocent little ones. The young man was simply born a bit stone-faced and their career sort of  encouraged that dead fish look. 

“There there,” he picked up the child with one swift movement. The child peered at him uncertainly through tears and Seonmin gave him a bright smile to lowered his defenses. All the small ones were taught by their parents the dangers of a stranger, but at the moment, the kid was too distracted by his pain. “Let’s have a look at this, alright?” Seonmin adjusted his arms so the child could rest more comfortably - he was surprisingly good at this. Perhaps in the past he had a child, or a younger sibling. 

He blew at the gash on the child’s knee gently to clear some of the dirt and retrieved the small first aid pack in his bag. “Shall we put a band-aid on it?” Seonmin murmured, unzipping the package. “Do you want the plain ones or the candy ones?” He presented the kid with both of the options. The candy patterned band-aids he picked up on a whim the other day, and now, they shall come in handy. The child pointed with no hesitation and Seonmin gave him another smile to praise his good taste. “Alright, you can have the candy ones, but know they are special. I only give them to good boys - ones who can be very brave.” That was enough to convince the kid to put on a tough face, and even as he cleansed the wound there were no further waterworks. 

(...)

releasing the safety of the gun, she stares down the barrel as she aimed center mass at the petite young woman. “but what an utter, waste of time that would be. if the tools can be fixed. wouldn’t you agree?”

The situation had unfortunately escalated and now, there shall be blood on the ground. 

What he received aligned with his expectation, and Seonmin sank obediently onto his knees following the kiss of not quite death, at least this time. It was strange, feeling the effects of his own power, now working against him. Almost immediately his body wanted to defend itself, but he pushed that instinct down. This was his punishment, and something he must accept in order to be forgiven. It was fine - unlike a certain someone else, Seonmin knew when to dispute and when to concede. 

It must be admitted, when the gun pointed at Myo Hana, his heart began racing as if he was concerned and this distress of unknown origin somewhat irritated him. 

Seonmin folded his hands over his lap, adjusting his position subtly so he could kneel with more comfort. He had no intention of helping, for it would make no logical sense to do so. Why should he assist a woman he had never met, especially if it meant risking his own safety? Besides, helping her once under unfavorable circumstances could be counted as a fluke, but twice? Misjudgment was easy enough to forgive, but wavering loyalty? Oh, he was not interested at all to see what punishment mom would deal out for that. 

That said, when Seonmin lowered his eyes, he recalled the way Myo Hana looked at him earlier. There was clear adoration in her eyes and it was obvious for some reasons, she cared deeply about him. Perhaps that care drove her into speaking for him, even though it was unnecessary and foolish. 

It was ultimately her own stupid decision, but he supposed he was not entirely unmoved, and thus decided to offer one final piece of generosity. Seonmin’s gaze lifted, studying Minjee’s stance and her expression. “She won’t kill you.” He mouthed the words for Hana’s eyes. From the way Minjee spoke to her position, the situation was dangerous but not necessarily fatal for the sketchbook artist. “You need to apologize.” And cower. Give the commander her satisfaction in exchange for temporary safety. Prove you are a fixable tool. “Do it now.” He lowered his head again after, having done what he felt like what more than enough for her. It would be a shame should she continue to escalate and actually provoke Minjee into killing her, then his efforts earlier would have been for naught. 

(...)

“If we got them all, they’d be safe here… but if the rebellion get to them, they’re going to be used against the government. To destroy everything we built to protect people like us, you… and me.” Normalcy was easy to feign in the absence of threats, but she does so well keeping it on top of mind by saying it out loud.

Not an answer that would bring him full relief, but certainly better than nothing. Gyeowool didn’t seem like a liar, and for the sake of his situation, he was going to have to take her at her word anyway. Her not knowing meant they didn’t kill Dohyun and also failed to take him captive. The idea of Dohyun being on the run did not distress him greatly, for it was nothing new. While he always felt the need to coddle his brother, he also knew the kid was a crafty one and should be able to survive on his own for some time. 

And if he had gone to the Rebellion, then great. Surely Kitae would take good care of him for old time’s sake. 

“Thank you.” His brows furrowed at Gyeowool’s next set of words, but the fact they disagreed did not make him forget his manners. Seonmin’s feelings towards this woman was complicated. On one hand, her unexpected early return thwarted his escape plan and she had one heck of a strong kick that he would very much like to never experience again. On the other hand she chose to be here when he woke up, and provided an answer to his question. It wasn’t much, but when one was begging in starvation, he had to learn to appreciate the scraps.

So what should he do now?

Indecision tore at him. With his biggest concern addressed and worry temporarily taking the back seat, other emotions pushed their way to the front. Of course he was still angry, but the rational side of him knew there was nothing to gain from lashing out. So Seonmin shoved the anger back down, as far as it’ll go so he could remain focused and collected for the purpose of gathering more information. This was something he became good at doing, having grown up in the environment that he did. 

“Am I safe?” He asked Gyeowool calmly, rolling up his left sleeve up to the shoulder, twisting his arm to study all the half healed wounds and barely visible bruises. “Don’t tell me it was all my own fault. It’s natural instinct for one to fight or run when intruders barge into their home. Unwanted, unexpected and violent.” Seonmin sighed, rolling his sleeve back down. “Your people never knocked.” He looked up briefly from his lap to gauge her expression. “It was wrong, what happened at the mansion.” His gaze cast back down. “And I am sorry you can’t see that.” There was a hint of actual pity, for the soldier who was so brainwashed by this organization that she could no longer see the wrongness. 

(...)

She holds her breath, however, when Seonmin came closer. Gyeowool stands her ground, unfazed at the surface, but something inside her hitches. And she could feel her heart pounding in her ears. It was an uncomfortable sensation, but nothing like that ever stopped her from doing her job. She looks at his hand, and back to his face, that smile, and searching for hesitation in his eyes. But the thing with Seonmin, he’s too fearless for his own good. And one of these days, Gyeowool will have to teach him a lesson. “Fine. Just do it.”

“Alright,” he agreed lightly. There was a playfulness in his voice that came from mischievous intent - a hint that he was up to no good. 

So when his hand reached towards Gyeowool, it sought not hers. Instead, the subtle glow traveled up to the tips of his fingers as they ran across her smooth cheek, leaving golden streaks. He bent down for a kiss, soft and light, like a butterfly landing upon flower petals.  

“You did say to just do it,” Seonmin whispered as he pulled away, but not too far. His fingers curled to cup her chin, thumb gently caressing over over her cheekbone. “Was that fun, Miss Gyeowool?” His eyes remained on her lips until this moment, when he finally locked their gazes again. “Do you want to do it again?” 

Permission was a fine thing, though he was certainly not just asking for another kiss. “We are two people with an emptiness inside.” His smile remained sweet this entire time, but at these words it dulled. Despite having decent control over his emotions, Seonmin was still human. 

(...)

“We need to leave,” She said in a far firmer voice than she anticipated. A bit of power leaked from her voice, but it was faint as if the control was frail. “Seonmin, come with me.”

There was no denying it this time - the light buzz in his head was not from his power alone. 

“God, Lira.” There was a hint of disbelief in his eyes. “What are you doing?” Using her power on him? Though Lira was never particularly close to the rest of the mansion residents, he always thought they’d gotten along. Now, shifting his gaze from her pale face to the corpse of the mansion owner who had shown them nothing but kindness, he could no longer keep the devastation from entering his voice. “What have you done?” His body moved towards her even as he shouted his questions, subconsciously following her command until he caught himself. 

His next decision was made quickly. Seonmin grabbed the nearby chair and lifted it as if intending to swing at the women. Instead, however, the furniture was tossed into the window, which he leaped from immediately after with no hesitation. Second floor, but the bushes lovingly planted underneath the window should break his fall. 

The woman who was with Lira did not move to stop him, and did not seem remotely surprised by his chair stunt either. She was speaking to Lira in a soothing voice, and he could no longer hear the details because he was tumbling into the darkness. Someone was waiting for him down there, and Seonmin managed to grab their gun wielding arm before a bullet could find its way into his flesh. 

He was hurt, both emotionally and physically. Adrenaline was dulling his pain, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t aware of the glass shards in his skin. “Leave me alone!” He yelled with actual anger, which was an emotion that didn’t come to him often. Energy, like a golden light, traveled from him into the person he held, beautiful, until it caused the arm in his grip to explode. Blood splattered everywhere, but Seonmin didn’t stop to check the extent of damage because he was running again. 

Slower paced now, because overcharging that person exhausted him. Seonmin knew his time was limited and dug in his pocket for his cell phone. Blood made his fingers wet and slippery, but the party he wanted to call was on speed dial. 

Help me. Save me. He was ready to scream into the phone as soon as it was picked up. His pride meant nothing when they were all in danger. Lira could betray him, but he knew someone who never would. There was someone he could always trust. 

Of course it didn’t work out in the end. There was a sting at the back of his neck and he fell, the phone with him. It rolled out of his hand and fell down the hill, the screen, still bright, disappeared down the mountain and became one with the night. 

I tried my best. He thought as he shut his eyes. I really did. 

&. 𝐡𝐢𝐭 ‘𝐞𝐦 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐬

Certain things couldn’t be denied, and they were both long past the point of feigning ignorance. Seonmin looked up, watching the smoke cloud escape out of the window he had cracked open as soon as the kid stepped into the room. There was no thought process associated with that action, only instinct. His body knew that cigarettes were poison, and as much as he didn’t give a shit about what they were doing to his lungs, he subconsciously cared about this brat’s. 

"There was one thing I always wondered about,” he said, grinding out his last cigarette in the blue glass ashtray. “These powers came with no explanation and undoubtedly sent many young ones into a world of confusion. For some, there could be temptation.” Seonmin raised his hand, imagining the golden glow which only became fully visible when he was on the edge of overcharging. The light that was so mesmerizingly beautiful was in reality a dire warning that he was dancing too close to the line. One missed step and he would be dead. Just like that. 

“My power is addicting. When I woke up memoryless in the government, I played with it all the time. It was the one thing that kept me entertained.” And also the one thing that kept the hollowness - produced by his lack of identity - from overwhelming him. “I thought to myself, what kept younger me from playing around in a similar manner? I was so inexperienced with my gift that it was almost laughable.”

His eyes flickered towards Dohyun.

“Is it principle? Did younger me have a strong code of conduct and didn’t believe in toying with something dangerous?” He asked. “No, the more I got to know myself, the more I realized I don’t really have firm boundaries in terms of morality. I thought it could be fear too, but I will be honest here, and say that I am not afraid of much.” Something told him that what he feared had probably already happened, and as the result he became numb and indifferent. 

“So maybe it is love.” A sigh. “Someone I couldn’t afford to disappoint by taking risks.”

“Dohyun, at this point, I won’t deny the possibility anymore.” His voice grew quieter, because this conversation was not heading in a happy direction. “I acknowledge that at one point, I was probably your older brother. And that I loved you.” Past tense. “But those memories are gone, and I can’t get them back.”

Believing is not the same thing as feeling.