Something that really irks me is that people don’t seem to understand that being mentally ill does NOT mean you’re miserable and reclusive and visibly upset — or even internally upset — 100% of the time. Just because you’re posting on Snapchat and you’re hanging out with friends doesn’t mean you’re not depressed. Just because you’re on Tumblr and seem “fine” doesn’t mean that you weren’t sobbing and wanting to disappear two hours ago. Just because you’re carrying a conversation in the group chat doesn’t mean you aren’t actually in your room feeling terrible and crying into your pillow. And hey, guess what? Sometimes you even genuinely feel happy or calm or relaxed; the problem is, at other times you genuinely feel like shit, shit enough to completely shut down or be hospitalized or simply suffer in silence.
So don’t fucking use excuses like that as ammunition or ways to explain away and invalidate mental illness. Don’t say “well you claim you’re depressed/anxious/panicking/stressed but you went out to eat and you were laughing just the other day so you should still be able to fully function and get everything done that you need to.” You can’t make assumptions about people like that.
Mental illness can be controlling and selective. People live with severe MI all the time. But for those people, they might just not have the sheer energy to do certain things. They can’t explain why they can hang out with friends but can barely bring themselves to write a paper, or why they can Snapchat all day yet physically cannot get themselves to open up their email, or why they can babysit but have immense difficulty getting out of bed. It sucks because they look lazy and are accused of slacking. But it’s because they’re distracted, mentally exhausted, and their MI just doesn’t want to let them do certain things.
Usually, if you have enough energy to go out with friends you have enough energy to do schoolwork. Likewise, if you don’t have enough energy to go to work, you won’t be able to check your messages. It just isn’t that simple for people who have to fight depression/anxiety/etc. every day.
Try to be patient with mentally ill people, whether they’re coworkers, relatives, or friends. It’s annoying — and trust me, we know it’s annoying — to deal with such inconsistency. It may be impossible to understand that someone could bounce from hyper and social to miserable and depressed over the course of a day. But you were fine when I talked to you this morning! Mental illness doesn’t make sense to sufferers anymore than it does to non-sufferers. The best you can do is hang in there, check in with them, and try to make it work. Nobody wants to deal with MI, but sometimes life throws it at you, and it’s on you to be as supportive and tolerant as you can.
