𝐆𝐀𝐘𝐋𝐄 ♡ 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒
change gendered language to your needs. ♡
“ the results were disappointing. i was devastated. ” “ i’m not gonna deal with that shit. ” “ so, i put the panini in a balloon & swallowed it whole. ” “ you watch your mouth in my house. ” “ try not to let anyone see you, i hate the way you move in public. ” “ if you haven’t made your bed, throw it away. it’s too late to make it now. ” “ so i swiffer-vaulted out of there & broke my fucking mandible on some nutri-grain bars. ” “ you callin’ me a liar? ” “ WELL TUESDAYS. AREN’T. GOOD FOR ME. ” “ so i black out from the rage, and come to covered head-to-toe in hollandaise sauce. ” “ it gives me a panic attack when i look at your legs. ” “ i think i left the blow-dryer on. ” “ you got no lips. you have skin that turns into a mouth. ” “ nothin’ gets me goin’ like a juke box musical. ” “ why should i even get out of bed? ” “ i got your grape juice, you pansy. ” “ i’m gonna go put myself on craigslist. ” “ i’m gonna punish you with my leg. ” “ could you excuse me for one second? ” *screams* “ so i stole a pig. ” “ menopause is only gonna make me stronger. ” “ i’m angry, i’m aroused … ” “ what would you have done? ” “ was that you doing zumba on my front lawn? ” “ it’s my birthday so that means you have to watch me do crunches. ” “ LOOK AT ME. ” “ why do we have a sink if you’re not gonna wash the blueberries? ” “ let’s face it. this town needs a change. ” “ the anthropologists are gonna see this & they’re gonna want to study you. ” “ i’m gonna sleep in the chimney tonight. ” “ YEEHAW MOTHERFUCKERS. ” “ could i have a word with you under the table, real quick? ” “ okay, was anyone planning on telling me that a walrus can suck the skin off of a seal or was i just supposed to read that in national geographic myself? ” “ you’re a walking lisa frank notebook. ” “ i was already in hell, but now it’s like i’m going to hell grad school. ” “ i don’t know which apostle i swirlied in a past lifetime, but i’m really paying the price now. ” “ this is a dish towel. we need a hand towel. what are we, barbarians? ”
