We're Ingo, we're a 23 y/o autistic DID system. Born and raised on the US Northeast Coast. We like writing (hence this blog), doodling, and playing videogames. We had a Tumblr account in the past, blogging under the username @oiboihumerus.
Sometimes we talk about our lived experience. It is purely anecdotal and is not a substitute for medical advice or peer-reviewed research.
I don't do DNI pages. Blocking is sufficient and reporting hate speech is effective.
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I'm going to start being selective about what pages I include, because some of them are a little to personal and venty for me to be posting online. It's just a preference, sorry.
Also! This is a 2-pager because I originally drew this on two pieces of paper and had to tape them to two separate pages when I put them in the notebook. So you'll be seeing a lot of different stuff!
You can see how my art topics start to change from before and after I find out that I'm autistic. And yes, when I used to eat pre-packaged ramen with the flavor packet, I would eat it with a spoon. Don't ask me how, I don't do that anymore. These days while it's still warm out, I make a bowl of noodles using a ramen guide I found online (I skip the broth and most of the other ingredients), so I never have to settle for instant ramen ever again.
Not that I could stand instant ramen these days, anyway.
Thinking if I can remember how to use it (or bring the instruction booklet and my kits with me) that I'll use my sewing machine to make a custom tablet holder. I don't have a tablet yet, but I will in the future probably and I'll want to fit a book and a bunch of gear for it in there.
I'm torn between having it upright or changing to a horizontal design, since the goal is to fit it in one of those medium tote bags from Analog Company (I reeeeeeeally like the look of them which is why I'm aiming for something like that).
I think ultimately this is going to be the final design, once I get my pocket altar complete. The sleeve design here is not meant to fit a laptop inside, just the tablet.
I also wonder if I shouldn't tweak the vertical design to keep everything more secure, like something that folds and buttons shut. It would have a pocket on one side for the tablet, a pocket on the other side for all the other pockets like for the book and accessories, and yeah my goal is to slip a pocket notebook in there as well. It'll probably go in with the book.
I don't feel like drawing up another draft. If I manage to get a template done, I might share it on here.
Continuing our series about Dissociative Identity Disorder from CatalyticConvergence, we discuss people knowing we're a system.
Who knows about your system? Who do you want to know? What do you feel like it's like coming out as multiple?
Luigi here to answer questions about this part!
In real life, we are very selective about who we're comfortable with knowing we are a system. In our early system discovery days, we were very fortunate to have some folks in our first semester of our first college who were very kind and understanding towards our experiences, even though we didn't fully understand that our system was in fact caused by trauma¹. This was very nice for us, as we were still trying to sort ourselves out and figure out how to function as a system.
Online was a can of worms. We discovered our system in August 2021, a time when people were still largely chronically online because of the COVID-19 pandemic. They would treat some of our alters like their blorbos or like playthings, and it was very irritating. I also don't like the infighting and disinformation that occurs on all social media websites, Tumblr included. (I say "disinfo" as opposed to "misinfo" because it feels intentional at this point.)
There were a few odd eggs in real life that I couldn't help but get the ick from when we talked about being a system. All of them either misunderstood the nature of the disorder or immediately took my moment of vulnerability as an opportunity to talk about a system friend they had that was abusive. The fact that their abusive "friend" allegedly having DID became a huge part of the narrative tells me that their "friend" probably didn't have DID and was using it as a "devil made me do it" bullshit. It's very frustrating because I'm simply trying to explain what happens in our life, and another person interrupts it with something that should've been discussed with a specialized therapist. Your grievances with someone using multiplicity as an excuse to be an abusive person is not a burden that other systems are responsible for carrying.
Because of all of this, I only tell people that I really trust about being a system. I can usually deduce this from the way they talk about things. People that demand I have no life outside of them or people who act like they know everything when they really don't, I tend not to tell them about this kind of stuff. Some people also just have this sort of vibe where I know that telling them could spur a rant that would take what I'm saying and put themself at the center of it instead.
So yeah, I don't really tell anyone nowadays.
¹ We discovered this after I got frontstuck and subsequently started hosting in October 2021, halfway through the Fall 2021 semester. I hadn't realized that I was a trauma holder, though the initial anxiety of suddenly fronting with no idea where I was and the subsequent PTSD symptoms afterwards were very telling.
Thinking of copying my stuff off of Pinterest so I have a visual reference of how I'd want my house to look. I'm thinking I might start another binder (probably reusing one of the ones I already have) and organizing it by room, just like my Pinboard.
(My Home Pinboard is public, if you're curious. If there's any AI in it, please let me know because I don't want it in there but sometimes I can't tell.)
I use Aesthetic Inspo to help tweak the algorithm, I think it's working! But also mostly now I get more froggy decor. I wonder why... 👀
The other thing I need to do is upload my own screenshots, particularly from Rayman 3 (not enough appreciation for Rayman 3 on Pinterest besides dick jokes... sigh...) and then from some oddly specific areas in Rayman Origins where the vibes hit the heaviest. It's also no wonder I like them both. Allegedly Rayman 3 was used in reference sheets for the design of Origins.
Obviously my goal is not to make my house look exactly like the settings from the games. That would cost too much money and be too time-consuming. You might see me tweak stuff on the board to fit that. But I love the Rayman series and feel like a stunt like this would be rewarding to pull off. I already have a glitter lava lamp that projects sparkly gleams onto the walls once it gets going, I got it for Christmas when I was 16, and it reminds me a lot of the Fairy Council from Rayman 3, for example.
One other thing I'll have to consider is if I ever get married and start a family, the kinds of things my (hypoethetical) spouse would want as well. Living with other people means you share that space with them, and share a part of your life with them as well. I've seen too many episodes of Extreme Homes where the house's interior is one person's idea (usually the husband) and everyone else just kinda goes along with it even when it frays their last nerve (usually the wife). There was only one couple on the show (all the couples were straight couples) that was on the same page, and I feel like their situation was more comfortable because they had a lot of money (though to be real, a lot of the people on the show were frivolously wealthy). I wouldn't want my home ideas to fray my (hypothetical) spouse's last nerve, but I would want enough life in the interior design to avoid feeling like a psych ward.
And lastly, while I have organized this by room, if I don't live with a life partner/get married, I may end up living in a smaller house and thus combining rooms. For example, a dining-living-office combo where you tuck away what you're not using would be a good choice (it would also be less of a hassle for those who stream games from their computer to their TV). I'll probably have to look at different floorplans and do a lot of brainstorming.
Lots to think about.
(I would still want that pull-out dining table though... imagine having a space to dance!)
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I love how I have the kind of autism where I only wear socks when my feet are cold. But what I really want are socks with toes and barefoot shoes. Is that too much to ask?
Barefoot shoes really is Globox core.
(Source: Vibram's online store. NOT SPONSORED I can't even afford their shoes rn. just an example because I like the color)
Also I have bunions. I had the bunion on my left foot corrected a few years back and am seriously thinking about getting the right foot done too. It's not an aesthetic choice. Walking on bunion feet hurts. Your joints there are seriously fucked up with bunions. I used to walk more on the outside of my feet to avoid pain, which only caused shin splints. Now that just one of my bunions is fixed, I walk sort of asymmetrically which still fucks up your posture long-term.
Our feet were really not made for the shoes we wear at large.
UGHHH everything man-made these days is just trying to destroy everything that makes us human and I hate it here SERIOUSLY
The storm never actually came to our house but there were a lot of explosive and dramatic reds in the sky tonight (07/17, in case you wanna know on average how many posts I jam the queue with. One post a day and I am not changing that rule!)
(Using a queue and jam-packing it ahead of time also gives me leisure to revisit posts and edit as needed before they get posted.)
The picture isn't that great and doesn't do the colors justice. I do have a better camera from when I took a photograph course in Fall 2024 (do not ask why an English major needs to take photography), but I'm worried of damaging it or something bad happening to it just because I wanted to briefly take it out to take a photo. I went on bike to get this shot since houses and trees block most of it from where I live, and I would like to retain some form of anonymity while posting photos on here.
Anyway. The world is beautiful and I want to protect it. But I'm just one guy getting burnt out for a summer job that barely pays me well or gives me enough hours and I can't do what I want to do. And that really fucking sucks.
Just a small thought for today, but I thought it was ironically twisted and undermining the message of the story when Ready Player One collaborated not once, but twice with Roblox to promote their movies.
It's just weird how a novel and subsequent film adaptation, where the moral of the story is to create meaning in existence outside of the internet, would collaborate with a children's MMO all about creating a virtual third space because capitalism doesn't like to foster those spaces for people (hence why everyone lives in stacks upon stacks of shipping containers, a detail I overlooked on my only watching of the film at 14 but apparently something that stuck out to me since then). All while using a financially-incentivized system that ends up preying on children, especially with brightly-colored buttons redirecting players to buy gamepasses on some of the most popular games.
You can go ahead and say that it's ironic that I would post something critiquing Ready Player One's collab with Roblox online given my reasoning, but I just feel like it needs to be said.
This post was brought to mind thanks to seeing my mom watch The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes. I remembered that they were another book adaptation that did a collab with Roblox and I just thought it was very strange. Do children even know what the original The Hunger Games trilogy is about? I remember watching the first two film adaptations when I was 10 years old and being pretty unfazed (ironic, considering the novels are commentary on the desensitization to watching violence on the news). Then, at 11 years old, I watched The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part I in theaters, and was deeply unsettled by the depictions of PTSD in the end of the first film, even. Considering that this was during my first year of middle school, I realize now that I was unsettled because deep down I knew years down the road that I would be experiencing symptoms of PTSD myself.
It's just that it's not something that's ever talked about when you're a child unless it's in the context of trauma in military soldiers. Not even in the civilians who live in terror during war. Soldiers. How ignorant to believe that PTSD is only something experienced after fighting in a war.
Anyway. Another can of worms where someone might think I was reading too much into it.
P.S. If I was a parent I would never let my kids play Roblox. For reasons beyond this but some of the collabs and excessive marketing to vulnerable, impressionable youth isn't helping either. Big Corporate needs to keep its greasy hands off my (hypothetical) kids.
[There's no alt text on the original photo, but it's grey hairs taped to a black piece of paper with masking tape. In white marker, there is handwriting that reads: "These are a rare thing. Priceless and beautiful. They are a trans person's grey hairs. Not from stress, but from natural old age. I hope we see a million more of them. I hope you grow your own."]
In a twist of fate, all of the guys I get gender envy from are older men that have totally gone grey by now. Here's like two of them:
Jean-Jacques Nervest, an actor in theater as well as a voice actor/French dub actor for various cartoons and videogames. I know him for his role as Globox in the French dubs of Rayman 3 and possibly the upcoming Rayman Legends: Retold.
Billy Bob Thornton, whom I know most for his role as Willie T. Soke in Bad Santa and Bad Santa 2.
They give me gender envy and in order to give off their vibe I need to grow old first.
Dr. Mario World was a shitty mobile game published by Nintendo in 2019. After playing for the first time, I drew a picture of Ludwig and Wendy in my notebook (since they are playable in the game). This is me acknowledging this game exists for the first time since its shutdown in 2021. I did say I would be redrawing a few of my doodles, after all.
This was made seven years after the original!
Here you go. I'll never figure out how to draw Koopalings in a way that looks decent like all the cool artists I would see when I was like 13. But also I don't feel like putting in that much effort. Wendy's pose is more dynamic now and Ludwig can't sit on the floor anymore or his knees turn into Rice Krispies (snap crackle pop).
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I'm back to drawing these little guys with memes. It's hilarious to see that even something as stupid as a simplified doodle of an already simple character to draw can be improved over six or seven years.
There's a bunch of doodles in my notebooks that are just like this, so keep an eye out for 'em!
Summer is always hot, but it was at least more tolerable in New York State. Must be all the trees. Globox is cooling off in typical summer fashion with a dive into the Sea of Serendipity. Hope he doesn't get the bends when he returns!
We found an ask meme on Wordpress by CatalyticConvergence, and decided that's what we want to use! Because we're so busy, however, 30 days is going to be more like 30 weeks. Oopsie! Anyway.
Describe your system. What kind of system, how big, anything you feel is a good introduction.
Our system is an autistic DID system of almost 50 alters, the staggering majority of them based on fictional characters. Our original parts are based on three main facets of our life, being connection to nature, knowledge, and trauma.
The way our system functions is that for a sizeable amount of time, our system has a host and their "posse" of co-hosts or other alters that split during that time. After a while, the host cannot take it anymore, and our system switches to another host, more often than not a new one that split. Our current theory is that our system switches hosts to mitigate burnout, something that is unfortunately all too common when it comes to autism, especially with lower support needs and the expectation of a higher level of independence and masking mirroring that of an allistic person.
We have a variety of alters fulfilling many roles in our life, from chores and classes to knowing how to play a musical instrument and participating in track and field (when we used to do that in high school, long distance peeps say hello!).
We don't use internal role labels of symptom holders, instead noting that some parts are more prone to things like depression and anxiety (which comes territory with being a trauma holder imo). This is especially true for autism, as it is a developmental disability caused by the way a person's brain is wired. This means that if one alter is autistic, all of our alters are autistic. Instead, for alters who act neurotypical or are in denial, we use the role "masker". Masking is something autistic people do to compensate for their autism, and maskers make that their entire identity.
Internally there are times when it can feel very utopic to be in a system. But knowing that every utopia is a dystopia in disguise, since we discovered our system, we've realized that being a system is not all fun and games. Within a few months of discovery, symptoms of PTSD started slipping through the cracks. We receive treatment for this aspect of DID with our alters in mind. Who we tell about our system is very selective, especially since some people are very weird about it.
That's kinda all I have to say about our system. I can't reveal too much outside of that, it's personal.
I like to imagine that Globox's arms are actually really flexible. In canon, he can literally squish himself down into a puddle. Sometimes Rayman will wiggle his arms just to mess with him, but if he's feeling stiff that day, there's a chance you could actually break something.
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I thought I was having an epiphany about something earlier as I was sitting in the square of town near where my parents live. I sat on the stone slabs surrounding some plants, and I sat took everything in. Fancy old architecture, some upkept with bright vibrant colors, the fountain in the middle being thrown slightly off-kilter by the wind, also it's raining out. It's the farmer's market, and other places are having local sales. I got a tye-dyed short-sleeved hoodie and a pair of swim trunks from the best local thrift shop I've ever been to, as the men's smalls actually have some variety. I'm excited to be able to wear nothing but the trunks, some swim bottoms, and a rash guard the next time I need them. All this, a mom thanks me for holding a heavy door open for her, and men give me The Nodâ„¢ as they walk past, tells me something really important about my existence as a queer person.
Nobody wants to be hated. It's not something that people seek out intentionally. I certainly don't want to be hated. I may have been harassed a lot in school. People may have been confused as to how to fix it. The confidence I had in my youth was through self-assurance in all my wonderful weirdness. Students and teachers alike would stamp it out. The crux of my insanity occurred when I was a few months shy of thirteen, at the height of my girlhood and just beginning to menstruate. From there, my relationship with myself and my body changed dramatically. The only change I really welcomed was body hair, as pubic hair especially covered one part of my body that I haven't ever really liked seeing.
I was told repeatedly, especially because of my demeanor, that I was a girl. Even now, at 23, people infantilize me and fetishize a version of me that doesn't exist anymore, for to be a girl also implies that she is a child, and a child I am not. I hold this in all aspects of discussing queer things online. I am not a trans boy because I am not a boy: a boy is a kind of child, and a child I am not. The confidence and maturity I fostered over the years through self-discovery (and like. a lot of therapy. we're not even done yet) was the most important factor at play. People kept telling me I was something that I'm not, and it made me uncomfortable. It's like cramming a horse into a Fiat and wondering why he's not breathing right.
Ever since this horse got out of the Fiat, he's been taking a stab at running for the first time in years. It's a little shaky, and some people try hitting him, but they can't catch him, because he's just as fast as he remembers. It's that beautiful kind of jovial freedom that makes us difficult to hate. I enter the world not arrogantly, but confidently. I walk amongst people unashamedly as myself, and I acknowledge them, for we're all just horses trying to figure out how to get out of the Fiat.
Kind of an old depiction of an Anthro!Globox. He was meant to usually have his hair pulled back in a low pony (like we used to do at the time). Also like us, having thick hair, he would get terrible bedhead in the morning.
By now you're probably starting to notice what I mean by "I didn't know how to draw shoulders". I also had just realized that I was FtM the year this was drawn, and so I was sort of using my Anthro!Globox to explore myself and my relationship with my body, etc etc. This depiction has changed as I've gotten older, and I (Globox alter) have adopted the latest version as my headspace human form this year. Rarely when I'm fronting these days do I feel like using it, as being a frog is the most comfortable form I have, but it is something I occasionally lean into once in a while.
