Abejita

I’ve followed you on tiktok for ages but just followed here so idk if you’ll see or answer this but…

Do you have any advice for healing from a breakup? About a month ago she decided we weren’t worth anything after 7+ months of happy, healthy love. This was my first and only real relationship and I thought we were both in it for the long haul. Her reasons and explanations contradict each other and her actions don’t align with the values she expressed to me and any sentiments she’s shared.

I just feel so broken and despite it being a moment since it happened, the days are not any easier to get through. I can’t listen to music which is normally my happy place… I can’t read my books because they contain romance. It’s just left me feeling at a loss in so many ways.

Do you have advice? Or even just a kind word… I have so much support in so many aspects of my life but I feel like I’m drowning regardless.

Thank you for reading. I appreciate it more than I can express 💕

Heartbreak in what felt like a healthy, happy relationship is wholly different than that which held red flags and warnings and unhappiness within it.

My break up with my wife of 17 years was fairly smooth. Romantic love was long gone, I can't remember it even existing and we both had arrived to a mutual point of wanting more out of life than surviving with each other. It still hurt and was hard to let go of 17 years of some good times and the comfort.

My most recent break up was due to circumstances that if we saw coming we ignored because we were (and are) deeply and passionately in love both as friends and romantically. We just had make the decision to focus and be grateful for the friendship and connection and put the chemistry and intimacy aside. I hurt daily. I miss her, every part of her, daily. It was sudden. We went from love and passion to The End very quickly and I did NOT see it coming. My heart and brain were all in and I believe hers were as well.

I am very sorry your relationship ended with little or no warning and it sounds like no real reason or closure. Sometimes there is no reason. Often in life loving committed relationships end and there is no explanation. That is hard because, as humans, we are programmed to want a beginning, middle and end to all stories, included those in our real life.

Try to understand that you can run through a thousand scenerios to figure out what happened and still not get it right. In the grand scheme of life, it does not matter. The result is the same. You are no longer with her and you now get to decide which direction to take your life.

Don't rush and don't fee the need to "move on" because that is not helpful for you or to another woman if you try to push through very real and hurtful feelings. You need time to heal so you don’t project those behaviors on a new person. 

What helps me is advice from an older lesbian during my first break up. Love and intimacy that did not last is NO less valuable or real or important that those that do. Sometimes love is for a short time but it was still love and still leaves us with memories that are warm and wonderful. 

time to manifest this

update: unfortunately, the game did not reach the mythical 6OT (it ended in the fourth, the sixth longest NHL game in history) but on the other hand, the panthers won and keep winning which means at least we get victory rats…

The story of the rats goes back to Oct. 8, 1995. Prior to a game against the Calgary Flames, a rat appeared in the Panthers’ locker room in the old Miami Arena. Former Panthers’ captain Scott Mellanby jumped up, grabbed a stick, and smacked the pesky rodent against a wall. Later that night, Mellanby scored two goals, leading then Panthers’ goalie John Vanbiesbrouck to quip, “He scored a rat trick”.

another update: the panthers are in the stanley cup finals. we’re four panthers wins away from seeing the stanley cup on ice surrounded by rats.

(source)

And I would go all fucking out on this fit okay. We’re talking diving lessons until I can hold my breath for 7 minutes and go deep as fuck. Long hair, starfish, scales up to my tits, those funky contacts that make it so you can see under water, all of it- everything I could to make myself look as “thing of the deep but hot” as possible.  Then, I’d go get some shiny valuable rocks. Pearls, Uncut gems, like super fuck’n nice ones like diamonds and shit, and ofc some gold coins. Then I’d dawn my mermaid fit and hit public waterways. Rivers, beys, lakes, places where people are around and might be swimming, but where I’m not gonna die via boat propeller, and not super crowded areas where a lot of people are swimming.  Then I just prank people by poking my head out of the water and surprising them, then I motion them closer and reach into my hair or satchel or something and give them a fucking emerald, smiling all big the whole time then I just- swim the fuck away.  What the fuck they  gonna do now!? Keep it as a fun memory of that time a fuck’n mermaid larper gave them a shiny rock? Never know it’s actually valuable? Or do they take it to a jeweler and find out it’s real? How the fuck are they gonna explain that. They gonna tell the jeweler a fuck’n mermaid gave it to them?! I think the fuck not.  Gonna pop up at the peir and smile at people and give gold coins to whoever stops. Kids are gonna freak. Put a little wonder back in the world. Flirt with pretty girls. Swim down rivers, pop up and surprise some old lady sitting by the water and give her an uncut diamond then swim away without a word.