For The Love

my brain is fired 

i mean fried

yknow what my brain is fired too. collect your things, i’ve had it with ur shit

[Person: Lookit this fucker. Cat: *muffled meowing* Person: He’s got a cat door - *clicks light* - that he can come in. But nope! He wants to come in the door! Cat: *muffled meow* Person: You wanna come in the door? Y'wanna come in? Alright, watch this - *door squeaks open* WELCOME to the house, Joe! Come on in– Cat: *runs away, jingling* Person: You FUCKER!!]

how dare u ignore me after ive made 0 attempts at talking to u

the spell can only be broken by true love’s high-five

me: i hate boys boy: *slightly pays attention to me* me: 😩😩😍😍💦

*wipes dust off of laptop* spring cleaning

WHAT DO YOU AMERICANS MEAN WHEN A SHOW IS ON AT LIKE FUCKIN “8/7c” WHAT IS THAT????

We never switched over to metric timekeeping. The c stands for “Caw”, referring to how many times a majestic eagle has flown overhead and cawed that day. Sometimes the eagles are feeling sluggish, so the show could be on after either the 7th or 8th caw. 

God is trying to apologize

“Oh shit, my bad bruh”

So, when I was doing my thesis on whether or not fanfiction should be considered a legitimate genre of literature, my advising professor asked me for examples.  I gave him the generic ones, of course - “Pride & Prejudice and Zombies” is a horror fanfic of “Pride & Prejudice”, “50 Shades of Grey” is an erotica fic of “Twilight" - and that seemed to make him understand what fanfiction is, but not how it’s useful.  So I thought about it, and, after about a minute, I said, “Paradise Lost is basically a fanfiction of the Book of Genesis.  And The Divine Comedy is an epic self-insertion fic for Catholic doctrine.  So, basically, you were teaching us fanfiction last semester.”  I had never before seen a grown man’s eyes widen with such fear, incomprehension, disgust, awe, and understanding.

the reason why so many people prefer older men isnt because we have some sort of kink but because we know young teenage boys are a complete fucking disaster that can only be salvaged by the sands of time