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Cherry blossom

Jaadugar: A Witch in Mongolia (Science Saru, 2026)

Sometimes using a wheelchair means you can no longer get to the places that used to be important to you, and not because of man-made inaccessibility. I have sat with someone as they cried because they could no longer visit the place they had scattered a loved one’s ashes because not even the most expensive wheelchair in the world could handle the terrain. As much as I wanted to, my wheelchair meant that I couldn’t position myself in a way that would allow me to give them a proper hug. In that moment, our wheelchairs felt more like heavy weights than freedom.

And sometimes wheelchairs are like the legs of someone who can walk but would maybe benefit from a wheelchair themselves. Sometimes wheelchairs are exhausting and painful and you’re counting down the time before you’re able to be lifted into bed. Sure, like painful legs, you can do more with them than without, but constantly performing gratitude for something that hurts you is exhausting. And again, not because you need a better wheelchair, but because those are the limits of your body and the technology that exists.

Agott trusts Olruggio more than she trusts Qifrey, and perhaps that is because Qifrey's longing is occasionally too big to be silent. He imagines that it hangs in the air like a sour smell when he takes her shopping for robes or watches her curtsy neatly to the farmers when they buy freshly milled wheat. It is humiliating and shameful to covet girlhood like this, and every time he catches himself at it, a fear runs through him so sharp that it leaves bruises on his soul – the idea that anyone might see this as perversion is more than enough to keep his nights restless and his calm superficial. Qifrey is convinced that even Olruggio, whose comments over the years have ranged from endearingly naive to knowingly supportive, would be unable to bear witness to these tendencies without misunderstanding the root of the desire.

Four girlhoods that were not Qifrey's, and the one that was.