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In the early days of opening our marriage, we did our best to keep it a secret. Just the men she was with knowing. It scared the hell out of me if she went on a date in our town, anywhere close to home. It still gives me anxiety. The fear of a friend of mine, a colleague or a client seeing her with another man.

We hid it from the kids. Lied when she was out. Out with girlfriends. On a work trip. Then she'd come home full of sexual energy and happiness, and we'd end up talking about him. The current guy. The one she'd just been with.

At some point we decided to stay discreet about the sexual parts... after all, even inside a marriage, what happens between adults is nobody else's business. But the hiding felt wrong. It made us feel like we were doing something shameful when we didn't see it that way at all.

So we stopped lying. She's away with her friend Grant. Out to dinner with our friend Greg. Simple as that. She could talk about them without it feeling like we had to be careful about saying another mans name.

We've been doing this fifteen years now. It started shortly after we got married, though the fantasy and the bedroom talk came long before that. We didn't know what any of it was called. We just knew she wanted to keep having sex with other men even inside a serious relationship, even when married. And that aroused me more than anything else ever had. That she was...well a woman who needed more. A slutty wife, and I mean that as the highest compliment I know how to give.

Her current guy, Grant. They've been together nearly five years. She's told friends she has a boyfriend on the side. A few of her close friends, our kids, some family, they have met him. My wife and Grant are discreet in the ways they can be, but if you watch closely it's obvious they're more than friends.

Her girlfriends were excited to meet him. They'd heard so much about him.

Humiliating or arousing? Both. At the same time, always. I have a hard time saying I like humiliation. I want to believe she doesn't intentionally degrade me or hurt me. Who wants to be humiliated, right?

But then the arousal arrives anyway. The feeling of being exposed. Of being the lesser man in the room. Of knowing she's being fucked better than I can fuck her. I guess that all falls under humiliation.

So I guess I like it, or at least my body does, which might be the same thing.

I've felt shame about my sexuality most of my life. Even with cuckolding, even after all these years. There's nothing I want more than to be a proud cuckold. Most of the time I am. What I don't want is the shame. I don't like to feel the shame and the shame doesn't arouse me.

Halfway through 11 days and nights in the alpine and subalpine of the southern Rocky Mountains with Robert and His fiancée (whom we all think of as my Ex wife), the emotional effects on me seem to be changing. It had felt deeply erotic to watch them in my SUV's mirror constantly kissing, hugging, snuggling and holding hands in the back seat while I drove, or watching them while the three of us hiked together, or while I sat across from them during meals or while just sitting in our living room. And it had felt erotic to look at her hand with His engagement ring resting on His upper thigh when he drove and I was in the back seat. And it had been especially erotic whenever she stepped over to me from Robert's lap, hug or kiss, to hug me and kiss me fiercely. However, yesterday, Wednesday, halfway through our 11 days and nights together it was just becoming normal. I was feeling more ennui than arousal at all of the above actions, even when His fiancée was passionately kissing ME, and even as I listened to them making love for hours. And when she kissed me deeply and passionately I almost felt as if that was wrong: that The Love of My Life now belongs to Robert; and I am now just their close friend. I hope that erotic feelings return to me. I perceived her feelings of disappointment when she could not arouse my own passions and cock when she hugged, stroked, and kissed me. What is happening to me?

“Don’t you want to watch me get fucked, Dave? I think deep down, you really do. You want to see my pussy take a real man’s cock. And see the cock that’s now fucking your wife. The cock my pussy now craves… the cock that’s made you a cuckold.

"I’ll tell you I love you, Dave-with Mike’s cock inside me, pounding deep. You can tell me ‘I love you’ as you watch me get fucked. It’s time to cross the Rubicon, baby… and ejaculate in front of me… as you watch me ride Mike’s rock hard cock. And you know Mike’s gonna get you to do it. You know you’re going bare-ass on that chair. Because deep down, you know you want this. And that Mike and I want it, too.

"Opening up together will be so freeing, when you float down that cuckold stream. Imagine the orgasm you’ll have, seeing me take another man’s cock. Like holding hands on a roller coaster. You know you want me to cuckold you. Imagine how hard your dick will be, with a front row seat to me getting fucked. Listen to the cuck inside you. Let go of the railing, and just say the words, baby. Say cuck me Ashley.”

I looked into her eyes and whispered, “Cuck me, Ashley.

"Stare at my tits, my blowjob lips, the earrings you gave me last Christmas… and say it again, Dave.”

“Cuck me, Ash.”

“I want you jerking off, watching. I want you sitting there with cum in your hand, knowing there’s no going back, as Mike continues to fuck me. You’ll see Mike thrust extra-hard and hold it there. You’ll see him look you in the eye, as his hot, thick, alpha sperm starts filling my pussy.”

“Cuck me, Ash.