Feels

I’m praying that you continually give me patience, trust and Faith for the right time; the right time you’ll give me the second one (dahil ikaw talaga yung the one) and the right time i’ll settle...

Out of curiosity?

Environmental pressure?

Ready to love?

Yung totoo? Baka kasi hindi pa binibigay dahil hindi pa talaga ako sure why am I looking for it. Do I really need it? Do I really want it? Am I prepared? See, I want the thought na may nagmamahal saakin may mag-aalaga saakin, may concern saakin, may magpapakilig saakin..but hindi lang naman dun nagrerevolve eh, being committed has a lot of responsibilities; hindi lang yan parang puppy love or simple flirtations. (Coming from someone na hindi pa nagka BF eversince, haha!) But I have references naman, and I believe na i can still learn from other’s mistakes and experiences. I’m not expecting for a perfect love though kasi walang ganun, both of us needs to adjust at each other, magkakaroon ng away, susubukin kung gaano kami katatag, and thinking of that, parang hindi ko pa talaga kaya. Pero sabi nga nila, kung hindi ko susubukan, hindi ko matututunan. So back at the question..

It’s just, Everytime I saw photos of my friends, i’m just amazed how beautiful they are on whatever they do and in whatever they pose, and God bless them for slaying that, while I, don’t even have a single idea on what to do everytime A camera’s facing me... pero that’s not the point... I don’t even care, hindi ko naman hobby ang mag pose anyway.. it’s just, they’re already beautiful pero bakit grabe parin nila ako ibaba? I mean, yes they’re my friends, and siguro, you’re friends are sometimes your number one basher in terms of physical appearance or even at talents or whatever, or saakin lang ba yun? Ewan? Pero sobrang down na ako eh tapos ganun padin sila. Did I even made fun of their appearance? Yes but not that much at itinigil ko na because it was not good. Bakit di nila narerealize saakin yun???

Hindi lahat nang magugustuhan mo ay magugustuhan ka pabalik, masakit ang feeling ng rejection, masakit ang hindi masuklian ng pagmamahal na katulad ng pagmamahal na inalay mo, pero ganun talaga, you have to deal with it, Love without expecting to be loved back.

Ito nanaman tayo

Naloko

Ilang beses pa ba?

Hanggang ma-manhid na talaga?

Ako’y isang simpleng tao lamang

Humahangad na makamtan ang pagmamahal na matagal nang inaasam

Kailangan bang mga gago ang dumating?

Yung akala mo sila na pero paasahin at saktan ka lang din pala ang kanilang hangarin.

Ilang beses mo nang binubulong sa maykapal na dumating na

May darating nga pero dumating para saktan ka

Magagalit, magtatampo sa maykapal

Bakit ganun, may mali ba sa dinasal?

Kalaunan malalaman na baka binigyan ka lang ng leksyon

Kasi nga baka hindi pa talaga tamang panahon

Ikaw lang kasi itong nagmamadali

Kaya ka tuloy nadadale

Yung nakatadhana sayo baka patuloy kang pinagdarasal

Kaya hindi ka basta basta binibigay sa iba ng maykapal

Kapit lang.

Darating din yan.

Tatagan mo loob mo

Para sa susunod.. hindi ka nanaman maloko.

Guess I was wrong..

I wished;

One day..

I'll stop thinking and talking about you;

I'll stop expecting things that are impossible to happen;

I'll stop arguing with my fate that we're meant to be even we're not;

I'll stop overthinking;

I'll stop changing myself because all I was thinking was how will I fit on you;

I'll stop everything that needs to be stopped specially LOVING YOU;

1. Bakit kahit paulit-ulit na tayong nasasaktan eh parang wala lang saatin, at patuloy parin tayong nagpapasakit?

2. Bakit kahit Halatang itinataboy ka na nga pero nagpapapansin ka parin?

3. Bakit hindi ako maka-move on? Maka-limot?

4. Bakit hindi ko matanggap na hindi talaga pwede?

5. Bakit nangyayari ito saakin ngayon?

I think I don't deserve this much pain. As far as I know, wala pa akong nasasaktan na tao. Or maybe I have hurt them in a way, pero not this kind of Pain, I don't deserve this. It's been too long. PALAGI KO NG GINAGAWA YUNG BEST KO NA ITIGIL NA, PERO MAYA'T MAYA, NANDIYAN NANAMAN! ANO BA! AKO NALANG PALAGING TALO.