neither could sunwoo, not when he knew he was just stringing something - or someone - along when he knew it wasn’t going anywhere. he loved you, but he wasn’t in love with you anymore. the excitement wasn’t there anymore. the thought of you didn’t give him the same bubbly feeling it once did. he wasn’t happy with you no more.

neither could sunwoo, not when he knew he was just stringing something - or someone - along when he knew it wasn’t going anywhere. he loved you, but he wasn’t in love with you anymore. the excitement wasn’t there anymore. the thought of you didn’t give him the same bubbly feeling it once did. he wasn’t happy with you no more.

what the hell did i do

never been the type to

let someone see right through

see it was easy in the beginning. you were happy. and you assume sunwoo was too. every break was spent together, even if it was just ten minutes, to spending the weekend together. either way it got you wishing it would never end. and that you and sunwoo could get through any hurdle together.

except now you’re conquering hurdles on your own, without sunwoo. it was sad, thinking back on the times where you’d promise that you’d be there for each other when hard times came. now, you don’t even bother communicating. maybe that was the problem.

communication, maybe that was the downfall of your relationship. but the more you spent thinking of all ways your relationship failed, the more obsessed you became in coming up for answers, when in fact.. the spark just burnt out.

maybe won’t you take it back

say you were tryna make me laugh

ain’t nothing has to change today

you didn’t mean to say ‘i love you’

i love you and i don’t want to

endlessly, you wished you weren’t in this predicament. the back and forth thoughts playing devil and angel in your mind.

this shouldn’t have happened. you shouldn’t have gotten this far. shouldn’t have gotten into something with someone off limits. someone you knew would be too good for you. you deserved a good person who made you happy, but even you knew this was wishful thinking.

if only you hadn’t of said those three words. things would’ve been different then maybe.

at least you wouldn’t be in a failing relationship that feels like you’re drowning everyday, or walking on eggshells.. or both. well, it’s not like walking on eggshells if you don’t talk, right? even a single text takes up too much thought these days.

i love you. but i wish i didn’t. and i wish you hadn’t of said it either. if only we knew..

the smile that you gave me

even when you felt like dyin'

we fall apart as it gets dark

i’m in your arms in central park

theres nothin' you could do or say

i can't escape the way i love you

you were seated, cross-legged, on your roommates bed. she had invited you over upon your arrival at campus, to which you gladly took her invite, considering you wouldn’t really have a lot of time to spend with her with classes starting so soon. she was currently parading around in several different dresses, some tight, some loose, some just outright hideous. she claimed she was in a rush - her boyfriend, sangyeon, on his way to pick her up for the party they were attending that night. she ushered you to go with them but you opted out, wanting to get settled in before rushing off to a party.

pulling on the tiny bobbles on your socks, there was a knock at the door, and the next minute you were met with two guys. one in which you assumed to be sangyeon, considering your roommate sprung herself into him upon seeing his face. and the other - someone you didn’t know. that was, until he was introduced to you, as eric sohn.

your second encounter with eric, was - funnily enough - at a party. you were in your last years at college when your friends wanted to let off some steam and somehow had managed to get you to tag along with them. you couldn’t handle your alcohol very well so let’s just say you were pretty befuddled.

“woah, watch where you’re going there, princess” someone chimed.

you were wobbling slightly and accidentally backed up into someone, sending their drink down the front of their shirt.

the next thing you knew, you were being swept up by your legs, your face in vision sight with the person's back, “hey! put me down.” you screeched between each punch of your fist. whoever it was, was really enjoying themselves, chuckling at your childish behaviour.

you were finally put on your feet, coming face to face with the ever-so-rude person who happened to escort you out of the building before a fight occurred. for some odd reason you just felt feisty tonight, probably since you haven’t let yourself loosen up since the start of classes and all of your wild and chaotic energy was protruding through all at once.

“i’m guessing you’re y/n, right?” he looked oddly familiar, as did his voice, but through your blurry and clouded vision, you couldn’t really make out who it was. he must’ve sensed your hesitance, tugging at your wrist before giving you a small high five, “i’m eric.”

ever since that night, he would take you out somewhere. and for someone who hadn’t explored much or had never even gone out of their comfort zone, it meant you had a lot to see and a lot to learn.

your favourite hangout had got to be the night where he drove the two of you to an outdoor cinema, seated on a plaid blanket that laid flat against the grass, your jacket shared between the two of you, your thighs pressing against one another whilst the pillows you brought propped your heads up comfortably to watch the movie playing. every so often, you could smell eric’s perfume as it blew with the wind, intoxicating you almost. without him realising, his hand would unconsciously fall and lay on your thigh, you ignored it however, knowing he didn’t mean it and is something you shouldn’t really be making such a big deal out of.

you were occupied in the screen played before you, giving eric the chance to etch your features into his brain. he had liked you for a while, even before you first saw him in your roommates dorm, sangyeon brought him along, knowing you’d be there and thus giving eric the chance for you to finally meet him. your hair was tied back, checking the weather before leaving knowing it would be windy and figured you’d pull it back to avoid the nuisance of doing it later on, except your baby hairs escaped it’s capture in the bobble and floated around with the direction of the wind. the screen’s light shone and bounced across your face, illuminating it in a way that made you look like you were an angel visiting earth but without the wings and plus, he knew you were real. he couldn’t help himself but to occasionally stare at your hands and wonder what it would feel like fitted between his, wondering how smooth they were. oh, how much he wished he could just squish your hands together right there and then. so he settled for leaving it purposely nearer to you, hoping you’d feel the same as him, yet a little braver by slipping your fingers together. you didn’t, but he figured it was wishful thinking anyways.

or there was another time, where he snook you out of your dorm past midnight just so you could both watch the sun rise. his safe place, he’d never brought anyone there before and he told you just that, causing butterflies to flutter crazily from inside of your tummy. just like how you smiling and letting out a little giggle at one of his lame jokes, he told the boys the same one and earned an eruption of laughter but it just didn’t create the same feeling compared to when you did it.

no. your favourite moment had got to be the moment you realised you loved him. you had been working yourself to the bone upon exams nearing and eric knew this, trying his best to relax you and to take your mind off of everything causing you distress. engulfing you into his warm embrace when the tears began rolling down your face. promising to stay the night with you in his arms to keep you safe and comforted and just so you weren’t alone. it’s also the moment you shared your first kiss.

what followed consisted of a few things. you celebrated your three months together before leaving education to finally turn into your own independent people with individual plans and paths they want to take. in other words: growing up. becoming an adult. and hence, you split. it was hard, at first. eric became your rock, as did you, become his. you never left each other’s sides and maybe that was why it was so hard for the long distance to work. you were both affectionate, both two loving and caring soles that just needed that physical touch, facetime can only go so far.

the door chimed, indicating someone had come through the door, “hi, welcome to moonlight’s diner what can i get for you?” you cringed at your superficial tone of voice as you casted a smile to the new customers, one of which left to find the pair a table. what a cute couple.

the woman was pretty, the way the sun shone through the open glass windows as she peered behind you at the menus, “hi, can i get two hot chocolates and chocolate chip muffins please?” she gleamed, fiddling with the cash notes she held in her hands as she looked at you expectedly.

“of course,” imputing the order into the cash register, excusing yourself as you went to prepare her order as she left to accompany her friend.

you were quite used to the machines at the diner, considering you had worked there long enough to learn everything like the back of your hand, so it only took you a couple of minutes before making your way to the table, placing each saucer and plate in front of the two, concentrating too much to notice the eyes watching your every moment.

“here’s your order and the bill, enjoy.” pushing the tray between the fold of your arm as you slid them the bill, only just having the chance to spot the man sat opposite the woman you served at the counter.

“oh hey y/n.” eric spoke, flashing his pearly whites as he began to stir his hot chocolate, “i haven’t seen you in… years. it’s nice to see you again.” the girl now staring at you instead, curious as to how eric knew you.

turning on your heel, wanting to get out of the situation as quickly as you could, you were just about to leave but god had other plans for you, “hey, i’m hanna, eric’s girlfriend. nice to me you.. y/n.”

you didn’t see eric for weeks after the encounter with his girlfriend. nothing much happened after that, your manager had called for you from the back room to tell you it was the end of your shift and how you could go home. not even sparing eric or his girlfriend a second glance or word, you gripped the tray tighter and scurried out the door, not caring to even say much as a goodbye or see you tomorrow.

“so that’s y/n, huh? is that why you brought me here?” eric had been watching you leave, you looked different from the last time he saw you. god, he couldn’t imagine you being any prettier but there you were; proving him wrong. proving to him that he never actually stopped loving you. all those nights he would stay awake silently hoping you would surprise him at his dorm and you never leave his side again, “was a surprise for the both of us it seems.”

he met hanna through a mutual friend from his baseball team. they weren’t really that close, only a few civil greetings shared between the two but when he stopped eric in his tracks on the way out of the changing room, pleading him to go on a date with his love-struck friend, there wasn’t much to lose. he was lonely and she reminded him of himself; bubbly, energetic, and hence, they started dating, seeing one another more often. something he wasn’t able to do with you. he told hanna all about you. the girl he was once head over heels with, quite frankly, she knows everything about you. as do his group of friends.

except, the difference is, they met hanna and hardly know anything of her. but you, someone they have yet to meet, hell, they know everything from how you can’t eat dairy due to your intolerance to how when you were a child, you got bit by a donkey and still have the scar on your wrist. it wasn’t pleasant, comparing the both of you. you both have different traits, different personalities, different styles, you were polar opposites. and maybe that’s why things weren’t working well between eric and hanna and why he still loves you. you match him like a missing puzzle piece. hanna knew it too, but she was too blind sighted by the four letter word called love, that she didn’t want to lose eric. maybe it was out of nerves or worries, not knowing what the future had planned for her: would she ever get married? have kids? would she even meet another boy if she broke up with eric? she was being selfish really, but she couldn’t help it… especially when she saw the sparkle in his eye and the fond, lingering smile on his face by just the slight glimpse of your shadow.

it seemed like someone in the clouds above were playing some kind of god, putting scattered pieces together. almost like a person putting a broken jigsaw puzzle back together, nothing happening too fast, but also too noticeable for it to be just a coincidence.

life was hard, to say the least. some days better than others, some appearing as though it’ll never end and whilst some, you wished would stay around forever. but that’s how it goes, time still ticks on and moves through the waves of reality and if you just happen to stumble and trip, there’s the risk of never being fully able to catch up. time. something that is very limited, something people take for granted, that some people have too little of and others struggling to stay just one foot in front of; the fear of falling behind being all too real.

“penny for your thoughts?”

he spoke, breaking the tranquility that filled the empty playground.

“how funny, sohn.”

“so tell me,” he softly murmured, turning on his side to look directly at your side profile, “what brings you here? this is where we always went during school on our breaks.”

you nod, “i know. it brings peace, you know? i like it here.”

to which the male simply nodded.

“and you? shouldn’t i be asking you the same thing?”

“me and hanna broke up. came here to clear my head.”

“oh.”

abruptly, eric stood up, his hand outstretched towards you as he dragged you to your feet, “c’mon, we’re going to get ice cream from that place around the corner.”

and with that glimmering smile, you couldn’t refuse.

“and that, is how sunwoo managed to get stuck inside of our dorms dustbin.”

“so, you’re telling me, at half three in the morning, sunwoo climbed into a tiny ass desk bin as he wanted to prove to you that he could get from one side to the other in thirty seconds or less?” letting out a cackle, your head thrown back as your hand covered the ice cream in your mouth.

sighing, “i miss how things used to be.” putting your spoon into the ice cream tub, resting your chin in your palms as you stared at the scenery occurring outside of the parlour, “i feel the same.” eric replied, huffing a little whilst his lips protruded into a pout as he copied your form, looking at you.

“want to restart?”

“restart?”

“yeah- why not? i’m not saying forget about what’s happened, just, i miss you.”

popping the spoon back into your mouth, a small smile forming on your face, “me too.”

eric was true to his word, every chance your schedules allowed, were you spending time with one another. like nothing had ever changed, and that you were still in school.

but there you were, sprawled across eric’s bed in his small - one man - apartment. both of you laid beside one another on your backs whilst observing the coloured star projector he had pointing to his ceiling.

“hey y/n?” eric whispered, closer to your ear than you expected, the tip of his nose rubbing against the shell of your ear slightly.

copying him, your noses now skimming each other but neither of you daring to move, “yeah?” you whispered back. unknown as to why you were whispering, possibly not wanting to burst the bubble the two of you were entranced in.

“do you miss us?”

smiling slightly before it dropped, recalling all the memories from your younger years, when you lost the love of your life, your best friend, the person who was always there in your time of need. just like you were to him, “i never stopped.”

never did your feelings for eric disappear, some might say you were meant to be together; soulmates your friends and family would say.

in which, probably explains why you were here to begin with, the same place, the same position, the same old

ceiling with the star projector. except, this time you were saying goodbye.

goodbye to eric’s one-man apartment, your life together with your identical rings located on your ring fingers as tiny hands held each of your empty hands. leaving heartbreak in the past, and focusing on loving one another for eternity whilst bringing up your two children that came after three years of marriage.

maybe it was always meant to be this way. maybe you’re meant to go through hard times to be stronger for the person you were always meant to be.

the puzzle was complete, and your happy family decorated the pieces. memories were memories for a reason. what was important was to live in the present, to stop daydreaming of the past, things that could’ve been better, regrets, mistakes- all made and done, but accepting you for you. and being complacent with that.

maybe you’d be stuck inside a daydream for the rest of your life, especially during the tough times. or just maybe, life itself is your daydream.

a knock on the door was what brought you out of your trance, and there you were - seated, cross-legged, on your roommates bed when her suited up boyfriend waltzed in with a familiar man trailing behind him.

eric sohn, the infamous, and handsome, baseball player on campus. the same boy of whom you’ve harboured a crush on for as long as you could remember and-

oh my god?! is he walking up to you?! okay y/n, stay calm!

“hi. i’m eric sohn.”

a slight sigh left younghoon’s slightly ajar lips of concentration, brows knitting together as he couldn’t quite get the right angle of his paintbrush, “it won’t work if you’re holding it so awkwardly.” it took the man by surprise, spilling his water pot over his fresh set of white trousers, nobody ever wandered into his space during the day as the staff working in the castle feared him and his intimidating gaze nor did they ever sneak up on him upon knowing of his tendency to become scared easily.

fury burning in his eyes as his fresh whites absorbed more and more of the tainted water as he sat there, whipping his head in the direction of the voice who stood behind him, arms folded and they leaned against the porcelain walls, legs crossed in a way that just screamed arrogance.

“excuse me, who the hell do you think you are sneaking up on a royal, did you not see the ‘do not disturb’ sign?” with a sigh, younghoon scurried to wipe off his trousers - not that it would do anything considering fabric isn’t waterproof and the damage was already done - huffing again, “oh, forget it. clean this up, i take it you’re a maid? now if you excuse me.”

it was dinner time now, and everybody knew that the king wanted the whole family to sit around the dining table together, occasionally discuss important business him and his wife had to deal with, or something they wanted younghoon to participate in against his will; but in his eyes, it was all apart of the family bonding.

“where’s mother?” younghoon asked as he adjusted his newly fixed hair, the constant puffing of breath out of his lips having messed it up. watching the kitchen staff busily prepare the table for their meal.

“one of the cleaning workers knocked over your mother’s glass of wine and it went all over her new gown. she’ll be down in a few- oh look, she’s coming here now.”

placing her palm upon her husband’s shoulder, younghoon’s mother took her seat at the dinner table, a familiar face following behind and standing to the side of the room with the other staff, you. you were his mother’s lady maid. if it were anybody else, he would’ve apologised for the tone he gave you earlier when he mistook you for part of the cleaning staff.. but what right did you of all people have spying on him in his private space?

“son? are you listening?” his father called to him, realisation hitting younghoon that he hadn’t stopped gaping at you since you walked in the room. adjusting his collar before prompting his father to continue speaking.

“as i was saying, your mother and i have to leave the country for a few days. you are in charge of taking care of your sister whilst we’re gone as well as the staff. we trust you with this son, don’t disappoint us,”

“oh and y/n, you will be staying here for the time being, your services aren’t necessary on this trip. you’ll be in charge of our daughter when younghoon is busy, understood?” whilst younghoon’s father was a kind and generous man, he definitely wasn’t the most respected man in the castle for no reason. his striking and powerful demeanour spread for miles, no one dared to disobey the king, not knowing exactly what he’s capable of but not wanting to find out either.

younghoon’s parents were gone for most of his childhood, along through his teenage years and then into his early adulthood. so it’s safe to say he grew up isolated and alone for most of his life. his only source of socialisation was when his sister was born seven years ago, when he was seventeen. they’re practically attached at the hip, wherever younghoon went, his sister followed and vice versa. his sister was mature for her age, much like younghoon himself, she had to learn how to take care of herself from an early age; that included knowing how to dress appropriately, know how to do her own hair and makeup for any special occasions the family hosted or attended to as well as the basics on how to behave as a royal should. the only difference between the siblings was that now, younghoon had responsibilities he had to take care of- preparing to be king once his father passes or if he steps down from the throne, maintaining a clean record as well as the constant fear of practically falling apart at the seams.

it wasn’t and still isn’t the ideal life for one to live, seeking his father’s approval and permission for pretty much everything he does. the burden weighing upon his shoulders just itching to make his knees buckle and collapse, making it hard for him to do pretty much anything “normal” like making friends or doing typical things you’d do in your twenties; it wasn’t that he liked people keeping their distance from him, nor the fact that everybody in the castle had their own misconceptions on him and his behaviour, all of which turn their topic of conversations onto him whenever he walks into the room.

it was a couple of days later when younghoon found himself sitting on the top of a hill just outside of the castle gates, observing the vast and majestic view that clouded the sky. the blue replaced by a faint red hue whilst the clouds floated aimlessly. the only sounds heard consisted of younghoon’s breathing, the small flow of water beside him and the odd bird that flew by every now and then. he can’t remember the last time he felt pure peace. everything being far too fast to keep up, like a black hole or a tornado, something you’re quickly swept up into until you completely disappear and break.

“they’re going absolutely mad looking for you in the castle, sir.”

you.

without sparing you a glance, younghoon let out a sigh, his shoulders tensing slightly at the thought of going back to the place that causes far too much stress.

unpropping yourself from a nearby rock, settling a comfortable space from younghoon, staring out at the landscape that looked like it just came out of a painting.

“what’re you doing here?”

“i came to find you, duh. they’re going sick at the thought of you having fled the country or something.”

“no, seriously. what’re you doing here?”

“contrary to belief, sir, but i actually want to be your friend. not your foe, regardless of how hard you try to push me away. don’t you ever get lonely in that big place?”

younghoon snickered at that, “you think you know me huh?”

“not at all. that’s why i’m saying i want to, i know what it’s like to have my childhood swept from between my feet, floating between self-doubt and uncertainty of what i’m going to do with my life and how i’m even going to do it on my own. i know far too well what it’s like to be alone my whole life, my parents either too busy preoccupied with work or too tired to spend time with me when they get home at the end of the night.”

for the first time, it felt like someone wasn’t pitying him, or mistaking his standoff-ish personality for something for malice and ill-intended. for the first time, he felt heard and understood.

“how about a restart?”

“huh?”

younghoon was turned towards you now, his hand extended to you, “hi. i’m younghoon. not prince younghoon, not sir, just younghoon.”

“you know, if you put as much effort into your work as you do getting under my skin you’d be promoted.” sangyeon cleared his throat and loosened the top of his tie, eyeing the way you lightly placed a stack of documents on his desk, taking a seat that sat just in front, “boss, don’t act like i’m not the most hard working person in this very building - besides you of course - and i put just as much effort into my work as i do at being your most favourite employee.” you retorted as the male opposite found himself unable to form a word, something you did to him more often than not.

it’s not that he was a pushover and let you do as you pleased, teasing him was off limits to everyone and they knew that. all the while you knew, of course you knew, but that didn’t stop you from making it a part of your daily routine. you could say he just had this form of admiration towards you, no, not admiration. you know that feeling as to when you find yourself being completely and utterly whoo-ed over by someone without even having to do anything remotely intimate, like parents watching their child perform their first school performance of twinkle twinkle little star, or, when you’re completely in love with someone that you just adore everything they do and say; proud of them and their accomplishments. you could say that’s how sangyeon felt. except, he wasn’t in love with you.

“you sound in love to me dude.” sangyeon’s close friend, jacob, claimed as he took yet another swig of his drink, lazily seated within the leather booth in the far corner of the bar the two were currently at.

the male scoffed, his face crinkling in disgust from the bitter aftertaste of the liquor in his hand, “and what makes you say that huh? mr playboy himself”. the latter let out a chuckle at that, sangyeon’s dig doing nothing but proving his point.

“i gotta know what love is to be able to stay away from it my dude - it’s simple, i don't want that shit. therefore i learned the signs and get rid before it gets serious,” jacob winked as he ended his speech, leaving sangyeon in a whirlpool of his thoughts, “if i just sat through your whiny ass for forty minutes, expressing your undenying love for this girl, you better act on it before i actually strangle you with your own intestines.”

whilst sangyeon knew his friend was joking, and rather, he was sure he was exaggerating the feelings he held for you, he knew he had a point, “the worst she could do is say no, right? I say go for it.”

and he did, setting his ego aside, something he would never imagine doing in his lifetime - let alone for a girl of whom managed to capture his heart and occupy his mind twenty-four seven - and within twenty minutes after bidding his farewell to his companion, he was at your front door.

even if he wanted to back out, he had no choice as you stood clad in your pyjamas, rubbing your eyes as he cursed himself for not realising that of course you'd be asleep at this time. hell, he didn't even think about what he was going to say to you, he could have saved himself by throwing a bouquet of flowers in your face to make up for his jumbled thoughts and his mismatched sentences but in his flurry to confess to you before his confidence (and alcohol) went out of his system that he didnt think of anything but going to see you.

“hey boss, are you okay?” you croaked, breaking the silence that fell upon the two of you.

“i’m sangyeon.” he announced suddenly, being put on the spot, all of his confidence leaving as quickly as it came, rubbing the back of his neck upon realising how stupid he sounded.

your brow lifted, what the hell is he saying? And quite frankly, sangyeon thought the exact same, come on dude, you got this.

“i know you are. are you okay, boss?” you said, pressing the back of your hand to the males forehead, coming to the conclusion that he isn’t ill, intoxicated but okay.