heart felt lies.

I feel like I have this ever growing list of everything everyone wants from me and I can barely bring myself to get up each day. I'm not depressed, I'm just exhausted. I'm just so tired. I'm just so tired.

That's just it; it was never me. You were all I ever wanted but unfortunately the same wasn't to say for you.

I find comfort in knowing That one day the pain will Subside and I won’t miss You as painfully as now. Comfort, but fear as well For I’d like to believe these Feelings will never fade No matter how painful.

The final bomb has dropped and the war is done. My friends approach me with white flags. There's a peace offering of ice cream in the freezer. My bed is made up and the blinds drawn tight. The soldiers rally around to protect my broken heart. My mother is waiting for me to lock myself away again. For the days when I can't stop crying to function. When I only leave my room for water and air. My friends are waiting for the phone calls. Waiting to talk me out of my depressing thoughts. Sturdying themselves to support my dead weight. All is still and all is silent. Every muscle in my body tenses. I'm waiting for the shock to hit. But it doesn't. I've felt this pain for so long that I'm immune to the after effects. I don't even register the slightest Bit of emotional change. I've spent so many days crying my soul away. Carving my demons into the back of my brain. Hiding amongst a fortress of blankets and pillows. And for what? I have a life that demands to be lived. Priorities I need to attend to. People to be strong for. This is not the end; I am my own hero. I don't need you to Save me anymore.

"I could have fucked her so hard" Don’t let it bother you. The mental images flood your brain. He’s beaten, calloused hands on Her young and scar-free body. Grasping at her hair in passion, Knowing perfectly well what lies Beneath that blond hair is pure, Yet to be destroyed by depression. She calls his name out and it Doesn’t sound like it hurts. She doesn’t pour every ounce Of love into every single letter As she screams his calling. Her vagina is tighter because She hasn’t met the boys who Told her lies to get inside her. Her face stressed in a series Of pure pleasure as you pound Deeper and deeper while she Remains unafraid because no One taught her to be scared. Where fat shakes on me it does Not move an inch on her tight Young body, she doesn’t know To recognize each subtle movement Her body produces in passion. And you enjoy every second of It because it’s like a dream, fucking A body the way it should be — Perfect. Young. Undamaged. When you reach the point of Release you burry yourself within Her, unafraid that she might bare Your child because you know She’d do the 'right thing' "But I didn’t."

Please do something wrong. I need something to justify The bitterness I feel for you.