nuts

she accepts the cup without comment. it bothers marion that she feels like this — that it affects her children. ( her other children.)  but more than most days today is the reminder of failure. thoughts she doesn’t dare to indulge in like, what would kennedy have looked like if she were here? is she out there? is she SUFFERING? does she have help? is she loved? 

the cup’s warmth spreads from fingers to palms as she watches the liquid within. sometimes she wonders how she hasn’t already become a burning effigy to her elder three. hopeless.  ❛  you know — when you were born… you had such fair hair. more than it is now. i knew it’d darken slightly when you grew older. and it was so different from your siblings. so i named you hazel. i did. your father didn’t believe me. did i ever tell you that?  ❜

✧ ❛ starter for @hqzel ;

“ i’d really like to believe there’s no such thing as a DUMB question, but right now i’m struggling. ”

the morning finds her by the pillar near the stairs. pensive. TROUBLED. it happens every year. a date they don’t forget. an anniversary they don’t celebrate. and each year she pretends she doesn’t CRUMBLE to dust. but they know. they know her like they know the skin on their hands. @hqzel

@hqzel !

❛ Hazel, TELL me you’re joking. Like, trying to pull the fucking wool over my eyes and soon a film crew will pop out of the closet faster than Ellen did on Oprah, and they’ll tell me you can come with me tonight —- you promised! ❜

‘’one minute i was perfectly fine & then the next minute i was jus’ — in it. ‘’

     “ nothing even happened ! you’re making a big deal out of nothing. all i did was talk to him. ”

kevin nods; refraining from thinking about herself in the early years. she never did go to school, and she never did get the opportunity to make friends. not unless she got to sheffield, at least. any form of social & intellectual development ? embarrassingly delayed. 

   ❛  i moved here pretty recently. about two years ago ? something like that. maybe i’ve just … seen you around before. or maybe i’m just IMAGINING things. i should probably get going, but – – it was nice meeting you ! and if we ever meet again, i’ll … definitely let you know how it went with matt, and –––– THIS.   ❜

The girls took a sigh of relief as she was freed from the duvet. ‘ I would love ta tell you the story of how it happened but I don’t have the slightest idea. ‘

kevin flashes the girl a smile, and prepares to depart from the store. only, she finds herself lingering – a sense of familiarity remaining within her thoughts. 

    ❛   are you… new in town ? because i always feel like i know everyone, but then–– i don’t. it’s just that you look like you would’ve gone to school. with me, i mean.  ❜