Grease Bastard Maximum:

ginger zionism in scotland reaches an all time high. native blonde and brunette scots report being forced out of their homes and facing heavy discrimination.

panslavic borscht competition results in deadly riots. streets run red with blood and beetroot.

a joint council between the grand druids of wales and ireland have unanimously declared a new mutation. failure to properly utilise it will entail death penalty by wicker man.

new studies suggest a causal link between vaping and gayness.

her majesty queen camilla has reportedly done a Royal We in the privy chamber. more information to follow

metropolitan police have discovered hundreds of thousands of terabytes of indecent images of animals on the private computers of the late sir david attenborough, including many endangered species, prompting worldwide outrage. 'how was this allowed to go on for so long?' ask many. the BBC have issued a full apology through the medium of his AI ghost.

the little indian boy who sucked the dalai lamas tongue comes foreward to tell his side of the story, as a now fully enlightened being imbued with a divine radiance.

riots once again break out in the republic of ireland over the proper distinction between broad and slender consonants. the death toll has reached into the hundreds.

nicki minaj summoned before the court of assizes on charges of starving several women to death in a dungeon beneath her new york property.

is your cat gay? find out later and learn how to make peace with the fact.

peace continues between the arabs and jews in palestine, as it has done for the past two thousand years.