being a fan of celebrities from the 60s/70s and seeing how angry people get at celebrities now for breaking up marriages and cheating and getting divorced makes u feel like everyone is experiencing mass psychosis
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being a fan of celebrities from the 60s/70s and seeing how angry people get at celebrities now for breaking up marriages and cheating and getting divorced makes u feel like everyone is experiencing mass psychosis

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ilya the condoms just come like that. was i supposed to somehow buy less than a full box of condoms. like the condoms just come attached like that how was i supposed to have less condoms
The funny part is - the next time he's there Shane will only have like one or two condoms in the drawer.
He'll do this on purpose because "okay, I guess having more than the necessary amount of confirmation is weird, so I'll keep the rest in the bathroom and only leave 1 or 2 in the nightstand." And he's thinking he absolutely nailed this Sexual Interaction™
Meanwhile Ilya is going to be mentally CRASHING THE FUCK OUT that there are only two sad little condoms left in the drawer.
"there were 7 left last time. there were 7 left in the box. who else is hollander fucking? who else is hollander bringing to the Sex Condo????????"
Ilya doing dickmetic to try to figure out how many people Shane might have slept with since they last hooked up
Ilya meeting Shane's parents must be insane for them like. Mr Ilya "The Terminator" Rozanov, terror on ice and menace in bed, politely stands there. Your very shy son admonishes him for using the word "lovers" and Russia's Greatest Rage Machine just takes it.
You ask when this started and Mister Dickhead makes sure Shane is accurate about when they started this. How dare you stave off half a year of us, Shane?
You ask if they talked to Scott Hunter and Ra Ra Rasputin says that he, famous asshole extraordinaire went to talk to Patron Saint of Hockey Gays to offer him congratulations.
You ask if he has no loyalty to Boston and Mr Fucking Fuck San Francisco is like. Nyet
Your son is having a panic attack and Miike Snow Genghis Khan calls them "boyfriends" and it's your own extremely shy and sensitive and loving son that is like MY WHAT
“shane and ilya’s wedding song was diamonds by rihanna” uh im pretty sure it was the moana soundtrack? as evidenced by these book screenshots my sister sent me:

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Source
Everywhere by Fleetwood Mac
Source
shane hollander and ilya rozanov using each other's names.mp4
lesbian heated rivalry wouldn’t be in hockey because there are already many out queer women in hockey due to the fact that hockey is viewed as a men’s sport. the whole reason hockey is captivating for mlm is because it is a toxically masculine sport and the idea of having out queer men in that sport is surprising (requiring them to stay closeted/have situationships/etc), whereas it is not nearly as surprising for queer women. therefore, lesbian heated rivalry would actually occur in a setting like ballet, gymnastics, or some other stereotypically feminine sport (that has toxic feminine standards) where queer women are not as visible. in this essay i will
I love Shane Hollander. He's the best player in the league. He's a bottom. He has the highest hockey IQ. He curses like a sailor. He has the the tamest chirps in all of hockey. He's a sub. He's captain of his team. He's autistic. He has an eating disorder. He cooks eight burgers. He's boring. He's fucking his rival. He's canonically the hottest guy in the sport. He dated a movie star. He planned the next 10 years of his life around a guy before they said they loved each other. His dad walked in on him getting his ass grabbed. Hes wasian. He sucks at lying. He's been lying to everyone for years. He carries his boyfriends bags for him. His number one come back is 'fuck you'. He tells his best friend to get a vasectomy while hanging out with said kids.
Character of all time.
Oh my god I forgot
He owns real-estate. He's a land lord. He had his cottage built. He offers to show ilya his well. He owns a practical car thats good in snow. He doesnt want to talk to a Swedish princess. He thinks if the tears don't fall hes not actually crying. He loves his parents. He drinks ginger ale. He's a bitch. He's not the most sociable. He introduced himself to ilya first. Everyone loves him. Nobody truly knows him. He's incredibly fast on the ice. He doesnt drink during the season. He hasn't relaxed a day in his life.
he's gay. He has ten million sponsors. He's hockey's golden boy. He was so bad at having sex with women that his girlfriend had to Tell Him hes gay. He got ghosted for 6 months and immediately folded next time he saw ilya. He's an Olympic athlete. He's funny. He does yoga. He owns a dildo. He marries the first guy he hooked up with. He calls Scott hunter 45 years old (??) the first time he gets into a fight on ice.
oh my god he speaks French! He's learning Russian. He's awful at communication. He gets on his knees immediately when hes told to. He sucks at sexting. He's hot when hes mad. He has yearning bottom eyes. His cottage is 80% window. He makes the grossest healthy smoothies. He has a dog. His dad reads the New Yorker. His team sucks. He's won 3 cups. Beating his boyfriend at hockey is a sex thing for him. He had panic attacks. Hes media trained. I don't know if he can swim. He tells a baby to get Hayden to leave him alone. Everyone wants to take a picture with him.

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Shane: having a whole ass bottomed out existential crisis after coming out to his parents and having thoughts of the future
Ilya:
“your face isn’t even in it, Hollander. calm down.”
I’m in this really weird thigh moment
Valentine’s Day cards for the person who plagues your thoughts this fine February
Feel free to use (with credit)
Verified ✔️

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🥦🥦🥦
early beatles writing sessions
paul: okay, we have to come up with some ideas for the next album. so i was thinking—
john: i have an idea for a song about how im a piece of shit fat ugly bitch with no friends and is hated by everyone and should die. i’m going to call it Dumbfuck Asshole About To Kill Himself.
paul: ……right! cool! i was thinking more along the lines of “i love you girl and want to dance with you” but that’s really good too!
later beatles writing sessions
john: here’s my new song it’s called Suicide Note and it’s just my suicide note set to a backwards guitar riff and some steel drums. i name drop you in it by the way. yoko sings backup.
paul: that’s fine, let’s put it right after this song i wrote called The Late Great Sir Buttons. it’s about a bisexual constable who throws his own shit at people. i’m hiring a mariachi band for it.
george: can i put this song called I Hate John and Paul (John and Paul Suck) on the album?
paul: yes but we won’t make it a single