The House Of Evil

I never post anything I write. But I found this, and it was just too funny.

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The cell door slammed shut. It smelled like regret. Cheap whiskey, burnt hair, and the faint tang of desperation. Hades rattled the cuffs on his wrists, hissing as they sparked against his skin. Glaring at the glowing runes etched into the metal. Across the room, Jafar leaned against the wall, his usual smirk replaced by a scowl, his golden staff confiscated. Cruella paced, her heels clicking furiously against the concrete. And Hook? He sat on the bench, muttering something about “never drinking with villains again.” He’d stare at the phone on the wall like it’d personally insulted him.

They messed up. Badly.

The night had started like any other—clubs, drinks, chaos. But somehow, they’d ended up here. In a jail. Of all places.

Hades broke the silence first. “How did they even make cuffs that work on me?”

“Shut up, Hades.” Cruella snapped. Lighting a cigarette. “This is humiliating. Me? In jail? I’d rather be caught dead.”

The air was thick with tension. And regret.

“This is your fault.” Hook snapped, pointing at Jafar.

“Mine?” Jafar shot back, his voice sharp. “You’re the one who thought it’d be a good idea to start a bar fight.”

Hook barked back. "I was defending your honour, Jafar. Not that you'd notice."

“Oh, please,” Cruella drawled. “Hades started it—”

“Me!” Hades barked, sparks flying from his fingertips.

He glared at her. “You tried to steal DJ’s coat.”

She shot back. “And I might have gotten away with it if you haven’t set the dancefloor on fire. Literally!”

Jafar shot Hades a glare. “It was your idea, Lord of the Underworld. ‘Let’s hit the town,’ you said. ‘It’ll be fun,’ you said.”

Hook spoke. “This was a set up, I say.”

Jafar groaned, rubbing his temples. “Set up or not. Those cuffs—” he gestured to his and Hades’ glowing restraints, “—aren’t normal. Someone knew what they were doing.”

The room fell silent.

James Hook cleared his throat. “We need to call someone.”

“Who?” Jafar asked, his tone sharp. “Who’s going to bail us out of this mess?”

“Ursula?” Cruella suggested.

Hook groaned as he spoke. “She’s on a holiday. Remember?”

“Gaston?” Cruella suggested.

“Gaston’s useless.” Hook snapped. “He’ll end up locked up in here with us.”

 “Maleficent.” Jafar said quickly.

“Definitely not Maleficent.” Hades protested.

“Horned King.” Hades suggested. “He’s the only one who won’t laugh at us. He’s also…reasonable.”

“Reasonable?” Cruella raised an eyebrow. “He’s terrifying.”

“And that’s exactly what we need.” Hades said. “Hoki will get us out.”

Jafar was sceptical. “I’m not sure that's such a good idea.”

Hades snapped at him. “Better him than Maleficent! She’d show up here, laugh at us and leave.”

James perked up. “He does have a point. Hoki, wouldn’t let us root in here.”

They all nodded. Reluctantly.

Hook moved. He picked up the phone and dialed.

The Horned King answered. Or rather, Maleficent did. James froze. Her voice was sharp, cutting through the static. “Who is this?”

Hook couldn’t speak. He handed the phone to Jafar, who dropped it like it burned. Cruella picked it up, her voice cracking. “We… we need help.”

She swallowed. “We’re in jail.”

“You’re kidding.” her voice crackled through the receiver.

“I wish I were, dear.” Cruella replied.

She heard another voice. Deep but soft. “Go back to sleep, love. I’ll deal with it.”

Then there was the sound of phone being passed. The voice on the other end was calm, and utterly terrifying. “What happened?”

Cruella sighed. “We… screwed up. Big time.”

There was a pause. Then, “I’m on my way.”

The line went silent after that.

The relief was instant. But short-lived.

When the Horned King arrived, the air changed. He didn’t shout. Not at first. He walked in, his horns casting sharp shadows, and stared at the guards. His voice was low and dangerous.

“Release them.”

They hesitated.

That’s when he snapped.

Officers shouted. Glass shattered. The air itself seemed to tremble as the Horned King stormed through the building, his voice a mix of English and ancient Welsh, sharp and guttural. He didn’t yell. He didn’t need to. His presence was enough. The walls shook as he roared. The guards scrambled. Even the drunks in other cells seemed to sober up.

When the cell door finally creaked open, they practically fell over each other to get to him. Jafar grabbed his arm. Cruella hung onto the other. Hook hugged him like a lost child. Even Hades, God of the Underworld, looked like he might cry.

The Horned King didn’t smile. But he didn't push them away eider. He just stood there, his horns casting long shadows on the floor. “You idiots.” he said.

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They were in the Horned King’s car, a sleek, black SUV that smelled faintly of ash and old magic. Hook sat in the passenger seat, staring out the window. Jafar and Cruella were in the back, avoiding each other’s eyes. Hades was slumped in the corner, still wondering about the cuffs.

The ride home was quiet. Too quiet. The Horned King’s hands gripped the wheel, his knuckles white. He didn’t yell. He didn’t need to. But they wish he did. The anger radiated off him like heat from a furnace.

The tension in the car was thick enough to cut with a knife. Then the Horned King spoke. “Start talking. I want the truth. You owe me an explanation.”

No one answered. Not right away. They exchanged glances, each waiting for someone else to take the blame. Finally, Hook broke the silence. “It was… a misunderstanding.”

The Horned King’s grip tightened on the steering wheel. “A misunderstanding? You’re telling me that’s why four of the most feared villains in existence ended up in a police station? You’re telling me that’s why my beloved Maleficent and I were disturbed in the middle of the night?!”

Hades added. “Look, babe we wore just out clubbing. Then there was the alcohol. The bets. The—”

“The idiocy.” the Horned King interrupted. “You’re supposed to be villains. Not fools.”

Hook winced. “We didn’t think—”

“That’s the problem,” the Horned King snapped. “You didn’t think.”

Jafar scoffed. “I still say its James’s fault.”

Hook turned to glare at him, opening his mouth to bark back. “Oh, you piece of—”

“Enough!” Horned King roared, cutting him off. His tone sharp enough to silence them all. 

“Thank you.” Cruella mumbled, avoiding his gaze.

James spoke up. “Indeed. We messed up. But… thanks for coming.”

Horned King glanced in the rearview mirror. His expression softened, just a little. “I’m glad you lot are okay.” he said quietly.

He glanced at them in the rearview mirror. “This doesn’t happen again.”

They nodded.

They're even acknowledging that he's handsome🥹 I'm like, so tempted to get either a shirt or a hoodie (I'd love to get both but, uh, money), because from all I've heard about him so far he's not extremely well-known or popular among the broad mass and doesn't get recognition like this very often. I'm not sure if it's too early for me to get any merch of him because I'm just really starting to fall for him, but on the other hand I think I'm falling hard💖

"You probably already know"- NO?!?

NO???!?!

I was

NOT AWARE-

Jesus CHRIST take the wheel I'm heading to Amazon THIS INSTANT-

Let's fucking GO-