yeehaw

t rex was about to eat the dead triceratops but nobody was around and it tasted the leafs just to see and he realized they were pretty good. and he was like wow ill stop being the bad guy and eaating everyone and everyone was like wow t rex its been millions of years but you finally turned a new leaf haha and then the sky got red

(driving home from work) i must not kill myself. killing myself is the myself killer. i will— (sees a guy jogging shirtless and he’s all sweaty) Woaw i wish I lived in his armpit (crashes car into telephone pole)

modern art exhibit titled "I bet you won't kill yourself" that is just a loaded gun on a podium in a museum

im gonna go shower and become wet like a crocodile my favorite beast

please for the love of GOD stay safe

did you just tell yourself to stay safe

Self care

what are rats doing so many small sniffs for. just do one big one and move on girl

im the state elevator inspector i was just jumping up and down in there as hard as i could for seven and a half fuckin hours

You should be able to rot in bed for 2, maybe 3 hours after waking up before it starts affecting what time it is. If I wake up at 8:30 and lie in bed for 2hr it should still be 8:30 when I get up