I think playing Disco Elysium made me realize something about myself. In most video games, you play out a power fantasy. Even if it isn't particularly obvious, when a player is given control of a character in some other world, said player will probably want to feel in control. Power fantasies still have obstacles, they still have stakes and they can still evoke strong emotions besides simple indulgence and ego stroking. But ultimately, most mainstream video games are about being in control and reaping the rewards of your choices.
Disco Elysium gives you so little control at the start it feels like it's trying to make you feel bad for things you had nothing to do with. Harry is an absolute walking disaster, and I think a lot of people are turned away by that fact. It makes sense on a surface level, why would anyone spend their free time playing as an amnesiac, divorced, alcoholic who can die from turning on a light in the room you start in? Why would that be "fun"? I'll tell you, because Disco Elysium's mechanics make for the most realistic gameplay experience I've ever had.
No skill check is a guaranteed success. At any point in the game you can fuck up, and while save scumming is an option, it never even really occurred to me while I played. Things will happen, and you can do things to try and push things in preferable directions, there is still never a guarantee. Because the game wants to put you in the shoes of the protagonist and wants you to care about what happens to him. And is there anything more relatable than trying and failing?
You have voices in your head in the game, the aspects of Harry's life you've decided to put the most stock into, and they also play a pivotal role in shaping your experience. In the simplest way, you decide which inner wolves to feed and the strongest of them take control. So if you don't put any points into say Physical Instrument, then Harry can't even conceive of solving things with brute force. Another incredible way to either make Harry think more like the person playing as him, or explore how he'd turn out if he was more empathetic or whatever else. And amazingly, this all still has Harry Dubois feel like himself. No matter what path you take in the game, you are undoubtedly playing as Harry Dubois (or Raphael Ambrosius Cousteau) ((or Tequila Sunset)). This all serves to make Harry not only compelling in his own unique way, while also making him very relatable to whoever is playing as him. I'm not one that tends to see himself in fictional characters (kinning always seemed like fun, I always just felt like it'd be disingenuous for me to do it myself.), but Harry has to be one of the characters I relate to the most. Not just because of who he is, but mainly how he thinks.
I tend to compartmentalize my thoughts a lot. I tend to refer to my mind as being "different parts". If you've played the game already I'm sure you know where I'm going with this. While I'm not immune to compulsion or anything, the way my internal monologue works is extremely similar to Harry's. I've had real time debates with my own versions of Volition and Half-Light. It's honestly surprising that no other game I've seen or played has done something similar. Because to me it felt extremely relatable. But maybe that's just because I'm a hyper aware person, but regardless, feeling represented feels good. Who could have guessed.
All this to say, I've always kinda been confused by people who can't get into Disco Elysium. Besides all the scratch and sniff morons who hate it for being woke communist propaganda (like that's a bad thing). But the people who are uncomfortable with the game and its themes. Because to me, it's just a game about life without any filters. People are complicated, everyone has their own beliefs, their own struggles and their own wants. Similarly, the world is complicated as well, with complex histories of warring nations all with unique cultures and ideologies. There are unique natural phenomena, technology, businesses, and political groups. Nothing is spelled out for you unless you directly ask someone, and even then it can be hard to wrap your head around if you want to understand it completely. And while it is a unique experience in the world of Elysium given Harry's amnesia, it's also kind of just how learning about the world feels. It's messy. Humanity is a big mess, and I worry that's why some people are turned away by the game.
But, if you do the work, you learn about everyone's struggles and you continue to care, you can make things better. Harry can be sober, the teens can have their rave, you can find the phasmid. But more than anything you are rewarded for trying, for not just giving up. It's small in the grand scheme of things, but if you care about the people in the world of Elysium, it can still feel like a huge victory. And in a world full of games trying to be "immersive", I've never felt more proud of myself when Kim at the end of the game acknowledged that my Harry never used any drugs.
When I first played Disco, the game deemed me a Boring, Sorry, Moralist. That left me feeling odd, because I'd say I'm a progressive person in real life, but my instincts constantly wanted me to take the choices that were middle of the road. I wanted to apologize for past actions, and I didn't want to ruffle anyone's feathers. It was only after beating the game did I realize what this meant, I'm scared of action. And positive change requires action. You cannot trust a system to reprimand itself, you cannot hope to understand the world at large, and you cannot trust someone, or yourself, to change their behavior unless you take action.
This is a ramble, but I guess my main point is that life is hard. Life is a mess that is really really hard to navigate. You will fail, even when you think you have a 100% chance at success. Your brain is often working against you in a myriad of different ways that can be extremely frustrating if you learn to recognize it. But don't be complacent, don't just lay down and apologize for existing. Get your sorry as up and try. Trying sucks, but it's the only way we make this world even a bit more manageable for everyone. Ramble end.
