HopelessAddict

My mind gets a fog and I go on autopilot. I'm not aware of my own actions so excuse me if I do something wrong.

But regret those actions I do not.

With just me and you

I forget how to breath, think, function

I forget everything except you

Even when I'm not with you, you plague my thoughts and I continue to forget everything else

Its coming to the point where I'm beginning to forget myself

You said you couldn't believe me, what I had done. I don't blame you, I'm shocked I could create something so fascinating as well.

It upsets me.

But I have to remind myself. You smile with him constantly, but do you ever cry?

No, because your tears are for me.

You show me your weakness, you show me your insecurity.

He sees you at your 'best'. But I get to see you at your worst. I get to hold you, whisper sweet nothings and cheer you up. I am the one that brings you to the point where you can smile like that.

I'm the one who is there for you, I'm the one who knows the true you.

If you called him crying, would he run to comfort you?

You, you, and only you. Not him or her. Just you. And you're looking at me, with a smile.

When was the last time you've looked at me with a smile like that?

I want to stay like this forever.

I want to rip my eyes out.

I want to become blind, that way I'd only have your image in my mind.

I want you to pluck them out. Stab my eyes, make me bleed. Take my sight away, give me the luxury of having you as the last thing I see.

I want to see you and only you.

I'm tired of opening my eyes and having to look at things that aren't you.

Just stay with me. Let's lock ourselves in a room. Let's get lost in each others eyes.

But you don't want that do you?

You don't like to look at me. You never look at me because you're looking at him. You always stare through me.

My love, without you, what am I?

Who am I?

Without you I have no meaning, the simple thought of you passing before me makes me want to puke.

Your beauty is enough to make god fall in love, and to hell with him if I allow him to gaze at you without me being there.

I will crawl my way to the heavens to drag you with me my dear.

Then I've realized I haven't been praying to god. I've been praying to an illusion, Something others have created to make them feel better about whatever is around them. God is a thing of comfort and desires. God is just selfishness.

Whenever I try to help you turn away before I am able to properly gather my thoughts and spill them.

I want to say something special, something that sticks in your mind. Something that you'd think about long after it has been spoken. Something that gives you the same affect that your words give me.

Is that so difficult to ask?

So why don't you give me the chance?

Why doesn't my mind allow me to form a complete thought quick enough? And it only happens around you. I want to say the most memorizing thing. I don't want there to be any chance for negative interpretations.

And when I say fuck it and decide to tell you every little word that floats silently in my head. You leave.

Why is that?

Are you running to him?

Is he going to comfort you?

Do you tell him the same problems you tell me?

Does he care about your genuine well being? Does he make an attempt to be there for you? To support and help you since you claim no one else will?

What is it about him that makes you go to him?

What is the difference between he, who simply looks into your direction to makes you swoon, and I, who would actually make an effort?