Honest Avengers.

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Hi, friend! 

That’s an excellent question, and a complicated one.  The truth is, our admins have been overwhelmed both by life, and by the number of messages we’ve received.  We’ve lost a number of excellent admins that have done a fantastic job being their characters, and we want to thank our former admins for the work they’ve done.

We’ve decided to delete all messages in our inbox, but we will continue to take new messages.  If there’s anything pressing that we’ve deleted, please re-send your message to us.  We extend a huge apology to all of you for this decision, but it is the only path we could see for us to continue running this blog.

We will also likely be opening up new admin applications soon, and when we do, please spread that post all over Tumblr!  We can’t wait to have new admins join us and help answer your messages.

Thank you for all of your patience and kindness during these rough few months, and thank you for caring.

Hello. 

It’s okay. I don’t think we received the first part of your ask. so if you could send it in again but on anon, then we will be able to copy the rest of the messages onto it keeping everything anonymous.

Thank you.

Hi Cy,Bruce listening.  I don’t know what situations have brought you to think such of yourself, but I do know that I’ve been there.  If it hadn’t been for the Other Guy… well, I wouldn’t be here now.  I was not just a screwup, I was the screwup.  I’d flattened an entire city.  What kind of monster would do that?But past all I had done, I was still a human being.  That meant I had the capacity to change.  It meant I didn’t have to be defined by my past, that I could make myself a future.  I could help people, and I could find meaning.  And I did.

I’ve never had good self esteem and now I don’t know if I can trust myself anymore. Is it wrong of me to even ask this because I’m white/cis and it subtracts from real problems, like racism? I don’t know what to think.

Hello.

Is there a name I can call you by?

As a child and a teen you are very susceptible to media influence and influence from family or friends. This is how you develop your own opinion from those around if. If you happen to be shown negative opinions and nothing goes against them arguably you can’t be blamed for them. 

If you’ve never be given conflicting views to racism, it becomes a norm until you or someone else help change those opinions. As you get older you may be able to challenge these. 

What we believe and think as a child cannot really be of your own blame, however it is down to you now to fight those. It doesn’t make you a bad person as long as you now know they are wrong and want to change those thoughts.

It is hard, but it is possible. 

I hope that this can help. And that you are changing how you perceive the world from how you did in childhood. 

Hi C!

Your message was anonymous, no worries.

-is very dear to me. We are very close even though I haven't had him for more than a few months. I've even thought about having him registered as an ESA with approval from my therapist. My grandpa will be taking care of him and my brother's cockatiel while we are away. He loves animals and is good with them but thinking about not seeing Data (my bird) for a week fills me with worry and just hurts. I confided this to my mother but I must have said something wrong because she got- got frustrated with me or so it seemed. I hate it when my family or friends are upset with me because it makes me feel microscopic. I already struggle with self-esteem and knowing I upset people makes me feel like a monster. (I think maybe you feel like that sometimes.) My boyfriend and therapist are the only people that do not get frustrated with me when I am anxious and need reassurance. I understand why people get frustrated with me though. But it still hurts. Any suggestions?

Hi Murkrow,

I’m glad to here you get to travel!  Going new places has always been one of my passions too.  I do know what it’s like to be around people who think I’m a monster.  It hurts.  But I read something inspiring by Victor Frankl, a psychologist who was experimented on by Nazis during WW2.  Maybe it can help you, too.  'Between stimulus and response, there is a space.’  What he meant was, between what someone does to us, and our reaction, there is a gap.  In that space, we decide our reaction.  Our decision can change our reaction, and it can change how we feel.  We can’t stop other people’s reactions, but we can change our own.  So realizing that we can’t change other people’s emotions will help us to understand that we are not responsible for them.  We are responsible for our actions and thoughts, and we can change them.

Continue to work on self-esteem.  Talk to your therapist.  Do things that relax you.  Call your boyfriend for reassurance.  Write down one positive thing you’ve done each day, because doing this will re-wire your brain to look for the positive in the world, instead of looking for the things that could possibly scare you, or hurt you.  There’s no instant shortcut, but you will find the path to health.  It’s a path I travel myself as well.  

For your friend Data, perhaps you can plan to call your grandpa during a bathroom break or two every day of the vacation.  Offer to mow his lawn or cook him food as a thank-you for doing so.  After that phone call, try to remember that Data is in good hands and write down all of the lovely reasons why he is fine and safe, and remember that your vacation is actually a very short period of time.  Have fun!  Data will still be there when you get back, healthy and happy.

Yours,

Hey E,

Whoa, whoa, whoa, we’regonna do a breathing exercise real quick, okay? Inhale and count backwards from5…4…3…2…1. Good. Now exhale and do the same thing…5…4…3…2…1.Awesome job! Do you feel calmer?

I am so, so sorry for your loss. Suicide is a tough thing to talk about and deal with the aftermath of. You gotta know that it is okay to grieve, and there will be some days where you feel like the world is caving in, but please, please, please, I don’t wanna see you using a not-so-awesome coping mechanism to deal with it. Self-harm, especially at a point where you feel kinda sorta really numb, is Not Good. It’s destructive and can lead to you really hurting yourself, which we wanna avoid. Can you figure out a specific trigger ortriggers that you might have? If you can, you’regonna wanna try to avoid those things as much as possible. Blacklist their tagson tumblr, and ask your friends not to talk about that sorta stuff if it’ssomething that comes up in conversation. Another thing I would do would be toget rid of whatever it is you use to self-harm. Throw it in the rubbish bin,destroy it, burn it– okay, maybe you don’t wanna do that lastone– but I’d definitely suggest getting rid of it somehow. Ifyou’re gonna throw it in a rubbish bin, throw it in a random one or maybe yourneighbor’s, so you’re not tempted to go back for it. When you feel the urge tocut, try to distract yourself by doing something that involves your body oroccupies your hands. Draw on the places you like to cut, go find that hellacool Game of Thrones coloring book and go to town, play with your dog, go for arun, have a dance party, or try cooking. This list is a totally awesome list of alternatives, ‘cause it’s gonna giveyou alternatives based off of your current mood. 

Healthy grieving is kinda weird, but basically, you’ve gotta steer clear of destructive behaviors. This might sound cliche, but you’re gonna need to be gentle with yourself. Everyone grieves differently, so don’t think that you gotta set up some sorta deadline to be “over it” by– that’s not how it works, y’know? Writing in a journal might help you get out your feelings when you don’t know how to express them, just like drawing or painting. There are also a lotta books out there that help people with grieving.  Libraries are full of ‘em! Also, keeping some sorta keepsake with you– like a bracelet or a pin or something– that reminds you of your friend is something that people say has been helpful for ‘em. Here’s the full guide for you to check out. 

 I think that you might wanna talk to atherapist about all of this. You’ve got a helluva lotta stuff on your plate,and it’s not easy to handle all of this alone. I know thattherapy can seem kinda sorta definitely scary, but it really can help. Remember,not every therapist is gonna be the right one for you, and if you don’t thinkyour therapist is helping you, you can always switch therapists– of course, yagotta give it a few months first, ‘cause it takes a coupla months to getin the swing of things and see what’s up.

I hope this helped, E.

Stay strong,

Hey Jess,

Alright, so, the thingabout recovery is that a lotta people have a kinda warped version of what it’ssupposed to be. They think it’s gonna be like one of those stock market graphsthat keeps going up, when it’s totally not like that at all. Sometimes you’regonna take three steps forward and two steps back, and you know what? That’sokay. It doesn’t make you weak. You just gotta keep fighting. I know it seemsreally hard right now, but things are gonna get better. 

Alright, so, I think that you might wannatalk to a therapist about all of this. You’ve got a helluva lotta stuff on yourplate, and it’s not easy to handle all of this alone. I knowthat therapy can seem kinda sorta definitely scary, but it really can help. Remember,not every therapist is gonna be the right one for you, and if you don’t thinkyour therapist is helping you, you can always switch therapists– of course, yagotta give it a few months first, ‘cause it takes a coupla months to getin the swing of things and see what’s up.

As far as eating goes,eating is hella important and you’ve gotta eat. I know it can be scary, and Iknow it can make anxiety skyrocket, but you wanna keep your body energized soyou can get through your long days. I know that I felt like I needed it, sohere: you have permission to eat. Even if you feel like you’ve eaten toomuch today or yesterday, or if you’ve not eaten at all. Even if you’ve notexercised today, or haven’t for two weeks– you deserve to eat. You havepermission to eat. A good exercise would be, when you make a meal, totry and get one of each food group on your plate. Or, try the color game– tryto get a food for every color of the rainbow on your plate. It’s kindaridiculous, but when I wasn’t eating, Steve made me and the rest of the team doit. It kinda sorta– okay, yeah, it totally did– became a competition to seehow many different colored foods we could get on our plate each night. Winnergot to choose the movie for team movie night, or the training circuit for thenext day, or what we were gonna have for dinner the next night. Jess, you havean awesome and unique body, and it deserves awesomeness. This guide is really helpful, especially ‘cause it gives tips on how to talk to someone about an eating disorder– someone like a parent, I mean. It can be hella scary to talk to an adult about this stuff, but when it effects your life SO much, it’s really important to talk about it. 

I hope this helped, Jess!

Because of the fear of rejection? Is it weird that I am afraid to be fully me? Am I weird? (Part 2) -Vera

Hello Vera.

I am sorry for the delay in my response. 

As an overall response. No it isn’t weird, you aren’t weird. So many people feel the same way as you do. I know I’ve felt some of these things, and the rest of the team have felt at least one of these things before. 

Have you tried talking to a counsellor? I think it will help you. Your perception of yourself and what is occurring seems to be affected in someway, and speaking to a professional will be able to help you feel better.

If you don’t have access to therapy maybe speaking on a helpline such as The Samaritans may help you find something that will work for you. Talking about how you feel once can do amazing things, and maybe you won’t need to continue talking to a therapist but it’s not an issue if you do.

An important thing to do with each of these questions is ask ‘Why?’ as once you know why you think that way or what causes those thoughts it is much easier to solve the problem.

If you need to talk I am here.

Hi Murkrow!  Thanks for checking in with us, buddy.  Your ask was received will be answered in the next 3 days or so.

Thanks for your patience with us!

Yours,

Hello Gethin.

Is there a friend or family member you can ask to pop in to check on your cat? Maybe even a neighbour? 

It is a completely rational fear, as pets mean a lot to people and it’s clear that your cat means a lot to you. 

Cats are very independent creatures. So there isn’t really a reason to worry. 

I hope everything is okay.

Hello Eria.

Firstly you won’t lose your friends by telling them what you are going through. If they are true friends they will be there to help and support you in any way that they can. And it may seem that your parents are too busy, but they are there to help you, and they can’t if you aren’t completely honest with them. 

It’s hard to talk to people, and it is normal to feel like a burden on people, but you aren’t. They love you and they want to help, but they can’t if you don’t initiate conversation. 

It may feel impossible now with therapy, but it is important to keep trying and work until you find a therapist that works for you. Everyone is different and it may take a few tries but you’ll find a therapist you connect with. 

Don’t consider yourself weak for not killing yourself. You are strong. You are fighting and you aren’t prepared to give in yet. You are working hard and you are going to beat this. It does get better. 

Please don’t self harm. Fighting pain with pain isn’t helpful, and it makes everything so much worse in the long run. This link will take you to a list of self harm alternatives.

If you ever need to talk I am here.

Hi Lottie,

Bruce here.  I’m not sure if this still applies to the situation, but I want you to continue on to a place where self-harm is a thing of the past that you’ve overcome, and I want you to get to a place where you can feel comfortable talking about it.

If you’re not at that point yet, that is okay.  You are okay.  You are awesome.  Tell her a cat scratched you when you picked it up.  Tell her you’re clumsy.  You don’t owe her the truth until you are comfortable with telling it.

Listen to some music that fits how you feel.  Take some time to yourself to express your fear, or worry.  Scream into your pillow or write down the worst possible thing that could happen.  When you calm down, rip up everything you’ve written into indecipherable bits and flush it down the toilet.  Then do something that makes you happy.

Yours,

Hi Hope,

Bruce answering.  Thank you for taking the time to write us.  I’m sorry to hear about your history of being bullied.  I want you to know that I believe you are strong.  I believe you are brave, and I believe you have the capacity to overcome these hard things you’ve been given.  When you feel the urge to self-harm, I want you to check out the tips on our page for combating self-harm, or look up other alternatives.  Using a red pen or Crayola marker can help, as can holding ice against the area where you want to cut.

I want you to be happy.  Science has, after who knows how many centuries, provided us with some knowledge of how to gain happiness.  Even going for a ten minute jog, or doing 20 jumping jacks, or sit-ups can help release dopamine, the happy hormone.  Do it because you deserve to be happy, and not for shallow, superficial reasons that society has taught us.  It will also help you to feel like you have some sort of control over yourself, over your life, in a positive and constructive way.  I recommend this Ted Talk on happiness (it’s very funny, so please do check it out).  The same man in the Ted Talk also wrote a helpful book called The Happiness Advantage.  The happier you are, the better lens you will have to see the world.  Increasing your self-confidence will increase your ability to reach out to others.  You can also check out the book, ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’.

I think it may be helpful to talk to a mental health professional.  They can be our champions.  They are always on our side, and can help us look at challenges in a new way, and provide us with the resources to help us.  If you’re still being bullied, if you still feel hopeless, a psychologist can help you resolve these issues and find a solution that works for you as an individual.

Your friend,