The Shape Of This Country

“The National Rifle Association (NRA) has said it’s suffering from substantial financial issues that could cause the organisation to “be unable to exist”.

In a recent court filing, the powerful organisation that lobbies on behalf of gun makers, owners and campaigns against almost all gun regulations, said it had lost its media insurance coverage due to an aggressive campaign brought on by New York’s Democratic Governor Andrew Cuomo. The campaign encouraged companies to cut ties with the gun lobbying group. A lack of liability insurance threatens to shut down the group’s multi-million dollar media entities, including NRATV, its own streaming channel.“

I figured something out about myself a long time ago– it’s only just now occurred to me that I was in fact solving a problem caused by executive dysfunction, and I haven’t been implementing this solution lately because my brain went “that’s a relatively new term to me and therefore a Different problem that requires a Different solution”. thanks a lot, brain.

anyway, long long ago, before I knew these fancy schmancy Official words, the problem, as I phrased it to myself, was such: 

sometimes I get Stuck. I was doing something, or on my way to doing something, and then… I just. got stuck.

“Stuck” looks like refreshing my feed or dashboard repeatedly. or it looks like staring at a spot on the wall. or chewing my fingernails. or picking at a stubborn sticker. all the while, my brain drifts through various unrelated topics I wouldn’t be able to recall if asked. sometimes I can get Stuck for hours before realizing I am Stuck. sometimes I get so Stuck that I go to bed that way (feeling especially bad for being unproductive) and I have to just reset everything by sleeping.

one day I asked myself, “why is this happening? why am I stuck, right now, at this moment in time?” the answer, as it turns out, was pretty simple: I was trying to make a decision, and I got distracted. I haven’t moved forward because I haven’t answered that one question or made up my mind.

let me rephrase this in terms of executive dysfunction: many people have expressed that it feels like knowing you need to do a thing but not feeling “ready” to do it. many with ADHD may also be familiar with the feeling of needing things to be “just so” before you embark on a task- you need your setup to look a certain way, or you need to set a timer, or have the right music playing, etc.

when I get Stuck it’s often because I got lost somewhere in that setting-up process, and my brain took the opportunity to nyoom off into Distraction Town.

getting myself Unstuck is solved, 95% of the time, by tracing my steps back to the original decision I was trying to make- often something small and inane- and then troubleshooting from there. (out loud! verbal processing is totally punk.) 

“what was I trying to do?” 

“was I trying to decide between two things?” 

(the answer’s usually yes.) 

“what were they?” 

“okay, let’s decide. 

“okay, that’s settled. let’s move on.”

and then I am free as a bird to nyoom in the direction of The Thing I Wanted To Do All Along, in the amazingly disorganized, scattered, yet rapid-fire way that I do many things.

so!!! in the case of my first post, where I hadn’t showered for 2 hours? turns out I had been trying to decide what music to listen to in the shower. (another hack: my chances of getting Stuck while showering decrease by 75% if I have music playing to help me keep track of time.) I couldn’t immediately make up my mind, got lost in thought, got distracted, and drifted. once I stopped and asked- “why am I stuck?”-  then I remembered- “oh yeah! I wanted to listen to music”-  and then decided- “I want to listen to Daft Punk’s Discovery album”- I was finally heckin able to shower. and also eat, and also throw my clothes in the dryer.

and may I add I only zoned out once, during the slow part of “One More Time.” :P

I’ve had doctors straight up lean over their desk at me and say “and who do you think they’ll believe, you or me”, and had my files tarnished with words like “problem patient” and “refuses treatment”. This is not the majority of doctors, even the not-very-good ones are not that level of egotistical evil, but they do exist and you need to be prepared for what can happen if they decide to try and paint you as the madwoman in the attic.

Keep fighting, keep advocating for yourselves, find support groups, take notes in sessions, and don’t be afraid to get loud. And remember, you are allowed to have people with you in the doctor’s office for moral support. There is nothing stopping you from having someone in there who is willing to hold your hand and be a witness. And it is perfectly legal and any doctor that insists otherwise sets my alarm bells ringing.

(There are different scenarios, like hospital wards with restricted visiting times, surgery etc etc etc but even when the doctor has asked my person to leave, I have said “actually I’d like them to stay” and usually they just shrug and carry on with what they’re doing. Asking people to leave for exams is usually a comfort/privacy issue for you, and so long as you are okay with having that person there, that’s okay.)

Some doctors will ask to see you alone first to confirm that you want the person in the room with you, and that they are not say, the over controlling lover or someone trying to coerce you (which is good, and thank you to doctor’s and nurses who think to check to do this!), but once you say “I want this person in the room with me” they are allowed to be in the room.

My medical care changes drastically on whether or not my husband is in the room with me.

Also to the friends of chronically ill people: a lot of you ask me how you can be better friends to your sick friends, and lemme tell you, the offer to help with medical appointments alone can mean so much to us.

Whether it’s a casual “hey do you need a lift to see your X appointment?” or a more serious “wow that sounds stressful, you know if you ever want me to come with you I will right?” can really help us to feel less isolated and cope better with the stress of managing being ill. You’re not inserting yourself into our lives, you are offering to help us in a way we are often not helped, and it can really mean so much that you even think to ask.

What Others Do

Got a commission for a Korrasami comic by Shannon, Lucky me! 

It was written by @thewillowtree3 for the Korrasami Fanwork Positivity Campaign - Round 6

Shoutout to the people who see me approaching with their food and immediately start clearing the way for me. You are the real MVPs. You know what’s up. You understand.

Something that always bothered me is how much Atsuko Nishida is ignored. 

She contributed the most to Pokemon’s success with Pikachu, Eevee and Charizard and many other popular pokemon while Ken Sugimori is the one who has always takes the praise and spotlight unfairly.

Nishida made more kids happy than Ken ever did.

Nishida made Pokemon more successful than Ken ever did

Nishida made creative and beautiful designs, Ken made very bland, boring and silly designs and an unfortunate ugly monster that made an entire starter line often unloved.

Nishida didn’t get fame or much talk, she has been always overlooked and overshadowed by Ken Sugimori.

It also saddens me that Nishida didn’t get a larger role in Gamefreak either, she left the company to be a freelancer while Ken Sugimori got to be the Art Director of every game.

Hi friends–as some of you already know, I’ve been building a database of MMIW cases in the US and Canada for the last three years. I’m doing archival research now, which includes records requests to law enforcement agencies. I’m using MuckRock to streamline that process, and could really use your help! For as little as $3, you can make a big difference in helping us to research this issue. There’s more info at the link, but here’s a summary for the campaign:

Indigenous women experience exponentially higher rates of violence, which often goes unaccounted for. The MMIW Database seeks to fill these gaps in data by logging cases of missing and murdered indigenous women, girls, and two spirit people. Help us do this work by supporting our records request campaign–you can make a difference with as little as $3! All donations will be used to cover the costs of records requests to law enforcement and government agencies for MMIW case data–we pay MuckRock $3 per request for their services in helping us to file these requests (it’s a mess, and their help really streamlines the process!), and in addition to that, sometimes agencies will ask us to pay for the time and labor it takes for them to pull and scan these records. Your donation will go straight to MuckRock, to help cover these costs. If we reach our goal of $1500, that will pay for over 400 new records requests! We are submitting requests to tribal, city, county, state, and federal law enforcement, as well as correctional facilities (for deaths in custody), so we have a long way to go, but we can get there with your help.

Here is a link on how to help and what the current situations are, and here is a direct link to the fundraiser.