✨GOBLIN KING✨

dr who’s on first, doctor strange is on second and doctor house is on third. theres no way theyre getting through a single inning

so who’s on first?

That’s right 👍🏻

that’s strange

No, he’s on second.

Well how’s he on second if he’s on first?

No no no, House is on third. Second base is Strange.

Well this whole darn thing is strange but what I’m asking is who’s on first?

Naturally.

Who?

Naturally.

So Naturally is the first baseman?

No. The first baseman is Who.

Well I don’t know that so how’s about you tell me?

House is on Third.

I’m not asking you about third base I’m asking you about first base.

Who’s on first!

This is horrible

Dr Horrible is the pitcher, not first base

That’s not what I’m asking about! No!

Dr No is in the outfield, but let’s not worry about them right now.

Imagine being andrew minyard and you have all this love in you but people keep twisting it and stabbing you in the chest every time you present a sliver of tenderness. and then when you finally get the chance at having your love returned and kept safe, a sadistic asshole gets in the way but you are so desperate for the love that you will sustain the damage to your soul. and then when you FINALLY get a family, a brother and a cousin, your love comes out like blood and knives and people don't understand that, so they put you on drugs that take away your ability to love, so much so that you'd slice your cousin to bits. but the love is too powerful, always has been. so first your heart opens for this infuriatingly gentle therapist, and then this catholic girl who is just as twisted as you are, and then a green-eyed devil who shines like the sun, and then a red-headed devil who cares about you, would descend into hell for you, and suddenly love is everywhere around you and within you even after thinking maybe it was never meant for you. imagine that!

maybe this time picking at Textures on my skin will lead to being silky smooth

bleeding

lot of people are going to be sent careening three posts down their dash and crashing into a brick wall because of this post

andrew minyard character of all time. he's toxic. he doesn't talk to cops. he has an identical twin brother and they hate each other. he made his identical twin brother promise not to have any other friends and then doesn't even talk to him. he might be a misogynist. his only friends are a born-again lesbian who can beat him up, the runaway son of a yakuza-affiliated serial killer, and his therapist. he's a student athlete. he hates sports. he killed his mother. he's a Mean Girl who runs his friend group like a cult. he's a crim major for the bit. he has an eidetic memory. he's petty. he likes to get people gifts. he does coke sometimes but says it doesn't have any effect on him because he has too many mental illnesses. he's the love interest. he doesn't smile. he was right about wwiii. y2k goth. repeatedly risks his life to help people in situations that have absolutely nothing to do with him and says it's out of boredom. when they picked him up from the psych ward he got in the driver's seat and blasted screamo the whole ride back and didn't say a single word to anyone. oh my god he is exactly five feet tall. he's even gay

Hollywood WISHES it could create this much narrative tension.

fun fact: if you get into kotlc you aren't allowed to be normal about fire anymore