Holy McCarthy

Rachel: Oh my god Melissa! I can not tell you how relieved we are. We thought you were mad at us.

Melissa: Shut up! You shut your big tooth big bushy browed face. God you’ve got a dumb face. You’re playing with fire and I’m gonna enjoy watching you guys burn to the ground.

Larry: Melissa I hear what you’re sayin-

Melissa: Larry why is your dirty stupid mouth hole talking to me? You know what I’m gonna do? I’m gonna take that little pocket square that you folded incorectly and I’m gonna snap it up so it almost becomes like a wire and I’m gonna wrap it around those little tiny testicles of yours and I’m gonna pull it tight, not to tight! Not to tight! But tight enough to make them shiny and start to loose blood suply and get real dark purple and then right when you’re thriving in pain I’m gonna snap it and I’m gonna pop those testicles off and shove them down the mouth hole. And I’m gonna make you choke ON YOUR OWN BALLS.

Larry: So you’re still mad?

Melissa: You know what I’m gonna do Larry? Coz you can’t seem to keep that mouth hole shut? I’m gonna fill it with coal and I’m gonna light it on fire and I’m gonna let my kids make s’mores off your charred bones and when they’re cleaning their little sticky fingers I’m gonna say that pile of ash is a dead Larry and they’re gonna throw their little heads back and they’re gonna laugh and then I’m gonna let them pee on you and I’m gonna sweep it into a gutter. So stop disagreeing with me. DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I’M MELISSA MCFUCKING MCCARTHY! THAT’S WHO I AM! AND     YOU     ARE     NOBODIES.