Yes, I Am The One That Fucks

You know, I used to bag on OxiClean for playing commercials all the time on those channels you only watch when you’re sick, but now if anyone asks me about OxiClean I know it gets the tough stains out so who’s the real winner?

College is about hanging out with people you realize you never wanna hang out with again.

Pure of heart, dumb of ass, and huge of meat, we march forward. 😔👊

You weren’t “born bisexual” you watched Victorious in middle school and liked both Beck and Jade

Hahahah phone eats first, I say as I put the 10 almonds I’m going to eat into my weight watchers app.

I actually don’t really mind the dentists office but I get kind of pissed when they start talking encode about my teeth right in front of me. Like “tooth 45 has some build up schedule it for reassignment” like wtf I I don’t even have 45 teeth why are you numbering that high???? And where tf r u reassigning my tooth???? U and ur fuckin masked side bitch better shut tf up before I take this shit out of my mouth and punch u in the jaw so u can see what real teeth reassignment is u doofy slick haired bitch

If u don’t know the aglet song form Phineas and Ferb then I don’t think we can be friends anymore sorry that was an intergral part of my childhood.

Nobody even talk to me I’m so gay i need like a 5 ft bubble of space where I can hyper focus on how gay I am, all the while isolating myself and wondering my I’m sad

I had to take my medication and instead of putting the pills in my mouth and taking a sip of my water, I put my pills in the water and then poured it on the counter.

Damn life do really hit different when you got serotonin.

I walked up to my teacher and under her breath she goes “god I don’t know why I even try anymore you don’t know how to do more than one thing at a time” and I was like that’s accurate but rude and then I realized she was talking to her computer