Hogwarts Wireless Network

Half the castle seems to have adopted @becclaw. A bit odd, isn’t it? Particularly @vladthelion calling her his sister as if he doesn’t already have a real sister of his own.

Gro-mance, with the gro being for gross, of course. @olstarhopkins and @lionleos nauseate me with the way they behave towards one another, whether it’s platonic or romantic. 

My money is on the usual. Someone will cheat at the Ministry’s Easter Egg hunt, someone else will cry, students will embarrass themselves and ruin their chances of ever being employed by the Ministry of Magic... A bit predictable, really. Although given that Easter is a family holiday, perhaps there’ll be a blowout at home between siblings. Who will it be? @zacboot and @zoeboot? @gwen-peakes and @gavin-peakes again? @scarletandgoldstein and @becclaw? @lionsandkrum and @vladthelion? I’m waiting. Don’t disappoint me.

I personally think I will be the victor, but if I can’t take home the prize... Well, @nobodyputskelseyinthecorner has been very intense about it. Perhaps a bit too intense. I wouldn’t put it past her to cheat to make sure she wins. 

Myself and @urquhartofslytherin. Although should that fall through, I’d wager something is brewing between @codeandchill and @shawn-morse.

Blood pudding. It’s not just the worst food in the Great Hall, it’s the worst food in the whole world.

Not really. They look a bit like the same person to me. And do they have anything in common besides being gay? At least they’re not thirsting over @urquhartofslytherin, but still. 

One word: yes. Sorry, Lulu, I know you have delusions of grandeur and think you can date a beautiful boy two years above you, but @gavin-peakes and @olivia–jordan would be much better suited for one another. Have they done something recently to spur your interest in them, anonymous? Do tell us the details of their tryst.

Bed: @zoeboot as there’s no chance of accidental procreation in a female/female sexual encounter.Wed: Jeremy, as he’s the most respectable of the clan by far.Behead: @zacboot. He’s not a fellow Slytherin, and he’s also a risk for impregnating me with a vertically stunted child. No thank you.

Yikes! That’s a little weird but...

Get your heads out of the gutter. I may not like all of the members of the Hogwarts faculty but aside from Professor Binns and Professor Firenze, they all seem qualified. And the unqualified ones can’t really “hook up” with humans, so no.

I think that the fault lies not with @alexishaleclaw for not doing her job, but with the faculty of Hogwarts for allowing such mediocrity. I don’t know that anyone else would be better with such terrible mentorship, but if I had to guess, @urquhartofslytherin could get the job done. He could get any job done. Isn’t he dreamy?

I would be a canine of the three-headed variety.

My wager would be that whoever is in love with @creaturekidcaleb will get a whiff of the worst love potion the world has ever seen. After all, the rumor in the hallways is that he wears the same two pairs of pants everyday and never washes them.

I don’t feel like discussing this dreadful vampire business again. You can find my previous guesses here. As for an alien, I would not be surprised if @lionleos and @zacboot and even @fabulousfawley were sent here from a planet that worships cats. And @tara-goyle seems rather dead inside. @ghostlyparker must be disappointed that she’s not a year older so she can’t live with that ghost of a girl.

@gavin-peakes and @gwen-peakes, certainly, are preferable to @zacboot and @zoeboot. Given that every sexual encounter runs a risk of pregnancy, I’m not taking any chances. I’m small enough in stature without procreating with someone as short as @zacboot.

I have to, but I am leaving this radio booth immediately after I start playing it. Merlin, how awful.